rey (galpatine) wrote in crownplazaic, @ 2021-06-03 23:12:00 |
|
|||
Entry tags: | !log/thread, ben solo, rey |
Who: Ben & Rey
What: Welcome back.
When: 05/19 [backdate]
Where: Ben’s Room
Status: Complete.
Warnings: talk of death & ftb.
While Rey was sure she was supposed to be mad at Ben, she had to put that on hold, while he was dead. She was really trying to keep a hold of herself. The meditating helped, but not as much as not being around people trying to see if she was okay. She wanted to see if they were okay, but for the most part, still needed to be alone. Jedi weren’t supposed to have attachments, and she’d already broken that rule in spades. But the knowledge, or at least repeat, of people coming back when the hotel returned to the island, was keeping her afloat. It wasn’t fair that Finn could constantly feel the anger she was embracing to push down any notion of sadness. They’d just have to wait it out, but the longer they stayed, the harder it had been for her to hold on to the tiny spark of hope. She’d set the alarm early, each day, looking outside to see if there was a difference in the terrain. She used the key he’d given her to check and make sure that his things were still in his room and he didn’t just get ‘sent home’ on top of dying. That would not have been good, considering that meant he’d have returned to the force...back in their universe, without her. The floor lamp was on and she was dozing in the chair before she felt him again. It was so sudden that she sat up. There he was sleeping as if nothing had happened. She sighed. --- When he opened his eyes, Ben felt tired. And cold. It was as if his entire body had been encased in ice. The only warmth he could feel was seeping through his clothes and to his skin slowly from the mattress underneath him. He could tell it was his bed because he recognized the ceiling above him. How many nights had he spent staring up at it waiting to fall asleep? The room was mostly dark. A lamp in the corner was on, he could tell by the shadows that were stretched over the ceiling. He blinked a few times and tried to make sense of the particularly strange shape the light was toying him with. Instantly, he felt her and knew. Ben slowly sat up. He was in his old clothes again. The ones from their world, the black leather and dark fabric he’d worn on the day he died. He rubbed his arm, desperate for warmth and turned to see Rey over in the chair. There were marks on her face from sleeping in the chair and her hair was a mess. But she otherwise looked untouched. He smiled and stood up. His legs were shaky but he managed to stay upright. “What happened?” --- Rey watched as Ben stirred and eventually sat up. It was only then that she realized he was wearing the same thing he did when he first got here and not what he had died in. It was what he'd stripped down to after he abandoned being Kylo. It all looked different now than when she'd first saw him, now that she knew what had happened in those clothes. When he stood, she did too. "Sit down," she said harshly, noticing the shake in his legs. The distance between them was closed and she pressed her hands on him...gently, to urge him to do as she said. She didn't know what to do in this situation, but he'd feel that spike of relief the moment her fingers made contact with him. He was alive and he was here. He was solid. And he was in her arms. She hugged him tightly, pressing her face against his cold chest. He was so cold. "You died, you idiot." The words muffled against the dusty fabric. --- It didn’t take much to get him to collapse back into the mattress. His body felt strange and awkward, as if he hadn’t moved in a long time. Even his eyes had a stiff feeling to them. Why? He couldn’t remember anything past that bright flash of green. It had been like a dagger had pierced his chest. The pain had been so intense. He remembered that, just for a moment, and then nothing else. He sat on the bed, waiting for Rey to explain. Her feelings were ….dark and heavy. That wasn’t a surprise to him. She had to have still been processing through what happened to her parents. But he was shocked when she immediately dropped herself into him, wrapping her small arms around his wide form. “I died?” Ben tucked his arms around her and brought her closer. “How did that happen? And how am I back here?” --- "There was something about a stick and a light, and you falling into Finn's arms," she said, remembering the man's distress as he came to deliver the news. "Finn carried your body back, but the hotel put you back in your room. I'm assuming we're back at the island, but haven't looked outside." She said all of this, not letting go, because what the fuck? Why was he back in the clothes he originally died in and not the clothes he recently died in? And he was still cold, so she pushed him back further into the bed to try to get the covers around him. She could have easily texted anyone else to come over for body heat duty, but she was being obstinate and a little selfish. "You need to get warm." --- He wished he could remember more. All that he could was that a faint shout, that flash of green, an intense yet brief pain and then ...nothing. Until he woke up in his bed. It was jarring but at least the hotel hadn’t let him wake up in a room full of other dead bodies. “Finn survived? Good. No one else got hurt or-” he couldn’t say the word. The idea that any of the others had died because he’d been unable to help defend the group was too much guilt for him to bear right now. If he was responsible for anything that happened to his grandmother, he didn’t know if he’d forgive himself. Ben let her try tucking him back into the bed. The bed was warm but Rey was warmer. He rested his upper shoulders into the bed’s headrest. There wasn’t much to convince him over. He felt physically alright. Great, even. But mentally? He was exhausted. He’d died. Actually died. And for what? He should have made sure it was safe before they went out that deep into the city. He’d led them straight into danger and what for? Impatience and curiosity. “Guess I can say I’ve died twice now,” Ben chuckled dryly. He looked over at Rey. The last they had seen each other, she had been angry with him. Was it selfish to ask if she still was? Or did he count his blessings and keep his mouth shut? “Were you waiting here the whole time?” --- “Finn, Padme, and Anakin. Yes, they all came back alive. Finn was--” she cut herself off. He’d been so distressed. He had run to Poe and Rey an absolute mess. It wasn’t the first time she’d had to put aside her own feelings, but it was more like she buried them and they had started to fester in the worst way. She had planned on yelling at him, but didn't. He wrapped his arms around her and she just sank into him instead. There was no response to the comment about dying twice, but the silence after the question stretched for a good while before she answered. "I couldn't feel you anymore." It was stupid to visit the room, but she had to make sure his things were still there and that he hadn't gone back to being permanently dead. Or that he'd return without any memory of what had happened at the hotel or whatever crazy shit this place decided to throw at them. "Of course, we've all been waiting." She said with a tinge of annoyance. "I'm mad at you. I don't hate you." --- Ben was immediately filled with guilt. He could sense the reason that Rey cut her words short. Even if Finn had been upset with him before, watching him die right in front of him couldn’t have been easy. He could imagine the wreck the man would have been. Not just Finn. Anakin. Padme. He needed to reach out to them. How could he have been so blind? He should have sensed the danger long before it ever came. What if something worse had happened? Ben closed his eyes, frustrated and angry at his lack of carefulness. But they didn’t stay open for long. Rey wasn’t speaking but her mind was loud. He had been doing his best to stay out of other minds without their permission but Rey’s thoughts were crashing into his like the midnight tide; loud and hard. He winced under her snapping tone. They’d been waiting to see if he would come back. “I’m so sorry, Rey.” He was relieved to hear that she didn’t hate him. It had definitely been a fear of his. Ben kissed the top of her head and squeezed her tight. “You can still be mad at me if you need to be. I know I more than deserve it.” —- Rey could feel the guilt flowing out of him and while part of her was satisfied with the fact that he felt bad, another part of her felt it was foolish for him to focus on anything negative when he was still alive. The fact that she'd basically reacted like there hadn't been a whole week without him being dead was probably part of it. She could hear his words, the apology seeping deep into her bones. She knew he meant every word of it, even without the kiss and the tight squeeze to emphasize just how precious she was to him. "I don't need your permission." Her tone was more of a whine than bite as she murmured the words. Tilting her head up, she bumped her nose against his chin. She could be angry later. Now, she was just relieved he was there to be angry at. "You do deserve it," she said in a low, dangerous tone, as she rubbed her nose against his. --- Guilt was an emotion that Ben knew would never disappear. He had caused too much damage. Hurt too many. Killed too many. There would never be a morning he wouldn’t wake up regretting the choices he’d made and wish that he could somehow go back and change them. Let the past die. What he’d done couldn’t be erased. But he could do better. What he really needed to do was appreciate the moment and stop feeling guilty about things that had already passed and gone. Rey was warm like always against him. He turned his head to sniff her hair. As he closed his eyes, he let out a soft sound of contentment. At least it hadn’t been her, he reasoned to himself. If he could have, he would traded his life force for her’s in a heartbeat. He’d already done it once. He snickered at her protest. “No, you definitely never need my permission for anything. You don’t need permission from anyone. You rebel,” his voice softened at the end. She was still upset with him but he could feel that she was more relieved than angry. Ben turned and tucked his face near her’s at the nose bump. “Yes, I do. I’m open to any sort of punishment you see fit,” he snuck in a kiss between their noses, catching more teeth than lip at first. But eventually, they melted together and he sighed again. “I know it’s bad to say but I’m glad you missed me.” —- Rey couldn't place why it was annoying that he just agreed with her instead of arguing, but she let it go. The laugh was answered with a bite before his lips met hers. She was still mad, but not enough to deny him that. Not when she wanted to kiss him too. She did cant her head to kiss him deeper before he pulled back and sighed. "I did," she admitted without hesitation as she slipped her hand into his hair. She gripped it tightly, pulling him toward her to kiss him again. "I did miss you," she said, biting down on his lip. It was a small action of protest, but she didn’t bite down enough to draw blood. --- If Rey was looking for an argument, she wouldn’t find one. At least not here in bed. Not right now when Ben felt too vulnerable and too tired and too needy for her affection. They would still need to talk about exactly what he’d learned from Palpatine and what he’d been able to glean on his own but for this current moment? He was just relieved that she was speaking to him. Oh. She was getting nippy now. Ben smirked under the attention. He always appreciated the tender moments but he also really was into those little rough moments too. And if she was going to start using teeth, so was he. He crashed his mouth into her’s when she pulled him down, grazing his teeth along her lower lip and tugging. Her response was to bite back a little harder. He made a noise of surprise but grinned and kissed her again. “What parts did you miss most? My lips? My nose?” Ben bumped his against her’s, then squished his cheek against her’s as he started to wrap his whole body around her’s so he could squeeze all of her at once. “My butt?” —- He bit her and she growled in response but hadn't pushed him away. He was clearly teasing her and she probably should have stopped it there, but she couldn't bring herself to. She had been mad, but the moment she'd stopped their connection, her heart had frozen. Then Finn showed up frantic. Then Anakin had sent his message. It took everything in her to keep it together. Thankfully, trying to calm Finn was a big help. Talking it out with Anakin that he'd most likely be back had also quelled some of her anxiety, but nothing compared to having him here, physically in her arms, being an asshole. That was the kind of reassurance she desired. She wrapped his locks around her hand to get a better grip. "I missed this," she said, even as he squeezed the air out of her. "I missed your tongue when you're not talking." Her lips pressed against his again. "The way your fingers bruise my hips. The weight of your body when you collapse on top of me." --- He was full of noises this morning. Several sounds slipped out of his mouth as she tangled her fingers into his hair. All of them content. He was a straight-up whore for that sort of attention. When she tightened her grip, he wrinkled his nose and pushed it into her neck, silently encouraging her for more. “Here I thought you liked me for my quick wit and sharp tongue,” he continued to tease her. It was so easy to cover her whole body with his. She was so little against him, like a stubborn flower trying to measure itself next to a large tree. A sad little flower that missed him so terribly, she’d waited in his room all night for him to appear. “Hmm, you are feeling un-bruised,” he murmured after their kiss. His hands roamed over her hips. There was no way of him knowing what her skin looked like under her clothes at the moment but the point was that she was due for some new marks. “If you’d like me to refresh your memory …” —- There was a small snort at his comment about being quick-witted and having a sharp tongue. She nipped that tongue with her teeth the moment it entered her mouth. There was a small grunt at being smushed by him, but there was no effort to push him away. "Am I?" Her hand slipped under his shirt, pushing it up and out of the way. Fingers brushed against the area the hole had been. It had been the first time she'd seen it, but knew that wasn't how he'd died the first time. It was similar to the one her and Armitage obtained in Bugland, but she wasn't going to ask about it now. Now, she shifted so that her legs were wrapped around his waist, and pulled him down for another kiss. "Remind me," she demanded. --- Her warm fingers tickled his cold skin and he shivered. A quick laugh erupted from him before he could catch it. But he didn’t stop her. The further her hands went, the less it tickled and gave him a different feeling. He started to hum and dragged his own hands down from her hips and around her thighs. “Mhm, remind you?” Ben grinned like a devil as she opened and tucked her legs around him. “I forgot how good you smell.” He nosed his way again into her neck for the briefest of sniffs before she stole his lips once more. But she was welcome to be the little thief she was. It wasn’t really stealing anyhow. Everything he was belonged to her. With the right touches, she made him melt like snow. He grabbed her leg and pressed his fingers hard into the soft bits, rough enough to cause the slightest bit of pain before relaxing his grip. Around her thigh, he just grabbed what he liked, parts that felt moldable under his hand and squeezed until he was sure there would be marks for her to discover later. But Ben was an over-achiever. He rolled them around on his bed until he had her on her back, pressed himself playfully into her and went back to her neck to lap at the skin there. —- It had been hard to stay mad with him. The longer he held her the more her mood shifted, even if she was stubbornly being rough and terse with him. It was more of putting on airs and she knew he could feel it. Each squeeze garnered a moan or groan as she worked hand up to his chest, digging her nails into the cool flesh there. He might still be a little cold, but her body felt like it was on fire. The press of his arousal against her was enough to make her whimper as she rolled her hips up to meet him. Pulling his head back, she rolled him onto his back so that he was beneath her. She sat up, placing her hands on his chest to make sure he was laying back. "Don't overdo it." It was a warning, but also he had just been dead. Curling her fingers beneath the hem of her shirt, she tugged it over her head before reaching between them. "You can relax this time." |