The way Caduceus believed in the Wildmother was the way Caleb wanted to believe in... anything, really. He believed that fully in Caduceus himself, but he could also see him and touch him and feel his presence whenever he wanted. He'd always wanted to find that kind of devotion in something bigger than himself, which was why he'd always been drawn to certain people and certain forces. But he'd also found it here, in this thing that they shared, and he truly wasn't sure if following any of the gods could begin to compare to this. That may have been some form of blasphemy. He was pretty sure it was. But it also didn't mean that he couldn't still find some kind of faith in some kind of god if he felt an authentic calling. But he needed to feel that first. It didn't seem worth it to him to simply point to whichever one seemed best at the moment.
"I want to feel a calling," he said, a bit absently, as he watched Caduceus rearrange their used plates and utensils. Caleb didn't eat much, to begin with. He'd just gotten used to it over the years. Even at the Academy, meals were simple and always focused more on nutrition than actual enjoyment. It was entirely too easy for him to live off the boba beads for several long months and never complain. The shift from having food represent survival in his mind to having it represent care and affection was something he was still getting used to. But Caduceus was patient with him. He didn't force him to make too much progress at once, and still piled on the positivity even if he didn't finish what was put in front of him.
"Ja," he nodded, smiling at the kiss and shifting carefully to get into a better position. He was facing the headboard and Caduceus now, his legs tucked off to the side, and could easily lean his chest against Caduceus' chest and wrap his arms around his middle. "It was very good," he said, just letting his thoughts flow out of his mouth as he settled in. The it there wasn't just the meal, but all of it. The whole experience. The way Caduceus said little one and pulled him in. He wondered if he would have ever been able to feel this kind of security if they hadn't ended up here, though. He may have found something, with someone, eventually. But it wouldn't have been like this. And he was grateful for that.
Eventually, though, he lifted his head and drew a hand up to brush through Caduceus' hair. His fingers caught on the back of one of his ears and he traced the velvety fur all the way down to the tip and then back up again to scritch softly at the base. Mostly, Caleb was just curious about the reaction, but he also just loved touching him. What he really wanted to do was to lean up and kiss his ears, but he wanted to make sure that Caduceus liked the attention there first. He could have asked, but he doubted Caduceus would even know how to answer. This was better.