Jonathan (vocalstrain) wrote in commandhq, @ 2018-05-24 20:17:00 |
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Entry tags: | chloe deacon, jonathan ryland, p: mena, p: mj |
Who: Jonathan Ryland & Chloe Deacon
What: Chloe comes to check up on Jay when he doesn't reply to her network post
When: Sometime after this
Where: Jay's room
Rating: Low
Jay hadn't replied to her network post, which had been somewhat of a concern for Chloe, so she'd just gone with her gut. Frozen raspberries from the shop, white chocolate chips and the other ingredients that she needed for brownies, she tried not to worry or think too much about why Jay might be ignoring her. She could bake that worry away - or at least she could trying - making brownies. Or blondies, she supposed, since she was using white chocolate. Her dinner with Henry was nice. He was a passable cook, not the best but the food had been good and she'd saved half the pan of brownies from his apparently insatiable appetite. They were still warm in the pan when she bid Henry adieu and snatched it up, putting them on a plate and covering them with a cloth to try and at least keep some of the heat in. Chewing on her lower lip, she headed towards Jay's room. It was around eight pm and she hoped he was in his room. Otherwise she'd have to put the brownies somewhere safe for the next day. She lifted her hand and knocked on his door, more worried that maybe he wasn't alright and maybe Holly had worked him too hard or something and that was why he still hadn't commented on her post (and yes, she'd checked since dinner and bringing the brownies over). "Jay?" she called, concern in her voice, "Y'alright?" It wasn't that Jay was sulking. Okay so maybe he was sulking, but then he felt he was justified in said sulk given the exchange between Chloe and the not so smart but sure to be very hot jock type guy on the network. The very same sort of guys that had made his high school experience one he would like very much to forget, it hadn't helped that every girl he'd ever liked or had those sorts of feelings about had always thought of him as a brother while chasing after the latest muscle bound idiot. Well, it was nice getting to know Chloe while it lasted because seriously pretty nice girl like her? Definitely deserved somebody better than him. And so he had ever so melodramatically flopped headfirst into his bed where he remained up until the point he heard a knock at his door. Honestly he was half tempted to tell whoever it was to go away because he was moping thank you very much no interrupting that but then he heard Chloe's voice and immediately his head lifted. What was she doing here? Shouldn't she be off making nice with... whatever his name was? Still it would be rude not to open the door and he could just see the look his mother would be giving him right about. "Coming," he called as he pushed himself to his feet and proceeded to make sure he didn't look like he had effectively been faceplanted in his bed since seeing that exchange. Yep, nothing to see here. Eventually he opened the door and smiled. "Hey." Chloe tipped her head a little, seeing the edge of a pillow mark on Jay's face but she didn't say anything. She bit her lower lip in an effort to stop the smile that immediately tried to break out over her face when the door swung open. She failed miserably, but she did manage to look worried as the smile faded. She rocked onto her toes. "Hey, you okay?" she asked, "I sent you a message on the network like, hours ago. You been busy training?" He didn't look like he'd been training, though, last time he'd been training he'd been lying half off his bed like his whole body was some large, limp noodle or blob of jello slowly flopping onto the floor. "Oh, yeah, fiiine," Jay drawled as he clasped his door in his hand and rocked on his heels. "Message? You sent me a mesage? I didn't see it, I was..." Crap, crap, crap. "...sleeping." He might be a lot of things but idiot was not one of those things and he knew better than to profess what he'd actually been doing. He did have some sense of pride. "Uh, you want to come in?" "Did I wake you?" Chloe asked, looking alarmed suddenly. "I'm sorry- I- I just thought-" she bit her lower lip and swallowed, looking at the floor before she held the plate that she'd previously had behind her back out to him. "I guess you ain't had dinner yet then, huh. And I just- I wanted to give you these. Since you didn't answer, 'cause of sleepin' an' all, I just kinda guessed." She looked behind him, half like she was looking to see if someone else was in there and half because she was worried that he wasn't actually sleeping and that something else had happened, like he'd hurt himself or something. "And only if you don't mind, ain't gonna stick around if I woke you from a nap or somethin'." Well, didn't he feel like a complete jerkface for causing Chloe to look all alarmed because he hadn't wanted to admit that he'd been sulking. "It's okay, really," he hurriedly assured her before he ushered her into his room which was devoid of company. He then looked at what she was holding in her hands. "Did you bake?" "Well, yeah, I-" Chloe lifted a shoulder, "Henry offered to make dinner and I thought I'd do dessert. But I didn't know what you liked, so I guessed?" She put the plate down on the table and wet her lower lip again, twisting her fingers together for a moment before her hand lifted to twirl her hair around her fingers. "I mean, I wanted to bake for you before," she confessed, words a quick rush, "but I thought it'd be weird or somethin' so this seemed to be the best way." Her cheeks flushed a little and she looked at the ground, toes turning inwards, another indicator that she was feeling kind of shy. "Kinda hopin' my gut was right." Henry? Really? His name was Henry? Wow, that was totally an old man's name. Not that he said anything aloud which admittedly was kind of difficult but look at him holding his tongue and being semi sort of grown up about this whole thing. Chloe was a free pretty girl, she could talk to whoever she wanted and have dinner with... whatever tall attractive jock like men she wanted. Jay rubbed a hand through his hair and then to show that he was interested in her baking even though his mind was doing circuits on itself he proceeded to take a gawk at what Chloe had baked. "Oh wow," he said with an approving nod. "Those look amazing." Chloe glanced up from where she was looking at the floor as Jay moved past her to look at the plate. Watching him through loose strands of hair and long lashes, she lifted a shoulder self consciously. Henry had inhaled a quarter of the tray almost immediately; she didn't even think he'd stopped to taste it. She'd secured a square for Scott, Kelly and Matt, but hadn't been quick enough to grab one for Marion before she was slapping Henry's hand away from the tray so that she could save the rest of it for Jay. He had that look on his face, the same one he got when he was thinking too much about something. She sort of didn't want to push, but at the same time she sort of wanted to because Jay wasn't the type to keep his thoughts to himself. So it had to be something serious. She perched on the edge of the bed, toeing off her shoes and tucking one leg underneath herself. "I asked you if you preferred chocolate or somethin' else," she said, "but since you didn't answer I guessed. If you don't like 'em, that's okay." She could definitely palm them off on someone else, but she would be a little disappointed. Jay helped himself to a square and was so distracted by the prospect of sweet stuff that he missed the fact Chloe had made herself comfortable on his bed. Of course he was mid bite into very delicious brownie when he looked up and realised where she was. Uh, well, that was... Thankfully Jay didn't choke (because that wouldn't be at all embarrassing) and instead he chewed and then swallowed. "These aren't just amazing looking they also taste delicious." And they did, he wasn't lying about that "You made a good choice." Chloe's fingers had laced together anxiously, picking at the skin beside her thumb as she waited - not at all with baited breath - as Jay tried one of the brownies that she'd baked technically with him in mind. It had just been convenient that she'd had someone else to test them on before she actually delivered them to the recipient. She let out a breath when Jay swallowed and then even complimented her. She knew they tasted okay, but still, the validation was apparently what she'd needed. Her cheeks flushed and she ducked her head, p vcfushing her hair back behind her ear. "Okay, good. Phew," she looked up at him, lower lip caught between her teeth, smiling a little. "I was worried." "Shouldn't have," Jay assured her as he trailed over to sit beside her on the bed, popping the last bite of the brownie into his mouth before chewing and swallowing so he could actually talk. "You're a good baker." And that totally sounded better in his head than it did aloud. Ugh, no thank you, brain. He rubbed his hands together and turned his head to look over at Chloe. "So, how you uh settling in?" Chloe looked a little bashful, nudging Jay with her shoulder as he came to join her and she laced her fingers together, rubbing her thumbs together. She leaned to the side a little after the initial nudge, resting her arm against Jay's, tipping her head to look at him properly, though it was through a few long strands of hair that fell across her face. "Alright, I guess?" she said, though she didn't sound too confident. "I don't know, 's just hard. Ain't like there's a handbook. But... I gotta make it work. I don't wanna go back to jail." She chewed her lower lip and met his eyes, "How long'd it take you to settle in, y'know, when you first came here?" Jay turned his head at just the wrong moment because he felt a distinct itch in his fingers, to reach up and push that hair off Chloe's face. And despite his internal thought processes being "don't do it, seriously, don't do it" he did in fact reach up to push the hair off her face, tucking it behind her ear. "A while," he admitted honestly. "It was really different to being at home and nothing on the outside world can really prepare you for what it's like in here." He was curious when she mentioned jail because she definitely didn't seem the jail sort. "You were in jail before?" Chloe's cheeks coloured when Jay's fingers brushed across her forehead and cheek to tuck her hair behind her ear and she bit her lower lip, ducking her head as if that would hide it even as her own hand traced the path lightly. She scooted backwards on the bed a little until her back hit the wall and she indicated that Jay should scooch back with her. The idea that it might take some time to get used to this place wasn't much of a surprise to her. She figured it would do, that it was probably too much to hope that it'd be easy, like moving rooms at home, or starting college for the first time. She glanced at Jay, wondering not for the first time how long he'd been here. Had he gone to college? He was around the same age as her, she thought, so he must have done. If he'd been able to, and hadn't been stuck in one of those youth facilities she'd heard about. "Mm," she mumbled in response to his question. "'fore someone came and offered me the chance to work off my sentence here doin' this." She stopped herself after that, realising that she'd just used the word 'sentence'. The pit of her stomach dropped out; she hadn't really wanted Jay to know what she'd done because she liked being friends with him. He was sweet and he made her laugh, and he was cute. Jay did scooch when indicated that he should scooch and he braced his back against the wall, head tipping over to look at Chloe. She really did not seem like somebody who should ever be put in jail. She was really nice, caring and definitely not jail material. Pretty too but he was certain that had no impact on whether or not you were fit for jail. "I can't imagine you being in jail," he offered honestly. "You seem too nice for it." Chloe winced a little at his comment. She would have thought that of herself too, had she not caused an accident that killed her brother, and some other people, and hurt others. But it had been just that, an accident. But if she hadn't been in the car, it wouldn't have happened, and everything would be different. She just lifted a shoulder and tipped her head back against the wall, looking up at the ceiling. "Don't mean I didn't deserve to go there in the first place," she told him sadly, sort of resigned to the fact that after this conversation, brownies or not, he'd probably not want to talk to her anymore. It wasn't like she got caught mimicking the principal's voice to get out of class or anything. "I-" she wet her lower lip. Jay's brow knitted together when it became abundantly clear that this subject was a painful one and so he boldly reached out to wrap his arm around her shoulders, pulling her a little closer. "Hey, it's okay," he assured her. "If you don't want to tell me I understand." He wasn't an ass, he didn't want to make her uncomfortable. "But if you do I'm happy to listen." The offer of comfort was surprising by Chloe went with it, the arm around her shoulders meaning that she shifted a little closer, resting her head on his shoulder. He was really warm. She picked at her thumb for a moment before she closed that tiny bit of distance, their thighs now touching. Thankfully he couldn't see the way colour burned on her cheeks, partly from the fact that he was offering her comfort without knowing what she'd done, and partly because Jay had his arm around her and it was making her tummy feel strange. "It's not that," she offered honestly, accent wrapped thick around her words. "It's just- I ain't really talked about it with anyone and maybe if- I just-" she plucked at the fabric of her jeans. "I don't want you to hate me." It was said so so quietly. Jay was confused. Why would he hate her? It didn't make a lot of sense. "I don't think I'm even capable of that," he said rather than using the cliche 'there's nothing you could do to make me hate you' because he was a lot of things but a cliche? Not one of those things. He squeezed the arm which his hand was on and even went so far as to rub it a little, reassuringly of course. "I dunno," Chloe murmured, closing her eyes. Jay smelt nice. He was warm. She felt the gentle squeeze of his hand against her arm and as his hands moved along her skin, she felt like goosebumps prickled up and down her arm. She swallowed, taking in a slow breath. She supposed she had to tell him at some point, even if she could feel her throat closing up a little. Well, it had been nice while it lasted, she supposed. "Got arrested for causin' an accident that ki-" her voice caught, "that ki- I caused the accident that killed my brother." Her voice broke again and she went still, just waiting. She had only said it aloud to Susie since it had happened and she'd tearfully confessed in the hospital. It still felt awful on her tongue. Jay waited patiently or as patiently as he could manage especially as if there was too much silence he normally tried to fill it. Thankfully he was too distracted by the soft press of Chloe's hair (which totally smelt like coconut) against his skin to consider rambling at her. And good thing too because the next thing she revealed was... wow, just wow. That was- Yikes, that was horrible. Especially as she'd caused the accident which had ultimately caused the death of her brother. He could hear the pain in her voice and more importantly the grief and Jay simply tugged her into a proper hug. "Hey, it's okay," he murmured against her hair as he he held her. "It's not like you meant for it to happen. The key word in that sentence is accident, Chloe." "That ain't how anyone else saw it," Chloe mumbled against Jay's chest. She didn't open her eyes because partly she thought she might cry if she did and she did not want Jay to see her all blotchy and teary-eyed because that wasn't cute, and also because she could feel his mouth pressed against her hair and that just felt nice and even as awful as she felt, there were warm tingles running down her spine. Was that normal? What even was that? She chewed the inside of her lower lip, having gone with the hug and not moving for a long moment. When it was apparent that he wasn't going to be letting her go, Chloe shifted just a fraction to loop her arms around his waist, her hands coming to rest on his hip. "Ain't how my family sees it, I think." Since no one had talked to her about it, or asked her for her opinion, all she could do was think that maybe they did blame her and they just couldn't bring themselves to say it aloud. "I'm sorry," she said, her accent even thicker than usual. "Ain't my place to dump this crap on you, Jay, ah- 'm sorry." "Have they said that to you?" Jay asked, keeping his arms firmly wrapped around Chloe. "Because if they have? That's really crappy." Either that or maybe they weren't ready to have that conversation or were still processing their own grief. People didn't tend to deal with grief as well as they should but then that was grief for you. He shook his head. "Hey, hey, it's okay. That's what friends are for, Chloe. To be here though the good and the bad and clearly this has been weighing on you." And now all the times where she looked sad or he thought there was an issue made sense. "They- they ain't talked about it," Chloe confessed, "an' that's real unusual, like, my family talks about everything." She drew in a breath, curled her hand where it had lifted to rest against Jay's chest, brushing the material gently with her thumb. "Still, I'm sorry. Ain't- I mean, wasn't the point of me comin' here." Leaning back, Chloe fixed him with a light gaze. "You sure you're feelin' okay? Not like you to take a nap at this time in the evenin'." "Maybe they're just trying to work out how," Jay suggested, doing his utmost to ignore the slight tingly feeling from where Chloe's hand was on his chest. "Or they don't want to bring it up in case they upset you or make you feel bad about what happened." He was just theorising at this point and he didn't have the required powers to know for certain what he was saying was true. And then she fixed him with that gaze of hers and he lifted a hand to rub at the back of his head. "Uh, yeah, I'm fine. Just more tired than I thought, I guess." Chloe lifted her shoulder in a shrug. She supposed it was possible, and honestly she, herself, was doing everything in her power to avoid having that conversation because she didn't want to see the look on their faces when she confirmed what they'd been told. She had caused the accident. It had been her fault, so Louis' death - and the deaths and injuries of the others - had been her fault. Her fingers flexed where they were resting and she eyed him, concerned. "Is that 'cause Handler Page is workin' you too hard?" she asked, "'Cause I- I can go if you wanna just go back to sleep. I didn't mean to wake ya." "She's a tough one that one," Jay said with a serious nod of his head. "But it's just adjusting to a new place makes sleeping difficult even if you're used to being in places like this." That wasn't much of a lie, he was having some difficulty sleeping but he had just been sulking though God forbid he tell Chloe that. "No, no, it's okay, really." "Yeah, I get that," she offered, but Jay had been in the regiment for a while, so she wondered if it was less a change of pace and more a change of handler. "Things'll settle down for you," she offered sincerely. "Hopefully you ain't gonna be moved again any time soon. 's not like it's in our best interests to shuffle us between teams all the damn time." She patted his chest again and then settled her head back on his shoulder, since he hadn't dropped his other arm from around her so she sort of assumed he wouldn't mind. "You sure? My momma always said there are a few surefire things that can help you sleep if you're strugglin'." He didn't mind, definitely didn't mind. "Yeah, I'm sure." He honestly didn't want to tell her the real reason he had been faceplanting in his bed because he did have some pride. Not a lot but some. Just enough to want to save face. "It'll be alright, really." Chloe smiled a little and lifted her shoulder again, but she stayed where she was leaning against Jay. Sadness still sat around her like a really heavy blanket that she couldn't shake off but a small part of her felt lightened by the fact that she'd told Jay what had happened - sort of - and he hadn't pushed her away. "You wanna watch a movie or something?" she asked, seeing his laptop on the table opposite them. Because if he was okay with her staying for a little while, she really didn't want to leave. "Yeah," Jay said with a nod. "Let's do that." And with a smile he leaned forward to grab his laptop so he could get them setup with something to watch. |