WHERE: Clara's room WHEN: After this WHAT: Dr Anderson seeks out Clara to begin their therapy. STATUS: Complete VIEW WARNINGS: Discussion of experimentation, trauma and past abuse
Her understanding of the Cheshire Medical Facility survivors was limited; severe dependency issues, even more severe trauma from the abhorrent treatment they faced there, and displays of violence against others and themselves. It was a trying read, what these people had been put through, had survived. And the treatments to attempt to help them causing some side effects themselves.
Sienna had to steel herself for visiting Clara, opting to leave the confines of her office to venture to Clara first, work towards a different setting once the girl was a little more comfortable. Following the spill over from her powers and the unfortunate incident that stemmed from it, Sienna didnât think pulling Clara from comfort would help her at all.
With her hair in a braid, hanging over one shoulder, a few notes on her PDA, Sienna made her way to Claraâs assigned room for a slightly more relaxed introduction than anything else. She wasnât terribly surprised to find the door open, although finding Clara on her own instead of with one of her friends -and Sienna had been prepared to visit each room until she located one or more of them- that was a little more surprising. âMiss Theriot? Clara, can I call you Clara? My name is Sienna, can I come in?â
She didnât want to intrude on the girls sanctum if she wasnât comfortable with it, but if Clara felt safer in there, theyâd work around that. âYour handler asked I come speak with you, if youâd be okay with talking to me.â
It had been with great reluctance that Grey had let Clara leave to go back to her own room. With the timeline clouds gone from her eyes, she was almost back to normal but she had a creeping sensation that crawled under her skin like ants that she couldnât shake. She had spent two days apologising to Grey, Danny, Kat and Vic for letting her powers get the better of her, that sheâd try not to do it again. Sheâd told them she was sorry for letting them down, that sheâd do better, be better, and it didnât matter that they told her it was okay, that they werenât mad, she couldnât stop fretting about it.
And she had to apologise to Lucas, too, her handler, for disappearing. And to Theo, for being in a position where he had needed to come and help her. She had a lot apologies to give, and she didnât know where to begin.
The first thing, though, had been to go back to her room. Sheâd not been back since Theo had taken her out and when she got there the spread was still on the floor, a few cards smeared with now-dried blood and long blonde strands curled on the dark carpet from where theyâd fallen off her fingertips. The circular card formation stared up at her and she felt that tug again, the call of the void to reach out and touch it. See it all again even though she didnât want to.
So sheâd carefully climbed around her room, up onto the desk, onto the bedside table, onto the bed. That way she avoided the cards completely, didnât risk touching them. Tomorrow, she would ask Grey or Danny to come and help her get rid of the spread. Put the cards away. Make them neutral once more.
She had been colouring on her bed when there was a tap at the door. She had a book titled âthe secret gardenâ which was flowers and forests, she sat and coloured for hours letting her mind drift. It was nice, when she wasnât tending the garden to have something to focus on. The tap, followed by someone speaking was unexpected and quite obviously so. Her eyes went wide and she dropped her pencil as if sheâd been caught doing something wrong. Scrambling back on the bed she tried to hide what sheâd been doing- what if she wasnât allowed to? What if it would be taken away from her? She knew that in Cheshire they hadnât been allowed personal things; anything theyâd gotten their hands on had been taken away quickly and she liked her colouring book, it was pretty and she was making it more beautiful.
Then she looked at the plants she had scattered around her room, some of them beginning to bloom. What if they got taken away? She hadnât asked for permission to have them here, should she have done? What would happen to them?
Clara blinked, unable to push away the panic totally from her eyes even as the stranger - Sienna, she called herself. Sienna had nice hair and a nice face - asked if she could come in. Clara just nodded her head, starting to twist her fingers together anxiously as she pressed herself further into the back corner of her bed, up against the wall like a frightened rabbit. âO-oui.â
Sienna stepped inside the room, keeping her hands visible with her notepad clasped in front of her, giving Clara a small smile. âHello there,â She noticed the way Clara appeared a little panicked, trying to make herself small, while Sienna took in the room. The cards on the floor with dried blood and little clumps of hair, the little plants around the room, it added some character and lightened the place.
âI like your plants,â Sienna walked around the room, careful of the cards, but taking in the layout of them and the disarray. âTheyâre very pretty.â Taking a seat at the desk, perching on the end and trying to make sure Clara didnât feel intimidated or boxed, Sienna made sure to keep her eyes towards Clara rather than the room.
âHow are you feeling, Clara? Are you doing well?â
âI like plants,â Clara said, not looking at Sienna as she stayed in the corner, her eyes lowered and not making eye contact. Her voice was quiet and soft, not unused to speaking but certainly used to having negative consequences. She twisted her fingers together, tugging the sleeves of her top down over her hands and then restlessly grabbed the pillow from her bed, hugging it against her chest. The ones in her room were starting to flower, like the ones in the greenhouse. Being around them made her happy - she hadnât seen anything pretty for such a long time that it was a good reminder. A good way of pulling herself out of the dark thoughts.
She chewed on her lower lip, âYes,â was the simple response, though she quite clearly wasnât. She supposed that was what the lady wanted to hear, wasnât it? Why was she in her room? The lady - Sienna - had a soft voice. It was calm. Like some of the doctors in the other facility, after sheâd woken up. Self care is important, Clara.
âThey are lovely, I have lilies growing in my back garden, they come up so lovely in the springtime. Do you have a favourite flower?â Sienna did note that Clara had been taking some time in the greenhouse available on base, and from the looks of things, she enjoyed a little bit of botany herself. It was good, a hobby that wasnât attached to her powers, and seemed to be just Claraâs.
âYour handler asked for me to visit with you, he said that you had a little bit of an unhappy incident this weekend. Is that why the cards are on the floor?â Sienna was mostly concerned by the blood and the loose hair, by Claraâs withdrawn nature.
âWould you like if we put the cards away?â
âAre they white?â Clara asked, glancing briefly up at Sienna before she looked down again, fingers still twisting together. âThe lilies.â White was for death, she saw them all the time; flashes of lilies on graves, people holding lilies in obscure futures. A lady buying them on the street when she gets hit by a car, smashes her brains on the ground. Claraâs eyes became unfocused as her mind replayed the images that she had seen. Blood and brains spread over the pavement. Pool stretching out and dribbling down the drain. The lilies get stained red.
She blinked, swallowing past the images that swam in her mindâs eye, rubbing her hand over her face and bringing herself back to the room. She didnât look at Sienna, still, didnât know what she wanted.
âHandler Frost gave them back to me,â she murmured, peering over the pillow pressed against her chest to look at the cards on the floor. Her eyes lifted finally, wide and afraid to look at the doctor for the first time. âDoes he want me to tell him what I see? Is that why he gave them back?â
âTheyâre yellow and pink, actually. My favourite colours.â She had a lot of pink and yellow flowers in her garden, but the lilies were the ones she picked and grew specifically. âI donât know a lot about flowers, so I pick ones that look pretty.â She could see that Clara was distracted by something, possibly something she had thought on with the cards.
âWell, Iâm not sure why Handler Frost gave them back to you, maybe he thought theyâd be a comfort, or so that you had the choice to use them if you wanted.â Sienna couldnât say for sure what the Handlers opted to do with their agents, or how they were meant to use their abilities. She couldnât say she thought it was a good idea though.
âBut, what are you most comfortable with? Do you want to use your powers and tell Handler Frost?â Ultimately, it was about what Clara wanted to do, how she wanted to use her power and her gift.
âIt isnât my choice,â Clara whispered, twisting her fingers together and then picking at the skin beside the nail on her index finger. She shifted, tightening her arms around the pillow. A nervous habit that sheâd picked up from Danny had her stopping picking the skin on her finger and instead, she started chewing on the edge of her thumb. She rocked a little, chin in the pillow. âIf I donât do good,â she asked, finally lifting her eyes to meet Siennaâs - brief as it was, âwill I get sent back?â
Her words were muffled around her thumb as she talked. âI like the colour yellow. I think.â Because she wasnât sure. Colours were still pretty novel to someone whoâd had their sight taken from them since they were nine. âYou should try orchids,â she added, mind briefly flashing to a wooden desk with a glass paperweight and an ochre-coloured pot with a single blue orchid in it.
âNo,â it was a quick response, and Sienna had to stop herself from continuing until sheâd managed to get her voice under control again, âClara, regardless of if you use your powers here, or if you donât, or if you see something, or if itâs just what you want, you are never being sent back. Not to Cheshire, not to the medical wing, nowhere.â There were notes in their files, all of them, they function better knowing where each other were.
And while neither Sienna or Adelaide could control transfers, the sake of psychiatric help and mental stability could be used to overrule some of the decisions. âWe would like very much to help you, and there arenât any strings on my help. I donât want you to feel you need to do something for me at any time, okay?â
It did seem like flowers were a good ice breaker for Clara, and if Sienna put a little more into her own interest in her garden then so be it. âAn orchid is a wonderful idea, you enjoy growing plants, Clara?â The greenhouse project was fairly new for Limbo, but she knew that Clara sometimes spent her time there, âWhat other things do you enjoy?â Kneeling on the floor, leaving her pad to the side, Sienna slowly started drawing the cards towards her, placing them one on top of the other gently to pack them away.
Her voice was still shaking when she spoke; flinching a little with the strength of Siennaâs words. It was conviction in her tone, but Clara was used to that firm tone having conditions, coming with a shout or having her hand forced onto an object. Being made to touch something that made her see horrible things until she begged for them to stop. She swallowed and resumed chewing on her thumb, listening as she was told that they wanted to help.
âThey said that before,â she told her. âThat theyâd help. And then they made Vic hear more voices. They stuck needles in Katâs arms and tested on her. They hurt Grey.â She swallowed, blank gaze lifting to look at Sienna as she started picking up the cards on the floor. She flexed her fingers, not reaching out to touch them even though she was tempted. âThey put Danny in a room and let his monsters hurt him.â
She missed the question about plants completely, mind racing around the ochre-coloured pot and the woman kneeling on the floor picking up her cards, and memories from Cheshire that werenât hers even though they sort of were. âHmm?â she asked, âI- Iâm sorry,â she said, stumbling over her words as if she worried that she was in trouble. âI- What did you ask?â
Claraâs voice made Sienna pause, she didnât move away from the cards, but she looked up towards the young woman as she expressed her fears. She noted that most of her concern was for her friends just as much as herself. They were a tight group, and it made sense given the shared trauma theyâd gone through. Setting the pile of cards to the side, Sienna stayed on her knees by the edge of Claraâs bed.
She didnât reach out to touch the young woman, tempted though she was to offer something more tangible than a cushion. âI know youâve been through some terrible things, and that the people you have interaction with said things, but they let you down. And I canât promise that no one will lie to you here,â because she couldnât control the agents, or even how the handlers got things to go their way. âBut no one has the right tell you to do something you do not want to do, and if they try that, I would like very much if you would come to see me, or contact me.â If any of the handlers tried to make Clara use her powers for their needs sheâd have some choice words for them.
âIâm here to help you, however I can do that Clara.â Even if it included some fights with handlers and supervising brass.
There wasnât really anywhere to put the cards, once they were all piled up in a set, so Sienna moved them to the desk, sitting them on the corner. âItâs alright Clara, but I was asking what other things you enjoy doing? Taking care of plants, flowers, is there anything else you like?â
Clara lifted her shoulder. âI donât want to talk about me,â she said after a moment. âIf he doesnât want anything from me then why is Mr Frost making me talk to you?â The question wasnât meant as an insult, thought it might have sounded like one. Clara didnât understand why she wasnât just going to be allowed to do her thing. She wasnât hurting anyone, she hadnât done anything wrong - or so Sienna had said - so why did she have to do this? Why was there someone in her room that wanted to talk. To help?
Shouldnât she be helping Danny? Or Kat? Or Vic? Or Grey? They needed help, too. Maybe talking would help them. Clara didnât know if helping was what she needed.
She rubbed the top of her head and swallowed. âI donât know,â she confessed after a few moments of silence, pondering the question. âI like it when Grey brushes my hair.â
âWell, weâre asking you to talk to me so that we can help you, itâs not meant to be a punishment, Clara. We just want to help you feel better, and talking about the things that have happened, about how you feel, they can help that.â Although having come from a place like Cheshire, Sienna could understand not having any confidence in that at all.
âYou donât need to start talking right away, we can get to know each other first.â Piecing together little parts of the group and their dynamic was harder than working out the Outsiders group. She had a feeling that there were no true assigned roles with the group from Cheshire, simply that they all orbited each other to protect.
âMy sister and I used to do that too, itâs very calming isnât it?â So Grey was possibly part of Claraâs routine to either take care of herself, or at least soothe herself. âAnd, I see you have a colouring book, do you like to colour?â
âHow will talking help?â Clara questioned. âIt wonât change what happened? It just makes us think about it all over again.â She shrugged her shoulders and moved on the bed, lying on her stomach with the pillow left out to one side. She propped her upper body up with her elbows on the bed, chin in her hands and legs bent at the knee. âWhy do you want to know what happened?â
Having decided that Sienna wasnât a threat, Clara seemed a little more open. âAnd what do you want to know? How do you get to know someone?â she asked, because it had been such a long time that she couldnât really remember. She didnât know; she hadnât had to make friends in such a long time, or get to know anyone else. The Cheshire crew, her substitute family⊠theyâd come together like broken pieces that fitted nowhere else, protected each other fiercely.
She huffed out a breath and then flopped onto her side. âI like it. So does Grey. Sometimes when sheâs bothered she comes and brushes my hair and it makes her feel better.â She liked that, that she could help Grey in some small way. Grey took good care of her, of everyone, and sometimes it was hard to know how she could repay that. âI like colours,â she settled on saying. It wasnât cryptic, not really, but to someone who hadnât read her file it might be.
âIn some ways, it can be therapeutic, help you deal with how you feel about things, work out your emotions and how cope with the damage it causes. If you know how to look out for things, youâre prepared for when things happen in the future that might make you think about those things, so you know what to do then. Itâs about identifying and dealing with triggers that might hurt you.â Explaining why talking to a stranger about thing might help was always hard.
Because it was so different for every person. âI would like to know so that I can help you, so that I can help make sure it never happens to you again, and so that you can try to heal from those horrid things and be able to live a fulfilling life.â Even if it was somewhat limited at the moment.
It was painful, how little Clara had, how her understanding was stunted, but it was also so very reasonable given what had happened, âItâs not hard, and it doesnât need to be scary either. You just need to find something you both like to do and go from there. And you could just tell me anything you wanted, and you could ask me questions too.â Sienna was prepared to have a longer duration in making headway with Clara, if only because her powers and her experiences made things so much tougher on the girl.
âGrey sounds like a very good friend. You must both be very close.â Co-dependent, and Sienna had yet to work out if that was a good or bad thing for this group, since they seemed to do better as a unit when they were together. âI like colours too, what I would like, is if we could meet up once a week and talk for an hour. We can colour while we talk or we can sit in the gardens, we could do this wherever you would like, Clara.â
Clara shook her head, "You should help Danny," she said. "He has bad things in his past." She knew; she'd seen some of them the first time he'd touched her hand, trying to help her. "And Kat. She's a lot sadder than she lets people know." She swallowed. "And-" She paused, realising she was getting carried away with talking about her friends.
She fiddled with a loose thread on the pillow, laying on her side and sort of looking at Sienna but not quite. "Mr Frost said nothing would hurt me here. If it would, Grey will stop it."
She worried at her lower lip, large eyes turning to look at Sienna. "I saw on the network that someone said if we didn't do good we'd get experimented on again. Is that true? I didn't tell Danny or Vic when I saw it because- because it-" she swallowed, sitting up again and hugging the pillow once more. "I don't want to be sent back. Or for anyone to try and hurt us again for not doing good."
She went back to fiddling with loose thread, "We're all close. But I like Grey and Danny the best. And Kat. Vic's scary."
âWeâre going to, Clara. Itâs not just you weâll be talking do. My colleague, Dr Russel has already met with your friends, I believe Danny spoke to her with his handler.â Adelaide had quite the roster of patients already, and she knew that Danny, Vic and Grey were part of that.
âIâm sure Grey will keep you safe from anything that might try to physically hurt you, but not all hurt is physical, is it?â These people, more than anyone, had a lot of emotional pain in their lives. In so many ways.
âItâs not true, in no way will anyone do that. Unfortunately, some people like to spread rumours and make up stories, because they think itâs funny.â And Sienna would be tracking that correspondence down and alerting the suitable handlers. âPeople testing their powers and what youâve been through? Itâs entirely different things, but not everyone understands that certain words mean more to certain people.â Although hopefully no one would attempt to push Clara with her powers for a while, at least until Clara was ready to use them of her own accord.
âI donât usually tell a patient that something definitely wonât happen, because I canât always assure them of it. But I can assure you, that you will never go to a place like Cheshire ever again. I wonât let that happen. And neither will Dr Russel.â
"So you're helping the others too?" Clara nodded, "Okay that's good. Because it's- c'est bon." She nodded again, as if she'd made a decision. âBut most hurt is physical,â she contended. âThatâs been my experience.â And it was true, from what fractured things she did know, there was a lot of hurt. âOr.. it will be?â She frowned, forehead and nose both wrinkling as she tried to piece it together. It was too much though, it didnât make sense so she stopped.
She shifted. âThey said it would happen on the network. That weâd be experimented on. I canât do that again.â Her voice hiccuped a little, âI donât want- they made me see things.â She held out her left arm. âI pulled so hard trying to get away that my arm broke. I didnât try again.â
With Clara being a pre-cog, it was difficult to gauge just when and where her trauma mightâve come from. âDonât worry, about whatever timeline you talk about with me, weâll work it out, okay?â If it was something that would come, or something from the past, or just something Clara had seen from somewhere else, Sienna was prepared to help her through it.
âItâs not going to happen again, Iâm going to work to help you to trust me, but I promise you, that wonât happen again, and people arenât going to say those things on the network anymore, okay?â Sienna would inform all of the handlers if she had to, but this would not repeat.
âWhat if I donât know when it happens?â Clara asked quietly. âOr whatâs mine and whatâs someone elseâs?â She looked at the cards, carefully placed on the table and she leaned up the bed, pulling a small velvet purple bag out. Her cards lived in it. She turned it over between her fingers before she offered it to Sienna, âCould you please put them all back in there? Otherwise- I- otherwise theyâre loud.â
She shifted, nodding but not looking truly convinced that was the case. âBut you promise that if weâre bad they wonât experiment on us again?â Again. Clara didnât want to go through that again. She didnât want to go through tests and experiments, to to have her sight taken from her again. She didnât want them to hurt her friends, to make Danny scream again. To push Vicâs sanity even closer to breaking point. To stick more needles in Kat. To see how far they could push Grey.
âPromise?â
The complications for Clara seemed to be quite something, that she still had a semblance of sanity spoke levels to the care and support her friends offered her, regardless of how the dependency wasn't entirely healthy, it was clearly a great help in Clara's care. "If you're unsure, you can always just talk to me, we can work out who or what it's about. If it's something I need to take action against right then, or actions that can be taken to avoid something happening. Anything you're not comfortable with, you can talk to me about anything." Future occurrences, anything on base, past trauma that might need to be dealt with too.
Taking the bag from Clara, Sienna very carefully placed the cards in it, closing it up and putting the cards on the furthest end of the table, away from Clara. "Does that help? Having them contained in something? Putting barriers between them?" If that was the case, they could look into a box, something ornate but pretty, especially if it helped Clara to distance herself from the cards.
"I absolutely promise. There will be no more experiments, behaviour will not be an aspect of your safety." Even Victor seemed to be responding to Adelaide's appointments and Holly's involvement. "No matter what, no one will experiment on any of you, and if someone tries to, you speak up and we'll stop it instantly."
Clara nodded. âMr Frost-â she started, picking at the edge of her pillow again. âItâs going to be cold.â She wasnât sure how else to explain it, or what sheâd seen. Not without going back in, and she didnât know if theyâd want her to do that. She bit her lip. âI- Sometimes they arenât clear.â
She wriggled on the bed. âIf I canât see them sometimes itâs easier to not listen. But in Cheshire they didnât let me use the cards after a while. They gave me something that caused it to be on all the time.â She frowned.
âIf I have to meet you again, can we do it in the greenhouse, please?â
âThatâs okay, Clara. Itâs not a fine art, and no one is expecting you to predict everything.â And they were, theyâd need to reevaluate a lot of their expectations, that was for sure.
The idea of being forced to constantly see different streams of time, past and future, losing the present, constantly having those visions. Given that they clearly caused Clara pain sometimes, the notion alone made Sienna near violently angry. To think some of those people took the same oath she had.
âThen weâll have to make it so that you can decide when you want to use them, not the other way around.â Sheâd have a look through some of the shops in the city, see if there was anything that might be suitable for Clara. âThe greenhouse is fine, Clara. How about if we do it this time next week? We can do some planting and gardening while we talk?â Whatever helped Clara feel comfortable with her, and helped her relax. Sienna had no problem working with the girl towards whatever form of recovery her journey took.