isiromero (isiromero) wrote in commandhq, @ 2018-05-20 19:24:00 |
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Three different appointments. Nicolette had dodged her for three different appointments and, quite frankly, Isi was tired of it. She very rarely chased agents, but this was a special circumstance. This young woman wasn't one of the fresh-faced kids she'd been dealing with lately. Patience was something she had to have with them. This woman was a seasoned agent whose most recent history said that she did exactly as she was assigned. Her file, on the other hand, read just like the new agents she was meeting now. A history of defiance and anger that was eventually channeled into a positive direction, but it seemed that those feelings were still buried deep down. Otherwise, Nicky wouldn't be having the issues she was having right now. Well, if the mountain won't come to Muhammad, then Muhammad must go to the mountain. It was late Sunday evening when Isabella finally decided that she would look in on Nicolette. This was mostly, because she figured that the woman would dodge her any other time. If she was going to do it any time, it would best be done when it was least expected. No one expected her in the office on the weekend so everyone probably assumed they would be safe from Doc Crazy. She liked to defy their expectations when and if possible. Isi knocked on the room she looked up from Nicky's file and waited. Nicky had been avoiding a lot of things, but she typically never avoided a direct order from her superior. Of course, Scott's notice about therapy hadn't ever been an order so much as him scheduling her for it. She always found a way to avoid going that usually involved staying late for whatever activity or training she had already been scheduled to attend. Someone knocking on her door this late wasn't abnormal, but it wasn't something she figured would be happening. In the last few weeks, Nicky had succeeded at shutting herself off from others just so she could try to find some relief. Her anxiety about her powers had taken residence in snapping at friends and waking up from bad dreams with a fast-beating heart. She just wanted to take some time off from everyone in order to try to put herself back together by reading and mediating. That, of course, wasn't working in a time frame that the administrators would approve. She pulled open the door and, to her surprise, stood face-to-face with the person she'd been trying hardest to avoid, "Dr. Romero." Nicky tried to offer the woman a happy smile, but it was pitifully fake. She was definitely not happy to see her. "Ms. Ashford," Isi nodded her head as she gave a warm and friendly smile to Nicolette. She took notice of the calm atmosphere that Nicky had set up for herself in her room. To say the woman wasn't trying to handle this herself would be an incorrect statement. She was trying, but she wasn't going to achieve anything until they dug down into the roots of her anxiety. "I realize you've been very busy, but your handler did ask for you to meet with me so we could assess treating your new anxiety symptoms. I was hoping now would be a good time?" Nicky knew she had no hope of escaping the good doctor and nodded. "Sure," she pulled the door open and made space for the psychiatrist to pass. Every set of quarters in the facility was the same, but every agent was different. Nicky's quarters were rather Spartan in appearance. She didn't like to keep a lot of clutter and the things she did own were neatly arranged or stacked in order to make their usage easy. A large pillow was on the floor near her bed where it looked as if she had been trying to meditate. The room smelled slightly of a nature-scented incense, possibly something like lavender with the lingering remnants of pine, and the lights had been low. Isabella seated herself at the desk chair as Nicky took residence at the edge of her bed. She gave Nicolette a moment of awkward quiet before she looked over at the small woman and asked the question that she really wanted to know the answer to at the moment, "So, why have you been dodging me?" "I wouldn't really call it dodging--." She was trying to shrug off the accusation. "Come on, Ms. Ashford." "Nicky," Nicolette corrected her as she looked away from the doctor. "Nicky. Why have you been dodging your assignment to come for assessment?" Nicky swallowed a bit as she tried to focus and breathe. This was an interaction that she was not comfortable with and didn't want to deal with it, but now she had to do it. "It's just more complicated than anxiety or depression." Isi nodded, the cogs in her head taking over and trying to break down every motion and gesture in order to figure out what was going on with her patient. "Wouldn't taking control of the anxiety and depression be a good step to figuring out the more complicated things?" Nicky covered her eyes with one hand as she too that question in. She definitely agreed with the doctor's assumption, but she just didn't really feel like sharing everything. "Your file states that you once told someone in the youth center that you were afraid of the dark as a child." Isi stated matter-of-factly, "But it also said that you felt safer once your powers emerged. I'm guessing that anxiety is why you're finding trouble now. Is it?" Nicky nodded. Nodding was so much easier than speaking at that moment in time. Saying it out loud would give validation to her fears and she didn't want to do that. Not while she was feeling so out of balance. "Then why don't we talk about that?" The tone of Isabella's voice went from cool to warmer and friendlier, almost motherly. Nicky pulled her hand away from her face and tried to find words to describe how she had been feeling over the last few months. It took quite a long time while she shifted things around in her mind and Dr. Romero sat patiently waiting for her to speak. "I just," Nicky began but paused as she tried to find the words, "I don't know how to explain to someone who can't experience it all." By "it all" she meant the anxiety, fear, and her abilities all together in one moment. "I use the shadows, but sometimes I feel like they're trying to use me." As a conduit. It felt like they were trying to use her to escape and become something greater than they were, but how did you describe that to someone who couldn't feel it? Isabella didn't want to discount Nicky's feelings, but she'd heard the same thing before from other people with abilities. They felt as if they weren't entirely in control of their powers. "I may not be able to have your experiences, but I do have experience with controlling anxiety. It's what I do so you should trust me to be able to help you get through this." Nicky nodded. She recognized that she was acting irrationally, but she just couldn't get herself to address it in the proper manner. It all caused more anxiety and made her feel like things would be so much more worse. "I'm booked up in the morning," Isabella stood up from the chair, "But I have a free slot right after lunch. I expect you to be in my office then so we can get you properly assessed and assigned a therapist to work on your anxiety." That was all she could ask for her. "It may or may not be me. That depends on your needs." Nicky chose to nod again rather than saying anything. It was easier that way. She knew it had to be done and finally having to face her anxieties was going to be difficult enough. She didn't need to fight anymore because that would only make her trouble worse. She stood up and followed the doctor as she moved to the door and showed her out. "Nicky," Isi offered her another warm smile, "I know you don't like asking for help, but waiting until it's too hard for you to handle is not what you need to do. You have a plethora of resources available to you here, more than people outside of here would ever have. Please use them." Nicolette could only nod in reply before she shut the door behind the doctor. Deep down, she knew the woman was correct, but that didn't make her feel any better about it. Regular people couldn't understand what it was like to deal with abilities. Dr. Romero was only doing her job and it was up to Nicky to do her job as well. She was willing to go on with it, because she knew she had to do it. |