Sandy Jameson (hearseverything) wrote in commandhq, |
the journal conversation - and the wild panic at losing someone that came with it, the roiling anxiety that Cassidy was drifting away and acting weird, making other friends, then Scotty, too, Scotty was leaving all alone, I'll be alone, everyone'll leave.
Her warning Syreni on the network. Telling Syreni to come find her but not expecting her to. Warning her again. And again. But she wasn't backing down, and neither was Sandy. She couldn't back down, couldn't appear weak. Couldn't look like she wasn't in control. Couldn't give an inch. Orla's voice saying be careful, be the bigger person, Cal's voice saying protect what's yours. Syreni wasn't one of them, she wasn't safe. She wasn't safe.
-Solitary, screaming until her voice was raw- deafening silence- so loud- her own thoughts tormenting her: they only like you because you're in their heads. Screaming to drown them out. Begging to be released. Bleeding hands- let me out, please- I can't- please- smashing against the door. they'll all leave you eventually, it's just a matter of time. The pain at having her connections severed. Isolation. Loneliness. Fear. Anguish.
-Rachel coming in, relief, body-wracking sobs that wouldn't stop. Wouldn't go away. Seeing Cal and Cas at her bedside, unspoken tension between them- seeing Scotty again, dipping into his head to see the torment he went through in the Florida facility, months in solitary, trapped in the heat-