"I'm not saying I have been." Alejandro pointed out, watching Cal continue to deliver a beating to the punching bag. Just letting him get out what he needed to say when it came to his frustrations with everything. With him. With Cas. With the situation Sandy was in. All of it. He'd failed in this. He knew that. Trying to gauge how the people here reacted to the people who rattled cages and the compliant. There was no game here. No way to get out without intensive planning and sacrifice on their parts. And he was failing them.
But right now, he had failed Sandy. Failed Cal. Out of all the Outsiders, they were the ones he was closest to. He'd protect all of them. He'd failed when it came to Frankie. Justifying it to himself that way was the only way he was able to sleep at night. That she needed to be with them. And now she wasn't. He hated himself for it. "I should've been there. I should've defended you. I've had my head so far up my ass that I haven't been around is--" He tightened his jaw for a moment, moving to stand behind the punching bag and holding it in place.
He would point out that families fight. But it didn't seem the time nor place. "I made mistakes, Cal. With you and with Sandy. With Fr--don't make moves. We're not going to get out of here. Not by fighting our way out. They've already made this clear. I will not let us die in this place like that kid did." Not that he had much of a choice. Not that any of them had much of a choice in the matter. "I'm not playing any games anymore. If you're not putting yourself out on a limb, that's fine. I don't expect you to. Things are different in here and we have to adapt or it's going to eat us alive."
He wanted to say he was willing to adapt. He was and had to a certain extent. "I should've stood up for you and for Sandy. Whatever is going on with Cass, for fuck's sake that is on him. But...we're all we got. This is it."