Greed (truthorfiction) wrote in commandhq, @ 2018-05-01 18:37:00 |
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Danny was nervous, anxious, and a whole bundle of restless awkward energy as he sat in Adelaide’s office and he regarded the redhead in front of him, teeth hooked around the already worried skin around the edge of his thumb. He didn’t like shrinks, didn’t trust them, and he most certainly didn’t want to talk, but Holly had asked him to try so here he was: trying. His eyes seemed to rove around the office, focusing briefly on items that he didn’t perceive as a threat, but they did linger on items such as the water on the desk and the pen sitting beside the notepad. Pens could have different uses, in Cheshire Danny had been introduced to the fact they could hide a syringe as after a while he’d refused to drink the water that he was given so they needed another way to get sedatives into his bloodstream. A foot was indicative of his nerves in how it twitched restlessly, swinging back and forth as he positively vibrated in his seat. He cleared his throat, glanced at Holly then looked back at Adelaide as he waited for whatever needed to happen. Adelaide was watching carefully, the anxiety that the young man was riddled with. Holly had stepped off to one side, lingering by the door with her arms folded, her own eyes on Adelaide like she was just watching - waiting - to see if the doctor put one foot wrong. The red head took a slow breath in and tried to relax. She’d made sure to get the glasses of water that were on the small table between them from the same cooler, and so that Danny could see them the whole time. Lifting her own glass to her lips, Adelaide took a sip from the glass and thought about what Grey had said about Danny - about how he protected one of the others, Clara, how he intervened as Grey did. How they worked together to protect each other, because that was the only thing they knew for sure they could trust. “There’s no need to look so worried,” she said finally, her voice calm and even. “Nothing’s going to happen here.” Even if she did think he would benefit from some anti anxiety medication, that was likely a conversation for later on down the line. Today was about building trust. “Handler Page is going to stay right here for as long as you want her to, and I promise you, nothing is going to happen to you here.” She’d read his file, too, knew the lengths they’d gone to in order to try and control him. It was no wonder he was uncomfortable. Seeing his eyes linger on the pen that she had on her notepad, Adelaide leaned away, putting it back on the desk and picking up a pencil, instead. “I’m a big believer in give and take,” she continued, “So you have the opportunity to ask questions of me just as much as I’ll be asking questions about you. If you ever want to see what I’m writing down, you just have to ask. And there will be things we’re going to talk about that aren’t comfortable. That might be scary. But the idea is that we unpack those and help you deal with what happened to you. But at any point, if it’s too much, you just have to tell me and we can change the topic for a little while.” Danny's eyes tracked the movement of the glass to Adelaide's lips and he watched rather intently as the other woman took a sip. Couldn't be pumped full of drugs if she was drinking it, right? Would be stupid to drug herself or would it? "That's what the last doctors said," he argued before he glanced at Holly as he realised his tone was sharper than he'd intended. Danny could be an absolute sweetheart but sometimes he could also be... something else, darker and more... twisted. He supposed that was his father in him. He took to playing with his thumb ring before worrying his lower lip instead as he always seemed to need something to fiddle with. He just had to keep breathing because as long as he kept breathing everything would be okay or that's what he'd learned during his time in Cheshire. "Where are we starting?" Holly said nothing but looked at Danny as he snapped at Adelaide. She moved forward, picked up the other glass and took a sip from it. After two seconds, she held the glass out to Danny so he had something in his hand that he knew wasn’t tainted: Holly had just drunk from it, after all. She squeezed his shoulder and retreated back to her corner to just glare at everything. Adelaide hesitated, leaning back in the chair. “Wherever you would like to start,” she responded. “We don’t have to talk about Cheshire, not this time. You could tell me about how you’re finding Limbo, or you could talk about your friends if you’d like? Or you can start by asking me some questions. These sessions are about you, so we work at your pace, with what you want to discuss.” Danny took the glass from Holly and rolled it between his palms before finally giving in and taking a small sip. “What made you want to become a shrink?” He asked, much preferring to ask questions than be asked questions. “I mean, did you genuinely want to help people? Or did you just enjoy knowing people’s private business?” Holly ducked her head to hide her smile but wasn’t quick enough to smother her snicker. Adelaide’s eyes cut to Holly, who waved a hand in apology but didn’t chastise Danny for his blunt question. Surprisingly, neither did Adelaide. She merely smiled a little; she appreciated how forthright he was. It would make working with him easy. They could eventually play the question for a question game. For now, though, it was about building trust and if that meant talking to him and letting him quiz her, so be it. “I wanted to help people. Originally, I wanted to help families.” She looked at her wedding ring before she met Danny’s eyes, speaking sincerely. “I saw some stuff when I was a teenager that made me realise I could do some good.” Sometimes she wished she didn’t have to know people’s private business to help them; the things she learned made her question her faith in humanity more often than not. “I saw that when kids outed as being supers were taken away from their families, the families were just left to struggle with what had happened. I wanted to help them and then ended up challenging what was happening at youth facilities, realising that as bad as the families had it, the kids had it worse.” Danny’s eyes never once left Adelaide as she spoke and explained why she wanted to become a shrink because he had learned a long time ago that people could and did frequently lie but their eyes told the truth. The doctors in Cheshire, their eyes had been cold, indifferent, but Adelaide’s were different. They were warm, sincere, and also clearly passionate about the story she was telling. Still, Danny didn’t trust easy, and warm eyes did not a person make. “How long have you been working with supers?” “About eight years,” Adelaide answered, “When I finished at medical school and did my rotations, I worked in a military hospital and a nearby youth facility.” She tapped her fingers on the arm of the chair and took another sip of her drink. “Then last year I got a job offer to work for the Regiment, because the psychiatric care in the youth facilities was improving but there were a lot of people here that need help. And one of the areas I specialise in is PTSD, so it’s fitting that I’m here.” She tilted her head. “What do you think of this place so far? Limbo, I mean.” “It’s better than Cheshire,” Danny replied with a shrug as he rotated the glass of water again and drifted into the depths of the clear liquid. “And my friends are here so better than Maine because I was alone there, not alone here.” He pulled at the edge of his lower lip and it was only when he tasted blood that he released it. “I didn’t know where they were so it’s good to see them.” “I’m sorry no one told you where your friends were,” Adelaide responded. “That’s not okay. Maybe you’d have felt better if you knew they were safe, like you were.” She tucked some hair behind her ear and offered him a small smile. “Do you spend most of your time with them? Aside from when you’re working, of course.” From her time with Grey, she knew a little about the dynamic, but it was alway good to hear about it from different points of view. “I know a little bit about your friends Grey and Clara,” she continued. “I understand that you feel responsible for making sure that Clara, in particular, is kept safe?” Danny nodded his head. “I do, yeah. They’re my closest companions. Only people who have really done anything for me.” He’d had his parents but they hadn’t really done for him what parents should have done for their kids. In fact his current mental state had not been helped by Cheshire but his parents had done the damage first, his father more than his mother, but still parental duties were shared. His eyes narrowed a little in the corners when she mentioned Grey and Clara, his face taking on a much sharper look and a darker expression. “Who told you that?” He asked, wanting to know the source of that information before he shared. Truth was a powerful weapon and he wasn’t willing to have it used against him if he could avoid it. “I can understand why you’d feel like that,” Adelaide said calmly. She didn’t know anything about Danny’s life before what was recorded in the Cheshire files, she hoped that eventually they would talk about it so that she could help him move past the extreme, and incredible, trauma that he had gone through. “After all, what you all went through is…” she shook her head, clearly lost for words. She watched his expression change, the sharp lines that shifted his whole face, a darkness that shot through him. It didn’t perturb her, though, she just kept her expression neutral, filing the trigger away. “Ms Street has mentioned her to me before,” she responded. She felt that they had no secrets with each other, and the this brief discussion about her conversation with Grey would not be breaching something that they would not already know or discuss amongst themselves later, once everyone had been through their initial therapy sessions. “And the nature that the two of you are very protective of her. Under the circumstances, your loyalty to each other is commendable.” Danny was quiet and strangely still as he waited for Adelaide to share her source and the immediate change in his behaviour was evident when she told him that Grey had spoken of Clara, his posture relaxed and he returned his lips to the glass to take a further sip of his water. “Clara is… different,” Danny shared. “She’s softer than the rest of us. People would take advantage of her if we weren’t here. She can’t say no because she’s afraid of it and she’s never had anyone let her say it and mean it.” He glanced at Holly as if checking she was still here before returning his gaze back to Adelaide. “Grey is good people. She speaks sense and takes no prisoners.” Kat was much the same and Vic, well, he was… Vic. “Nobody understands what they did in the Cheshire facility like us.” Holly spotted Danny looking for her and she caught his eyes, offering him a small but reassuring smile, watching his attention drift back to Adelaide, apparently comfortable that whatever he’d been looking for had been confirmed. She ignored how she felt proud that he’d looked to her. Adelaide noticed it too, filed that away. The information he told her about Clara was concerning, and she knew that it filtered across her face; someone who was afraid of saying no was extremely vulnerable in life. “Then it’s good that she’s got people like you and Grey to watch out for her,” she said. “And yeah, I agree. Grey’s good people. You’re good people too, Danny. Lots of people wouldn’t try and take care of others after they went through what you did. A lot of people would just have focused on protecting themselves, not looking after others.” She glanced at her desk. “I have some files from the Cheshire facility,” she told him, “But I don’t think they’re complete. I don’t think they recorded what they did to you while you were there. Or what happened to you before you came to them.” She wet her lower lip. “I’d like to understand what happened to you and your friends. So I can help you process what you went through, so that you don’t have to carry the burden of those memories and experiences alone.” The truth about Danny was he would kill for his friends if that’s what he needed to do to keep them safe but he kept a tight lid on those thoughts as he had enough awareness to know that some things were better left unsaid. “Doesn’t surprise me,” he remarked as he dropped his gaze to his water. “If they don’t write it down then it didn’t happen and it’s our word against theirs.” He reached for his thumb ring and rotated it slowly and methodically. “I mean they were doctors and psychiatrists and we were damaged kids, who would believe us over them if there was ever any sort of inspection?” It made a sick kind of sense and it just showed how far they had been willing to go to hide their secrets. He inhaled, exhaled and then lifted his eyes. “I won’t tell you what my friends went through because that isn’t my truth to tell, that’s theirs.” “No, you don’t have to tell me anything about your friends, or what they went through, but I think it’d help us understand you all if you could tell me what happened to you.” Adelaide’s question sounded more like a statement, but the incline to her head indicated that - at this point in time - the topic was up for debate. She glanced at the time, doing a mental check of how long they had left of the session before she settled back in her chair. She was happy he was drinking the water, even if Holly had had to drink it first, and watched him twist his ring. “No one should ever have abused their positions like that, what they did to you is utterly inexcusable.” Adelaide took a slow breath, because she could feel her anger bubbling again when she thought about what had happened to those kids, under psychiatric care. “I know that… their methods were unethical, and that you have trouble controlling your abilities, partly because of what they did to you and partly because of the nature of them.” She glanced at Holly, before returning her gaze to Danny. “Can you tell me about your powers, a bit? Unless you’d like to tell me something about the Cheshire facility today?” Danny wet his lower, closed his eyes, rolled his neck and then exhaled. Talking about Cheshire made him uncomfortable and all he wanted to do was crawl into a very deep very dark hole and never emerge again, but he knew the benefit to therapy. They'd shown him that in Maine. "I only have three," he shared after a long moment of prolonged silence. "Two are mental and one is physical." Cheshire had been particularly interested in the mental ones and how they could and did affect the physical one. "I can manifest my own subconscious, create mental hallucinations, and I can also create constructs. Energy based constructs." It was that power that had ultimately killed his father and freed Danny of his grasp only for him to fall into Chesire's trap. He did however tap his bracelet. "But this has turned them off so I don't have my powers right now." Good thing really considering how dangerous and how unstable they were, the constructs in particular were worrisome, especially as they were linked to his emotions and reacted when he felt afraid or protective. Adelaide nodded her head. “I saw in your file that they turned your powers off. Maybe we can work on that, so you can have them on every now and then.” She watched him as he talked. “Your own subconscious? That must be scary, sometimes. What kind of things manifested in the facility?” “Monsters,” Danny said simply and plainly as he levelled his eyes on Adelaide. “Like things out of nightmares.” And his father but he wasn’t about to share that so easily not when he’d spent as long as he had keeping that secret close to his chest. “Normally they lurk in the shadows but that never lasts long.” Adelaide watched how he almost shut down as he told her about what came at him when his powers manifested - presumably outside of his control. A defensive mechanism she recognised from her time at the youth facility. She bit the inside of her lip and then nodded. “Monsters?” she asked, “What happens when they stop lurking? Do they try and hurt you?” Her voice took on a tone of concern. “Do they speak?” “Always,” Danny murmured with a nod. “Sometimes they hurt me, sometimes they hurt others, but mostly they hurt me.” It was better that way, better him than anyone else. He brought his thumb up to his mouth and latched his teeth around the edge of his nail and pulled restlessly at skin and then nail. And they did speak but they all sounded the same, all had the same voice, the exact voice that had for the longest time been the only real voice telling him what he was or wasn’t worth which according to said voice hadn’t been a whole lot. He shifted, clearly uncomfortable, especially as this was bringing up old feelings that he’d done well to forget. “They may talk,” he offered instead. “I dunno, I was always too… drugged up to be certain.” Adelaide spotted the discomfort crawling over Danny’s skin and his face, the display of nervous behaviour crossing over his posture. She leaned forward, picking up a small fidget cube from the edge of her desk and pushing it across the coffee table to Danny. “Here, play with this instead. Might be less injuresome.” She took a breath in and then returned to her position against the chair. “Why do you think they hurt you?” Danny eyed the fidget cube suspiciously though he did lean forward and took a hold of it before sitting back to fiddle with it. He normally didn’t worry about the damage he did to himself when he worried the edge of his thumb not even when he drew blood but in these sessions he would at least try with the cube. “Why wouldn’t they?” He asked so matter of factly that it was clear pain was something he was familiar with. Adelaide looked pleased when Danny picked up the cube and began playing with it, thumb working over the various buttons and switches that were designed specifically to help keep people’s hands busy. “You can keep that if you want, I can get another one that’s yours for the sessions.” She blew out a breath, eyes focused on Danny. “Why should they?” she challenged. “You make them. They only exist because your powers make them. So why should they hurt you?” “Why would you give this to me?” Danny asked as he rubbed his thumb over a flat rotating dial. He hadn’t been given many things in his life and of all the things he had been given gifts were not a frequent occurrence or things that did not come with strings attached. He rolled his shoulders. “It makes sense.” His father had done it, his mother hadn’t tried to stop him, and he’d been picked on at school. Why would his own subconscious want to attack him as well? Positivity and good self image hadn’t exactly been strengths in his life. “Because you need something to do with your hands that isn’t self-destructive, and I thought it might help,” Adelaide said sincerely, watching his thumb play with one of the dials. “Do you like it?” It took a lot of effort for her not to frown and she pressed her lips together, breathing in through her nose. She glanced at Holly, who was standing in the back still with a dark expression in her eyes. “Why does it make sense?” she continued gently. Danny simply nodded his head in response to Adelaide’s question regarding the fidget cube and then his brow drew together as they were most definitely straying into difficult and very uncomfortable territory. “There are some things,” he began, “that no matter how far you run you never ever truly leave behind you. They always catch up with you, one way or another.” He reached for the small buttons on the side of the cube and pressed down. “It’s just the way of the world, Dr Russel. No point trying to deny that truth.” “And sometimes all you can do is run?” she queried, “How long have you been trying to escape the monsters, Danny?” It was pertinent; his past was a mystery before Cheshire, but she was piecing a few bits and pieces together and it was incredible just how many children who had powers came from abusive backgrounds. It was outstanding the level of cruelty inflicted on some of the most vulnerable children. “Since before Cheshire?” Danny’s hand tightened around the cube and he pushed out a tight painful breath as his chest felt as though somebody had wrapped a belt around it and was tightening it one notch at a time. It was hard to think about let alone talk about the earlier years of his life and that much was evident in how his eyes swirled with emotions until there was a sudden blankness as he pushed emotion to one side. “I think I’m done talking now,” he shared, voice a blank almost monotonous tone. “I think you’re right,” Adelaide agreed. His response was enough of an affirmation; she needed nothing else right now. She didn’t need to push him any further into the discomfort he was quite clearly feeling. “I’m going to excuse myself, leave you with Handler Page for a few minutes and you can take your leave.” She smiled, though it was sad. “I’m glad you came today, Danny. I’ll see you in three days for our next session.” She breezed past him to give him his privacy, exchanging a look with Holly before she left to get herself something to drink and collect her thoughts. Her hands were shaking. After the door closed, Holly crossed the gap quickly, crouching down beside the chair and covering Danny’s hand with her own to get his attention. “Danny? You okay?” Danny barely moved or even acknowledged Adelaide’s exit and it was only when Holly crouched beside him and touched his hand that he jumped. Quite literally. His eyes darted around as if confused as to where he was before he finally reached for the arms of the chair and he did his best to settle back into his skin. “Sorry,” he mumbled. “I was somewhere else.” Someplace he didn’t like but couldn’t help but go. “It’s okay,” Holly said, having reacted immediately, withdrawing the hand that had been covering his and catching the cube when it had fallen out of his lap. She reached up, pushed some loose hair behind his ear. “You back with me now?” Her expression was nothing but calm concern, patient and kind as she did her best to suppress just how badly she wanted to go and punch something. “You wanna get outta here?” Danny blinked and nodded his head a moment later. “Yeah, I’m back.” He wet his lower lip and gave another nod because he would very much like to get the fuck out of here as fast as was humanly possible. “Yeah, I’d like to leave.” “C’mon Danny,” Holly murmured, getting to her feet and offering a hand to help him. “Let’s get you something to eat. That was a heavy session. I’m not even gonna judge you if you wanna go find your friends and eat your bodyweight in pizza.” |