InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "My brain is squishy."

WHERE: The gym
WHEN: After this convo
WHAT: Dove gets her muscles untensed and some advice from a Handler
STATUS: Complete

VIEW WARNINGS:

Nada

Holly tucked her hair back and secured the ponytail with a bobble as she stood in the gym waiting for Dove to join her. She didn’t know if Raven would be along, but it wouldn’t have hurt if the darker-haired agent wanted to tag along. Everyone ought to know how to stretch out after a training session. She did wonder, though, what kind of training Dove had been doing that had her aching so badly. Marshall shouldn’t have been drilling any of his agents without warming them up first: Holly always made sure to do warm ups and cool downs to ensure that her agents weren’t aching in any way other than from the physical exercise rather than because they had strained anything.

Dr Stratford’s suggestion of tiger balm wasn’t a bad one if Dove could get someone to rub it into her muscles, that was. Holly’s own body ached in sympathy. It hadn’t been that long ago since she’d laid in bed feeling a little sorry for herself, overexerted muscles complaining that she hadn’t stretched properly before running a solo combat drill in the hologym. She liked to be kept busy and in the evenings, worn down to the point of exhaustion so she couldn’t think about anything else.

The death of Buckley Kirby - even though he had been assigned to another team - had hit most of the handlers pretty hard. That gnawing sense of collective failure that followed the death of an agent had been haunting her footsteps, so she was relieved that she had something to offer to someone else. Something she could do.

When she heard the door open, she turned her head and offered the teenager a warm smile. “You look nothing like a gargoyle,” she said in greeting, “I’m disappointed.”

Dove hadn’t changed, she’d just kept the work out gear on, after wallowing on her bed until Raven appeared with a compress to help her out and then JP deposited the foam roller -she’d never heard of using a foam roller, but then she was prone to getting her stretches right for cheerleading.

She’d pushed too hard though, training herself and just going and going. She wanted to be in a place where she could be out there, in the field, and if her powers ended up needing to be off, she could still help her friends and be there and not a liability. But practicing her grapples was obviously too much, and while she’d told Marshall what she was doing he hadn’t really been present since her powers were off anyway.

She’d managed to convince Raven that she’d just be a distraction, and she should just hang out or Dove would come find her after the stretching out and they could hang together. Walking stiffly, but miraculously able to be upright, Dove smiled a little at Holly’s comment. “I guess Raven has magic fingers.” She had the foam roller in her hand, holding it up to show, “I brought this, too. Like you said.”

“Good good,” Holly said, taking the foam roller from Dove’s hands and tucking it under her arm, indicating the the blonde should follow her over to the mats. It was always nicer to cool down on something soft and not too warm. Sore muscles didn’t always need heat. She sat on one of the plastic steps that were used to build up leg muscles and indicated that Dove take a seat on the floor. For the most part they’d be doing floor work anyway, help keep the spine in a more neutral position.

Once Dove was seated, Holly fixed her with a look. “Glad Raven was able to help you. But, you wanna tell me what hurts, where and what you were doing that resulted in this? If it’s some… x-rated thing just say now so I don’t have to get embarrassed second hand for you.”

Settling on the mat was actually nice. Her shoulders weren’t up around her ears anymore, since she could at least walk without everything aching and telling her to stop right now. “Shoulders and back mostly,” and while Dove hadn’t been doing anything x-rated at all, the blush bloomed on her cheeks very quickly at the implication. “I was just training.” She knew that she shouldn’t feel embarrassed, that Holly had probably seen numerous people get over enthusiastic about something and injure themselves.

But Dove was trying to prove that she was capable and able to help and do things without her powers. She wasn’t meant to be more danger to herself than anyone else. “I’ve been learning how to fight, how to defend myself without powers, and I think I just overdid it with the grapples.”

Because she didn’t think she should feel this bad if she was doing it right.

“Grapples?” Holly asked, eyebrow arching a bit. “Who have you been doing hand to hand combat with, Marshall?” Because Marshall should have known better than to be teaching a recruit who had barely been with the scheme a year and who had no formal training grapples and throws without the appropriate build up.

She had the foam roller on the floor and then moved from the step she was on to be sitting on the floor with Dove, one leg folded under herself, the other outstretched. “And don’t worry- everyone pulls a muscle or two while training but this… I think this is a little much for one training session. Did you do a warm up and a cool down?”

“Not Marshall, no. Bear?” Marshall over saw some of her training, but largely only with her powers. It had been Bear who mentioned learning how to fight without her powers, and she had assumed Marshall knew, she logged it on as training after all. “He was showing me holds and how to punch and kick properly.”

Because her powers were horrifically unpredictable and she found it hard to get into the proper mentality that she wouldn’t hurt someone.

“I did my warm up, I might’ve possibly rushed the cool down?” She was mostly just going by her cheerleading, since she hadn’t been told otherwise.

Holly’s eyes likely widened in a way that was likely comical before she caught herself and smoothed her expression down again. Marshall had authorised Dove training with Bear? Of all the agents that had fighting prowess, Bear was not one that Holly would have wanted to pair Dove with. Not because he wasn’t a skilled fighter, definitely not, but rather because he was significantly bigger than her and teaching her a technique was one thing but she needed to learn different things, things he couldn’t teach her because he was a walking tank.

Dove was not.

She pressed her teeth together and rolled the roller towards Dove. “I know I’m not your handler, but I have some concerns about that,” she said honestly. “Bear’s a great fighter but you need to learn things he can’t teach you. And I can’t imagine it does you good punching at someone who’s got unbreakable skin. I’m guessing he doesn’t use pads either.”

Pads hadn’t really sprung to Dove’s mind, and aside from the first time, when she’d gone to Avery and seen how the girl had to bear Dove’s wounds until her power assimilated it and she healed, Dove hadn’t asked for a healing on a superficial wound again. It meant her fists and hands were usually aching, bruises blossoming on her knuckles and her feet, her toes were constantly blue right then.

“Well, no he doesn’t.” Dove had just figured that it was how people learned, repeating actions and doing things until they were drilled in. She felt a little sheepish about it honestly, because it was starting to register that someone should’ve stopped her from training like that. “Marshall’s helping me train with my powers, but he hasn’t been really doing anything with my hand to hand or anything.” Which she found out that Raven got, from her handler, weekly.

Holly frowned again and rubbed her temple. “Okay, so I might not get a say in your training but if you’re going to keep working with Bear - which I highly recommend you stop doing - make him wear guards. It’ll save your hands and feet from getting injure when you end up punching the guy. He’s built like a brick shit house.”

She shifted onto her knees and moved a little closer. “Okay, I’m gonna show you the first stretch I want you to do on the roller. I’ll help you get into position and then you’ll need to roll yourself. I’ll be on hand to support.”

Drawing the roller near herself, she lay down on it on her side with her lower arm under her head, the roller tucked underneath her arm, pressing against the muscles of the shoulder blade. She stayed there for a few seconds before she sat up and rolled it across to Dove.

“Give that a shot. Tell me about the training he does with your powers?”

Dove just nodded at Holly, her advice on training was good, and Dove really should’ve thought about that in the first place really, she’d just need to remember that if they trained again. “He is kinda huge.” Which was honestly why she’d been so apprehensive about it, but Marshall hadn’t told her not to and Bear seemed to think it was fine, and with him knowing more than her, Dove hadn’t minded.

Watching Holly use the foam roller, figuring out how to best copy her. Dove was trying to do the best she possibly could with training, but apparently she also needed to do the best she possibly could with taking care to not kill her muscles afterwards. Getting the roller into position and herself situated, Dove copied what she could, trusting that Holly would correct her if she were doing something wrong.

“Well, mostly he sets up a program, and I’m to use my light energy to hit targets. Sometimes my concussive blasts work out, and um, other times they don’t.” And Dove was usually a wreck of anxiety trying to not blast the wrong way, move her arm too fast, turn to look at Marshall too fast, let the energy build too long. “I’m just a little scared I’m gonna hurt him.” At least with Mason he had powers to protect himself too.

Holly gently reached out and adjusted Dove’s position on the roller, lifting her arm higher until she saw the girl wince a little, indicating that it was pressing against tender muscles. “Okay, now gently - and slowly - roll yourself up and down, you should be able to feel it pressing right into some of the sore muscles.”

She pressed her lips together, looking at Dove. She had seen from the girl’s interactions on the network that she was eager to do the right thing, to be involved and do her part. It bothered her a lot that she hadn’t been given the correct oversight. It wasn’t the first concern she had, either, about Marshall’s team. She wondered if she needed to speak to Director Vance.

“I can understand that fear,” Holly murmured softly, watching Dove on the roller for signs that the discomfort was edging past ‘good’ pain and into ‘bad’ pain. She’d stop her at that point, ask her to roll the others side instead. “You’ve got a good power, but if you can’t control it then you need to be careful. I understand that and it’s good that you do, too.”

She offered the teenage a small smile. “Good news is, this is the kinda place for that. Marshall shouldn’t be in there with you if you’re testing your blasts, that’s stupid. But that’s on him, not you. If he got hurt, it wouldn’t be your fault. He should know better.” She sighed. “Is that all? Just targets? And Bear does your hand to hand? No weapons training?”

Rolling, Dove followed Holly’s directions, noticing when the roller really started to work for her. Dove had felt fine with her powers until the concussive force had hit her, she figured that it might’ve developed the same time as her light energy, but maybe she just didn’t realise, and when it built up, it was extremely destructive. And that was what worried her the most; hurting her friends, doing something serious to someone. She’d been lucky that the outburst at school had only damaged buildings and no one was seriously hurt.

“I sometimes… I sometimes think that my being scared is what makes it harder to control.” She tended to be more anxious when she was around others with her powers on, because she knew how unpredictable they were.

She kind of thought that she should’ve been in there by herself, but she wasn’t really sure that she should question a handler either. But it was nice that Holly was assuring her that she wasn’t entirely wrong, and maybe she’d be able to tell Marshall to stop. “Yeah, um, I’ve never had weapons training. I sorta thought that my powers were my weapons training.”

“It would,” Holly agreed. “When you’re in a situation and you’re afraid of it going wrong you tend to be focusing on the wrong thing. Self fulfilling prophecies and all that shit.” She rubbed the back of her neck when she watched Dove, indicating with a wave of her hand that the teenager should roll over and repeat the action on the other side. “You can’t control how anyone else feels about your abilities but you can control how you feel about them. The sooner you embrace what they are, the sooner you’ll be in better control.” She knew she could help with that, which was frustrating. The sound of Holly’s hand hitting her face was audible, especially in the otherwise silent room. No weapons training? She felt her jaw ache from how much she was clenching her teeth.

“I- He- Jesus bloody Christ,” she swore, her more colourful language being held back remarkably well. “Ideally,” she continued, a little calmer, “and how I’ve been training your friend, Raven, you learn to handle your abilities true. But if you were to be attacked right now, if someone were to raid the base… you would be defenseless. And the handlers, we can’t protect all of you at the same time. So you learn to fight with your hands, with your mind and with whatever weapons you have handy. That way we can be confident that if, in the field, your abilities are ever negated, you stand a better chance of getting out of there alive.”

It was blunt, but it was the truth. Holly didn’t want agents to die on her watch, or on anyone’s watch, but they had to be prepared for any eventuality.

“He should at least be doing that with you, bloody hell.” She added quickly, “It’s not your fault though, Dove. That’s on him. You’re doing what you’re told, that’s more than some of the people in this place.”

Mulling over Holly’s words on her powers, Dove followed the directions, repeating the process on the other side as she felt her muscles respond to the care they were receiving. The handler had a point though, and Dove was starting to understand that as she trained with Mason, where she knew he was safe and protected behind his forcefield, and that one blast from her wouldn’t throw him through a wall in a sprawl of broken limbs.

Holly seemed to have a lot of feelings regarding her training though.

She understood why Holly was being blunt; it was true, and it was why Dove had started to learn how to fight without her powers -she didn’t want to be the reason someone else got hurt after all. And if her powers weren’t part of the equation, that meant doing it like any other person would need to do it.

“So, I think I’m probably a lot behind in training then, huh?” She knew that Raven’s training was way more intense than hers. She’d thought it was because Marshall was handling her with kid gloves. Apparently he just wasn’t handling them at all. “Is there a way I can catch up?”

“Yeah, you can speak to Ellie in the shooting range, she can do extra lessons with you to help you catch up,” Holly said, raising a hand to indicate that Dove should sit up and stop rolling. “And if Marshall won’t do extra lessons with you, I can pick up some of the slack in your hand to hand and weapons training if you’d like. I mean,” she adjusted the roller a little, “you might wanna ask Raven first though. See what you’re getting yourself into.”

She offered the teenager a smile. “Okay, I want you lie flat on the roller now so that it’s lined up with your back, butt on the very bottom and make sure your head’s supported by the top of the roller. Then let your shoulders drop back and just relax. This position helps realign your spine to untense your upper back.”

“I’m a hard worker, I don’t mind extra work, or hard work. I can do it.” She didn’t want to make it seem like she was going to slack off, like because Marshall was focusing on something else, she was going to slack off herself. She’d need to remember to talk to Ellie then, see if she could get started with her if Marshall wasn’t doing that stuff, and if Holly would help her train properly, then she could do that too. Holly offered, so it wasn’t like she was doing things behind Marshall’s back either.

Following the last directions, Dove situated herself on the roller, making sure to follow Holly’s instructions. “I mean, I know that it’s hard, for Handlers. Because there are so many people here, and sometimes you all seem to take on more roles.” Like when Marshall went off somewhere and Rachel watched over them all, she would’ve had two teams worth of people to keep an eye on, that was a lot of responsibility. “And there are things that happen here, people who need some extra help, and we can’t all get attention 24/7.” She wasn’t sure if she shouldn’t talk while she was trying to realign her spine, if this was a quiet time exercise, but Holly hadn’t said, and Dove was sure she would. “But I don’t want to mess up something because I’m not as far ahead as someone else.”

She didn’t want to be any kind of liability.

“But you should get some attention,” Holly pointed out gently, watching as Dove realigned herself on the roller, leaning forward only to gently adjust how the teen was lying so that the roller was in the right position and her head was supported. “And we work together- it’s part of our job. So if someone can’t support their team they ask for help. Or they’re meant to. And some people have it easier than others; those who have experienced teams find it easier to just let them get on with training without needing to supervise it.”

She sighed, “I can tell you want to do the right thing, Dove, and that’s admirable. But if something were to happen to you because you weren’t ready, that’s Marshall’s fault, not yours.” Crossing her legs, Holly rested her elbow on her knee and her chin in her palm. “It won’t be an issue though; we’ll get you sorted one way or the other. If I’ve got to kick Marshall’s arse into gear I will, or if you want to come along to Raven’s training sessions for a little bit you can do that, too. Really, it should all be worked at your pace.”

She should get attention too, she knew she should. It was just that she understood that some of the team were a little more unstable, not because of anything they did, but it seemed like they needed more attention.

But really, Holly seemed to be making a really good argument for helping each other, and how the other handlers could manage the loads where others needed -Holly seemed to be the type of handler who had her team in order, maybe she needed to give Marshall some organisation tips. That might help him.

“Could I come to Raven’s training? I mean, it won’t cause like her to fall behind or whatever? I’m sure I could ask if she’d mind.” The used to do everything together, and while they had their own interests and hobbies, Dove missed the time she didn’t get to spend with Raven. They’d lived together, practically like sisters, and now they were like college friends in their own dorms.

“I promise I’ll work hard and I won’t interfere in Raven’s work.”

“Of course,” Holly said with a warm smile, “even if it’s just to watch and see what she does, so you can have an idea of what you might like to.”

She shifted where she was sitting, stretching her arms over her head. “Keep hold of the roller, do those stretches followed by at least five minutes lying like this and it should help relax those muscles in no time. Also, no more sparring with Bear, okay?”

“No more sparring with Bear.” Dove nodded in agreement.

She already felt a whole lot better about her prospective training, Holly’s involvement and being able to work with Raven some more than usual. She was definitely going to be giving 110% for it all.