D'avin Jaqobis (hardtoshake) wrote in commandhq, @ 2018-04-11 20:16:00 |
|
|||
Entry tags: | holly page, p: mena, p: mj, scott deacon |
Who: Scott Deacon & Holly Page
What: Aftermath of the funeral
When: Deacon family home
Where: April 9th, late afternoon
Rating: Low to Medium (swearing and mentions of death)
Holly found Scott upstairs in the room that had been his growing up. She and Evan had bunked on the floor once or twice until other rooms cleared up following family moving out and she knew the layout of the Deacon home intimately. The last dredges of people were leaving, but there had been a steady stream of people from the community wanting to give their condolences, to say how sorry they were, to offer support and whatever the well-loved family needed. She helped field questions about where Chloe was - because really they didn't know despite various people attempting to find out information. All John had been told when he asked his contacts was 'she's been imprisoned for her part in the accident that killed your son'. She helped clean up, she ran interference when it all got too much for people and had started chasing people away now that the family just needed time. She knew they needed time to be together and that wasn't her place to be a part of it, but she wanted to make sure that Scott was okay before she headed off for the evening, before she went back to the hotel room to curl around a pillow and wish that death wasn't such a monstrous thing. Rapping her knuckles twice against the door, Holly pushed the door open to see Scott standing at the window but staring out of it not seeing anything, his arms folded tightly and back ramrod straight. "The entire community's finally leaving," she said softly, stepping into the room and closing the door behind herself. "You holding up okay?" It was a well known fact that Scott hated suits with a passion so whenever he put one on it was a serious occasion and unfortunately this was one of the most severe of occasions and he’d honestly give his left nut to be wearing it because his mother had insisted he needed to look smart for a family dinner rather than because they were putting his baby brother into the ground. The whole grieving process wasn’t helped by the fact the authorities were being edgy as fuck as far as Chloe went, but the more he thought about it the worst that feeling in the pit of his stomach became. Not that he’d said anything to anyone because gut feeling didn’t mean anything even though for a large part of his time in the marines it was that same gut feeling that had kept him alive. He’d forgotten how intense being home could be, especially when the entire Deacon clan came together and the community as amazing as it was when it rallied it could be quite suffocating. Especially when his last distinct memory was the weight of Louis’ coffin pressed against his shoulder and the fleeting thought that it was too light, not heavy enough, and he had struggled to believe that his brother - his stupid impulsive brother - wasn’t lying in wait to spring out and laugh at them all for believing that he was dead. Only that wasn’t the case, not with the way his mother had bawled pretty much her entire soul out and his father had sat there in stoic stony silence but with tears in his eyes. Scott had retreated after having done his rounds, just needing to take a moment, to breathe and swallow back the uprising surge of emotion as that wouldn’t do anyone any good. He was the second eldest, he had a responsibility to hold things together, and he couldn’t fall apart even though he felt like he was breaking one small piece at a time. It took him a moment to realise he was no longer alone and he made a small hmm’ing sound before he turned his head to regard Holly. “Mm, yeah, just-” He gestured to indicate that he was a little lost in his head. The last two days had been difficult, even as an outsider. Holly knew the Deacon family well; she’d spent leave here and had been taken in as one of the clan. Knowing now what she didn’t then, their open arms were as much a part of just who they were as it was because they knew how Scott felt - had felt - about her. She pressed her lips together and leaned back against the door as she watched him piecing himself back together, the way his face was pinched, keeping up that front that had been up all day to protect himself, the strong face he’d needed to support his family in the wake of this tragedy. Checking the door was shut and flicking the lock, so they were alone, Holly pushed off the wood and crossed the distance between them, touching the crook of his elbow to make sure she had his attention. “Liar,” she said simply. “It’s- It’s just me and you, Scott,” she murmured, reaching up to touch his face. She desperately wanted to help him but she didn’t know how. “You don’t have to be strong for me. Pretty sure that’s why I’m here - for you.” Scott was reluctant to look Holly in the eye because he knew that she had a way of pulling apart his well crafted visage because wasn’t that what happened when you felt completely safe with somebody? Of course he didn’t get much choice when her hands found their way to his face and he could feel his jaw twitching as he pressed his teeth together in a feign attempt at holding back the tears. “I know,” he assured her, voice shaky. “I just-” He swallowed hard, a slow breath escaping him, and hands lifting to curl around her wrists. “I spent the entire day just thinking that this was another one of his pranks, you know? That he’d leap out and tell us what idiots we were for falling for it.” He cleared his throat and finally made eye contact. “Stupid, huh?” Holly’s chest clenched and she felt her throat tightening in response to Scott’s shaking words. “It’s not stupid,” she told him, both hands now cupping his face, thumbs smoothing over his cheeks in a touch that was probably too intimate for people who were just friends. But Holly knew that Scott was tactile, that this was the only way to get through to him when he’d spent all day shutting himself down just so that he could cope. “Not stupid at all. It… I’m so sorry,” she said finally. It was something she’d never said to him, not since they’d found out about the accident and Louis’ death. “I’m sorry but I’m here for you. Whatever you need.” Scott took a further hopefully calming breath as it literally felt like somebody had reached in and carved out a hole where he was certain his heart should be. They’d not only lost Louis but Chloe as well and the worst thing about that was nobody was talking or willing to share information. “I know,” he assured her in a voice that he wished was steadier than it was, but that was where he was at, and there was no point in trying to deny it. He brushed his thumbs over the inside of her wrists, thumb circling the skin until sure enough he located her pulse and it was that he chose to focus on, like a comforting port in an otherwise horrific storm that he couldn’t escape from. “I just want-” Scott bit his teeth together and inhaled shortly and sharply through his nose as his eyes began to burn. “I dunno, for things to go back to how they were. For Louis to be alive, for Chloe to be at home, and just-” Fuck. Holly just watched Scott desperately trying to hold himself together, the pressure of his thumbs against her pulse steady and intense because she knew he was using her as an anchor, focusing on something about her to try and steady himself but it wasn’t enough. Her hands slipped further, one cupping the back of his head and she pushed herself up onto her toes, gently drawing him into a hug, her other hand moving around his shoulders as she just held him close. “It’s alright,” she murmured, fingers brushing through his short hair. “I- Fuck, I’ve got you. ‘S just you and me in here.” Scott’s breath escaped in what felt like a rush when Holly pulled him into a hug and all pretense of strength was gone, shattered into a million pieces, and Scott’s arms all but smothered Holly’s waist and his hands proceeded to cling to the fabric of her dress. He would later deny he’d sobbed, but he most definitely did that, grief and pain turning him into a broken mess of the man he’d been before. Family was everything to Scott that this entire thing was agonisingly painful, especially as it was so sudden and none of it made any fucking sense. Holly stood fast and strong, the port in the storm that Scott needed, her arm tight around his shoulders and her other hand resting against the back of his head. She didn’t know what to say, so she said nothing, she just held him tightly and would take the secret of this moment to the grave. She murmured soft reassurances alongside gentle touches to try and do what little she could to make it better. There was nothing she could do, really, but she could try. She closed her own eyes, fighting the burn of her own tears and swallowing. Louis was in his early twenties, just a kid, and Chloe not being there was just wrong. She couldn’t shake the nagging feeling in her stomach that something wasn’t right, that there was something off about this situation, suspicious about Chloe’s absence but it wasn’t the right time. Louis wasn’t her brother, but she had loved him like one and her own grief was set aside for now as she focused on Scott. He was what was important, right now, to her. |