Terra Cruze (terraza) wrote in colosseum, @ 2014-03-21 00:01:00 |
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After the arena, Halle saw everything differently. It was too simplistic--even naive--to say nothing would ever be the same again. Of course it wouldn't. Even if nothing about her circumstances changed, she had changed. The way the world saw her changed. More than anything Halle was seeing her (now) fellow victors in a new light. She was part of an elite club, and the only other members she'd even really talked to much were Shay and Miles. She was out of the hospital but still had a little time before prep for her interview, and she decided to seek out Terra. After all, they'd be neighbors now. Unsurprisingly, the 38th victor was in bed. "Go away," the older woman murmured when Halle knocked. She didn't know who it was, and neither did she care too much. Angelina would have simply burst in, telling her to get into the shower and ready herself for the prep team, so it clearly wasn't her. Which meant she didn't care who it was. This year, having the victor be from her district, she knew cameras would be on her more than normal, but she still had time. Pulling her chocolate-colored sheets over her head, Terra rolled back over and fell asleep. It was normally easy for Terra to sleep on the train, but the rhythmic bumps as the engine pulled them steadily further and further from the Capitol caused her to twist and turn. Pulling herself off the chair, she slipped out of Miles' room, feet muffled by the padded floors. He was sleeping, mercifully, so she headed toward the dining car where she wouldn't wake him. Water hadn't helped her insomnia any, so she wasn't sure why she thought food might, but she was going to try anyway. The car was empty — no, wait. Nearly empty. Terra hadn't noticed her at first, but the newest victor sat on a chair and Terra nearly jumped. She wasn't used to the new addition on the train. Just try to appreciate her, Maizy had said. The advice was good but it hit Terra like a brick, too many thoughts about Miles and Parker. It made Terra retreat inside herself, not where it was safe, but at least where it was quieter. "Oh," she said. "It's you." Halle was on edge. The idea of seeing her family and the rest of District 6 again made her nervous, though she couldn't quite explain why. Terra's appearance made her jump, and the woman's response to seeing her didn't help Halle's nerves any. "It's me," she said. "Hi." The girl looked skittish. Terra couldn't blame her. It had taken ages to stop perceiving everything as a threat after her own games, and occasionally, after a particularly realistic dream, she still found herself reacting in ways she knew were direct consequences of the arena. Opening up a napkin, she began to fill it up with food, strawberries and dates and bits of chocolate, things that would make her feel better and she couldn't get back home in District Six. Just try to appreciate her. Terra wasn't sure how. Wordlessly folding her napkin up, she walked back to the end of the car and put her hand on the doorknob. Pausing, she glanced back behind her, at the girl, at the new victor whose life was both a triumph and a tragedy. "Glad you're here," she said lamely before disappearing into the next car. Before the arena, Halle always valued the presence of her brothers and the close quarters in which they lived. Privacy was nonexistent, sure, but it was also overrated. She could close off the small curtain in the bedroom she shared with some of the boys when she absolutely needed it, but otherwise, the crowding never bothered her. But now, with a huge house and more space than she'd ever dreamed up, Halle felt suffocated. Weeks alone in the arena made her value what little time she had to herself; she lost much of the camaraderie and closeness she once felt with her family. They'd lived there a month now, and sometimes she just needed an escape. The chocolate available in District 6, even with a victor status, paled in comparison to anything in the Capitol, but Halle grabbed some out of her kitchen anyway. Shay's house looked dark, and Miles didn't seem to be about anywhere. Halle took her chocolate and knocked on the door to Terra's house, fully expecting to be ignored or turned away. Terra was actually up and about when she heard the knock, and she couldn't fathom who it might be. Her first reaction was Peacekeepers (for what? She hadn't done anything wrong, but she knew that wouldn't matter) but she shook that thought off and went to get the door. Oh, it was-- "Halle." She ushered the girl inside, to the counter in the kitchen where she poured a weak cup of coffee. If Halle didn't like coffee yet, she would soon enough. "Sorry I haven't really talked to you yet," Terra started. Blunt, perhaps, but she knew her weaknesses. "It's not you, I'm just..." Her words trailed as she struggled to explain herself. No, it wasn't coming. Giving up, she decided to try another avenue. "How are you? And don't say fine because I know you're lying. " Halle put the chocolate down on the counter between the two of them and took the coffee. She generally liked the smell better than the taste, but took a few sips anyway. "I don't take it personally," she said. I'm not nearly as interesting as morphling, she did not say. "I am fine, though. I just needed a break from … my house." And all the people in it. "I hope you don't mind, I know it's kind of early." "Okay sure," Terra said, tone plainly portraying her disbelief. She couldn't be fine, none of them were. But fine, she wouldn't call her out on it directly. Sometimes the lies we told were for our own good. The second part was likely true, needing a break. "I don't mind. It's weird coming back. They're all older than you, right, but it suddenly feels like they just don't get it. Like they don't get you." Terra bit her lip. "Like they don't really know you anymore." "They wanted the same Halle back," the girl agreed. "And nobody seems to accept that she's gone, too, just like all the other tributes." Halle sighed. People often poked fun at the way teenagers complained that no one understood them, but in Halle's case, she was sure it was true. No one except Terra, Miles, and Shay--and they'd all had years to get used to their new selves. "Welcome to the family." Picking up her mug, Terra clinked it against Halle's. Thin fingers pulled it back and brought it to her lips, flavor thin on her tongue. Even with money coffee in the district had to be stretched, and after weeks of Capitol coffee it always tasted like the beans were a bit burnt, but Terra didn't care. It tasted like home. "Where none of us are really good at any of this because being an adult doesn't mean you're smarter. Only that people bug you less when you fuck up." She set her mug back down. Maizy had said to appreciate her, but Terra just wanted to warn her. "Just don't do morphling." There were questions Halle wanted to ask (like, what made you start using it in the first place?) but that felt too personal for the moment. Based on the rumors she'd heard growing up, she assumed most victors became addicts later in life, but from what little she saw of the other district's victors in the Capitol, it didn't seem as common a thing elsewhere. "I think I'll just stick with chocolate for now," she said, taking a piece. Terra nodded, letting the two of them drift back into an unfamiliar silence. It wasn't uncomfortable, but neither was it easy. No, it was new. That was fine. There would be more of this to come; they had more escapes to come, more sleepless nights winding up in each others' kitchens. They had time. "Yeah, good idea." |