ariadne stitchman (levied) wrote in colosseum, @ 2014-02-02 00:14:00 |
|
|||
It's dark, silent compared to the noises in her apartment at night. No leaking tap, muffled talking, and the footsteps. Her family doesn't come in or out at odd hours, and she doesn't get sent to the store when her sister and brother-in-law want privacy. (All the needle jokes are really gross when they're true.) Light still filters in through the gaps between the curtains and the windows, and from the hallway when the lights work. Even when she stands in the courtyard and swears the buildings that surround her are tall enough to block out the sun, she can still see the sky. In this dark, she hear her body hum. She can see the mold blooms against the walls, and the cracks in the ceiling, running down to the floor with the watermarks and the exposed wiring. The walls are covered with dents, marks, scratches, and if she goes out into the hall, a section of it has the empty wall cavity exposed. There's one in the workshop, from someone banging into it accidentally. She doesn't notice it's there anymore when she hurries to the machine, dropping her schoolbag at her feet. She can feel the cloth shaking against the machine under her fingers. Maybe she could've found another job and gone far. Sometimes she uses her shoe to nudge loose notebooks or projects back in. In class, she sews under her desk, putting together old clothes for something new again, or constantly unraveling and knitting it back together. She starts off paying attention and then slowly looks away. The school has paint peeling from the ceiling, and the outside and all the windows are covered in dust. They draw bad words and bad pictures in the dust. And she thinks about Him as she turns over in the bed. She remembers his short blond hair and wanting to crinkle a hand against it. She remembers how he wrote something crude against the glass, and how he draws something magnificent on the walls in cloth chalk. And how even after everything, he still makes her breath stops when she thinks about him and how he makes her heart hurt. There's so much that's happened that she wants to hold onto him and she wants to focus on what's important. And she remembers the drawing of his her friend procured and how she threw it in the trash for the Avox to take it away. She thinks about how badly she wants to go home, and how she's going to die tomorrow. And this time, she doesn't cry as she falls asleep. |