InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "I'm saving that for you."

ℓieutenant ezri dax (joined) wrote in colligo_threads,
@ 2009-09-06 16:27:00

Entry tags:

!open

WHO: Ezri Dax & OPEN TO MULIPLE THREADS
WHEN: after Jadzia Dax's arrival [here]
WHERE: streets leading away from the apartments/library
RATING: TBA

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There was little she could do outside of sitting down in a corner and putting her head between her legs that could make her feel any better about what had just occurred here and she hated that the paranoia of the situation had drove her to grab her tricorder and scan herself to make sure that the Dax Symbiont was still there. She could only bring herself to read the top post of the entry she made, seeing that the young, alternate version of Captain Kirk had taken it upon himself to speak to her, but could not read anymore. The reluctant host who'd only joined with the symbiont to save it's life and had trouble distinguishing herself from her other hosts at the did not respond to seeing the woman she used to be and remembered being now here in the city. She remembered Jadzia's death vividly, almost as vividly as she remembered the Tessma attacks and the shuttle accident that had killed Torias. Try as she might, she couldn't stop the flashbacks from that moment from assaulting her mind; Benjamin's look of sheer defeat, Worf's outrage, how broken Julian looked at being unable to do anything for her-- no, not her, Jadzia.

She wasn't Jadzia. She'd been walking in the other host's shadow for too long and had only just been starting to realize that wasn't the path she needed to follow or the one she was meant to. Nor was she meant to be a counselor. She was bad at it now that she was joined. Whatever career she would've had as Ezri Tigan had gone out the window when she became Ezri Dax. She was so sure of the decisions she needed to make when they figured out a way to get off this rock...and now, that doubt was back. What would Curzon do? Emony? Audrid? Jadzia?

It always came back to Jadzia, but Ezri supposed that was mostly her own fault. She was the one who sought out Benjamin after the Symbiosis Institute was done speaking with her and let him talk her into staying on Deep Space 9, when she'd had ever intention of either returning to the Destiny or resigning from Starfleet and seeking out other opportunities, ones that Dax hadn't been exposed to, like a good host should. Yet, she'd stayed. For Benjamin, just as Curzon and Jadzia would have, because Benjamin was a friend to Dax and not the individual hosts. But, after Benjamin went missing...why did she stay? Things with Julian had fallen apart. Worf was now severing aboard the Enterprise-E after a brief stint as an ambassador, Miles was teaching at the Academy, Kira was settling into Benjamin's job...

She didn't belong on DS9 anymore as much as she belonged in this city or two hosts, both with the same symbiont, belonged in this place either. Whoever or whatever was responsible for this sure had a sick and cruel sense of humor.

Pulling her combadge off and dropping it on the table by her bed so the captain, if he knew she was even there, couldn't find her by tracking it's signal, Ezri changed out of her uniform and into civilian clothing, leaving the apartment she shared with Kira and venturing out into the streets. She didn't know where she was going, she just needed to get some air and walk in the direction opposite the library.

She'd deal with this, just...not right now. It was too much and she needed to sort herself out and make sure she had a decent hold on herself as Ezri before she did anything she would later grow to regret.

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itllbeokay
2009-09-08 03:54 pm UTC (link)

To say that Sam was "bummed out" would have been a little beyond an understatement. Disappointed would have fit as well. More at himself. He couldn't keep from mentally kicking himself when he realized, accepted, that Jo really was gone for good. Not turned into another alternate self, probably not in some stasis as some people who seemed to be gone but ended up coming back. Gone. And he was an idiot.

He'd spent so much damn time pussyfooting around, first because of the fact that he'd been afraid that she'd turn back into a kid again, then because ... he was an idiot. He hadn't gotten around to telling her that he'd enjoyed spending time with her, let alone that he liked her. Which was so elementary school but Sam really didn't do commitment. It was you were in, you were out, you were gone or you were doing business. And he wouldn't go as far to say Jo had equaled commitment but things hadn't seemed so bad around her. She made him laugh, she was in a pain in general, she was intelligent, she'd been interested in what he did, and damn she had a beautiful smile.

He should have said something but now she was long gone. And he, George Samuel Kirk Jr., was an imbecile. A moron. An idiot. He just hoped that wherever she was now, it was where she was meant to be and that she wa safe.

With a sigh, Sam passed his hands over his face. Before looking down at his watch. He didn't have to go in today. To work, but he probably would, it would be better then time spent at a bar. You would think he'd learn his lesson after the first couple of times he'd done it, but Sam took a step forward before he fully looked up from his watch, and bumped into someone. Immediately his hand went out both to steady the person and himself. "I'm sorry ... miss." He tacked on immediately when he saw that it was a younger female.

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joined
2009-09-12 06:44 am UTC (link)

To be fair, Ezri hadn't been watching where she was going, either. Her mind was a blur with thoughts from several different lifetimes swirling together and crashing like violent waves against a jagged cliff side in her mind. That bump was enough to jolt her out of that tangled web, though, and she focused in on the man who was somewhat familiar to her -- if only by general appearance. She'd seen him somewhere before, she just couldn't place it...

The spotted woman held her hands up and forced a smile. "No, it's okay, I wasn't looking. Not your fault. Completely mine. And it's Ezri." Just Ezri for right now.

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itllbeokay
2009-09-14 01:33 am UTC (link)

Sam quirked the tiniest of brows, he didn't mean to be rude by it but it was automatic. His thoughts wondering about the automatic introduction. His eyes going to the spots on her neck. Staying longer than they probably should have. Not that he was disturbed by her being anything different, he'd just never seen anything like them before. He couldn't help to think that they reminded him a bit of a leopard's spots-not that he'd ever seen such an animal up close-which didn't exactly help in signaling to eyes to look away. However, when it dawned to him, on it's own, he shot her a sheepish smile. "Ezri, it is then. I'm Sam. I guess it's both of our faults then. Since I wasn't exactly watching where I was going either." His smile took a slight friendly turn, even if his brows creased just slightly. It was quite obvious that she didn't want to be in front of him, or in fact talking .. probably to anyone. He didn't know why he was rambling on, except for the fact that a part of him was feeling how she momentarily looked. A bit forced and not wanting to be making idle conversation. Strange reason to kind of start one. But there it was

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joined
2009-09-15 05:29 pm UTC (link)

Ezri'd noticed that his eyes were on her spots, but didn't pay much mind to it. She was used to such a thing, after all -- especially in a city like this where Humans had never seen a Trill before, let alone a Joined one. She didn't blame them for looking. She remembered looking quite a bit the first time she'd seen a Human a couple hundred years and hosts back, utterly fascinated by the fact that they had flawless skin that was untarnished by the spots that marked her species.

"Nice to meet you, Sam."

Wait. That name was familiar--that's where she knew his face from! If she was right, that is.

"...Sam Kirk, by any chance?"

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itllbeokay
2009-09-18 05:43 pm UTC (link)

"Uh .. yeah? Yes. Yeah, I'm Sam Kirk." He corrected himself immedaitely after his rather unintelligent response. "I'm sorry ... but I don't have a clue as to who you are." His tone, truly was apologetic, while his eyes searched her entire face as if trying to scan it against everything in his memory. Not knowing who she was while she clearly knew who he was didn't mean anything. She could be from his future. Or maybe knew him through Jim. Knowing him from his mom or his dad wouldn't be far off either. There were so many options, so he went with the most obvious and less far out there one. Be it as it may that she wasn't exactly all human, she wasn't dressed in any form of Starfleet uniform. So it wasn't exactly thinking crazy to think that asking if she was from his future would make him look crazy. "Friend of Jim's?" He asked curiously, and still a bit confused.

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