InsaneJournal

WHO: Winona Kirk (Narrative).
WHAT: Musings about her life in Colligo.
WHEN: Late afternoon.
WHERE: Out in the city.
RATING: TBD.
STATUS: Complete.

Winona had a bounce in her step as she left the college. The interview had gone well, and had ended in an invitation to teach geophysics there. She was happy to have finally found a way to spend her time and be useful, and she couldn’t wait to tell George, but a small part of her was conflicted. She wasn’t used to a society so reliant on money, and her plan had been to settle down in Riverside and take care of the house and the boys after the Kelvin’s mission was done. She knew that was hardly practical here, with both Jim and Sam older than her, but it was still something she had wanted to do. While Winona had never been the type of girl who joined Starfleet just to find a husband, she had become fond of the idea of being George’s Wife, always with capital letters when she thought the words. She loved being his wife and just being with him, and even the brief period of time when she’d thought he was dead had nearly destroyed her. And, according to her boys, the reality of living through that had turned her into a woman she never wanted to become.

She still felt so guilty for what she had allowed to happen when her boys were growing up. Meeting Frank and seeing what he was like had only made that worse. She knew going home would mean losing George all over again, and she couldn’t convince herself that she wouldn’t end up like the woman Jim and Sam talked about. No, she had no intention of ever leaving this place, but part of her wondered if that wasn’t equally selfish. She was giving up her boys, her Sam and her Jim, to stay with George. She was giving up being there for their childhood to keep from losing her husband. And, as much as she could justify it with the knowledge that staying or leaving wasn’t actually a choice at present, she knew that if they found a way to leave, she wouldn’t. Did that make her a bad mother? If she left, she could do better by her boys. Keep away from men like Frank and raise them right. But maybe she’d never been meant to do that. If she had done that, maybe things would have gone completely differently and Nero would have destroyed everything. Maybe she was just thinking too much. She sighed and shook her head, stopping at a market near the new apartment they’d been reassigned to after the fire to get some things for dinner. She also picked up some things to make some batches of sugar cookies. It had been a philosophy when her mother had passed down to her and her grandmother before that. When life is confusing and worrisome, you bake. It had served Winona well over the years, and continued to do so. Besides, the boys never complained when she baked.

She decided, once she was back in the kitchen with flour on her hands and in her hair and cutting out cookies in the shape of spaceships (something she knew deep down Jim would appreciate even if he might say otherwise), not to think too much on what could have been and what might be and to focus on the here and now. She had her George and she had her boys and that was enough. And she had a job and friends and a feeling of community. That was more than enough. Now she just had to preheat the oven and remember to set the timer and things would be damn near perfect.