Castiel looked small, fragile, as he looked between the floor and his brother's eyes.
He let out a heavy breath, clearly trying to order his thoughts. When he spoke his voice was tinged with weariness. He breathed out again but this time he let out a flood of words with the breath.
"I was following orders. I was told to keep Dean, my charge, safe, help him stop the breaking of the 66 seals but they wanted the seals broken. I was told to trust Uriel and kill Anna but that was backwards too. It was all a lie from beginning to end. They left my vessel to the mercy of demons, they used Dean to their own ends, they- they," his voice cracked over the next two words, "tortured me. They made me think the orders came from Father, that we were helping his children, but that was a lie too. They just wanted to kill Lucifer, didn't care who got in the way. Still, I wouldn't believe Heaven could lie. Not until it was too late, I'm sure it was too late. It was all a lie, it was all a lie!"
His voice dropped. "He convinced me, in the end. I rebelled. Then they came to kill me and then I was here." He fell silent, looked drained. "The world may be ending and it may be my fault," he whispered, his head hanging low.