InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "I said toy not the playroom"

Cassie (freakgirl) wrote in colligo_threads,
@ 2009-08-12 03:44:00

Entry tags:

!closed

Finding Tobias
WHO: Tobias and Cassie
WHAT: Cassie needs to make sure Tobias is okay.
WHEN: After the three days making sure Marco's not a Yeerk!
WHERE: Flying around!
RATING: TBD, depending on Tobias' level of emo
STATUS: In progress

Cassie was concerned. She took the news of Rachel's death hard, but she could only imagine how badly Tobias took it. He sounded withdrawn on the PDAs, but if Marco wanted her to check on him, it was worse than she'd thought. Cassie could only imagine how withdrawn Tobias had become in the future because of this. So she stripped down to her morphing suit and opened a window. After making certain she'd be able to get back in, Cassie morphed into an osprey and started circling around the city. It was sizable, but Marco was right. Not insurmountably huge. So Cassie started out, trying to find the park.

<Tobias.>

Cassie flew some more, keeping her keen eyes out for any sign of the hawk that Tobias most likely was.

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nothlit_boy
2009-08-12 05:20 pm UTC (link)

For the first time since the war had begun, Tobias felt as though the sky were not big enough. Then again, never before had the sky just... ended, the way it did here. Never before had he been unable to fly as far as he desired, cut off by some invisible barrier that he could not cross.

And never before had Rachel been dead.

The pain... it was like nothing he had ever known. Not while Taylor... the sub-Visser... was torturing him, not during any battle... not ever. They'd won, Marco had said. The war had ended, and somehow, they'd won. Five stupid, reckless kids and a wayward Andalite. Everything they'd strived for, sacrificed for. Won.

But he couldn't make himself care. What good was the freedom of humanity if he had lost his greatest reason for staying human?

Rachel... dead. Oh, God.

He couldn't deal with his human body right now. Could not. Tobias... the Tobias he used to be... was weak, and feeble. He was lonely. He was human. And the grief, the pain, would break him. Break me. Tobias thought. So he remained in what little sky he had left, keeping track of time with the watches and PDAs of the people below and landing every two hours to demorph and remorph as swiftly as he possibly could.

He'd have just stayed hawk. He would have. But every time he let himself get close to the two hour limit, he remembered the insanity of this place. Pulling people from all different universes and all different time lines. What if, if they got home (no, when they got home) it was the middle of the war again? What good would Tobias be trapped as a hawk again, back at square one?

So he allowed himself seconds, minutes, of human grief between each two hours before returning to the form he thought of as home. After who knew how much time of this, he was... maybe not so surprised... to "hear" someone calling his name in thought-speak. Cassie. He ignored it.

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freakgirl
2009-08-12 08:17 pm UTC (link)

Cassie would have sighed if she were human. As it was, ospreys couldn't exactly sigh. She was reaching her two hour limit, so she found a place to carefully demorph before returning to the osprey form. She knew that Tobias was flying around and she knew that he was in hawk form. She would be surprised if he weren't. So she circled the area, eventually spotting him. He had to have been close enough to hear her thought speak before. He was just ignoring her.

Inwardly sighing, she circled around him, at first widely and then more closely, so that he would be certain that it wasn't some ordinary bird. Plus, seeing an osprey this far from open water was unusual enough itself.

she thought once again. This time more firmly and less hesitantly.

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	nothlit_boy 2009-08-14 04:02 pm UTC (link)
	Tobias knew he'd been caught. Of course he had. Cassie wasn't an idiot, after all. And neither was Marco, for that matter, though Tobias would be hard pressed to admit it out loud. It was probably Marco who tipped Cassie off as to where to find him. He sighed as well as a hawk could sigh, and soared past Cassie, then landed on a nearby tree. < Hi, Cassie. > (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

freakgirl
2009-08-14 04:11 pm UTC (link)

Cassie flapped her wing, landing on a tree in proximity to Tobias. Not close enough to confine his space, but close enough that they could have this conversation. Even if it was in their heads.

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Cassie flapped her wing, landing on a tree in proximity to Tobias. Not close enough to confine his space, but close enough that they could have this conversation. Even if it was in their heads.

<Hi, Tobias.> Cassie would have smiled if her morph permitted it. <I was getting worried>

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	nothlit_boy 2009-08-17 06:16 am UTC (link)
	The overwhelming urge to fly away again nibbled at Tobias's mind. But he stayed. Cassie was Rachel's best friend. Even if he went back to ignoring all human life after five more minutes, he could at least respect her concern. < You shouldn't have been, > Tobias answered, looking away. < I'm fine. I can take care of myself. > That's all he'd ever done, anyway. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	freakgirl 2009-08-17 06:21 am UTC (link)
	< Well I was. Even if you can take care of yourself. > She was not entirely sure how to approach this conversation. It was different in osprey morph. You couldn't cry as a bird. You couldn't give someone a hug as a bird. < Marco told me. > (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

nothlit_boy
2009-08-23 08:41 am UTC (link)

Cassie's tone made it unmistakably clear what she was referring to. Tobias didn't answer right away. He ruffled a wing, scanned the grass for rodents out of habit. Tried to pretend he didn't have to have this conversation.

< Ah, > was his only reply when he finally did answer. And then, after a moment of too-heavy hesitation, < Look Cassie, I appreciate your concern and all, but I really don't want a pity talk. >

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freakgirl
2009-08-23 08:46 am UTC (link)

Cassie looked straight at him. If she would have been herself, it would have been one of those looks saying I see through this charade. As it was, it was just a piercing stare of an osprey. < Tobias, you're not the only one hurting over this. I know that you love Rachel, but she was my best friend. I'm just as sad that she's gone. > Cassie paused. She was trying not to give a 'pity talk' and all she really wanted to do was give Tobias a hug. No wonder he'd decided to go hawk. She was much less on her game.

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nothlit_boy
2009-08-23 09:12 am UTC (link)

Tobias glanced away. What Cassie was saying was true. He knew that. He knew how selfish he was being. And she didn't sound pitying. But he couldn't help it. The words stung. She's gone.

Gone. Rachel. Beautiful, too-brave Rachel. And why? For what? For a victory Tobias had not lived. He couldn't even be there, couldn't even say goodbye-- DAMNIT.

< I know. > He hadn't snapped or turned her words against her or flew away. Maybe it was a start? < Sorry. >

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freakgirl
2009-08-23 09:16 am UTC (link)

It was definitely a start. Cassie let out a mental sigh of relief. Perhaps she would be able to get through to him. < Don't be. It's not your fault. It isn't anyone's fault. > Except the Yeerks. Cassie would let them have the FULL blame on that one. Cassie, the pacifist, would not show much mercy if she met a Yeerk right now. They ruined and took so many lives. < You can't stay here forever, Tobias. Running from it will only help for so long. >

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nothlit_boy
2009-08-24 09:56 pm UTC (link)

< I know, > Tobias said again. He knew he couldn't. Especially not now. Not now that he had to keep going from hawk to human to hawk. It was some insane emotional tug-of-war. It was like when he'd been held hostage by Taylor. Forced to endure the pain, the pleasure, the pain... unable to shield himself with the hawk, because hawks couldn't feel pleasure... slipping back into human consciousness just as she hit the pain button again.

Funny how he'd thought then that nothing could ever hurt so badly. How wrong he'd been.

God, he could practically hear Rachel scolding him for how he was acting. Back before the days of the Animorphs, he'd been nothing but a wimp. A lonely, defenceless wimp. Apparently, not as much had changed as he'd thought.

< She'd hate this, wouldn't she. >

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freakgirl
2009-08-25 02:48 am UTC (link)

Cassie nodded, but it looked odd on the osprey. < She would. She would tell you not to stop living your life. She would say it wasn't the end of the world, even if it felt like it was. > Cassie had thought a lot about her best friend's death. Mourned it. And she knew in the back of her mind that Rachel would want them all to move on. Cassie found it difficult not to think about her best friend and Jake every day. To not miss the both of them immensely. But it wouldn't be what Rachel wanted. She was trying to acquaint herself to this world. Marco already had. Granted, he had a few years in the interim.

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nothlit_boy
2009-09-02 07:11 am UTC (link)

It took a few moments, moments in which Tobias silently considered her words, imagining Rachel glaring at him and rolling her eyes, and snapping, "Of course she's right, you idiot." If he were human, he would have laughed softly.

Finally, Tobias dove down from the tree and landed on the grass. He focused, and soon rose to two legs. He braced himself for the rush of pain, of utter despair, and it did come. But Tobias didn't crumble. A tear escaped, then two, and Tobias scrubbed at his face with the heal of his hand and looked up at Cassie. "Thanks," he choked.

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freakgirl
2009-09-02 07:06 pm UTC (link)

Cassie followed behind him, a bit more slowly. She wanted to give him time he needed. When she heard him thank her, she was ready to demorph. She did so expertly, as ever, leaving it so that her wings demorphed last. She smiled sadly at Tobias and took the remaining steps between them, closing the distance. Cassie hugged her friend because she needed the hug as much as he did. "You're welcome," she replied quietly.

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