InsaneJournal

Who: Charles and Erik.
What: Charles wakes up from his dramatic nap coma. Erik lectures him. Then they talk about feelings and cuddle. In a completely hetero and manly way. Really.
Where: The infirmary.
When: Early early morning Thursday.
Rating: PG at most.
Status: Complete.

The first thing that registered was a steady beeping noise. Charles couldn’t quite place what it was, but it was irritating. His head ached and something felt off, but he couldn’t quite place it. He just knew that he felt tired, in spite of clearly having been asleep, and sore all over. The thing was that he didn’t remember going to sleep and when he tried to think about it his mind drew a blank. It hurt to think about it, taxing his mind in a way it wasn’t quite ready for just yet. When he pressed, it all came back to him suddenly and violently, the beeping sound increasing as he immediately remembered the zombies. Barbara. Irene. Raven. They had all died and he’d...well, he’d snapped. He’d used his ability to wipe out every last zombie in the city. After that, all he remembered was pain and a suffocating blackness.

He opened his eyes, even though it took more effort than it should have and looked around. He could have surveyed the area around him with his mind first, found out if there was anyone around, but it hurt to use his ability and he didn’t want to push just yet. Looking around, he quickly realised he was in the infirmary and the beeping noise was the monitor next to his bed. The next thing he noticed was Erik next to his bed, half asleep in an uncomfortable chair. Even without trying to look, he felt worry and pain from the other man and he pulled back without even meaning to. It was too much. "Erik?" he said as loudly as he could, which wasn’t very, his voice rough and his throat dry. "What...what happened?"

Erik had been keeping a vigil at Charles’s bedside whenever he could escape his regular duties, spending most evenings here as well as any time in between classes which he could take, but he hadn’t been expecting to hear Charles’s voice. The longer his friend had stayed unconscious, the more and more certain that Erik had been that he wouldn’t recover at all, so the question was more than enough to startle him from his half asleep state.

"Huh? Wha? Charles?" Erik asked, blinking against the exhaustion as his muscles protested the sudden movements, but none of that mattered the second that he saw that Charles was awake and aware. "What happened?" He repeated, staring down at him for a long moment before shaking his head. "You did the most stupid thing that you could have possibly done and nearly killed yourself in the process. That’s what what happened," He said, a mix of scolding and relief in the tone as he leaned forward in the chair and stared at Charles intently. "How do you feel?"

Erik was tired. Charles could feel it as surely as he could feel the ache that ran bone deep inside him. Erik was tired and relieved and Charles was the reason his emotions were running as high as they were. He couldn’t help but wonder how long he’d been out, and he knew that this wasn’t like when he’d overtaxed himself with Bo. He wasn’t sure how bad it was, but he imagined it was closer to the time after the fire and Kurt’s death, when Raven had shouted at him and made him promise to never scare her like that again.

Raven. Why wasn’t she here? He looked around to be sure, but he couldn’t find her and he didn’t want to use his abilities for fear of passing out again before he got answers. "I feel..." he trailed off for a moment. "I feel sore," he admitted finally. "And tired. And rather desperately in need of some water." He watched Erik for a few moments, taking in his appearance and how tired he looked. "Mostly though, I feel confused. What happened...did it work? How long was I..." He waved his hand in a vague gesture that was apparently meant to indicate the time he had been unconscious. For someone who typically knew what was going on, it was terribly frustrating to be clueless.

"She’s sleeping, Charles," Erik said, settling a hand on his friend’s shoulder in a way that was both meant to be reassuring and keep him from trying to do too much. Not that Erik really suspected that he would, but he wasn’t going to risk Charles trying to leap out of bed the second that he knew Raven was all right and try and go to her. "Being dead takes a lot out of a person," He said with a soft smile before nodding to Charles. "It worked," He said, allowing there to be a brief silence before saying, "after a fact. It got rid of the zombies and forced Asaph to speed up his timetable. They didn’t actually come back until he’d forced a few serial killers, possessed toys, and ghosts down our throat, but they’re all back now. And so are you," He said, his tone making it obvious that the fact that Charles was awake meant more to him than any of the rest of that.

"I thought I’d lost you for awhile there," He said, laughing in a way that was obvious he was doing so just to keep from crying again. "How about we...not try something like that again? All right?"

Charles stared at Erik, not quite sure what to say. Some part of him, however impractical he knew it might be, just wanted to get up and go to Raven. She was his sister and she’d died and he desperately needed to assure himself she was really and truly okay. But Erik looked so utterly devastated that he couldn’t bring himself to leave just yet. Besides, he wasn’t sure he could get up the strength to get out of bed just yet, let alone go running off to find his sister. The emotion in Erik’s voice reminded him of just how much his friend had lost, and he felt terrible for adding to that.

"Erik," he said hesitantly, reaching out a hand to cover his friend’s, "I...I’m sorry. I didn’t think that would happen." And that was the problem. He hadn’t thought. At all. He’d reacted emotionally, letting his pain guide him, and he hadn’t thought about what it might do to Erik to lose him. Just as Erik had never thought about what it might be like for Charles to lose him in his quest for vengeance against Shaw. But he wouldn’t make that argument now. He wasn’t quite that foolish. "You understand though, don’t you?" he asked quietly. "You understand why I did what I did? It was Raven, Erik. I...I had to try."

"I know, Charles. I know," Erik said. As much as he did understand Charles’s reasons for what he had done, what had motivated him to take the risks that he did, it didn’t make the results hurt any less. Erik had been honestly scared that Charles wouldn’t wake back up, that he’d remain like he had found him, alive but unalert, trapped somewhere behind his own eyelids. It had been a fear which had mounted every day that had passed, and even as he was sitting here talking to him, still hadn’t passed completely. "But that doesn’t make me want to hit you any less." Hit him, shake him, scream at him, all of the things that Erik wanted to do over the last week but just couldn’t muster up the energy to do now. "But what matters is that you’re both safe, you’re both alive, and that you never scare me like that again."

He could tell Erik was upset with him without even trying to look. It filled the air around them and made it hard to breathe. He wasn’t sure what he could say to make it better, or if there was even anything that would. He couldn’t pretend to regret what he had done, because he didn’t. He had done what he thought he had to, and he wouldn’t take that back. Still, he could at least acknowledge that he hadn’t meant to cause Erik pain. "I would probably deserve it if you did," he admitted. "I never wanted to hurt you, Erik. You know that, don’t you? I never wanted to cause you any pain." He sighed, know what he was going to say next wouldn’t lessen Erik’s anger any. "But I can’t promise nothing like that will ever happen again," he said softly, not daring to look at the other man. "I just can’t. If something happened and you...I would absolutely do whatever it took to bring you back. I’m selfish like that. I can’t stand losing people...especially not you." He was quiet for a long moment before he dared to glance over at his friend. "How long was I...um...out for?"

If something happened to him, it would really hardly be any of his concern how Charles reacted to it. But all the same, Erik figured it was probably best not to voice those thoughts as he offered Charles a slight smile, "All right. I suppose I can let that slide," He said, moving his hand from Charles’s shoulder to ruffle his hair before allowing himself to relax, leaning back in the chair and sighing. "A little over a week," He said. "I suppose that’s really not that bad in the greater scope of things, but it scared me half to death."

A week. He’d been out for a whole week. More than that really. Charles couldn’t even imagine what that had been like for Erik. He didn’t want to imagine it, because it just made him feel that much more guilty for hurting the other man the way he had. Erik had lost enough in his life and Charles had no desire to add to that, even temporarily. But it had been his sister and, with everything else that had happened and that on top it the rest, it had just been too much. He had behaved in an unreasonable manner only because he had lost all reason. Erik, of all people, would understand that even if he did not particularly like it. Still, he had hurt his dearest friend and that was something he needed to rectify.

"I am truly sorry, Erik," he said softly, squeezing his friend’s hand gently as if to show that he was truly there. "I never meant to put you through that. You must believe me." He stopped, shaking his head with a quiet laugh. "What a pair we make," he said after a moment. "There are those who would call us terribly codependent." And there were those, as well, who would undoubtedly say other things. When it had just been the children he could write it off easily, but Irene had seen it too. At some point he was left to wonder if, perhaps, they were all right.

“People talk,” Erik said with a vague amusement as he squeezed Charles’s hand back, holding on even after he had for the reassurance that Charles was there now and wasn’t going anywhere again. At least, not soon. “It’s their major preoccupation. It doesn’t mean what they say carries any weight,” He said, all the while knowing that that statement did at least a bit. Though, Erik couldn’t see anything in their relationship that was any more unhealthy in the way that was being said than any other truly close friendship that might exist. They needed each other. They’d be devastated if anything were to happen to the other. Erik wanted to see any pair of truly close companions who wouldn’t be.

“Do you need anything?” Erik asked after a moment. “I would imagine some water probably wouldn’t hurt.”

If Charles was perfectly honest with himself, he didn’t want to let go of Erik’s hand. The touch anchored him in the here and now and didn’t let him drift off. It was hard, after a great stress, to hold himself in, but the contact helped. "It doesn’t really matter to me what people think," he admitted to Erik after a moment. "I would much rather deal with the occasional misunderstanding than I would not have you in my life." Because Erik truly was the most important person in his life. And, more and more lately, he had wondered if perhaps they weren’t so much misunderstandings. Not on his side of things, at least. But Charles wasn’t the sort of person to push, and he was afraid if he ever did bring up the topic, he would end up driving Erik away. It wasn’t something he cared to even contemplate.

"Water would be lovely," he said, thankful for the distraction from the dangerous path his thoughts had taken. "My throat feels rather like what I imagine the inside of a sandworm would be like."

“Yeah, well, that happens when you sleep for a week,” Erik said, a playful tone in his voice as he squeezed Charles’s hand before moving to the sink in the infirmary to get Charles a drink of water from the tap. Moving back to his friend’s side, Erik reached out, moving to help Charles sit up in the bed without overtaxing himself and then handed him the paper cup that held enough water to at least wet his throat. “When you feel up to it, I can unhook you from all these monitors and help you back to your own room. Maybe help make you feel less like an invalid.”

Erik wasn’t entirely sure that just being back in his own room would help Charles since he’d have to take a bit of time to recover from being completely inactive for that long a time, but he didn’t see how in the world that it could hurt. “Especially since I know a handful of ladies who wouldn’t mind seeing you up and about in the morning.”

"If I slept for a week," Charles said softly, "then why do I feel so bloody tired?" He knew, of course, that a coma was hardly the same as sleeping, but it seemed the thing to ask. He was grateful when Erik helped him to sit up, giving his friend a small smile before drinking the water. It helped, and his throat no longer felt so terribly dry. "Thank you," he said, then considered Erik’s offer. "As lovely as that sounds, and it does sound quite lovely, I’m quite comfortable here for the moment." He wouldn’t admit, even under the pain of torture, that he was just enjoying being alone with Erik for a little while, away from his responsibilities and the strong feelings of worry and chastisement he would surely have to deal with from the others.

"But I suppose I probably ought to move to my room soon," he admitted. "I hardly want to worry the others by staying here longer than necessary." Sometimes, he mused to himself, it was really quite a bother being responsible.

"We don’t have to rush it," Erik said, settling himself back into the chair next to Charles’s bed as he flashed him a smile. "There’s a few hours yet til anyone is actually awake enough to really notice so we can stay here for a bit yet." Erik certainly wasn’t going to complain about Charles not wanting to immediately return to his room. In fact, the second that he did, Erik was certain that everyone in the place would show up to check in on him. As long as he was still here, Erik could selfishly be the only one aware of the fact that he was going to be okay and keep Charles to himself for just a bit.

"How does your head feel?" Erik asked after a moment. "You really tested your limits there, Charles."

Charles returned Erik’s smile with one of his own, profoundly grateful that his friend wasn’t pushing him to step back into his role within the house. It wasn’t something he could avoid forever but the break, however short, was nice; not nice enough that he would leave the others to worry, but nice nonetheless. "I wouldn’t mind staying here a bit longer," he admitted with a small smile. He really did quite enjoy Erik’s company, and the lack of chaos was a nice change from the daily habits of the house. As much as he wanted to go and find Raven, he didn’t want to deal with the lecture he knew was coming. For now, he would talk to Erik and make sure he was really fine. "I really am sorry I worried you, my friend."

At Erik’s question, he closed his eyes and focused on his telepathy. Immediately, he was inundated with feelings from the other man, the unconscious thoughts of the others in the mansion like a steady stream of chatter under the louder emotions and thoughts of his friend. Fear, relief, some frustration and anger under the rest, affection and so many other emotions all warring. Immediately he pulled back and bit back any reaction. "Could you please...not think quite so loudly?" he asked after a moment, opening his eyes and looking over at Erik.

Confused by Charles’s request, as he didn’t feel as though he was thinking anymore loudly than he normally did, Erik made an effort to tap back on his thoughts. Or at least, he thought he did. It wasn’t exactly intuitive, controlling how loudly one had a thought, so even as he tried, Erik was almost certain that his confused and concerned thoughts were possibly becoming even louder than they had been before.

"Charles?" Erik started, a quiet concern in his voice as he looked over at his friend. "What did you hear?"

Charles considered the question for a long moment before responding. It wasn’t that he’d heard anything he wouldn’t have if he had pushed his telepathy outward, but he hadn’t done that. All he had done was open himself up and it was all there. Not just from Erik, though his thoughts were certainly at the forefront, but from everyone in the house. It was strange, having all of that there without even trying. Yes, he usually picked up on the surface thoughts with ease, but this was more than that.

"Everything," he said at last. "I wasn’t even trying but I could pick up on everything you were thinking and feeling and...it was the same with the others, if somewhat quieter." It was disturbing how much he had picked up from everyone. He wasn’t used to that.

Everything. Everything. Erik was having a hard time fathoming exactly what that could possibly mean for Charles, but at least his reaction made sense now. There were almost a dozen people in the house at once time, and if Charles could hear all of them, waking and asleep, then it was no wonder that he wanted him to quiet down. “That’s not normal, is it?” Erik asked in concern, not really sure what they could do to help Charles if it was more than just the after effects of waking back up. “Do you need me to...” To what? Stop thinking? “What do you need?”

"It’s not exactly...abnormal," Charles said after some consideration, "but it usually takes more effort than I used to hear...that much." It wasn’t a bad thing, necessarily, but it was certainly going to be an adjustment. He had no doubt he could manage it, given time, but time was something they didn’t always have in this city. He couldn’t help but smile when Erik asked what he could do, touched by this friend’s concern and his willingness to help however he could. "I just need to adjust to this," he said calmly. "Either it’s a temporary fluctuation, in which case I’ll need to cope until it passes, or this is how my ability is now and I’ll have to try much harder to stay out of people’s heads. It’s impossible to say just yet."

Still worried about the sudden and seemingly unexplainable change in Charles’s ability, something which he barely understood in the first place, Erik worked to take his best friend’s words as a comfort all the same. If Charles wasn’t worried about it, at least outwardly in way which Erik could discern, there wasn’t any reason that he should allow himself to dwell upon something which he couldn’t change. "Well," Erik said, offering Charles a very tentative smile, "I’ll try my best to keep it down," He said, reaching out and settling a hand on Charles’s shoulder, squeezing lightly. "If I start thinking too loudly about anything," He said, trailing off a bit with a shrug, "well, I could always find some other way to block it out." There was the briefest thought of the helmet that Shaw had used to keep Charles out of his head. Erik was certain that it might work the other way round. If Charles really needed one less voice about.

Charles hadn’t meant to hear what Erik was thinking, but the second he did it was as if he had been slapped. He stared at his friend with a wide-eyed expression of hurt, unable to find any words in the face of that. He hated that helmet, hated it more than anything. It felt sick and wrong, his mind sliding off the metal and leaving him feeling like a vital part of him had been closed off. And Erik knew how he felt about it, but he still thought it was an acceptable option. It hurt just to think about it, and he shook his head violently without realising it. He was getting worked up, but he couldn’t help it. That helmet did things to him, and he couldn’t deal with that right now. He sometimes had nightmares that someone - usually Mr. Marko or Shaw or Erik himself - forced him to wear the helmet, so he couldn’t hear anything but his own thoughts and the quiet drove him mad. There were no words for how much he hated that helmet. "Don’t," he said at last, quietly with an edge of panic to his tone. "Not that. Please, Erik."

The thought had been a brief, fleeting one, one that had barely had the time to fully form in his own mind, so it took Erik a moment to realize what had prompted Charles’s sudden a violent reaction to a seemingly benign suggestion. Having moved swiftly out of the chair the second Charles had begun shaking his head and to his friend’s side, Erik sat himself down on the edge of the bed as he realized how big a fumble he’d made. “It was just an idea,” He said, a quiet strain in the words as he looked down at Charles. “Obviously a bad one. I’m just not sure what to do in these situations.”

Charles’s hands were shaking and he felt physically ill at the very idea of the helmet. He just wanted to collapse against his friend and let Erik make everything all right, as he so often did. But there was a part of him that worried the other man genuinely thought that was an acceptable plan. And it wasn’t. It just wasn’t. Being trapped inside his own mind wasn’t something Charles ever wanted to experience, and it felt like Erik was the only thing keeping it together. "A dreadful idea," he said softly, exhausted by the surge of emotion he’d just experienced. "Please just...anything but that, all right, Erik. I don’t know if I could take it."

Noticing the sudden droop in Charles’s being, Erik spared his best friend a quietly critical eye, debating internally in himself, before moving, slowly, to wrap an arm around Charles’s shoulders, "I don’t want to make it worse, Charles," He said, giving his friend a bit of a half hug before leaning back against the bed himself. It seemed like everything he tried turned out to be the worst of the worst, that he couldn’t even say anything sometimes without it coming out all wrong, and as he looked down at Charles, a mixture of relief at him being all right and fear of this ever possibly happening again gripping his heart, there was just one thing that Erik really wanted to know. "Just tell me how I’m supposed to make it better."

Charles couldn’t help but lean against Erik when the opportunity presented itself, taking advantage of the comfort provided. It made it easier, having someone to lean on. Now, if only he could make that clear to Erik. "You aren’t making it worse," he assured the other man softly. "You really aren’t. Yes, it was overwhelming, but only because I didn’t realise that was going to happen. Now that I know, I can work to control it." He sighed, closing his eyes as he realised how terribly exhausted he felt. He’d never understood how someone could come out of a coma and want to sleep, but just the effort of being awake and talking to Erik was trying. "You can just...be here," he said after a moment. "That’s all I really need. Just...be here, for me...even when I’m terribly frustrating. And I know I will be. Just having you around really does make it easier." He paused. "And...don’t wear that helmet. Please."

"Just be here," Erik repeated, a very slight smile crossing his face at the words as he looked down at Charles and nodded. "I always am. And I always will be," He said before giving a little chuckle as he squeezed Charles’s shoulder. "Even when you’re terribly frustrating."

It felt like a promise and it eased some of the worry in Charles’s mind. But part of him wondered if Erik didn’t quite realise the seriousness of this. He seemed to take the idea that he could drive him away as a joke. "I mean it, Erik," he said after a moment. "I have no doubt I will be very frustrating when I’m relearning my control. There’s a reason Raven asked me to keep out of her head. Well...there were many reasons, at least one of which pertained to hide and seek and how telepathy was really cheating...but I’m getting off track." Oh lord he was babbling. "I won’t always be able to control it, and it can be quite intrusive. I know you like some degree of privacy...I don’t want to disrespect that."

"Charles," Erik started, knowing that his friend was probably taking on an unnecessary amount of worry in this situation. He’d had issues with Charles invading his mind in the past, but Erik liked to think that since they had both been here, they had worked past those issues, that they had talked out and solved most of the misunderstanding that had arisen between the pair of them, and that they could move forward from here without the same sort of things holding them back. "If there’s one thing I know, it’s how much of a pain you can be. But I trust you," Erik said, the words coming a lot easier than they once might have. "And besides, it’s not like you’ll be doing in on purpose, so I can’t really get upset. Can I?"

Charles knew that he was likely worrying unnecessarily, but it was something he often did. He’d never rushed into things in his life, the situation with Raven when they were children aside, and some might say his fault lay in the opposite end of the spectrum. He thought too much, overthought things and worried to a point that he worked himself up and often talked himself out of actions that could ultimately have been to his benefit. That had always been the case and this was no different. Still, when Erik said he trusted him, it eased something inside Charles. That was all he had ever wanted, and it was such a precarious thing in the wake of Cuba and everything that had come to pass. "I...I’m glad you trust me, Erik," he said after a moment. "You have no idea how much. And I’m...quite glad you’re here. I honestly don’t know what I would do without you and I hope to never find out."

"No more stupidly risky suicide missions, then," Erik said with a chuckle. "For either of us. Because... I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t woken up," He said, his voice dropping as he recalled the feelings over the last few days, the utter helplessness of the situation, and the fear that had accompanied not knowing whether or not Charles had pushed himself beyond his breaking point in a way that he might not recover from. "I don’t want to find out how that scenario goes for me either."

Charles wanted to promise that something like this would never happen again, that he wouldn’t worry Erik and leave him alone, but he couldn’t do that. Life was to uncertain to promise absolutes, no matter how much he might want to. "I promise I’ll do my utmost not to risk myself like that again," he said at last, knowing Erik would likely catch on to his real meaning - that he would try not to let this happen again, but it still likely would sooner or later. He just hoped it wouldn’t lead to an argument. "I honestly never meant to put you through that, Erik. And I’m terribly sorry that I did." He gave his friend a small smile. "But I’m here now and I’m fine - minor issues aside - and I’m not going anywhere. All right?"

Erik knew. He caught the stipulation in Charles’s words, that if he was pushed to this again he wasn’t going to hesitate to have the same reaction nor promise to hold himself in check in a way which he would likely be unable to manage. And while he could have argued, Erik honestly didn’t have any desire to turn this evening into a debate. The only had so long before they had to return to the hustle and bustle of their normal lives, before Charles had demands placed on him that he’d have to answer and before Erik had his own responsibilities to attend to. The least he could do was just enjoy the here and now.

"All right," Erik said, moving a hand to ruffle Charles’s hair before returning his smile. "But if you disappear tomorrow after saying that, I’m going to go and personally eviscerate Asaph, suicide mission or not."

Charles frowned at the thought. He’d never really given much thought to the fact that he could be sent home at any moment. It was there, in the back of his mind, but he hadn’t dwelt on it. The idea of going back to that, to the loneliness and the regret - to being separated from Erik and Raven and trapped within the prison his body had become - it was too much to even consider. It made his stomach turn and his heart constrict in his chest. He knew all too well, he had seen more often than he would have liked, that this place was temporary. People left all the time. And yet, somewhere along the way, he had allowed himself to forget that. The idea of it applying to him was startling and honestly a little terrifying.

"That won’t happen," he said softly but with conviction. He refused to even entertain the possibility. Thinking about home, about being sent back, scratched at emotional scars and threatened to rip them open once more. And so he didn’t think about it. It was easier that way.

"I sure as hell hope not," Erik said, his grip on Charles tightening unconsciously at the thought. "I like it here," He said quietly. "It’s far better than it is back home. For a lot of reasons." Erik went quiet after those last words, shifting slightly from where he was sitting on the bed next to Charles to taking a little more of the space, reclining next to his friend as he spared him a look. "Do you mind?” He asked, closing his eyes. “I haven’t slept very well lately."

"I quite agree, Erik," Charles said. Honestly, he couldn’t even imagine returning home after everything that had happened here. He wasn’t sure what he would do if that ever came to pass. He simply had to hope it never would. "I much prefer this place...even if I do miss the boys terribly at times." He worried about them, even though he knew that he was technically still with them. At Erik’s request, he smiled and shifted to make himself more comfortable. After a moment’s hesitation, he rested his head on his friend’s shoulder and closed his eyes. "I don’t mind at all," he admitted. "It’s actually rather...nice."

"Good," Erik said, yawning as he leaned his head back against Charles’s. "Good. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable," He said, his arm tightening a bit around his best friend as he allowed himself to relax completely, just indulging in the comfort and relief that came with knowing Charles was going to be fine and having the proof of it right there next to him. "Goodnight, Charles. I’ll see you in the morning. And if I don’t... Evisceration," Erik declared, the last word coming out as more of a yawn before he went completely quiet.

Charles would have rolled his eyes at the very idea this would make him uncomfortable if they weren’t already closed. Though it was true that he wasn’t terribly comfortable with physical displays unless he initiated the contact, it had never been a problem with Erik. They had just clicked. "I sincerely doubt there is anything you could do to make me uncomfortable," he murmured, shifting closer into the other man’s hold. Erik was warm and he quite appreciated that just now. "Night Erik," he said very quietly. "Don’t worry. Won’t be any need for...creative displays of violence." That was all he said before he too relaxed into sleep.