InsaneJournal

Who: Sirius Black & Remus Lupin
What: Drunken!Sirius + Concerned!Remus = Confused!Remus
When: Sunday, December 11th. Evening.
Where: Flat currently shared by Sirius, Remus, James, Lily and Luke
Status: Complete

Sirius had spent the last week and a half of the latest experiment indulging in all kinds of activities with one Rose Tyler. Very few of which had involved much clothing. It hadn’t been bad – he’d more or less forgotten about the situation with Remus for those few days, and it wasn’t as if he’d seen anything he hadn’t before. Anyway, he and Rose had proved long ago that they were very good at that stuff. But now it was over. Whatever had been going on in Colligo wasn’t any more and Sirius was left with a kind of guilt that gnawed unpleasantly and persistently at him. Which was stupid, because he and Remus weren’t even together. They weren’t even close to it, so what did he have to feel guilty about?

He’d popped back to visit when James had showed back up - Sirius couldn’t get over just how good it was to have his best friend back. Admittedly, it seemed to make everything easier. Still, going straight back to the flat on a more permanent basis hadn’t seemed like a particularly inviting prospect. At least not without a good intoxicating buffer between himself and the looks he was doubtless going to receive. So he’d found a bar, drunk there while chatting up the barmaid until the world seemed to spin in a way that was independent to any law of physics, and then decided it was time to head home and face the music. Sirius apparated with a faint pop, miraculously managing to keep from splinching himself and finding himself squinting at their front door.

Taking a breath, Sirius closed one eye in a mad attempt to gauge how far away the door handle was, and then curled his fingers around it and stumbled into the main room. It was late enough for Luke to be out for the night, and James and Lily had doubtless followed not long after, and Sirius had dared to hope he might be able to put things off to the morning. But then he recognised the fair back of Remus’ head visible over the back of the sofa and had to bite back a groan. Even now, drunk as he was, it was impossible to pretend he didn’t feel a jolt of desperate affection and longing for that stupid back of head. The bloody idiot was probably reading. He probably had a cup of tea and a cardigan on, the prat. Just because the world was programmed to torture him.

Sirius gave a snort of derision and did his best to stalk into the kitchen to get himself a glass of water. In fact, all he succeeded in doing was knocking his elbow impossibly hard on the door-frame. A wave of pain shot right up to his fingers and Sirius opened his mouth to swear, remembered the baby, and instead bit down hard on the inside of his cheek with a noise that was almost a whine.

Remus had spent the last two weeks or so adjusting to life in Colligo while everyone else got married or had affairs or whatever else they had gotten up to and oddly enough it hadn't seemed the least bit out of the ordinary. Now, however, Remus was well aware of just how out of the ordinary it was and was glad he had come out unscathed from his first event or experiment or whatever the non-locals liked to call the strange happenings that went on in Colligo. He'd also experienced his first full moon in Colligo the night before and considering there were two moons, it had felt just like every other full moon. Thanks to Severus being prepared, he’d been able to take his potion before the full moon, which had made it easier than the last few where he’d been completely alone and without the aid of the potion, which had meant he’d been chaining himself up; the faint scares on his wrists a tell tale sign of this.

He had been sitting on the sofa, book in hand, but no cardigan when he heard the familiar pop of apparating and assumed it meant Sirius was finally back from wherever he'd been the last few nights. Sirius was another thing Remus was still getting used to. He had thought for so long now that it had been Sirius who had betrayed them when really it had been Peter, but now he wasn't sure how to act around Sirius. He was fine around Lily and Luke and even James who had only just arrived, but Sirius was another story entirely.

He hadn't turned as he heard Sirius come in, but as the sound if Sirius' arm hitting the doorframe reached his ears, he turned his heard in the direction of the kitchen, setting his book down on his lap, "Are you alright?"

Sirius gave a bark of laughter and spun back to face the young man on the sofa, waving an arm ungainly in his direction. Kind of. Well, really he was gesturing slightly over Remus’ right shoulder, but you could tell where he was aiming. “You,” he started angrily, without much plan as to what the rest of that sentence was going to go like. His elbow really bloody hurt, after all. There was going to be a bruise. He couldn’t be expected to plan what he was going to say as well as that.

“You,” he tried again, suddenly shoving his hand into his pocket and pulling out a battered box of cigarettes - more for anything to do than anything else. But then, once again, he remembered Luke and swore under his breath, chucking the packet haphazardly away onto a nearby chair. “You, Moony, don’t get to ask if I’m okay. You’re just.... You’re really driving me mental, you know that? Really mental. You and your... not remembering everything.”

And with that said he turned on his heel to march in what he hoped was a dramatic fashion into the kitchen. There was a moment of silence, and then the sound of a someone getting a glass out and running themselves a drink of water drifted back.

Despite the fact that he’d seen Sirius drunk more often than he could count, this was a reaction he hadn’t expected. He attempted to make sense out of what Sirius was saying, but it just didn’t; except for that last part. He knew that he, or a version of him, had been there shortly before he’d arrived and it appeared that Sirius was upset that he wasn’t that same version. Of course he couldn’t help that fact and he hoped that Sirius knew that as well. After all, if Sirius had been there as long as he said he had then he must have seen this before, but then why was he so angry over Remus being new?

Setting his book aside, Remus got to his feet and headed in the direction of the kitchen, careful not to make any noise because of Lily, James and Luke, “Sirius...” He said, softly as he reached the kitchen doorway and watched his friend as filled a glass of water, “Perhaps you should go to bed. You’re clearly drunk and you know that you don’t tend to make much sense when you’re drunk. When you’re sober you can fill me in on things the other me did while I was here.” He thought it sounded like a good idea, but whether or not Sirius would was the question.

Sirius’ shoulders tensed when Remus appeared in the doorway, and he remained stubbornly with his back to the other man. He knew, really, that there was no point being angry with Remus about what had happened – it wasn’t his fault. He couldn’t help what this place did. But there was a niggling voice in the back of his head, amplified when he was drunk, that said that if Remus really had cared then he should at least have a vague idea. How could you just forget something like that? And Remus was being all irritatingly rational about the whole thing, which for some reason just made it worse.

“Don’t lecture me, Remus,” he snapped. “You’re not a bloody teacher yet.” Sirius caught a glimpse of Remus’ pale face reflected in the window over the sink, and lifted the glass of water to take a long a drink. He finished it in several large gulps, then turned back to refill it. The world was still spinning slightly, and everything seemed blurred around the edges and a fraction too bright. Sirius seemed to slump a little. “Anyway,” he said miserably, more to himself than to Remus, his gaze fixed on the water pouring into the glass. “I can’t. It’ll freak you out.”

Remus frowned as he listened to Sirius; what did he mean he wasn't a teacher yet? Remus had no intention of becoming a teacher even if he did enjoy reading and learning. However, this wasn't quite as important as what Sirius said next, "And why exactly would it freak me out?" What hadn't Sirius or Lily told him about the him that was in Colligo before? Had he done something awful? Had he bitten someone during a full moon? Worse yet, had he killed someone? Sirius owed it to him to tell him, "Sirius, what did I do when I was here before?"

Oh, for Merlin’s sake. Sirius abandoned getting another glass of water, plonking the half-filled glass heavily down on one side so water splashed over the side of it and onto the surface. But by then Sirius had already turned and was striding across the kitchen in several powerful strides, wrapping his fingers around the back of the shorter man’s neck before he had time to react and ducking to capture his mouth with his.

He could still taste the tang of alcohol on his tongue, and Remus was warm and solid and this was the one thing still didn’t have now James was back, and it was all so familiar that Sirius felt like he might as well have been punched in the gut because he couldn’t have it any more.

He pulled back less than a second later, glowering almost angrily across at the werewolf. “There,” he said, as if that sorted that, taking a sharp step back and banging into the table behind him. “That was it. You and me. There.” The animagus pushed his hair back from his forehead, pressing his suddenly warm lips together in a scowl as he stared challengingly across at Remus.

Remus hadn’t had time to react before Sirius’ fingers were around the back of his neck and then his mouth was on his and Remus couldn’t stop his body from tensing up as his pulse shot up as if it were the Full Moon and he was waiting for the change to begin. This was not what he’d expected in the least and he didn’t know quite how to react when Sirius finally stepped back. “I...” Was all he was able to say as he stared, wide eyed at Sirius, his hand coming up to cover his mouth, his heart raising and his cheeks flushed slightly. “S...Sirius, you’re drunk...” Remus had no idea if Sirius was telling the truth or if he were just drunk; after all, it wouldn’t be the first time Sirius had done something of this nature when he was drunk; only that had usually been with women. Not men. Not him. Surely he’d only kissed him because he was drunk, because Sirius wasn’t like that. As much as Remus had always wished that Sirius wold notice him as more than just his mate, Remus knew better.

Bloody hell, he was an adorable idiot. “Well, obviously.” Sirius rolled his dark eyes and focused on the pain travelling up from the spot where he’d just knocked the table. At this rate he’d be black and blue by tomorrow morning, but that was preferable to focusing on Remus’ reaction, which left Sirius torn between kissing and punching him. Which actually wasn’t that far from how their relationship had been before.

“Is there some rule now that says I can’t snog people while I’m drunk? Because that’s when most snogging happens, you know. Anyway, I’ve snogged you when I was drunk a million times. And when I was sober. You just don’t bloody remember it because you got sent home, and so I have to be happy you’re here at all and pretend it doesn’t matter that you don’t know that we were together and be bloody happy.”

Rant over, Sirius felt his usually aristocratically pale cheeks flush a faint pink, scowled heavily, and turned back to grab his glass of water, gulping it down just for something to do.

Still staring at Sirius, Remus finally lowered his hand from his mouth, but his heart was still raising and it only beat faster with each word that left Sirius' mouth. A mouth that had just been on his, but he couldn't think about that right now. Right now he had to think logically and not get sucked in despite the fact that Sirius was saying all the things he'd never thought he'd hear from him. Clearly Sirius was trying to get a rise out of him, because there was just no way that what he was saying could possibly be true. But what if it was? What if he wasn't just spouting off rubbish because he was drunk and thought he could get away with it? Despite his own feelings towards the animagus, Remus had no idea what to do with this new information and while his brain tried to find a response they remained in silence.

Sirius finished off the water in the long silence between them, glancing down at the empty glass he was suddenly cradling between his hands. He was drunk, and exhausted suddenly. If Remus had yelled at him or pushed him away it couldn’t have been worse than this silence that seemed to stretch out into forever. With a heavy sigh, Sirius turned away and put the glass down carefully in the sink, rubbing a thumb and forefinger against the bridge of his nose as the pleasant fuzz that had been filling his head starting to give in to the first pangs of a headache.

“See?” he pointed out. “I’ve freaked you out.” He gave a low, bitter chuckle, curling his fingers around the edge of the sideboard and taking a deep breath to try and clear his head. “I’ll take the sofa.” It was, after all, only a two bedroomed flat, and while Lily, James and Luke got one room the boys had to work out who got the bed each night. Right now Sirius couldn’t even care. He stumbled forward to where Remus was stood in the doorway, blocking off his one route of escape. Sirius froze and stuck his hands awkwardly into his pockets, avoiding the slightly shorted man’s eye. “Can I get past?”

Remus knew that he needed to say something, but what exactly that was, he didn’t know. As Sirius came towards him though, he stared at him for a moment before moving aside to allow him to leave the kitchen, “Sirius, I...” He started, but closed his mouth, because what did he really say? Sirius had just told him that supposedly they were together before he’d been sent back, but at the same time he was drunk so could he really fault Remus for not exactly believing him? He needed to talk to someone else who had been in Colligo when he was there before. He had to talk to Lily.

Finally turning, Remus started towards the couch, shaking his head, “No, you take the bed and I’ll sleep on the sofa. You’re drunk, the bed will be...it’s bigger so there will be less risk of you rolling off.”

Sirius shook his head but didn’t say anything. He knew Remus had had problems with their relationship even before he got sent home. And it hadn’t been perfect – they’d argued like cat and dog on more than one occasion. Remus had been worried because Sirius had usually gone for girls, because Sirius wasn’t happy defining their relationship to other people. But Sirius had never seen what other people had to do with it anyway, and all in all they’d been happy. Being truly happy was a rare thing for Sirius, and to have it all snatched away so quickly…

He sighed, then feigned a look of offence to throw in Remus’ direction. “Rolling off??” he asked. “Is that what you think of me, Lupin?” Then before Remus could push his sofa-argument any further, Sirius had transformed into a slightly drunk black dog and had bounded up onto the piece of furniture. He didn’t want to sleep in the bed, anyway. It was too reminiscent of other times, and as Padfoot he didn’t really care about space or comfort. Stretching his warm, long body out over the seats, the huge dog opened his eyes sleepily and looked up at the other man.

If there was one thing that had always irritated Remus about Sirius it was that he had a tendency to turn into Padfoot to avoid things. Sighing, Remus ran a hand through his hair as he picked up his book from where he'd left it on the coffee table, "If you're going to insist then I'm not going to argue with you." He supposed that was his cue to head to bed as well, but he didn't think he was going to get much sleep what with the things Sirius had said running through his head as well as the reminder that he had kissed him.