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Tweak says, "Add your schools!"

Juno MacGuff [Juno] (sacredvessel) wrote in colligo_threads,
@ 2011-10-24 21:32:00

Entry tags:

juno weasley, sam winchester

WHO: Sam Winchester & Juno Macguff
WHAT: Establishing boundaries, etc.
WHEN: Monday evening
WHERE: The dorm?
WARNINGS: angst, & a good bit of awkward

Juno didn't know why, but she'd had a sinking, anxious feeling in the pit of her stomach ever since she'd gotten Sam's message between classes that morning. Or rather, the anxious feeling had been there in the back of her mind since their last interaction on the network and seemed to be getting worse the longer she waited for Sam to show up.

Trying to concentrate on homework was futile, and everything she tried to pluck out on the guitar came out wrong, and she was tempted to make up some excuse to call off the whole thing in hopes that it would all blow over. But if there was one thing she knew it was that ignoring a problem never made it go away. So she waited for the dreaded knock, and dragged herself to the door, prepared for the worst--and not even sure if she dared to hope for the best.

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fireinthesoul
2011-10-25 02:36 am UTC (link)

The knock finally came, and Sam stepped inside. He looked as calm and collected as he generally always looked, just a bit frazzled around the edges. He had tugged a hand through his hair just moments before Juno opened the door.

"Hey," he greeted her with an awkward smile. He wondered if she knew why he was there, what he needed to talk about. He hadn't given any indication in his message, he'd known to do so would put her more on edge than a generic message.

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sacredvessel
2011-10-25 02:45 am UTC (link)

"Hey," Juno echoed, shuffling a little nervously as she stepped back to let him in. Before she'd been sent home, she'd started to think of him as kind of a brother, but after four years, she had no idea anymore. Sometimes it seemed like Sam still thought of her as a little sister, and sometimes it felt like he was holding her at arm's length. There were too many mixed signals going on, everybody seemed to be on edge, and the more she thought about it, the more tied up in knots she felt.

"Can I get you a coke or something?"

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fireinthesoul
2011-10-25 02:56 am UTC (link)

"No, I'm good." In retrospect, he probably should have accepted the offer so he'd have something to occupy his hands. But the fact was, once he said what needed to be said, he had a feeling he wasn't going to be staying long.

"I didn't want to say anything in the message, but we need to talk about Caden." Sam hated that he started off with it without preamble, but he sort of felt like it had to be that way. He was a pleaser, he liked to tell people what they wanted to hear, and he'd only made things worse with that attitude so far. He just hoped the direct approach was the best approach.

"Not Caden, so much as your relationship with him."

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sacredvessel
2011-10-25 03:11 am UTC (link)

Juno felt her stomach drop somewhere between 'we need to talk,' and 'Caden.' As Sam attempted to explain, she walked almost woodenly over to the small table in the corner of the small room, and sat down, picking at the corner of one of her text books.

"What about it?" she asked, trying not to sound as defensive as she felt. "I've seen you guys all of twice since I've been back, and once was in the middle of a crisis. That seems perfectly normal to me." Maybe a little too normal? "What is this really about, Sam?"

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fireinthesoul
2011-10-25 03:20 am UTC (link)

"A lot of people are wondering what your intentions are." Sam closed his eyes and scrubbed a hand over his face. Already the conversation was going all wrong. What happened to the lines he'd rehearsed? He couldn't remember any of it.

Was he among them? He wasn't sure and he hoped she didn't ask. He was Caden's father, he shouldn't have to defend himself, but he felt he needed to. For the moment he bit it back and tried to focus on the real issue. He just had to figure out the words to explain where he was coming from without trying to over justify it all. He'd had it worked out so perfectly on the way over.

"What I mean is, sometimes, some of the things you say on the network and whatever, it sounds like you're his mother." He wouldn't bring up the conversation Ruby had showed him just last night, unless she forced his hand. He didn't want to be cruel, he just wanted to do what was best for his family. He considered Juno a part of the family, but he had to over look that for now. "A lot of people are confused," he added with a slight shift of his weight.

He didn't want to bring Ruby in to it at all. He didn't want Juno blaming Ruby for this change of rules Sam was putting in to place. He didn't really want Juno blaming him either, but he'd rather she blame him and take it out on him, than blame Ruby.

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sacredvessel
2011-10-25 03:45 am UTC (link)

"A lot of people need to mind their own business," Juno retorted. "If you are confused about my intentions, then just say so, don't put it on Jade, or Claire, or people who aren't here to defend themselves." She left Ruby's name out of it too, and though it was hard not to blame Ruby for Sam's sudden wishy-washiness, knowing the way Ruby had turned Sam and Dean against each other in the past, she wasn't going to let Sam hedge like that.

"I know I said some shit, before I got sent back, but that was four years ago for me. I was sixteen, and scared, and I was probably going through some pretty serious post-partum depression--because in case you've all forgotten in the past few months, not only did I hand over the baby that you encouraged me to bond with, with you, but I had the Grace of one of the most powerful angels in Colligo ripped out of me shortly after that. You remember what Cas was like when he lost his Grace don't you?"

She tried to keep her voice calm, and mostly succeeded. Mostly. She couldn't hide the little hitches of emotion that kept tightening her throat at what felt like an accusation from someone she was supposed to be able to trust. Whom she thought had trusted her.

"Yeah, it's a little unsettling to know that when Caden was in Ruby's room, Lilith could have smoked into his little body and killed us all. I'm not gonna lie. And no, I haven't seen Ruby do anything that would make me think she's outright trying to manipulate you again. But does anyone ever think to cut Juno a little slack? I'm only human, Sam. I was just a kid, back then, and I'm still learning how to be a grown up. But if this is the way grown ups treat each other, I would rather go back to being five years old, before I knew what divorce and blended families were."

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fireinthesoul
2011-10-25 03:53 am UTC (link)

"I get that you're upset. But look at it from my perspective. I'm Caden's father. I want him to know who you are and what you did for us. You brought him in to this world, and you gave him to me to raise. That's a pretty awesome thing, and I am very aware how much it cost you to do it. I was there. The thing is, you haven't let go."

Sam pulled a breath. He had expected Juno wouldn't take it easily, but he wasn't prepared for the arguments she set forth. "I will shoulder the blame. I encouraged you to bond with him. I thought that would be a good thing. I'm not so sure now, and I need to do what I feel is right for Caden. I'm asking you to take a step back."

What would he do if she refused? He wasn't really sure. "I know it's hard. I wrestled with this all night. Am I doing it because I feel pressure? Maybe to a point, but it's ultimately my choice to be here. It's not what I want, it's what I have to do because I'm putting the best interests of my child first. I'm sorry, Juno, I really am."

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sacredvessel
2011-10-25 04:19 am UTC (link)

"No, you're right," she said, "I hadn't let go back then. I really hadn't. But now?" She raised her hands in a gesture of mingled exasperation and surrender.

"Maybe things would have gone more smoothly if I'd been here this whole time, maybe not. I never expected to be brought back here, and I didn't know what expect when I did--and you can't expect it to all work itself out overnight. Especially if you cut me out of your freaking life because 'some people' think that I'm not being objective. Nobody is objective, not where demons are involved, and especially not where your family is involved."

She swallowed, hard, and tried to take a breath. "If you really, honestly think that me being in the picture is unhealthy for Caden, and for me, and not just awkward for Ruby, then fine. How much farther back do you want me to step? All the way?"

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fireinthesoul
2011-10-25 03:53 pm UTC (link)

"This isn't easy for me either, Juno." Sam wrung his hands together. "But I think it is best, right now." Ruby's discomfort was perhaps the biggest factor, and it was Sam's priority right after Caden. "I was to put Caden and Ruby first, and we need to work on our family unit before we invite others in to it."

He knew his words were hurtful, but if there was a way to be gentle and not hurtful, Sam didn't know what it was. "This is my decision. I'm not going to lie and say Ruby had nothing to do with it, but in the end she's left it up to me. I'm sorry, Juno." He could only hope she knew his apology was sincere.

He'd reevaluate in time, but for now he was going to be firm in his decision.

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sacredvessel
2011-10-25 07:52 pm UTC (link)

Juno wanted to believe him--to trust him--but that didn't stop the tears from coming to her eyes like she'd been slapped in the face. The more she heard, the more it sounded like a cop-out, a convenient excuse for Sam to sweep their problems under the rug instead of actually dealing with them. She could only hope that the sick feeling in her stomach--the one that said Sam's loyalties would forever be divided and that Caden would never be safe as long as Ruby was around, regardless of whether or not she was truly reformed--was wrong.

Sam thought he was doing The Right Thing. Juno thought it was Bullshit. But she knew she couldn't say that. Not when it might mean flicking the Bic that sent the last bridge between herself and her once-upon-a-time hero up in flames.

"Well," she said, drawing a shaky breath, and laughing just to keep from crying. "I guess I did ask for boundaries." She just hadn't expected them to get slammed in her face. What other option did she have now but to retreat? "I've got to go, Sam," she said, pushing herself up from her chair and grabbing her jacket--fully intending to duck past him and make a break for the door. "Before I say something else that I'll regret. You know where to find me."

She wasn't sure what she was most afraid of: that he might try to stop her from running, or that he might not. "I'm sorry too."

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fireinthesoul
2011-10-25 11:01 pm UTC (link)

He didn't try to stop her. She was hurt, he knew that. She needed time, and he would give it. He needed time, himself. He knew he was doing the right thing, but it was the hard thing too, and it didn't sit well with him.

He stayed where he was for a long moment, in part to give her time to be gone before he headed out, and in part to give himself a few minutes to gather his thoughts. When he finally left, his steps were heavy.

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