InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "There is no try"

Guinevere (futurequeen) wrote in colligo_threads,
@ 2011-05-26 22:39:00

Entry tags:

arthur pendragon, guinevere pendragon

Who: Gwen and Arthur
What: Sleep deprivation. The best way to get your wife to tell you the truth sometimes.
When: Middle of the night
Where: Their apartment
Rating/Warnings: TBD
Status: in progress, closed

Gwen ran her fingers gently over Abigail’s darkening curls, sighing quietly. That had been difficult, trying to get her to sleep despite the pain she knew her little girl was in. She had read up on this aspect of development and knew it could start from as soon as birth in some cases. She just wished she had been more prepared for it, not get use to sleeping a full night at times because that seemed impossible now. Gwen was starting to consider just setting up some sort of bed in here just so she could sleep a little better. But instead she took in any work she had and sat it next to the rocking chair so if Abigail was still restless she could at least stay up and do some work. And it seemed like tonight would be one of those nights.

Gwen could function on little sleep. She had to really given her work schedule. Going home well into the night, and up before sunrise to be in the castle. And she may have gotten use to the early chances of sleep, or the longer lie ins, but she could always rely on past experience to get her through a day. Especially if she managed to do all the paper work or any quick stitchings she brought home with her whenever she got a minute. All the paper work had been done that day, it had been quiet, so she had lifted a bodice she had to finish beading for next week and took that home. After all she usually anticipated moments like this. Glancing at Abigail again, Gwen made sure that the little side lamp by the chair wouldn’t bother the sleeping child and settled down, picking up the bodice. It kept her mind off things, anyway, and enabled her to keep an eye on Abigail. If she went to bed she wouldn’t sleep anyway.

So she sewed. Like she normally did when she needed something that wasn’t cleaning to do, humming a soft song she had picked up and had taken to quietly singing to Abigail at night.

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a_royal_prat
2011-05-26 09:49 pm UTC (link)

It was a nightly occurrence now to roll over and find half the bed achingly cold. Arthur opened his eyes balefully at the empty side of the bed where his wife ought to be and slowly sat up. He cocked his head to the side, listening intently to the silence of the apartment before the faint strands of singing filtered through the stillness.

Arthur moved with sleep-drained motions, sluggish as he passed from the bedroom toward the nursery. This wasn't the first night this had happened, nor would it be the last, but he still went in hopes of convincing Gwen that Abigail would fuss but she would eventually fall asleep.

"Guinevere."

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futurequeen
2011-05-26 10:02 pm UTC (link)

She had heard the padding of his feet before he walked in and already had her eyes on the door. She always felt guilty, dragging him out of bed, but he should know by now she was fine sitting up. Occasionally she would just doze off in the chair, or end up back in bed for a few hours. She just wanted to wait until she was positive Abigail was in a deep sleep.

"You should not be up."

She didn't like when he didn't get a good night's rest, especially if it was because he felt the need to come see where she was. She wouldn't exactly be in any sort of trouble.

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	a_royal_prat 2011-05-26 10:08 pm UTC (link)
	"Neither should you." Arthur glanced at the cradle where Abigail lay still, tiny hands balled in fists up by her head and tiny, breathy snores escaping her slightly parted lips. "She isn't." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	futurequeen 2011-05-26 10:12 pm UTC (link)
	She followed his gaze to the sleeping form of their baby, her fingers stilling the needle for a moment as she watched her little stomach rise and fall. It was something she often found herself just watching, entranced by the little movements as her daughter slept. The little sighs and grunts she made. "I know." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	a_royal_prat 2011-05-26 10:45 pm UTC (link)
	Arthur moved behind where Gwen sat and bent over to kiss the top of her head. His concern for her palatable as he squeezed her shoulders. "Come to bed, Guinevere." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

futurequeen
2011-05-26 10:55 pm UTC (link)

"I want to finish this bodice first," she told him, resting it on her knee to she could lift her spare hand up to his cheek, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. She knew he wouldn't take that as an excuse or go back to bed but it was worth a try. She hoped. "I'll be there in a moment, you go ahead."

She would be there. Just in a second, once she was content and able to sleep. She had some things on her mind she would like to think through first.

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	a_royal_prat 2011-05-26 11:07 pm UTC (link)
	"I can wait." Arthur perched on the windowsill, steepling his fingers against his lips as he watched Gwen's nimble fingers work the needle and thread. Now that he was awake, it was unlikely he'd manage to fall back asleep until Gwen was safely tucked in his arms. He knew it was foolish and quite possibly pathetic, but he needed her there as reassurance. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

futurequeen
2011-05-26 11:14 pm UTC (link)

"You really shouldn't."

Because then she would feel even more obligated to go to bed before she was ready and they she wouldn't sleep well. She had started thinking now, she would keep going until she managed to stop herself from focusing so much on the thoughts. She had to work through them until she exhausted herself. Finishing off the bodice was taking less time than she thought she should and just before she finished she glanced up to Arthur, eyes meeting his just as she felt a prick at her finger. She would be stupid enough to do that. Bringing her finger up quickly so it wasn't going to stain the bodice she glanced around for something to dab at it. Of course she could just suck it if she had to.

Odd. She didn't prick her finger that often. She should stop thinking.

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a_royal_prat
2011-05-26 11:20 pm UTC (link)

Arthur's gaze hardly left Gwen's bent head as she finished her work. His brain buzzed with the distant call of sleep left elusive until he determined. She was beautiful and seemed so frail hunched in the rocker with a clutch of fabric and a sewing needle.

He wasn't certain how much her body could take before it forced her to take a break. He was more than capable of stilling his fussy child, but he knew she needed to be there, just as he needed her to come to bed with him.

So when she pricked her finger, it was a shock to both of them.

"Distracted?"

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futurequeen
2011-05-26 11:28 pm UTC (link)

Her finger found it's way to her mouth pretty quickly, waiting for the pain to stop before she pulled it away and checked the small wound. Glancing up to Arthur, she sighed softly before looking to her finger. She didn't really want to go into all the things still bothering her, that had been for a while, at this time of night.

"I am fine. Just looked at you a second longer than I should have. You are easy to watch."

Hopefully flattery would help.

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	a_royal_prat 2011-05-26 11:30 pm UTC (link)
	"Of course I am, but not at this hour." Arthur ruefully dragged his fingers through sleep-wild hair and tugged on his shirt. "Something has been bothering you for a long time now." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	futurequeen 2011-05-26 11:34 pm UTC (link)
	"I would have told you if something was wrong." She wouldn't. Of course she wouldn't, not with this situation anyway. Anything else and she would talk to him with ease, she was meant to do as such. And she liked being able to go to him if something was upsetting her, at least to be able to get it out there and get the weight off of her. But not this. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	a_royal_prat 2011-05-26 11:37 pm UTC (link)
	"Would you?" She talked to him about many things. He was aware how lucky he was because she certainly shared more with him than he did with her and he was aware of how unfair that made things. But his secrets he'd keep to the grave and his problems didn't manifest themselves in a way that made him retreat from the world at large. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	futurequeen 2011-05-26 11:41 pm UTC (link)
	"Yes." She would. When it didn't put him in a position she would rather he wasn't. This was her problem, one he didn't really feel or have to deal with. And one he certainly shouldn't get involved in. Sighing softly, she finally looked back at him. "Could I have a hug, please?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	a_royal_prat 2011-05-26 11:43 pm UTC (link)
	Arthur spread his hands and lifted his eyebrows. As if he would say no to that request. "Come and get one." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

futurequeen
2011-05-26 11:47 pm UTC (link)

Putting the bodice to the side to deal with later, she pushed herself up from the chair and straight into Arthur's arms. She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. It may seem strange but the warmth of his body and just the smell that was him kept her calm. Kept her centered, stopped her from being upset. He just kept her sane and she was so incredibly grateful to have him there.

She should talk. But for now she just wanted to be in his hold.

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	a_royal_prat 2011-05-27 01:10 pm UTC (link)
	Arthur brushed his hands over her thick curls and held her close to him, kissing the side of her head. He didn't know what was wrong. Not entirely. He could guess at part of it, but these late nights had to end at some point, and he knew that some problem was keeping her from getting the rest she dearly needed. He refused to speak at first, waiting her out. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

tagging from phone sorry its short

futurequeen
2011-05-27 01:29 pm UTC (link)

Gwen stayed quiet for a while after he held her to him, just waiting to find the time to speak. She wanted to feel safe that was all. At least now that she knew she couldn't really stay quiet anymore. She had to talk to him, get it all out. After a few more moments of silence she finally spoke.

"I miss her so much. And it's all my fault, I have no right to complain or be upset."

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	a_royal_prat 2011-05-28 04:29 pm UTC (link)
	"She betrayed you, Guinevere. You were her best friend. It's supposed to hurt. I just wished you would have talked to me about it sooner." And at a more appropriate hour. Arthur framed Gwen's face and pulled her back, dropping a kiss to her nose. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

futurequeen
2011-05-28 04:37 pm UTC (link)

She let him move her face to kiss, her eyes closing before she dropped her head back to his chest. She just needed him, needed his arms around her. And for some reason it was easier to talk when she didn't have to look at him. She knew he loved her, but sometimes the looks he gave her when they talked made her feel guilty or stupid and she already felt enough of that.

"And compromise you? Arthur she's your sister, even before you found out about the blood you share. And blood is stronger than anything else."

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	a_royal_prat 2011-05-28 04:40 pm UTC (link)
	"That never stopped her." Arthur sighed. "She's no more happy about any of this than you are." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

futurequeen
2011-05-28 04:46 pm UTC (link)

"She hates me. And I do not blame her, I hate myself."

And she did. She really, really did. Everything could have been prevented had she been more attentive, noticed Morgana's struggling and upset. Had she noticed that the yelling wasn't just because Morgana was having a bad day and more about her problems. She pulled away from Arthur, turning her back on him and looking to the wall.

"Maybe those stories are right. After all, they paint me as a woman more focused on the man in her life than anything else in the world. Maybe if I hadn't been so selfish and stupid, focused more on the woman I was serving than the man I wanted to be with then none of this would have happened. Maybe you should just...go before the rest of it becomes true."

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