InsaneJournal

WHO: Adam Milligan and Dawn Summers
WHAT: It’s time for Dawn to tell Adam her news.
WHEN: [Backdated] Not long after this.
WHERE: A cafe.
RATING: PG (if that)
STATUS: Complete; Log

Adam knew that he and that Dawn girl had been together when he was in the city before. He’d had enough people confirm it that he knew it to be true. He also knew, even if no one would say it, that there was something about their relationship that he wasn’t being told. He didn’t know what it was but assumed that either she would tell him in her own time or she wouldn’t. He wasn’t going to lose any sleep over it in the interim.

Not that he was sleeping at all, really. In fact, since finding himself out of Hell and in Colligo, Adam hadn’t slept so much as a wink. He wasn’t tired, never seemed to wear down even in the slightest, and honestly had given up worrying as to why he couldn’t sleep around the time he realized that it didn’t much matter. Sleep was overrated anyway. He could get more done without it. The only real downside, in fact, was that he had too much time to think about things. Which is why it was good that Dawn had asked to meet sooner rather than later, after confirming she had something to tell him. Because even though Adam didn’t tend to worry about stuff nearly like he used to, he didn’t like the thought of spending an entire night wondering just what it is that she had to share with him.

Arriving at the cafe at their agreed upon time, he put such thoughts out of his mind as he searched the tables for some sign of her. Whatever it was she had to tell him, he could handle it. Besides, he reasoned, nothing could be worse than what he’d just come from and, really, how bad could the news from a pretty young woman really be anyway?

Hoping the answer was ‘not very bad at all’, Adam once more scanned the crowd in search of the girl he’d come there to meet.

Dawn was beyond nervous, to the point where she almost called Adam and cancelled three times. This was too stressful for her and the baby, she could reason...but she knew, in the end, that was just an excuse. There was no getting around this, because sooner or later Adam would see her, or see what was said on the network, and he’d put things together. He deserved to know the truth, that he was going to be a father. Even if it wasn’t technically his baby. Sort of.

She tried her best to get to the cafe’ before Adam, and was glad she succeeded. Taking a seat in the back in a booth, that way her stomach wasn’t immediately visible, she sipped a strawberry-banana smoothie as she waited for him. When he walked in, she hesitated for a moment, just studying him. It had been six months since she’d seen him, and she had missed him. And now, seeing him again, she knew that she still loved him.

Finally, she raised her hand and called out, a small smile on her lips. “Adam, over here!”

Adam turned his head at her voice, blue eyes seeking her out and a small smile to match hers appearing on his face. He wasn’t really nervous. He didn’t really get nervous anymore. But he was definitely a bit wary. Still, he made his way over without any preamble, offering a slight wave when he drew close enough.

“Hey,” he greeted her as he hesitated at the table. There was a touch of awkwardness to his tone as well as his stance, unsure quite what to do or say. To his credit though, at least he’d managed to keep his gaze on her face and not give her a once-over. If this didn’t go well, Adam didn’t want her to run off and tell all her friends that he was some lowlife who didn’t open up to her because of how she looked or something. Not that he’d ever had experience with that sort of thing but girls did things he didn’t understand all the time and this situation, whatever it was, definitely was not a normal one.

“Hi.” She smiled again, having to wrap her arms around the drink to keep from jumping up and throwing her arms around him. That would’ve been a huge shocker for him, and, she was sure, would guarantee him running far away from her. To her credit, she managed to relax a little, nodding towards the other side of the booth as she studied him a little more.

“So...I’d ask how you are, but I think we covered that in texts already.” Dawn suddenly wished she had asked Buffy or Juno to come with her, and sit nearby so that she wouldn’t feel quite so awkward about all this. It was better to not draw things out, and she figured she might as well tell him before they got to talking too much more. Her own bright blue eyes regarded him as she waited until he sat, then took a deep breath.

“I know I said I had something to tell you...and I’m about to, but I don’t want you to freak out, okay? It’s pretty crazy-sounding, but I figure you know by now that you were here before, and we were....seeing each other, before you were sent back.” One hand absently ran through a little of the condensation on her cup, giving her a few more seconds to compose herself, before she spoke again.

“Adam - I’m pregnant.”

Three words. Just three simple words, one of which was his own name, and Adam felt his world come to a screeching halt. The low tones of the other patrons around them, the sounds coming from the street outside, everything literally seemed to stop as he stared at the young woman across from him and tried to wrap his mind around what she’d said. It was, perhaps, the first time since arriving that he felt anything even remotely resembling fear and it crashed over him until the feeling very nearly consumed him.

Reminding himself to breathe, he swallowed hard and dropped his gaze to her cup as well. “Oh,” he said, for lack of anything else to say. He paused for a second, drew in a breath, and forced himself to look at her. “I’m not really sure...” He stopped, frowned thoughtfully, and tried again.

“How far along are you?” Not that it mattered. None of it really mattered. She was pregnant, he knew the baby was his, and he knew he’d be there for it. That was all that was really important. The rest was little more than specifics but it was those specifics that Adam hoped would help make this all seem far less surreal because as it stood at the moment, he was at a total and complete loss as to what to say or do or any of it.

She swallowed hard at the sudden lump in her throat, telling herself that it had been wrong to expect more. He didn’t know her. He’d never seen her before his arrival. He hadn’t experienced anything with her, and didn’t love her, despite how much she loved him. The question gave her something to latch onto, and keep focused so that she didn’t break down in tears.

“I’m...I’m due in about two and a half...weeks.” Lying wouldn’t have done any good, so there was no reason not to tell him the truth. Dawn hated that she couldn’t give him time to get used to the idea, but she knew that he’d be upset if she had kept it from him any longer.

“I know it’s a lot to spring on you at once.” Her eyes lifted, met his for a moment, then fell again. “But I figured you’d want the truth.”

Two and a half weeks? Adam knew, logically, he should be glad she’d told him at all. He knew she would have had every right to wait, to not even tell him at all, and it had taken a lot of nerve for her to come to him like this. Unfortunately there was something inside of him, something he couldn’t identify but knew had changed since he’d been in Hell, and all he could really focus on was the fact that the girl sitting across from him was pregnant with a child that was technically his and, in a matter of weeks, that kid was going to be in the world. And he was not pleased at the thought of any of it.

It took everything he had within him not to stand up and simply walk away, really. He knew Dean and Sam would both kick his ass if he did but Adam wanted very much to just go. However he’d grown up without a dad, had spent most of his childhood wishing for one desperately if only so he could fit in with all of the other kids who had one, and he knew, no matter how much he might have changed in Hell, he would be there for his kid. He just had to get used to the idea, he reasoned, and do his best not to be too much of a jerk to the kid’s mother in the meantime.

“Is there anything you need?”

That question came easier and Adam managed to at least relax enough into his seat that he didn’t look as though he was about to spring to his feet and run out of the room screaming at any moment. Tapping his fingers idly against the table until he realized what he was doing and stopped, he met Dawn’s gaze and tried to say something to easy the clear upset he could see she was going through.

“Look, I know I’m probably screwing this up. I just don’t really know what I say. I’m going to be there because it’s my kid and I’m not a total ass, but... I don’t even know you.” He stopped, sighing heavily. “I just don’t want you expecting some kind of happy family reunion since that’s not really my deal.”

“Anything I...” The seventeen year old trailed off a little, and for a moment she wanted to respond with ‘you’, but refrained. After a moment, Dawn shook her head. “No, I’ve pretty much got...everything. My sister and others have been helping me out, and I saved up money from working.” People at the casino really liked to tip well, especially for a pregnant waitress. Her eyes had fallen back to the drink as she avoided meeting his gaze, because that might just do her in.

“I know. We...talked. Before. You said you wanted to be in the baby’s life, that you wouldn’t walk out because of how John wasn’t there for you.” The words came in a slight rush, and she bit back a sigh, keeping her gaze down for now. “I know you don’t. And I haven’t really given you much time before Katie...Katherine - “ her eyes met his this time, hoping he caught the significance, that the baby had his mother’s name, “Is here. But...if you’re willing, I’m really a cool person.” Okay, that might have been a little lame to say, but he used to laugh at her occasionally lame jokes, and she tried for a small smile to him.

This wasn’t the time to be laughing, or really even thinking about cracking a smile, but Adam couldn’t help but snort softly at her last statement. She reminded him of himself, honestly, and the uncertainty he used to have when trying to make someone see that he was worth getting to know. He didn’t have that anymore, honestly didn’t care if someone wanted to get to know him or not. It was a freeing feeling, certainly, but there were times when Adam wished he could go back to that mindset. Those times were few and very far between as of late, but they were still there.

“Of course I’m willing,” he said finally, echoing her smile with one of his own. It didn’t quite reach his eyes but, really, very little seemed to do that anymore. He just chalked it up to whatever had happened to him in Hell and moved on. “I just want to make sure we’re on the same page with this. I don’t want to get labelled as a massive tool because I’m not ready to run down the aisle.”

Not that they were discussing marriage even in the slightest but it was the best analogy he could think of that didn’t sound overly sexist or hostile or something that would probably wind up upsetting her. Pausing as the waitress finally reached their table, he just asked for some ice water and waited until she’d left to get it before speaking again.

“Her name... is that because of my mom?” Again with the random questions but Adam couldn’t seem to help it. His thoughts were all over the place and what small bit of fear he was feeling in this situation wasn’t helping. Fortunately that part was easy enough to tune out, barely more than a whisper of worry really, but something told him his questions weren’t likely to improve just because he wasn’t wigging out in some massive fashion.

Visibly, she relaxed a little when he smiled in response. That meant he wasn’t going to run away, and that just maybe, things would be okay between them. She really wanted it to be, because no matter what happened between her and Adam, the fact was that Katie would be his daughter, and would deserve to know her father, when she was old enough. The comment about marriage caused her own gaze to widen a little, and she shook her head in denial. No way was she thinking about marriage, not yet anyway. They had barely even lived together long before he’d been sent back...to hell.

After the waitress had come and gone, Dawn nodded in answer to his question. “Yeah...Katherine, for your mom, Elizabeth, for my sister, because Buffy is just too weird of a name, and Joyce, for my mom. Katherine Elizabeth Joyce.” She almost added ‘Milligan’ at the end, but refrained. “I’ve been calling her Katie, since there’s a woman here named Katherine. A vampire, actually.” The words were spoken casually, showing that she had no problem whatsoever discussing the more supernatural side of life.

“Do you like it?” She hoped he did, since he had before, but things might have changed.

“That’s a long name for a kid.”

The words were out of his mouth before he could even consider them, although even if he had considered them he likely would have said it anyway. It was true, after all, and didn’t mean he hated the name. “Definitely a mouthful,” he added, figuring that might clear up the comment a little. He paused then, trying the nickname Dawn had taken to using, just to see how it felt.

“Katie.” A touch of a smile flickered across his face. “I like it.”

The waitress returned with his water and he took a long drink, his gaze falling to the glass as he set it down on the table. He tried to think of something to say, some way to steer the conversation since they both seemed to be on the same page of the Not Hooking Up Just For The Kid’s Sake plan. Finally, after a second of just studying the ice cubes in his water, Adam looked back up at Dawn.

“So two and a half weeks, huh?” he said, leaning back a little in his seat. “That’s... wow. Not very long at all. You must be pretty freaked, I’m guessing.”

Anyone else might have thought it was a jerk thing to say, but Dawn grinned, shrugging a little. “She doesn’t have to use all three names. The Elizabeth was added since Buffy hadn’t been here in along time, and until she showed up recently, I wasn’t sure if I’d ever see her again.” The grin shifted into a genuine smile when he said he liked the nickname, finally lifting her cup for a long sip of her drink, feeling better about having told him everything.

Meeting his gaze, Dawn nodded at the words. “It’s...scary. And exciting. Sometimes I can’t believe it’s almost over, other times I can’t wait until it is.” She gave a half shrug. “I didn’t go back to school when I found out I was pregnant, because I knew I’d be due just before the end...but I’ve been studying for my GED, and will probably take the tests soon. Once things are settled with Katie, I was thinking about taking some college classes this fall, but I figured I’d see how things go with that. Right now...I’m more focused on making sure everything’s ready for her. You would not believe how much stuff I’ve been buying.” She grinned a little, thinking about the poor shop owners she had terrorized more and more as she bought up a ton of their stock.

Adam finished his glass of water, setting it on the edge of the table so the waitress would bring him a refill, and nodded at Dawn explaining how she was looking to take her GED. “I’ve been picking up extra shifts at the clinic. I guess I worked there before?” He shrugged, knowing that ‘extra shifts’ actually meant ‘working almost nonstop’ but seeing no reason to elaborate. Discussing his sleeping habits, or lack thereof, wasn’t high on his list of things to do right now.

“If you decide to start classes, I can handle her while you’re going. I used to spend time with the newborns at the hospital whenever my mom would work late, when I was a kid,” he said. He didn’t know if he’d told her that before and shifted a little, not liking the idea of repeating himself but also having no way of knowing if he was or not thanks to his lack of memories of his time here before.

“And you’re sure you don’t need anything else, then? Other than... you know.” His involvement, of course.

She nodded again. “Yeah, you did.” She wondered if she should mention the classes he had been thinking about taking, but decided not to - not yet, at least. He could probably come to that conclusion on his own. When he offered to take Katie if he needed her to, she smiled, a little relieved that he’d say so. Despite whatever he’d gone through, he really was the same sweet guy she had fallen in love with.

“That’d be great...I’m sure I’ll be letting you know if I decide to do that.” She sipped again, smiling a little more at what he said about newborns. “I think I’ve thought of everything. If you think of something, please definitely mention it. Some of the others helped me design a nursery for her....you should come over and see it.” And again, she almost told him that it was at their place, but of course....the apartment was just her place, now.

To be perfectly frank, Adam didn’t much care about seeing the nursery. To him, when you’d seen one, you’d seen them all. Perhaps that was a little harsh but, well, he hadn’t had nine months to prepare for this whole ordeal. More like nine minutes, in fact. However he wasn’t going to say that to Dawn. He might not personally find the nursery very interesting but it didn’t take a genius to see that it meant a lot to her. So rather than making the pregnant girl cry, he simply did what his mother had always told him to do.

Quit complaining, suck it up, and do what needs to be done.

“Sounds good,” he responded with a slight smile, reaching for his newly filled glass of water and taking another drink. If nothing else, seeing the nursery would give him an idea of anything Dawn might be forgetting. He wasn’t exactly an expert himself, of course, but he knew enough to have a general idea what sort of things would probably come in handy. Especially considering the nights his mother used to spend talking about the infants in the hospital and how funding was making things more difficult, often listing many item that would improve the nursery yet weren’t plausible to get in large numbers. He couldn’t think of anything off the top of his head but he had complete faith he could wing it, if he came right down to it.

“So...” He trailed off, glancing at his watch then back to Dawn. “I need to head to the clinic. My shift starts in half an hour.” He paused, studying her for a second. He considered asking if she wanted to ride over with him but opted against it at the last minute. He needed some time to clear his head so he could think and that wasn’t exactly easy to do with her right there beside him.

Finally he simply settled on asking, “Are you sure you don’t need anything, before I go?” He might not sound as touched or concerned as the Adam she remembered, but he was at least giving it his best effort. All things considered, that had to count for something, right?

She watched him from the corner of her eyes, not wanting to be caught staring. Dawn wished she could get up and just hug him, but in all honesty, that would probably freak him out. And despite how sad she was when he said he had to go, it was better that he leave first. Setting aside her half-finished smoothie, she nodded a little.

“Alright...have a good night at work.” Any attempt at a smile would fall flat, so she decides not to bother, but the question does give her hope. “I’ll be fine...but thanks, Adam.” This time she managed to muster one up, warming with her emotions. “I’m sorry to spring this on you, but...I figured you deserved the truth.”

Adam nodded. “I’m glad you told me. It’s... a lot, but I want to be there,” he assured her. Hesitating, he added, “Call me, if you want, when you wake up. I’m not much on sleeping these days,” and that was one hell of an understatement, “so I’ll be around.”

Sliding out of the booth, he pulled some money out of his pocket to pay for her smoothie and cover the tip. As he set it on the table, he stopped and slowly looked back to Dawn. “Do you, uh, want a hug or something?” he asked, albeit a bit awkwardly. He wasn’t really the hugging type, unless it was his mom, but the girl was pregnant with his kid and was clearly not very pleased with how badly he was handling everything. All things considered, it seemed the least he could do.


“You do?” Dawn smiled a little, somewhat relieved to hear that. “Then...I’ll be sure and tell you when it happens.” The smile grew when he said to call him, and she nodded. “Alright...I will, definitely.”

She took another sip from the smoothie, then studied him as he stood, still a little sad he had to go. After a moment, she nodded. “I would, but...only if it’s okay with you. If you’re not comfortable, then...you don’t have to.” Absently, she pushed a few strands of hair back from her face, blue eyes meeting blue.

He wasn’t sure if he was okay with a hug or not, truth be told, but she definitely seemed to need one. Deciding to set aside his typical desire to be completely honest about most everything, he gave a convincing nod and partial grin. “I wouldn’t offer if I wasn’t okay with it,” he lied. “But I really do gotta get going so... you, uh, might want to stand.” His eyes shone as he teased lightly, “Since it looks like it could take you a few to do that, I mean.”

Yes, he was joking. It was a good sign, really. Adam didn’t tend to joke during serious situations unless he was finally coming to terms with whatever had put him on edge to start with. It didn’t mean he was fully to terms with it, of course. He wasn’t sure he’d ever quite reach that point and definitely not anytime soon, but he had to admit it could have been much worse and saw no reason to get so caught up in the terrifying aspects of it that he forgot the potential good there was to be had, too.

Dawn made a face at him, rolling her eyes. “Yeah, yeah...and now the fat jokes start. Which if you call me, I’m kicking you. I have a wicked shin kick - just ask my sister.” She slid out of the booth carefully and stood, doing her best to be as non-awkward as possible. While Dawn knew it was wrong to think of herself as fat and ugly right now, because she probably wasn’t, she still felt that way.

Stepping up to him, she slid her arms around him and hugged him tightly, resting her head on his chest for a moment and closing her eyes. Despite her stomach, it seemed to her that she still fit perfectly under his chin, and for a moment, she could believe everything was okay again.

Adam grinned slightly, wrapping his arms around her. He didn’t know the girl and was definitely a little freaked out at the fact that she was carrying his kid, but she was and he wasn’t about to turn from her because of it. Clearly the him that was here before had cared for her; there was no way he would have had sex with her, especially without protection, if he didn’t. And although Adam didn’t know if he would have the same connection with her that he’d had before, he did know that he would be there for her. It might not be perfect but it was the best he could offer right now.

“You aren’t fat,” he said sincerely as he hugged her for a moment longer. What? He might not know the girl but that didn’t mean he had a problem having a cute, warm female pressed against him. “And you’ve got that whole pregnant glow thing. It’s pretty hot, actually.”

Okay, probably not the best thing to say because that was definitely sending a mixed signal, but it was true. He didn’t have to be in love with her to find her attractive. However he did have to go to work and so therefore released her with another slight grin. “Like I said, feel free to call when you get up tomorrow. And try not to stay on your feet for too long. It’ll help with the whole swollen ankle thing.”

It was one of the few pieces of advice he could remember his mom giving a friend of hers when she was toward the end of her pregnancy, but he hoped it might help at least a little. Provided Dawn even had swollen ankles, of course. He hadn’t really thought about that part.

Stepping away, he nodded at her. “I’ll see you soon,” he promised before turning and heading out of the diner. He had a lot to think about, a lot to come to terms with, and a couple of brothers to absolutely murder for not telling him about this ahead of time. But as far as he was concerned, Dawn was sweet and he wasn’t going to freak out and bail. Even if there was a very small part of him that wondered if maybe, just maybe, his kid would be better off if that’s exactly what he did.

She relaxed in his arms at his words, then grinned when he called her hot. Dawn wasn’t a super-vain girl, but she did like hearing things like that, especially from the guy that she loved. And she did still love Adam - how could she not, since she had a piece of him inside her? When he let her go, she tried not to be sad, and instead returned the grin with a smile of her own. “I’ll do my best.” it seemed like everyone was always giving her advice similar to that, and Adam was no different. She was kind of glad for it, because even though she hadn’t been alone all these months, thanks to Sam and Juno and Claire and Dean, then Buffy and Cordelia, she had still been missing something...and that something was Adam.

“Definitely. And I’ll call, tomorrow.” She watched as he headed for the door, and after a few minutes, she slowly followed after to head back to her apartment. Adam wasn’t the only one who had a lot to think about.