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Sirius O. Black ([info]pad_foot) wrote in [info]colligo_threads,
@ 2011-03-07 23:50:00

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Entry tags:dorian gray, sirius black

Who: Sirius and Dorian. Open to Remus.
What: Stumbling home after a drink or two. Or twelve.
Where: Colligo streets, then Sirius' flat.
When: Late on the night of the 7th March.
Rating: Probs highish for language and stuff.
Status: Incomplete

Sirius leant back against a wall, attempting to use his PDA by holding it an inch from his face and squinting at it angrily. But it didn't really work, and when he pulled his wand from behind his ear and poked at the little muggle device, it just gave a weird squeaking noise and turned into a dog toy shaped like a bone. Sirius froze, looking completely baffled, then swore loudly.

"Oh, fucking thing!" He scowled at it, then shoved the dog toy and his wand into his back pocket and looked around the darkened street. A street lamp sent a weird orange glow over the scene, but the street appeared empty apart from the animagus stood on the corner, swaying slightly as the alcohol sent his world spinning. They were only a few minutes walk away from this flat, but Dorian had apparently managed to get lost in the two minutes Sirius had been occupied. "Gray!" He bellowed, in no particular direction. "Dorian! Come the fuck on, mate!"

Sirius and Dorian had been to the pub for a casual drink, which had turned into a few more casual drinks, and before he knew it they were being kicked out alongside their little group of drunken friends (none of whom they'd known more than three hours) because last orders had been served an hour ago and no' one really knew what they were still doing here. So, bidding goodbye to their temporary friends, Sirius and Dorian had started the winding, wobbily walk home towards building D. And it really was bloody cold and Sirius rather wanted a burger, so where the hell had his infuriatingly attractive drinking companion sloped off to?

"Dorian!" Sirius tried again. "Are you taking a piss? Or have you died in a gutter?"

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[info]seemysoul
2011-03-08 03:06 am UTC (link)
"Black!"

Dorian's voice echoed through the empty streets a moment before he came careering around the corner, his hands in his pockets and his collar turned up around his ears. His gate was a little unsteady, but he tried to speed up anyway, and eventually he had to pull his hands out of his pockets--grabbing hold of his double to catch his balance.

"There you are. Did you Siriusly get lost in two minutes?"

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[info]pad_foot
2011-03-08 03:20 am UTC (link)
Sirius snorted as his twin stumbled into him, grabbing on to stay vertical and almost pulling Sirius down in the process. "Oh, a Sirius pun. How original." He gave another bark of laughter and did his very best to keep Dorian Gray and his inability to remain on two legs from pulling him down into a gutter.

"You," Sirius announced, grinning broadly into the other man's face - his eyes were a little bloodshot and he was finding focusing a bit of an issue. "You are reeaally drunk. I don't get lost. I know exactly where I am at all times of the day and night. And now I am... very close to my flat. So," he wrapped a warm hand around the other mans wrist, trying to prise him off him with another drunken chuckle. "You need to let go so we can walk. I know you love clinging onto me - you're only human, but it's not practical."

Sirius detached himself from Dorian, and immediately staggered a little so his back jarred into a wall. The dog toy in his pocket gave a squeak. "You can sleep on our sofa, if you like," he informed Dorian, before starting to lead a swaying path down the street.

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[info]seemysoul
2011-03-08 04:30 am UTC (link)
"I?" Dorian retorted, smoothing Sirius' lapels before he let go, staggering backward a few steps as well. Anyone looking on might have thought they were looking at a man and his reflection in a mirror. "I'm no more drunk than you are, and I can tell you, we're not nearly close enough to your flat for comfort."

He sauntered along beside Sirius was the wizard started off again, laughing as they went. "What'll I tell Emmy?"

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[info]pad_foot
2011-03-08 01:36 pm UTC (link)
"Well, we could apparate," Sirius argued, "But I don't think your stomach could handle it. You're not as tough as me." He grinned back at Dorian, turning on his heel to stroll backwards for a moment and promptly stumbling off the kurb, only just managing to keep his balance.

"Tell her I've seduced you with a promise of uncomfortable springs and deflated cushions," he replied, righting himself and catching his balance by extending his arms carelessly. "Or have just seduced you full stop. I don't know. Whichever you think won't get your arse kicked. Look what I did to my phone!"

He pulled out the dog toy from his pocket, tightening his fingers around it so it squealed and laughing loudly. "It's fucked!" Sirius slurred happily. "I can't call anyone on that! It's... it's a bone!" There was a moments pause where he stared at the toy in his hand, then... "I wish I'd brought my bike."

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[info]seemysoul
2011-03-08 04:30 pm UTC (link)
"I'll tell her you're too drunk to drive me home, so I've barricaded you into your flat to keep you from wandering out into traffic," Dorian quipped, laughing at Sirius and his dog bone phone.

If neither of them could walk straight, it was a good thing they didn't have the bike. At least this way, if they ran into anything, the most they would likely suffer were a couple of bruised egos. "Tire chaser."

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[info]pad_foot
2011-03-08 06:29 pm UTC (link)
"Oi," Sirius announced, turning to where he thought Dorian was and being met with nothing but empty space. Unperturbed by this development, Sirius continued to turn on the spot until he found the identical man on his other side. "Oi." He said again. "There is no need for name calling. I think. And I never crash my bike. Much. That often."

Plus, the bloody thing had so many charms on it these days it would probably take out any lorry or lamppost it careered off into. Or under. Sirius shook his head, trying to remaster the ability to focus on the spinning world around him, but it wasn't much good. Everything was all fuzzy. It was quite funny, actually, and Sirius grinned to himself.

"I want a burger," he told Dorian suddenly. "With cheese. And bacon. But not too much." Luckily, a late-night takeaway place was spilling light onto the street just a few doors down, so Sirius grabbed the other mans hand and dragged him unceremoniously behind him in the direction of the door, humming 'God rest ye Merry Hippogriffs' under his breath as he did so. Although the tune had morphed into David Bowie by the time they crossed the threshold.

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[info]seemysoul
2011-03-08 09:56 pm UTC (link)
"Not name calling," Dorian protested, "Making an observation." Dorian was similarly grinning like a loon, and they probably made quite the pair as they sauntered--Dorian insisted in his mind that they were sauntering, not stumbling--into the burger joint.

"After you get your burger," he said, "I want a piano. Pity you're too sloshed to magic one into your flat. I was quite the pianist..." He frowned. The word pianist didn't quite come out right. It sounded like something else instead. Something that would set Sirius up for a bawdy joke, no doubt.

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[info]pad_foot
2011-03-08 10:50 pm UTC (link)
"Hah!" Sirius gave a bark of laughter at Dorian's slip of the tongue, sidling up to the counter and ordering himself a burger. In the moments it took the man working to build Sirius his food, he turned and leant back against the side, watching Dorian wobble where he stood. He liked hanging around with Dorian. He was someone who could keep up with the rate Sirius drank at - there was actually a strong possibility Dorian could even outdrink him. Not to mention he was bloody easy on the eyes, and that did wonders for Sirius' drunken ego.

"How is it, anyway?" he asked, linking Dorian's mispronunciation of 'pianist' to the little problem the pair had discussed that day at the park. Sirius wobbled as he leant back and crossed his arms over his chest, smirking and nodding towards Dorian's crotch. The man building the burger behind the counter looked a little startled.

"Any... uh... improvement?"

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[info]seemysoul
2011-03-08 11:40 pm UTC (link)
"Maybe," Dorian slurred, as much from laziness and arrogance as from drink. Either way, he wasn't keen on giving his twin any extra ammunition. "I didn't exactly need it while I was chained to the kung fu girl anyway."

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[info]pad_foot
2011-03-08 11:59 pm UTC (link)
"But we haven't been 'chained up' for aaaaages," Sirius argued back, grinning and spinning around to collect his burger as it was passed to him, fishing in his pocket for some leftover money to pay with. "It's been about two weeks. And then two weeks of marriage! That's a month! That's mental! You must have tried."

He stepped away, taking a huge mouthful of burger and giving Dorian a look, eyebrows raised. "Here. Eat some of this." He shoved the burger at the other boy with a smile, before leading the way back out into the street. It was bloody cold outside of that place, he realised, and the cold, clean air made his head spin and the alcohol kick back in. Sirius shook his head to clear it.

"My bitch Mother tried to make me learn piano," he told Dorian, turning to look at him. "I made my tutor cry.

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[info]seemysoul
2011-03-09 12:18 am UTC (link)
Dorian took a nibble and pushed it back, muttering, "It's been in you mouth. Who knows where your filthy mouth has been." He seemed oblivious to the fact that it was a bit late to argue around his mouthful of burger. It wasn't what he was used to, but it wasn't necessarily bad. Besides, Dorian would try anything.

Dorian wasn't sure if liked the colder air, or not. Warm made him just as woozy, and either way, it seemed he ought to curl up close to someone's skin. An odd thought, perhaps, but it wasn't as if he'd gained an aversion to such things. Only lost the impetus to act upon them. "Did you know they make pills for things like that now? I saw it on the...what's that idiot box called? The telly."

He still hadn't directly answered the question, and when he saw a chance to change the subject, he took it. "Whatever did you do that for?" he asked, as if somehow Sirius had assumed Dorian's identity and made his teacher cry as well. "Piano is the only thing we're good at, besides looking fabulous."

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[info]pad_foot
2011-03-09 12:40 am UTC (link)
"You still haven't told me if you need the pills yet," Sirius pointed out, gnawing distractedly at the burger. Sirius had never been one for fine dining - his families attempts at dinner parties had put him off, and although he'd loved the food at Hogwarts after graduation he'd lived off takeaways. He still did, when he was in the mood for eating. Sometimes the shit this city threw at him killed his appetite stone dead.

He shrugged at Dorians question, raising an eyebrow and taking a moment to swallow. "Because I didn't want to play the fucking piano. But I did want to wind my Mother up. Anyway, speak for yourself. I'm good at loads of stuff." He quirked an eyebrow, took a final bite of the burger, which had been demolished in less than two minutes, and turned to lead the way off towards his building. "Come on."

Then suddenly the ground was coming up to meet him, and he was sat on his arse on the floor, looking politely baffled. "Fuck," Sirius announced conversationally, then, noticing a small hole he'd torn in his jeans, "Oh, fuck!"

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[info]seemysoul
2011-03-09 12:49 am UTC (link)
"Some of us don't have magic," Dorian reminded, blinking down a Sirius, who was suddenly on the ground. "Though I don't see the point in that, for all the good it does you."

He put out a hand in a valiant attempt to pull the wizard to his feet without joining him on his arse. Or worse yet, his face.

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[info]pad_foot
2011-03-09 12:54 am UTC (link)
"Oh, shut up Gray," Sirius muttered, still mostly transfixed on the hole in his jeans. "I can turn into a dog." But he grabbed the hand being offered and allowed Dorian to atttempt to pull him onto his feet, although it quickly dissolved into Sirius giggling like a lunatic after failing to find his footing several times. Eventually, Sirius managed to get back on his feet, although it involved a moment where his nose was squidged into Dorian's shoulder as he sagged sniggering against him.

"Okay," He laughed, righting himself and spreading his arms to find his centre of balance. "Stop pissing about. We're going home. Which is... that way. Wait. No... That way." And he set off in what he imagined was a purposeful and commanding stride towards his building. It was only a few wrong turns and a couple of visits back to the gutter before the two identical men were stood outside the main door to Sirius' building.

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[info]seemysoul
2011-03-09 01:04 am UTC (link)
"I know you love clinging onto me," Dorian said, blithely parroting Sirius' previous words. Sometimes Dorian thought he should have been an actor--he was marvelous at memorizing lines. Not that he minded Sirius' head on his shoulder. It put his dark hair right under Dorian's nose, and it was a lovely head of hair. "But it's not practical. You need to let go so we can walk."

He laughed as Sirius chided him for pissing about while virtually wandering in circles himself. However, he followed dutifully, taking turns tipping into walls and gutters like any good mirror ought to do. And occasionally scolding like a magic one.

"You have no idea where we're going, do you?" he was saying, those few wrong turns later, but no sooner had the words left his mouth than they had arrived. "Well. I stand corrected. Or at least I think I'm still standing. Are we standing? Yes. Good. Shall we?"

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[info]pad_foot
2011-03-09 01:36 am UTC (link)
"I told you!" Sirius crowed, just that bit too loudly. "I always know where I am. Always." He shoved open the door on the last word, almost falling into the foyer of the building and catching himself at the last moment. "Oops." He frowned back at the door. "Who put that there?"

Then he was bounding enthusiastically in the direction of the stairs, calling back over his shoulder to Dorian. "I think I bloke my bloody kneecap on the pavement. Why do they love concrete so much here? ...And why won't this door open. I'm not sleeping in the foyer, I'll tell you that- Oh..." He hesitated, then pushed on the door to the staircase, which swung open easily. There was an awkward pause.

"It's okay!" Sirius bellowed happily. "It's a push!" Then he was leaping up the stairs two at a time, probably at great personal risk in his current state.

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[info]seemysoul
2011-03-09 01:50 am UTC (link)
Dorian couldn't answer any of Sirius' questions. There were too many of them for his brain to process, and besides, he had a feeling they were rhetorical. So instead he concentrated on making it up the stairs, and making sure they didn't grow or shrink as he was taking a step.

"Oy. You're loud, aren't you, Black?" he called, seemingly oblivious of the fact that he was matching Sirius' volume. "Are you trying to wake the building, or just your flatmate?"

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[info]pad_foot
2011-03-09 02:05 am UTC (link)
Sirius reached the top of the stairs, spinning around to pull an accusing face at Dorian. "That's you being loud! I'm..." then he seemed to pause and listen to himself for a moment. "Oh no, I am being loud. Shhhhhh Dorian! And it's only James and Lily living next door. They don't care."

He turned and led his drinking companion down the corridor towards his flat, slumping against the doorframe with his temple pressed against the wall as he fumbled with his keys. The electric light in the hall glinted off the metal of the keys and made him snigger hysterically again.

"Ssssh!" he repeated, trying and failing to get the key in the door around his laughter and attempts to stay upright. " Just don't wake Remus, okay? He gets pissy when he's woken up. Doesn't Em get annoyed when you get in hammered?"

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[info]seemysoul
2011-03-09 02:18 am UTC (link)
Dorian found himself laughing too, though he had no idea what was so funny as he squinted at the shiny objects in Sirius' hand. "You shush," he said, dropping his voice to a dramatic whisper. "Emily doesn't!" He hiccuped. "Doesn't know the half of it."

She'd only seen him come home wasted once, and she hadn't been annoyed, she'd been worried. "Go in the hole, dammit," he told the key.

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[info]pad_foot
2011-03-09 02:37 am UTC (link)
Dorian's final comment has Sirius snorting madly with laughter, his usual barking muffled as he straightened up. "That's filth," he chuckled, "You're filth." Then he was turning back and reattempting his battle with the key in the lock.

"How," he asked, still giggling into the door, his nose an inch from where he was working to open it, "Does she not know? I thought... you know... that you knew her from home? Real home. Not this home. Hah!"

The key slipped into the lock and was turned, and Sirius promptly stumbled into his flat, his clutch on the doorhandle being the only thing that kept him on his feet. He looked back at Dorian, a smirk coiling at one corner of his mouth before he erupted in a loud whoop of laughter. A second later he clapped one hand over his mouth to silence it and used the other to do the same to his twin.

"Shhhhhhhhh!" he chuckled.

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[info]seemysoul
2011-03-09 02:49 am UTC (link)
"You're filth," Dorian retorted childishly, and then proceeded to confirm Sirius' statement with his next words. "I'm twenty years older than her. I was away, travelling the world, and committing all kinds of debauchery while she grew up. She's only known me for a little while, and I'm certain that hypocrite father of hers did his bloody best to keep her sheltered from the the likes of me."

He was laughing too hard to be as angry at Lord Harry as he wanted to be, his breath escaping in a his of muffled mirth as Sirius clapped his hands over their mouths. He clutched at Sirius with one hand, the other grabbing for the door as they teetered and clung to one another--attempting to keep the door from shutting too loudly.

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[info]pad_foot
2011-03-09 03:50 am UTC (link)
Sirius' brain was too pickled to deal with Dorian's bloody complicated immortality and lack of soul right now. So he just shook his head and let Dorian crash into the flat after him, failing miserably on the whole 'keeping quiet' episode. Sirius could only hope that Remus - who was a bloody light sleeper - realised that Sirius had no balance or volume conftrol when pissed and had had the foresight to cast a silencing charm.

"I need a fag," Sirius announced, untangling himself from Dorian. He couldn't help but contemplate, drunkenly, that Dorian was really a bloody good choice of person to be tangled up with. Sirius took a step and barely managed to stay upright as he struggled towards the coffee table, only just avoiding tripping up on a stray jumper than was chucked on the floor. A pack of cigarettes lay waiting there, and Sirius shoved two in his mouth and lit them both before passing one over to Dorian.

"You need to be fucking quiet!" he grinned again, gesturing towards the door of the bedroom he and Remus shared. "For a bloke who used to be a werewolf he does not do well on no sleep. You want anything to drink?"

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[info]seemysoul
2011-03-09 04:04 am UTC (link)
Dorian snickered, gratefully sinking onto the couch and placing the cigarette between his lips--once he had calmed himself enough not to snort smoke, that is. He took the cigarette out of his mouth again, to muffle his laugh cough with his upper arm, hiding it with a cough. Not that clearing his throat was much quieter than laughing.

"If we drink any more, we might drown," he hissed, "And if we don't drown, then you better hope we pass out before we get any 'quieter.'"

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[info]pad_foot
2011-03-09 04:21 am UTC (link)
"Don't be boring," Sirius hissed back from the kitchen, over the sound of the fridge opening and closing and the clink of bottles. Sirius staggered back in a moment later, holding two beers. "It's just beer!" he argued, "It's not even real drink. Not really."

He passed Dorian the drink before he had time to argue, throwing himself down in the space next to his twin and throwing long legs up to rest over the other mans. Sirius was always a bit overly friendly, and he was never backwards about being forward. Especially when he was off his face on shots. Sirius took a gulp of his beer and a drag of the cigarette balanced in his hand.

"Who were those people we were drinking with all night?" he asked, attention mostly fixed on the scroll of paper burning down between his fingers.

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[info]seemysoul
2011-03-09 01:12 pm UTC (link)
Sirius probably had nice legs underneath those trousers. Dorian couldn't help but notice, as said legs were propped up across his lap, and Dorian let his arms rest on top of them. If his hands hadn't been occupied, he might have been tempted to cop a feel. Lucky for Sirius, he'd seen to it that between the beer and the smokes, Dorian's hands were safe from temptation.

"I think they were student's of Mr. Earnshaw's," he said, "I don't really know them. But they might have seen me naked."

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[info]pad_foot
2011-03-10 01:21 am UTC (link)
"And, by extension, me naked," Sirius added, then chuckled and let his head roll back onto the arm of the sofa, exhaling a plume of smoke into the air. He watched with blurred vision as the smoke dissolved into the air. It was quite pretty really, in a... smoke kind of way.

"How weird is that?" He grinned giddily, lifting his head a little so he could meet Dorian's gaze, long hair falling into his eyes. "I mean, no wonder they seemed so interested in us both." He shook his head, took another drag on the cigarette and let his head roll back again, looking at this sitting room from his new upside-down angle. It was odd, being this way up. It made everything spin a bit more, like the floor was tipping and the sofa was falling. Oh, fucking hell, he needed to puke.

Sirius blanched and rolled off the sofa, possibly managing to knee Dorian in the face in the process. Which was a shame, because it was a pretty nice face and he'd been quite comfy where he was. But desperate times and all... Sirius clapped a hand over his mouth and pelted to the bathroom, just catching it in time to reject his much-loved booze into the sink.

"Awwwwh..." Came the put out groan from the bathroom, then came the sound of a running tap. A minute later, Sirius came back, with droplets of water running down his face and neck and into the collar of his dark shirt. "I think I might need to go to bed," he announced thoughtfully.

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[info]seemysoul
2011-03-10 02:48 am UTC (link)
Dorian imagined they did look quite similar naked, except for the scars. Dorian would have wagered he would have had Sirius beat in that department before he'd sold his soul, but they'd all disappeared.

"Oh, don't--" Dorian started to protest, only to have his teeth clack together as Sirius' knee bone connected with his jawbone. "Ouch! Ugh..." He tasted blood, and his stomach churned just knowing that Sirius had left him in favor of worshiping the porcelain goddess.

He let his head fall back against the sofa, holding the beer bottle against his temple. Only when he heard Sirius returning did he crack his eyes open again. "Bed..."

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[info]pad_foot
2011-03-10 11:53 pm UTC (link)
Sirius grinned to himself, before using various bits of furniture to steady himself until he reached the sofa. A moment later the wizard was standing behind the spot where Dorian was sitting, looking down on him from his elevated position.

"Bed," he agreed, then tilted his head with a wolfish grin. "You gonna be alright on the sofa? I mean... there's my old room, but I've been using it as a garage-slash-storeroom-slash-whatever so it will need to be vacated." He reached out absently, twirling a strand of Dorian's dark hair around his own finger thoughtfully. It really was almost exactly the same as his. How weird. Sirius wondered if the rest of the Gray family had Black family doubles.

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[info]seemysoul
2011-03-11 12:36 am UTC (link)
Unlike Sirius, Dorian was an only child. His father had been killed in a duel, his mother had died in childbirth, and his grandfather had resented Dorian for reminding him of the daughter he had driven to heartbreak. Dorian wondered if Sirius had lash marks on his back from being repeatedly flogged as a boy. He almost wished he still had his. It would have made him more human.

He reached up and touched Sirius' hand, absently stroking, but careful not to burn him with the cigarette butt. "I'm not moving from this spot."

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[info]pad_foot
2011-03-11 01:52 am UTC (link)
Sirius hesitated as Dorian's hand touched his, a faint wrinkle appearing between his eyebrows as he frowned. It'd be really easy, he thought, just to lean over the back of the sofa and press his lips against his twins. Sirius had never been one for monogomy, and Remus knew how bad he was at it. He didn't say anything for a moment, let his knuckle graze gently against Dorian's temple as two sets of identical fingers twisted together. Then he forced himself to think of Remus in the next room and pulled his hand away to reach for his wand in his back pocket.

"Accio blanket."

A blanket unearthed itself from underneath a pile of coats and sailed towards Sirius, who snatched it out of the air and chucked it over onto Dorian's lap. There were cushions on the sofa so hopefully that would do for pillows. A moment later Sirius had summoned a tall glass of water, which landed on the coffee table beside the sofa. The wizard was still leaning on the back of the seat, lettting it take charge of his current balancing problem.

"There," Sirius pocketed his wand with an easy grin. "Sorted." He reached over, ruffling Dorian's hair teasingly. "Now finish up and go to sleep, prat."

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[info]seemysoul
2011-03-11 03:58 am UTC (link)
Dorian stared up at Sirius for a moment, studying the expressions that crossed the other man's face. Watching in fascination as the tiny furrows deepened and relaxed. They were kindred spirits, struggling with similar predicaments; he could feel it. Sirius with Remus, Dorian with Miss Wotton. They ought to be faithful, but they were both so new at it.

It was a good thing he wasn't moving, or temptation might have won out--or rather he might have given in as he was wont.

He nodded under Sirius' hand, downing the beer, and crushing the cigarette to ashes in his hand. The embers only stung a little, but it provided a distraction from this bizarre fixation he had with his own face. Sirius' face. "You go to sleep, prig," he retorted, setting the bottle down and dusting the ashes into the appointed tray before he lay back. "Let's hope the Sandman is kind to us tonight."

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