Who: Regulus, Morgana, Juno, and Sirius and a Nearly Naked NPC
What: Manic Summary accurately depicts craziness of log: After Regulus slips off to get high his brother and friends track him down to confront him. A yelling match ensues followed by an indignant naked man sticking his nose were it doesn’t belong. Sirius has a moment of vulnerability, surprising everyone.
When: Sunday, Feb 27, afternoon
Where: Some random motel
Rating/Warnings: HIGH – mentions of drug use, lots of swearing and yelling and angsting and brotherly reconciliations!
Status: Complete


Regulus sat in front of the toilet of some inconsequential generic motel room in a part of town he’d never been before, but the exact location was, like the room itself, unimportant. His face half rested on the seat, half on arm which was laid across the back of the seat. His other hand splayed out against the outside bowl for support. For the moment, which could actually be for good, he’d have to wait and see, his stomach had calmed down to something resembling a stormy sea. Just a grade below hurricane. But there was nothing left inside to push up and out, only dry, hollow heaves.

Just about every inch of his body ached this time, sometimes withdrawals felt like a thousand needles boring into his bones, others as if every joint was on fire. Today was an equal portion of each. It had been so long since the last time he’d done this - well, for him and his short history of substance abuse. Was it two or three months? He couldn’t remember exactly, but however long the length it had been his longest sobriety since discovering this type of coping mechanism. And after the roller coaster ride of the last few months this pain finally let him feel like he could breathe again. The slow, steady rise and fall of his chest was a sweet, grounding sensation that he wished could last.

The single odd chime, a warning ward set up by Kreacher at his request, told him his few hours of peace were just about at an end.

He’d known someone would follow him, and he was mildly surprised it was so late in the day before who ever it was finally showed up. If he had to guess, it was probably his brother, because Sirius had a nasty habit of cutting into Regulus’ preferred relaxation activity.

He gathered himself together and pushed off the toilet, rising to his unsteady feet. A guest needed greeting. He remembered to push the flush before stepping back to the other room. And just in time for the door to open and surprise him with not one figure but three, their silhouettes against the fading afternoon light were unmistakably identifiable. Emotions jumbled about within him, anger, surprise, hurt, and a bit of embarrassment as he realized he was greatly under dressed in just his pants for the two women standing behind his brother. But mostly anger, Morgana already knew about his drug habit, but his brother bringing Juno?

He said the first thing that came to mind, not caring right then who he hurt with his words, “Oh, Sirius, you brought your friends,” with particular emphasis on ‘your’. And then he headed over to his clothes to regain a smidgen of decency.

Given a choice, this would not have been how Sirius would have liked to spend his first day as an unmarried man. He’d barely got to speak to Remus before he’d got the message, and suddenly he was checking a map and apparating to find Morgana and Juno, arguing with them when they insisted on coming with him and eventually giving up. He hadn’t wanted them to come – Juno especially, because he was quite sure the situation wasn’t the kind you should expose a pregnant seventeen year old girl to, but he hadn’t had the patience to force his point across, and both the girls were so bloody stubborn he was quite sure he was just wasting his time. So in the end he’d just thrown his hands up in frustrated defeat, hurried with them all to the area of town the map had suggested, and then transforming to follow his nose to his brother.

He’d known this was coming. He wasn’t stupid, and he knew his brothers habits. Sirius’ worry for his sibling had been growing over the last few days, as much as he’d attempted to keep it hidden and forget about it. But like he’d said to Morgana, he wasn’t about to be the one crawling to him to try and get him to talk. As Sirius saw it, if Regulus didn’t want to see him, he wasn’t about to force his company on the prat. And a part of him was convinced it was better for them both if they just gave up on each other completely. But then, even when he’d arsed up so spectacularly, this was his brother. And they’d almost got on, all those weeks ago before Reg had died, and apologising was something different from simply making sure the younger Black didn’t puke on his own vomit. And the latter was all he was doing. That was the only reason he was here.

Sirius quickly decided to stop thinking about this. He hadn’t slept more than three hours in the last few days, and even though he was pale with violet shadows under his eyes, he was still filled with that strange energy. It was like a permanent caffeine buzz that made his skin itch and his muscles twitch, where he talked too fast and didn’t eat much and sleep was all but impossible. Perhaps it was the fact that he couldn’t go out on his own, that he had been tied to another person completely for too long. Perhaps it was his worry about Regulus and the stress of having James and Lily find out about their future, or his argument with Morgana. All he knew was that his thoughts were too fast and it was difficult to catch hold of them sometimes, and that eating and breathing and many other activities suddenly seemed like a boring and pointless way to spend his time. He wanted to shout, to shake himself like a dog, to run until he finally burnt out. But he couldn’t. Because he had to be here. The thought made him twitch.

They’d found the motel, and it was easy enough to create a distraction and slip past reception. Not that they needed to – Sirius wasn’t sure that the security in these places got a whole lot of funding. Then they were stepping over a threshold to a gloomy, stinking room, and Sirius stepped forward into a scene that, although familiar to him, was new to the two girls. The older boy’s fingers were drumming an irregular and frantic pattern against his thigh as he met his brothers glare steadily. “I didn’t want them to come,” he replied coldly.

“His friends?” Juno found her voice after a few stunned seconds. Of all the ways she could have imagined winding up in a motel room with Regulus in any state of undress, this would not have been her first choice. And to have him dismiss her as nothing more than one of his brother’s attaches was...well, not as insulting as it might have been, if he hadn’t made a habit of accusing her of such things on a semi-regular basis.

The sight of Regulus in such a wreck, combined with the smell of the cheap room, and realization that began to sink in as she put one and one--and one--together, though? That was what really began to make her stomach churn. “Who was it that I sat up on the phone with last night? Huh? Seriously.”

Morgana knew but it was quite different from actually smelling it. For the first time Morgana was grateful for her inability to see. Morgana had seen and smelt despair. More than any "princess" should ever have the right to; however, she had never been one to sit aside when someone needed help. To let others suffer when she could do something to help. Blood, gore, men being much too liberal with the mead to stave off their pain. She'd seen it but it was so much different when it was someone you knew. The certain amount of protection - detachment for a lack of a better word - was gone. It had always hurt her heart, worried her, to imagine Regulus wasting in those broken down places they showed in the television. That had nothing on smelling the sent of days old split alcohol mixed with stale vomit. Morgause's spell to sharpen her senses made the sent overwhelming and Morgana had to, in a moment of weakness, clutch tightly to the back of Sirius' shirt as she steadied herself.

Her focus on her surroundings was pushed aside for Regulus' words and that only brought about a dull pang of anger. She had heard that accusation more times than she cared to acknowledge. She had learned to dismiss the frustration that it had brought about. Nevertheless, the fact that he would would throw that in their faces now when they were clearly, all three of them, there for him ... it stung. She reminded herself of how embarrassed and betrayed he had been when she had first learned of his secret. The feeling was surely intensified. Keeping control of her temper was key.

Besides, Juno was expressing it rather brilliantly.

Trousers tugged up and secure Regulus shot Juno a dark look as he moved on to his shirt, pulling it over to hide his embarrassment and the scars on his body. She, of all the people he’d interacted with these weeks since his falling out with his brother, should know he wanted absolutely nothing to do with Sirius. It was true the words ‘I want nothing to do with my brother, nor do I want him in my life in any way, shape, or form’ did not pass his lips but, for fuck’s sake, did he really have to spell things out so blatantly clear when his every action belied his wishes? But that was the way with everyone who fawned over Sirius, in Regulus’ estimation; they just couldn’t fathom why Regulus didn’t do it, too. Cold anger over his desires being so blithely brushed aside so they could all fill some selfish need to relay to him how much his decision to mar his own body hurt them coursed through him.

“My friends wouldn’t be trying to force him back down my throat.”

The main buttons were fastened now, Regulus paid no mind to the sleeves, and he moved over to one of the two chairs around the room’s lone table. He dragged it over, as lifting it was right out, to rest in front of Juno.

“Chair for Juno,” he stated the obvious as he moved back behind the table to open the windows, letting the winter chill air in. They clearly were all rather disgusted with the room, which, in Regulus’ opinion wasn’t all that bad, just the dank smell of an old motel mixed with the lingering odor of his vomit. You’d think by the looks on their faces he was forcing them to stand in front of a week old pile of rotting corpses. With fresh air permeating around them he returned to the remaining chair at the table and took his seat.

“I’d offer you a chair, Morgana, but I know you prefer to yell from the position of greatest advantage, and you would just decline the offer.” He looked at his brother, “Aside from wanting you to leave, Sirius, I don’t give a fuck where you chose to sit.”

He reached into his pocket and pulled out his cigarette pack and lighter – he almost enjoyed using the muggle thing in front of his brother and his closest friends because, Fucking Salazar, in the same vein that no one noticed his most expressed desire no one had noticed his rather drastic drop in use of magic, it was almost absurd how no one asked him about it. They’d come to corner him, and he wasn’t stupid enough to know he had any means of escape, so he was hell bent on making this as uncomfortable as possible for all of them.

“Well, I suppose you all have something you want to tell me.”

Juno had noticed the drop in magic when he’d walked to her apartment and knocked on the door instead of apparating in when he’d come back from the dead. She hadn’t commented, or asked him about it, because any time she asked him about what happened around that time--or anything else personal at all--he shut down.

“I’m good, thanks,” she said, “And I didn’t come to flaunt myself on Sirius’ arm, for crying out loud. You’d think I was hanging all over him. But how else was I supposed to find you? You promised you’d stop hurting yourself. What...?” She swallowed the lump in her throat. “You don’t look like you got a good night’s sleep. So what is this?”

Sirius could have been left out of the picture. Molly could have found out where Regulus was or Morgana could have had Morgause preform a locator spell; Morgana suspected Regulus would have preferred any number of people to know where he was rather than having to deal with Sirius. However, at the moment Morgana couldn’t bring herself to care. Right now? She still didn’t care. Sirius had the quickest way of transportation and Morgana had no doubt in her mind that he would have found without being told. And despite what he told himself, he would have ended up confronting his brother and that was something that should never happen - in the near future at least - with the two of them on their own. Morgana had been willing to deal with Regulus’ bad mood, now, rather than deal with yet another fallout between the Black brothers. That didn’t mean that her patience wasn’t wearing thin under said bad mood.

She had been worried out of her mind. Worried and pissed off. Maybe it wasn’t the right mindset to have of this entire thing but Morgana couldn’t get over what a selfish bastard Regulus was being. He knew that Juno would have been there at the drop of a hat if he’d needed it. Merlin would have dropped everything. She, herself, called him a near obsessive amount at times just to deal with dial tone or the phone ringing endlessly, hoping for the off-chance to talk to him and reassure him that she was there to listen. That she was there. Morgana understood. Really, she did. She understood how bloody difficult it was to let go of pride, to have issues up to one’s eyeballs, to ask for help. Hell, she’d died because of her own independence and stubborness and an entire list of unfavourable words. She understood it and she had tried to keep perspective when coming here, to keep her temper. But then he was being such an ass. A childish, petulant ass!

“I’m trying to think of a reason why I should even bloody bother.” She stated, her tone an odd mix of incredulity and frosted irritation. “I’m trying to understand why I should waste my energy or my breath on you when you’re quite content on acting like - “ Morgana stopped herself, because despite her words she did care and she wouldn’t stop caring because he was being a moron. “Is that how it makes sense to you? That we’re Sirius’ simpering little friends who have come to mock you? That myself and Juno, of all people. From how well you seem to know us. That we would deliberately seek to hurt you by bringing Sirius here to do … what? Would you have preferred that we asked any of the other number of people in your world to come in and see you like this? Or how about if we took a bloody cab that would have taken only God knows how long to get here as we tried to make heads or tails of where the fuck you were while we were worried of our minds? Would that have been better for you? This isn’t about your sibling squabble Regulus. We chose the option that was quickest and most convenient and that was your brother.” Morgana didn’t add the fact that Sirius had been headed here anyway. As Morgana said, this wasn’t about their fight and she knew if she mentioned that it would only lead to hateful words from them both.

Regulus’ dark look deepened as first Juno and then Morgana spoke. He felt a small pang of regret when Juno asked about his lack of rested appearance. But, there was still that first issue to confront. He flicked his eyes over to his brother, who had not yet responded in lieu of the two women taking their turns first. It was almost amusing.

“Have you both misconstrued my rather vehement objections to my brother so much to think they are either borne from a petty jealousy or a fear you would use him as a tool against me?” Never mind that that latter idea was now added to his repertoire of reasons to mistrust everyone. It irritated him how little they understood him. A bit unfair on his part as he rarely possessed the skills or vocabulary to adequately express what was wrong or how he needed help. It just didn’t help that when he did try to speak people brushed off his very legitimate pains and concerns with ‘he really does care about you’ or some variant.

His brother hurt him, plain and simple. And he shouldn’t have to keep offering himself up for slaughter merely because everyone had this wonky idea about familial bonds or, and this was Regulus’ favorite, because his brother ‘cared’ about him. That was a laugh, but then no one else had to experience this particular brand of ‘caring’ from Sirius. When would people learn the fastest way to ensure lack of cooperation from Regulus was to bring his brother into the mix?

“You’ve been quiet, Sirius,” Regulus turned to look at his brother full on then. “You must have loads to say to me, huh? About my worth, I suspect. That is your go-to below the belt move, isn’t it?” He turned his head slightly to exhale smoke out of the corner of his mouth so it drifted over to the window, but he kept his eyes on his brother. “Go on then, explain to them my worth, explain to them the same way you always do for me. So they understand the same way I do.”

They hadn’t seen it before. Sirius had spent a night in a room just like this, sat on the bed beside his dozing brother and smoking his way through a pack of cigarettes until morning had peeked through the curtains. He’d sat in a bath and argued while Regulus rejected meals into a toilet, had plied him with water and cigarettes and then vanished before they’d had a chance to discuss it. But this was new to Morgana and Juno, and the effect on them was obvious from Juno’s expression and hurt words and the way Morgana’s fingers fisted in the back of his shirt. Despite himself, Sirius reached back to find her hand with his for a moment, holding on tightly as Regulus dragged a chair over like it was made of lead.

Sirius’s mad tapping against the dark, faded denim of his jeans intensified, the only clue to his brother’s words having any effect on him. Releasing Morgana’s hand, he shifted his weight, rocking onto his toes and falling back before repeating the process. He knew Regulus was making a jibe, but Sirius couldn’t have sat down right now for all the gold in Gringotts. He watched, jaw clenched and more silent than he’d managed to be in several days, as Regulus lit a cigarette with a muggle lighter and Juno and Morgana proceeded to rant at him.

Sirius’s dark eyes never left his sibling, taking in the grey, drawn complexion and the way his body seemed to sag under some terrible, aching weight. His thoughts were buzzing through his head, colliding almost painfully with each other and spiralling off on random tangents. It was too much, there were too many things to pay attention to, too many stimuli and things to be doing to be standing still and listening to people rant at a sibling who clearly didn’t want him, just like the rest of his family. Sirius’ heart sped up beneath his ribs, pounding some mad rhythm and sending blood sparking and dancing through his veins. He resisted the urge to bolt, although his whole body twitched and his muscles knotted painfully across his back as his brother turned his attention onto him.

“Well,” he replied, forcing himself to meet that stare, which was so similar to his own. “This certainly isn’t how I hoped to spend my first day as an unmarried bloke. Don’t be such a fucking selfish prick, Regulus. They wanted to help you. And I… I would have come anyway, if you…..” He trailed off, flinching against his own manic energy, fingers coiling into fists and nails digging into his palms as he fidgeted, feeling his cheeks flush a little at his own admission. But his conversation with Morgana only a few nights before was still fresh in his mind and he wanted to make her happy, for reasons he didn’t quite understand. She had been so angry with him and his inability to speak about how he felt, but it was hard not to let his usual mask fall back into place. Although he doubted that in his current mind-set he’d have the concentration to keep it steady.

“I’ll go try and get rid of the smell,” he said in a rush, then bounded into the other room before Regulus could reply, carried on the buzz in his veins through the door into the bathroom. Sirius stood alone, swamped by the smell of vomit but appreciating the break in tension that came with distance. He could still run, he thought, just vanish or apparate. But he couldn’t leave the girls. So the animagus used a few scouring charms and various other tricks to try and remove the worst of the sharp scent of bile, then leaned up against the cool tiles and fired off a frantic, nonsensical text to James, his knee jumping as he listened to the people in the other room.

Juno’s face crumpled a little more, and she reached out, grabbing the back of the chair. She didn’t know what to say now, that wouldn’t set one of them--or all of them--off on another rant. “I’m sorry, Reg...”

She didn’t know exactly what she was apologizing for, either, but there it was. Whether or not it would do any good to sooth the raw nerves in the room...that remained to be seen.

Morgana's jaw clenched and her chin jut out slightly, in frustration and a bit defensively. It was an iron grip on her emotions and her tongue as she listened to Regulus talk. In short, he had a strong point there were a lot of things that she was missing, that she didn't understand. Couldn't understand. However, she didn't see it as Regulus saw it. That it was as simple and as straightforward as he was stating it. What was going on between him and Sirius was definitely not that black and white. It was like she had told Sirius the other day. It was possible to care about someone and bring so much pain to them in the same breath. Regulus had hurt his brother as well. Whether or not it was as much as Sirius had done to Regulus did matter but it wasn't something that could be dismissed. They had so much problems, together and for themselves, to address. Morgana knew that she wasn't equipped to do so but she couldn't sit around either, allowing them to break pieces of each other. They were her friends and she cared very much for them. That was why it was a struggle right now to keep control of the emotions that she could lock so easily away. That was why she didn't appreciate Regulus worlds at all.

Did he honestly think that what he was attempting to taunt Sirius into saying was going to push her away? That it would make her do anything but want to smack him upside the head - which she wouldn't. Morgana didn't quit people. That wasn't how it worked. It took a whole lot to even have her consider leaving, and even then she stuck around.

Whatever Morgana had been consider saying was swallowed down and brushed aside when she felt Sirius' fingers around her hand. Her breathing caught and her eyes widened slightly in surprise as she released that breath unsteadily.

Then he was speaking and that caught her even more off guard. Morgana bit her lip as she listened, moving unconsciously closer to him because she knew that even that small bit was difficult for him. The words were said and he left to the bathroom and Morgana crossed her arms against her chest. She swallowed and stayed silent.

Regulus’ anger flared with each word his brother directed at him. How dare he suddenly find the maturity not to yell at him and subsequently show Morgana and Juno exactly why Regulus was trapped in this downward spiral. Regulus wasn’t trying to push anyone away with his questions to Sirius, he simply wanted everyone to know and understand. No matter how many times Morgana and Juno told him he was something better than he slated himself their voices paled in comparison to Sirius’ booming, persistent denunciations.

Sirius was supposed to tell them how worthless Regulus was, just like Sirius had told him so many times before, and how part of the reason Regulus sought refuge in rank motel rooms was because of that total reinforcement he didn’t deserve to live. He wanted to run after Sirius and demand his brother show them that, because they didn’t listen to Regulus when he tried to explain. Without that pivotal piece Regulus felt defeated and so alone, empty from being misunderstood. He was, once again, the boy sitting across the Great Hall after being sorted trying to catch his brother’s attention. He loathed his brother more than before, feeling more than a bit betrayed, for him slipping back to the toilet. He was supposed to tell them!

Regulus was ready to run back and yell at the older Black when Juno spoke, and his anger burst like a punctured balloon. Her quiet words cut through to him faster than anyone yelling at him could ever. His eyes caught hers and visibly changed demeanor in an instant. He slumped back in the chair and stumped out the cigarette in his hand on the table surface, it wasn’t the first cigarette burn in the laminate so he didn’t feel all that guilty.

“Morgana and Sirius out, I’ll talk to Juno,” he said it only loud enough for Sirius to hear in the bathroom. “First. Let me talk to her first.”

Morgana’s face turned toward Regulus’ voice and for a brief, and highly illogical, moment a flash of hurt crossed her face before she got it under-control. The fact that he was kicking her out with Sirius stung - given how he felt about Sirius - more than that she had to wait for Sirius to come and fetch her, since she didn’t know where the door out or where the bathroom was. The silence of the room made that a bit difficult and she was becoming a bit too used to the smell of vomit. However, Morgana reminded herself to be rational and simply nodded, a short and quick movement, waiting for Sirius to come get her.

Sirius took a deep breath upon hearing his brothers voice filter through, echoing into his safe little cocoon (otherwise known as a slightly grubby bathroom that smelt a little bit like puke.). But he couldn’t very well leave Morgana there and he was already starting to feel like the white tiled walls were pushing in on him, the air heavy and thick in his lungs. So he slipped his phone back into his pocket, took a deep breath and strode back out, jaw clenched hard enough for a pulsing muscle to stand out starkly in the pale curve of his throat.

Sirius glared at his brother, then approached the two girls and threaded his hand into Morgana’s to guide her out. He didn’t want to be here. He wanted to run away, just leave and run and run and run until he was physically unable to go any further. But even with the buzzing in his ears and his own coiled spring pushing out from inside his chest, he kept his voice low and careful as he spoke to Juno.

“I’ll be right outside. Give me a shout if you need me,” he turned for the smallest moment, meeting his brothers stare challengingly. Then he turned and led Morgana out into the hall, shutting the door loosely behind him and pulling his hand hurriedly away from hers. Sirius froze in the middle of the hallway, listening, flexing his fingers experimentally and once again holding back against the primal need to bolt.

Juno caught the micro-expression that flashed across Morgana’s face, and she reached out, gently touching the woman’s arm as Sirius came to escort her out. “Thanks,” she murmured softly, glancing from Sirius to his brother.

She let them go then, moving to stand beside Regulus’ chair. He’d never lit up a cigarette in the same room with her before. Not that she hadn’t known about his smoking, but he had to have been beyond upset if he was doing it in front of her.

“Reg?” She didn’t touch him yet. Just waited.

It was true that just like all of Regulus’ habits smoking was usually a reaction to environmental stresses and stimuli. Regulus usually only smoked when nervous or under emotional duress, it was usually the first thing he reached for when his world started unraveling, though they usually only stemmed the chain reaction that would lead to rooms like this for so long. He wanted to light up another one, to replace the smoldering remains of the one on the table. But with Juno this close he fought that urge desperately.

He lasted only about another second looking up at Juno before his hand found hers and he was pulling her closer, letting his forehead come to rest on the nearest part of her body – which was, fortunately for everyone involved, her arm. As awkward as that was it was decidedly less than how things would be if his head had landed on her belly and he got a full on Caden kick to the face.

“Will you listen for a moment?” His voice was already low and soft but more so because it was muffled by her sleeve.

For a split second, Juno wished she could just elbow Caden out of the way and give Regulus a proper hug, but she realized how silly that was. It would only be like this for another month, and then she’d be able to play pass the baby, and let everyone else take turns holding him--or her--for a while. Her arm would have to do for now.

“I’m listening,” she said. And then she shut her mouth.

For a long moment Regulus didn’t say anything, as his head interpreted this as ‘communicating’ to him it seemed appropriate. The silence buttressed by a warm, quiet, listening body was needed for a much longer time than he knew he should take. But as it was, he was going to push the envelop and breathe peacefully for a good stretch.

“I don’t know why I do this,” he said after he felt he’d returned to a place where he could pass as steady if he tried really hard. “I do, and I don’t.” Full translation, he knew he did this because he felt the same as he had six months previous, he would sink, panic, find the release. But the issues from six months ago were no longer a part of his life. So, why the same reaction? The truth was far too complicated for him to figure out on his own, and he only vaguely understood the constant reminder of his past life didn’t help him in the slightest.

“I can’t have him in my life.” The sentence seemed wholly unconnected to what he was trying to start with, but it was, there were just a few leap frog hops missing in between.

Juno reached over, resting her opposite arm across the top of her belly so that she touch Regulus’ face and hair. She was quiet for a moment longer, even after he seemed to have finished speaking. What could she say, really? She could only see what was going on with Regulus, inside his mind, and between himself and his brother through a glass, darkly. She didn’t have to live it. She’d lived a sheltered life, really, compared to either of them.

If Regulus couldn’t have his brother in his life right now, or ever, that might make it hard for Juno to stay friends with Sirius. But she couldn’t reject Reg either.

“He called me to ask about you, a few days ago,” she said, “I don’t know what that means, if you can’t have him around, but...I’m here.”

Another example everyone could point to to say ‘see, he cares, he does really underneath it all’. Didn’t anyone see that the lack of tangible, real acts of caring? Didn’t anyone else see what acts were there instead? Maybe Juno meant that as way to provide hope, but it just eroded away at Regulus’ quickly diminishing amount of sanity. It just showed Regulus how in the end the follow through wasn’t worth it to his brother. He couldn’t care about his brother ‘caring’, it gave him false hope and there had simply been too much of that since he’d arrived. To believe in something better between them only to have it all fall apart again would just be another slap in the face.

“You told him about the Clinic,” it wasn’t a question, just an unintentionally verbalized confirmation. There was a momentary flare of anger. Didn’t his aversion to everything about his brother say how he felt about his brother poking around in his life? But … he didn’t know what, really, just, getting upset seemed really insurmountable a task right then. “Please don’t tell him things about me, anything about me.” If his brother wanted to know what was going on in his life he could ball up and take the steps to fix their relationship that had to happen first before Regulus would be willing to tell him anything.

“Kreacher told him about the clinic, I just tried to explain.” But that didn’t stop her feeling guilty about it. Sirius might say that he cared, or act like he cared around other people, but if he couldn’t start showing it to Regulus, what was the point? “I won’t tell him things, anymore, he’s on his own. I just want you to get better, okay?”

Kreacher? Well if that didn’t also feel like more betrayal. But the elf wasn’t there to scold, Regulus would have to talk to him later.

“What if I can’t?” It was an honest plea, and not him being needlessly dramatic. Sometimes you stayed in one attitude for so long all other variations and choices rose beyond reach the further you sank.

“Then we’ll find help.” Juno was determined. Once she made up her mind, she was set, and there was very little that could sway her from her path. Sure, it had gotten her into trouble on more than one occasion--obviously--but it wasn’t in her nature to give up. “Well find someone you can talk to, who understands what it’s like to go through some bad shit.”

She shifted, trying to catch his eyes. “I’m not going to let you drown yourself in this hell hole.” Period. End of discussion.

Regulus had enough wits about him to know saying that that wasn’t going to happen was a very bad idea and would be meet with, more than likely, raised voices, which would break the comfortable quiet he and Juno had somehow managed to create. He sighed instead, weary and definitely ready for sleep.

But there were others waiting in the hall. Morgana, he could handle discussing things with her. His brother, absolutely not. Regulus felt like he’d hit a brick wall already.

“They’ll want back in.” He sounded very much resigned to his fate waiting outside the door.

“It’s okay,” she murmured, “I’ll be right here. Unless you want me to go.”

She held on to him for a moment longer before she went and let the others in. “Morgana? The coast is clear. For now.” She gave Sirius a look that could have withered a cactus, but at the same time, looked a little desperate around the edges. She was way out of her depth, and she didn’t want to have to sacrifice either friendship.

Sirius was pacing, marching up and down the corridor in long, frantic strides, bouncing off one wall and then the other. One hand was jammed in his mouth, his teeth biting down hard on the skin around his thumbnail, gnawing down until there was suddenly the metallic taste of blood. The other was clicking, fingers sliding together to create a sharp snap that echoed off the silence as he fought against the need to hit something. He’d started moving the moment he’d heard his brother tell Juno he didn’t want him, resisting an urge to barge straight back in and shout until his throat tore.

It hurt, it really hurt. That was embarrassing. Sirius felt like the fourteen year old who had watched his brother turn away and leave him facing Her on his own. He could have been the twelve year old who had come back from his first year at school and had been forced to listen to his Mother hissing in his ear, telling him how much better than him Regulus was while her fingers twisted painfully through his hair. Sirius quickly realized that there actually was someone pulling on his hair, and untangled his hand from the dark strands, clenching it instead into a tight fist. Morgana was still stood there, but he couldn’t talk to her. He glanced in her direction but then resumed his pacing, lost in his own head and doing his absolute best not to hear what was going on inside that room.

Why was he here? This was mental, this was stupid and ridiculous and quite frankly made absolutely no sense. It was nonsensical, that was what it was. That was why. Regulus didn’t want him here, and he didn’t want to be here if Regulus didn’t want him to and Regulus clearly didn’t so why was he staying? He could be at home with Remus and James, he could be visiting Harry and Ginny or grabbing a drink with Rose or Eames or Jo. There were hundreds of people who actually wanted him. Sirius shut his eyes tight, scrambling through his own manic thoughts, freezing mid-stride with every muscle coiled tight. Then Juno was opening the door, and Sirius didn’t have the control to keep from looking offended at the look she shot him. What had he done? He was here, wasn’t he? How much could he do to fix things with a person who clearly didn’t want his company or his help? How much could he do with a sibling who followed the family trend of rejecting him? Godric, he wanted to run. It would be so easy…

But he didn’t run. Instead Sirius bounded over to Morgana and wrapped a hand around her elbow to help her walk back into the room. He didn’t look at his brother, instead shoved his thumb back into his mouth to chew on, sending the pack of cigarettes on the table a wistful look and sinking down on the edge of the grimy bed, one knee jiggling and making the springs bounce noisily beneath him. He wanted James, he realized, as he bit down hard to try and stop his own words tumbling out of him.

When Morgana noticed that she could overhear, the polite thing to do would have been to walk away. She didn't. Where would she walk to? Besides, she wanted to be there should, when, Regulus decided that he wanted to talk to her and, in truth, polite wasn't the emotion forefront on her mind.

Her mood had calmed slightly upon entering the hall. She had found Juno's touch, as momentary as it had been, to be reassuring.

Morgana waited and listened. Listened to the conversation happening on the other side of the wall and listened to Sirius' increased pacing. She knew that Regulus' words was like a knife to the heart to him. She remembered the feeling well when Gwen had told her that she couldn't talk to her, had needed some time from her during the time the entire city had been compelled to speak the truth. It was a feeling of confusion, and also one of betrayal (which might be odd, given the fact that the one pushing you away was the hurting party), and it hurt so much. Morgana wanted so badly to say something. To Regulus. Certainly to Sirius. She wanted to wrap her arms around him and - Morgana didn't know. There was nothing that she could say. There were no reassurances she could give him.

There were none that he would even appreciate.

She turned toward the door when Juno opened it. Her brow quirked at the 'for now' but nodding in comprehension.

"Alright." She said softly, the first words she spoke since being brought outside. "Thank you."

Sirius guided her inside and Morgana remained standing, her hands linked in front of her, an unconscious habit.

Her blank eyes looked forward, “Ye-” She sighed, stopped herself and waited for Regulus to speak.

Regulus had been pinching the bridge of his nose to hold his headache at bay. The gesture wasn’t doing much more than that, as this headache really just needed to run its course. Sleep was the only thing that made it dissipate quicker. But Regulus was sure he couldn’t ask for that just yet, as he was sure there was more all three wanted to discuss.

He glanced up at Morgana when he heard her come in but his attention was immediately drawn to Sirius. Before Sirius was all dark glares full of what Regulus could only assume was loathing, and now he wouldn’t even look at him. And he was chewing on his hand as if he were so bored the only thing keeping him there was the partial distraction that god damned thumb granted. But, like everything between the two brothers appearances were entirely misleading, and Regulus was struck silent by the hurt he felt. Again he was eleven trying to catch up to his brother in the halls at Hogwarts, thinking if he could just talk to his brother things would go back to normal between them, only to be meet with silence, completely unacknowledged.

He looked down quickly because he knew everything had flashed across his face and he was not going to cry in front of his brother. He would not. Instead he bit down on his lip until it hurt and he was tasting blood.

The momentary sharp point of pain gave him the focus to remove the hurt from his voice, because he was so tired of his brother knowing just how much he hurt him, and say, “You can go, Sirius, you don’t have to be here.”

”Stop it!”

Sirius’ voice was loud and broke somewhere in the first syllable, and he was suddenly standing and all but shouting the words, which was as much a shock to him as it was to anyone else in that room - both the volume of the words spilling from him and the content. But Sirius’ thoughts were too fast and frantic and painful for him to filter them anymore. There was a buzz at the base of his skull and he felt like he might burst, like the pressure in his head and chest was too much for one person and he just wanted it all to stop.

“Stop fucking sending me away! I left once, you prick! I left once and now I’m back and I’m fucking trying! But you keep telling me to fuck off which, frankly, really bloody fucking rude and you know how pissing hard this stuff is for me! I’m here, aren’t I? I don’t have to be here, but I’m here. I’m always here, in these shitty motels with you, watching you puke and moan about how much you don’t want me and letting you stink the place out. Which is actually impressive because they’re pretty foul to start with… So stop fucking around and at least try and meet me halfway and I know I was a complete twat but I’m always a complete twat and you of all people should fucking know that because you’re a complete wanker most of the time too! I’m trying, Regulus, but it’s bloody impossible to do anything when you won’t even let me try! When you don’t even want me to try!”

Sirius stopped, mainly because he had to take a breath, and realised that at some point he had strode across the room and was now standing beside a chest of drawers. The animagus stood, bouncing on the balls of his feet like a coiled spring, rapping his fingers against the wood in a loud, harsh rhythm as he sucked in some much needed oxygen.

That shout was so startling that Regulus looked up speechless. He still had no words from before but now it seemed as if everything Regulus was feeling was being sucked away from him and then redirected back at him, unfairly so. And it mixed with the confusion and hurt in his head into a steaming pile of, well, shit, quite frankly. What was his brother on?

“Trying?!” Regulus spat when his throat had finally unseized. He stood and crossed the room to confront his brother because this was not on, his brother could not turn this around on him. All thoughts of Morgana and Juno right there watching this gone from his mind.

“What was the last thing you told me three weeks ago?!” And in a tone eerily similar to his brother’s he mimicked, “'You, I don’t care what you do, just stay the fuck away from me.' Sound familiar?”

“Did you think I wasn’t listening? You attacked me and then told me to fuck off and now you’re classifying that as trying?!”

Sirius was done breathing.

“I just said I was a wanker! I just said that! It was a wanky thing to do and I didn’t mean to fucking hurt you. It wasn’t as if I decided to do it. I wish I hadn’t! But for fucks sake! We were getting on, I thought. At least, we were doing a hell of a lot better than we had been since I was eleven fucking years old, and then you went and died and came back again and it was perfectly fucking clear that you didn’t want to be alive! That when I thought things were getting better you would rather be dead than sit in my fucking kitchen and have a coffee!!”

Sirius took a step forward, tugging at his hair, his eyes wide and bright.

“And I know you were pissed off because you thought I blamed you for Remus not being back, but I’m not a complete mental! I know that’s a mental thing to think, and I didn’t really believe it. But you wanted to be dead. You’d rather be dead than try and fix this whole fucking mess, this fucking thing She did to us. And then you effed off and wouldn’t talk to me, after I’d spent weeks beating myself up and destroying my fucking liver and almost fucking up things with Remus because I felt so shitting awful that you’d gone and died. And then you act shocked that I was pissed off? I’m not a saint, Regulus, but you’re hardly blameless either!”

“I want to be dead?” Regulus was sneering back before letting Sirius finish, their word bouncing off the other’s creating a cacophony that was sure to draw unwanted attention. “I wonder why that idea just won’t leave me alone. It wouldn’t have anything to do with my brother constantly telling me I’m a worthless pile of shite who doesn’t deserve to live. Nope, definitely not that!”

“I died saving your arse and you couldn’t even be bothered to be decent for fucking fifteen minutes when I came back and visited you. You were the first person I went to see. If I didn’t want to see you I wouldn’t have gone, you moron. Remember, I’m a Slytherin, we don’t just blindly jump into anything.” Unless it was fights with one’s brother, but who really had the cool collection to point that one mistake among many in this argument. “But you rejected me and you’re surprised I didn’t stand for it?! Not mental? That’s the very definition of mental.” Not quiet, but it did illustrate the actions of someone who might be mental.

“I’m not a fucking dog toy you can chew on and then discard whenever you wish, you fuckwit. It doesn’t work like that. I’m your fucking brother!” They were probably much too close for any observers comfort, but space was the only thing these two boy shared at the moment, asking them to give that up was madness. “Maybe instead of telling me I was worthless three weeks ago you could have started with ‘I shouldn’t have have done that’.”

“Enough.” Morgana’s voice was low but firm and it managed to carry. “I’m pleased more than you know that the two of you are opening up to each other,” Her tone was wry. She really hoped that once they calmed down that all this yelling would help solve … something, even the littlest bit in their relationship. However, all this was was yelling. Both voicing, rather loudly, their rather valid grievances and Morgana - currently - would rather have their ire on her since she doubted that either would stand down at this rate. Despite the fact that this place might not be the most reputable, she doubted that anyone could stand for this much yelling without coming to complain or see what was going on. She didn’t think either would take very well to an outside attempting to cool them down.

She took in a shaky breath and knew that her eyes had to be red. Even someone in control of their emotions, if they had any of their own, wouldn’t have been able to stand there and not be affected by what was going on between the brothers. Morgana was affectionate but she was only physically demonstrative with a few people - the two idiots standing in the room were quickly falling among those few. She wanted to hug them so badly. They’d just exposed so much to each other - as well as to her and Juno. It would be a heartbreak if something wasn’t resolved from this. “But, please … just -” She continued on helplessly. Morgana had never been at such of a loss for what to say as she was when she was with the two of them. She didn’t want to further exacerbate the situation.

Juno had been standing just inside the door, though she had been edging away from it as the confrontation escalated, not wanting to be in anyone’s way if they decided to beat a hasty retreat. Maybe if the pregnant muggle was blocking their exit they would actually think twice, but maybe not. She didn’t care to find out.

She kept glancing between Reg and Sirius, torn between sides. Wasn’t she supposed to be on Reg’s side? They both had old wounds, and new ones, and they’d both dropped the ball on mending things. Repeatedly. They weren’t likely to see each other’s point of view at this volume, but at least all the cards were out there.

It was like fifty-two pickup.

Juno sighed, and went to sit down in the chair that Regulus had pulled out for her earlier. “Can we please not get the manager to call the cops on us for a domestic disturbance?” she muttered under her breath.

The noise and pressure in Sirius’ head was stretched almost to breaking point, every word Regulus spat into his face clawing its way inside and scratching frantically at his skull, adding to the messy, tangled mess that was his thoughts. Energy crackled through him like a bright white light, and Sirius didn’t expect the bark of laughter to escape him.

“Oh, fucking hell. Could you be any more of a dick? You look for reasons to be angry with me. You’re just… shit!” Sirius’ vocabulary slipped dramatically into four letter word territory, the ability to construct a logical sentence stripped away with the remains of his rational thought. He was hurt, hurt and angry and confused and guilty and he felt each emotion so completely, so sharply it was like someone stabbing a blade repeatedly between his ribs.

Then Morgana was talking, and although Sirius could hear her obvious distress at the very loud disturbance they were making, he couldn’t tear his glare from his brothers, caught in an angry stalemate. Regulus was too close, close enough to touch, and the air and the walls seemed to be pressing in on him once again. He needed to get out of here, needed some space. But it would be a cold day in hell that he was the one to back down. Sirius had just opened his mouth to ignore Morgana and Juno and carry right back on with the argument, only at an even higher volume, when there was a banging at the door.

Sirius was thrown for a second. He hesitated, considering ignoring it. But then it happened again, only louder and more violent and insistent. Sirius spat out the worst word he knew and shoved past his brother to march to the door, spinning on his heel to walk backwards and spit words back at his sibling. “Shit, Regulus. You’ll have to find a new toilet to destroy yourself in.”

Then he was wrenching on the door and glaring out into the corridor, where he was met with the furious expression of a man who was really not wearing enough clothes. Sirius’ eyebrows disappeared into his fringe, and almost immediately an arrogant, infuriating smirk curled cruelly at the corner of his mouth and he braced an arm on the door-frame to hide the scene in the room from view. The stranger was around his height, and although broader in the shoulder he was also a good few years older than Sirius, who examined him with a haughty, cold stare.

“What the bloody hell is all the noise about? I was… You’re ruining my weekend! Have some fucking respect!”

Sirius stared for a moment. Then, with a dangerous edge to his voice, managed to reply. “I’m sorry. Come again? I couldn’t hear you over the sound of me not giving a flying fuck.”

“You attacked me! I don’t have to look for things to-“

Regulus did hear Morgana and whatever he’d been planning on saying died on his tongue. The quieter someone was the more likely he was to stop and listen. And Juno was even quieter. He shut his mouth, jaw clenched, shoulders tensed, nostrils flaring. As his brother walked towards the door he kept his back to him. Regulus usually did not get into yelling fits, too much energy wasted in a single, fleeting moment. And right now Regulus was running on very little energy.

If it was anyone else telling off some bloke at the door that line would have been funny but hearing his brother’s dismissal only incensed Regulus more and he lost track of the conversation.

This was going nowhere. It had always been Regulus to bend first on things, just letting people walk all over him, directing his choices and future. His brother was among that crowd. How many times since arriving in this city had Regulus gone running back to his brother for mere scraps of affection? It had resulted in his death once already, and while Regulus carried with him a constant death wish, this latest death experience hadn’t stuck and instead broke him more than he’d been before. That’s all his brother did for him, he kept chipping and picking and hitting away at him until he was in pieces that couldn’t be put back together again. Why was he in the wrong for trying to eliminate that from his life? God fucking dammit, why?!

He couldn’t do that again, not without an assurance, with the weight of a fucking god behind it, that his brother wouldn’t shatter him all over again.

With trembling hands from too much built up anger, and residual withdrawal pain, he reached for his socks and shoes. Time to go, time to end this stupid argument. Stilted fingers fiddled with the laces of his shoes but he couldn’t quite make the damn things twist into the right knots.

Just. Fuck.

Craning her neck, Juno caught just enough of a glimpse of the guy at the door to know she didn’t want to look. Ruining his weekend? Bah! Her eyes went immediately back to Regulus, and the shaking of his hands did not escape her notice.

“Regulus.” She was tempted to go to the door and tell the neighbor to fuck off herself, because if mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy. And Juno was not happy. “Regulus,” she said again, frowning at his shoes, “You should get some sleep. Sirius can take Morgana home...”

“What,” he answered, but when Juno didn’t continue he went back to trying to figure out his shoe laces, the goal was to get them tied before the man at the door left so that he could bolt. and then she was calling to him again. “What!” he didn’t mean it to come out has harsh as it did, but trapped in this room, angry with no way to release the pressure, and the sensation of finding that release in the contents of a syringe bubbling up at the surface, he was right back where he started at midnight.

But he bit his tongue again, because Juno was talking this time, same quiet voice. He breathed deeply a few times before answering in a much calmer voice than before, though he hardly felt that way, “What about you?”

“I don’t know,” she said softly. She didn’t want to leave him alone, not unless he was in his own apartment, closer to Merlin or someone he trusted. But she would go, if he asked her to go. “I could sit up with you until you fall asleep.”

His hands slowed and he thought. “Could-” he started but didn’t know if he could finish the request, if he had the right to even ask. But she’d offered to sit with him. “Could I go with you back to your pla-”

This time he was cut off by the noise at the door.

Sirius was rather enjoying venting his temper in the direction of the stranger, who seemed to angrily inflate a little more with every word they exchanged. Sirius wasn’t sure of what he was saying, couldn’t keep track of his own words with the speed they were flying out of his mouth. In fact, he was more or less oblivious to everything apart from his own painful mania and the way his nerves seemed to scream at every little thing. So he had no idea what was happening in the room behind him, was fighting to keep his attention directed firmly out into the corridor. On the other hand, Sirius and his rather imaginative use of language was only going to distract the furious, half naked man for a certain amount of time, and eventually his eyes seemed to drift over the older brothers shoulder and onto Regulus struggling with his shoes.

“Oh no!” The naked man spat. “No, he doesn’t think he can just waltz out of here, does he? You were both involved in making that fucking noise and I’m going to make sure you…” He seemed to hesitate, eyes narrowing as he took in Regulus’ struggle. “What the hell is wrong with him? Is he… Has he got some fucking problem? He looks like a…”

Sirius wand was in his hand, pulled from his back pocket in one fluid motion. He wasn’t sure where it came from, was again a little surprised by his own actions. But while it was fine for him to treat Regulus like this, Sirius had a remarkably low threshold for other people doing the same. It was probably ingrained in him from childhood, where he’d been the one who was bigger and louder and had stood in front when they faced their parents. The man looked mildly baffled, and Sirius’ blood rushed hot and thick through his ears and burnt in his veins. “Fuck. Off,” he snapped, voice rising. “Don’t you fucking talk about him like that, you fat shitting wanker.”

“Why?” The man looked slightly pleased at the reaction he’d suddenly got, his own voice rising to match Sirius’. “What are you going to do? What is that?” He laughed patronizingly, glancing at the wand. “Going to poke me in the eye?”

Then there was a flash of light and the smug smile died. Mainly because the man was hanging from mid-air by a pudgy ankle, squirming and squealing. Sirius’ lip was curled unpleasantly and his knuckles were white around the wand.

Morgana's attention turned from the situation toward the door. From then her focus was split between what was going by there and what was going on inside. Leaving Sirius alone in a temper with someone who would think nothing of further pushing his buttons was not a good plan. Though she couldn't see, she could easily follow the voices and since she had walked into the room this time, she knew just how many steps it was to the door. As long as nothing was in her way, she could get to it quickly enough.

Her focus shot toward Regulus when he responded harshly toward Juno; however, Morgana quickly had the sense to move toward the door. She hoped to provide the both of them a little more privacy.

She was part way to the door when she heard the man insult Regulus, her steps quickening but not quickly enough before heard him say something else before squealing. Morgana was out into the hall. She didn't have to go very far before she was bumping into Sirius.

Morgana pressed one hand flatly on his back, near his spine, in a soothing manner. She was more interested in calming him down enough to get away from the man then balancing herself; though she managed to do that easily enough. "Sirius." Her tone steady, barely higher than a low whisper but she knew he could hear her. "Let him go." She knew how easily he could move away from her or push her away. Nevertheless, Morgana wasn't worried about that. She had Sirius' temper facing her before and it was frightening. It had made her highly uneasy but she wasn't afraid of it now. Nor was she disgusted. Disappointed, yes. But if it'd been Arthur, her reaction might have been calmer but that was only because Morgana's magic was quicker to do damage and she had better control. Therefore, she couldn’t really bring herself to judge him right now. Not after the time that he had. While she did want him to let the man go, Morgana’s concern was Sirius. He needed to leave just as much as Regulus needed to be alone with Juno.

"Whatever it is you're doing, just let it go and please take me home."

Juno was nodding, her mouth open to tell Regulus that of course he could crash at her place, when she followed his look and the sight of Morgana’s rushing figure toward the door. Maybe the interrupting bull of a neighbor had been just what they needed to get Sirius to stop insulting his brother long enough to get things sorted.

She almost laughed to she the overweight stranger dangling upside down, midair, sputtering at the affront to his right to pitch a bitch fit. If Juno had been magically inclined, she might have done the same.

“Silencio, dude!” she said, pushing herself up from the chair, placing a hand on her low back and exaggeratedly thrusting out her pregnant belly. “He doesn’t need you to tell him he looks like ten miles of bad road through hell. He already knows. Now if you’re finished spoiling my weekend, I’d appreciate it if you’d just toss off to your own room now. ‘Kay-thanks- bye.” She gave a dismissive wave.

If the douche didn’t ‘toss off’ on his own, she had no doubt Sirius would bounce him for her.