InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "I am the Lizard King!"

Fred Burkle (ur_evitable) wrote in colligo_threads,
@ 2011-01-24 20:24:00

Entry tags:

wesley wyndam-pryce, winifred burkle

Who: Fred and Open
What: getting lost in her thoughts
When: late afternoon
Where: apartment #304A
Rating: PG
Status: Complete

Fred sat on the edge of her bed, staring at the blank wall in front of her. She'd tried so hard to act like everything was all right, to be as strong as the others, but now she was starting to cave under the pressure of it all.

Cave. Ironic choice of words. Five years in Pylea after being sucked through a portal, five years of being a cow slave, and then a fugitive. Five years of writing on cave walls, of trying to find a way back home, not to mention the ingredients to make something that could pass as a taco...

No, this wasn't the same; she knew this wasn't the same. For one thing, Wesley, Lorne, Faith, and Cordy were here with her. And, for another, she didn't have a collar around her neck that could make her head go all ka-plooey. Instead, she had a nice town, with an apartment, and a bank account, and okay, the other townspeople were a bit...zombie-like. Still, it could've been so much worse. She knew that.

So why did she feel like she was back in Pylea again? Why did she feel like all of it---LA, her parents, everything she associated with her life---was starting to slip away? The way her bedroom glowed when the sun hit her window just right. Her mom's voice. Angel, Spike, Gunn. Their mission. It was all floating away.

And there was nothing she could do to stop it.

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inperpetuity
2011-01-25 07:01 am UTC (link)

In some ways, Wesley couldn't bring himself to really believe that Fred was there in Colligo. His mind kept telling him that Fred was long gone, that it was Illyria and no matter how much he hoped things would change, they wouldn't. But in his heart he knew it was her, just as he'd always known with a sharp and painful certainty that Illyria wasn't, even when she had seemed so much like Fred his very soul ached.

So it was her, but there was still an awful uncertainty. He had spent so long mourning Fred that now he had no idea how to act around her. He still loved her in a terrifying and all-consuming way that he knew would break him if he lost her again, and he doubted he would ever stop, but the simple mechanics of talking to her escaped him. He felt like more of an idiot than he had in even those early days, when he'd been infatuated but terribly inept and she'd had no clue.

Still, he couldn't leave her alone, especially not in a strange place like this where apocalypses killed people so easily. He couldn't bear to stay away from her when she was here and whole and alive. Just being near her warmed something inside of him and made him feel like, just maybe, everything could be all right if he just believed. And so he found himself inside her flat, watching her as she sat lost in thought. After a long moment, he knocked on the door frame and stepped in. "Penny for them?" he said softly, giving her a small, fond smile. "I hope I'm not disturbing you. I just...wanted to see you, I guess."

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ur_evitable
2011-01-25 05:12 pm UTC (link)

Fred hadn't heard Wesley come in, hadn't even realized he was there until he knocked on the door frame. She looked up at him, unable to keep a small smile from her face, despite how she was feeling. He had a way of doing that to her---making her feel better, simply by being there. She knew it was selfish, but she was glad that he was in Colligo with her. He kept her from being overwhelmed, grounded her in what was real and good. And he was brilliant. If anyone could get them back home, it was Wesley.

"Not at all. I'm always happy to see you." She scooted over on the bed, patting the spot next to her, inviting him to sit down. "And they're not worth the penny. Just trying to figure it all out, ya know? The time lines, all of us arriving when we did, and everything with Cordy..."

She knew she wasn't exactly the best at keeping things to herself; what she was feeling tended to be written all over her face. Still, Fred was trying to keep it together. It wasn't fair to put this on anyone else. They were all in the same boat. Okay, so this boat just happened to resemble another Pylea-shaped boat. But it didn't matter, this was tough on all of them. She didn't need to add her own problems into the mix.

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inperpetuity
2011-01-27 04:09 am UTC (link)

There was no place other than Colligo where Wesley would wish to be now. It had little to do with his own death, and everything to do with the fact that Fred was here and alive and so achingly perfect he almost couldn't stand to look at her. He'd grown so used to the dull pain in his chest that came with her absence in his life, the emptiness that he felt whenever he looked at Illyria, and he had almost forgotten the exact shade of brown in her eyes or her smile and the way it warmed him to his very core. He felt almost more guilty about forgetting those things than he did about not being able to save her.

He moved to sit next to her when she scooted over, powerless against the desire to be closer. Her smile prompted his own, and it felt more real than it had in months. For the first time since he had been brought back by this place, he felt alive. "I'm glad for that, he said, reaching over and taking her hand in his. "I should hate to think you had grown tired of me." He smiled again, unable to keep the expression off his face. "And your thoughts are always worth far more than a penny...at least, they are to me. This place is terribly complicated, but I'm glad that Cordelia is here. I had missed her. And, as selfish as it might be to say, I'm glad you're here as well. I missed you."

He squeezed her hand gently, looking into her eyes. "But it's something more than just that," he said. "There's something else bothering you, isn't there? You know that you can talk to me, Fred, about anything. If something is the matter, I want you to tell me. I want to help you with your problems. That's what people do when they're-" He broke off and made an awkward little gesture. Feelings had always been a bit difficult for him. But he had lost her before, and he didn't want to risk not making his feelings clear. "That's what people do when they're in love with someone."

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ur_evitable
2011-01-27 04:37 am UTC (link)

Fred couldn't help it. He sat down next to her, took her hand in his, and she got butterflies in her stomach. It was so silly! This was such a serious time. They had so much to focus on, what with the being kidnapped and all. But being so close to him... and that smile... It was hard to concentrate. She spoke softly, "I could never grow tired of you. And I just had the same thought before you walked in---feeling selfish and guilty, because I'm so glad that you're here with me. ...I never got the chance to miss you. Don't really want to, either."

"...That's what people do when they're in love with someone."

Fred wasn't surprised when Wesley knew that there was something bothering her. She knew she wore her heart on her sleeve a lot of the time, but it was different with him. It wasn't about the obvious, it was about knowing. He knew her. Could feel when something was off. And yet, she still felt herself pulling back. They were all here, together, dealing with the situation one day at a time. What right did she have to whinge about it?

And then he told her he loved her and, well, that was a topic she didn't mind moving on to. Her small smile turned into a grin, "I'm so glad to hear you say that. I have to admit, I was kinda worried. I know you're from a little after me in the time line, and you've been here for a month, and I thought, well that's plenty of time to want to move on... And you didn't even know if you would see me again..." She closed her mouth, forcing an end to her rambling. Finally, she simply said, "I love you, too."

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inperpetuity
2011-02-02 08:28 pm UTC (link)

"And I'm eternally glad for that," Wes said with a smile when she said she could never grow tired of him. He had often worried that this feeling that had been building between them for years wouldn't survive the reality of a relationship, especially now when he still carried memories of her death and the creature she had become, but he was quickly seeing that wasn't the case. His feelings for Fred were the same as they had always been, stronger even, and he couldn't imagine loving anyone else. Fred was it for him, his ideal in every way. Perhaps it wasn't healthy to be so drawn to a person, but that was how it was with him.

"I can't imagine anything that would make me want to move on from you," he assured her with a smile, feeling almost giddy at the reciprocation of his admission. He had hoped, of course, but it was different to hear her say the words. It eased a sort of worry inside of him. "A month...a year...more than that even, I still would have waited for you, because you're worth it. More than worth it."

"But you're changing the subject," he said. There was still the matter of what was bothering her. He was quiet for a moment, considering everything, then he gave her hand a light squeeze. "This isn't Pylea. It isn't anything like that. Yes, it's dangerous here, but that could be said of any place. And I'm here, and Cordelia and Lorne too. You aren't alone here, Fred."

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ur_evitable
2011-02-02 09:26 pm UTC (link)

Fred's butterflies were now Mothra-sized. She nodded, "I feel the same way. It took us a while to find each other. Seems like there was always something in the way, keeping us apart. But we found each other, and that's all that matters. Even if we were separated again, I know it's more than worth the wait." She laughed lightly before adding, "Though I have to say, I'm glad the waiting is over. Felt like forever."

"...You aren't alone here, Fred."

She did her best to shrug it off, "I know that. I know this isn't Pylea. For one thing, there's real indoor plumbing. Oh, and they haven't made Cordelia queen. Well, not yet anyway." She tried to laugh again, but she knew it sounded forced.

Because to her, there was one major similarity and, really, that was all she needed. She was displaced. Taken from her home, from her time. And then the lines would start to blur again. She would start to question what was real, and what wasn't. Did LA ever exist? Did she ever make it back from Pylea, or did she just fall through another portal? Did she ever join Angel Investigations, did she ever make any kind of a difference, or was she just writing gibberish on cave and apartment walls? Wesley and the others, they grounded her. But they couldn't be with her all the time, could they.

What if she got lost again?

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