InsaneJournal

No. No, no, no, no, no. This wasn't happening.

That was the only thought flickering through Lucy's mind as she stood in the doorway and silently observed Harry's interaction with the Toclafane. She had been in their bedroom when she'd heard the all too familiar voices and, for a brief moment, had thought maybe she was hearing things. Then she had wondered if Harry had somehow gotten his hands on the film that showed the year of their life that never was - she knew it was available in the city, after all - and while she had wondered if he'd truly lost the rest of his mind for watching the thing on Christmas morning of all days, she had shrugged it off.

Then she heard him laugh. Then clap his hands. Then announce that 'most of them aren't even real' and Lucy had known. He wasn't watching something on the telly and she wasn't imagining things. The Toclafane were here, in the city, and Harry had just sent them out with full permission to slaughter everyone they came across.

So she'd made her way silently down the hall and paused at the doorway. Not daring to go any further until she'd sorted out just how she felt about this turn of events. The glee she'd felt what seemed like so very long ago, back home, wasn't present now. There was a touch of giddiness, a sense of nervous energy, and she was certainly glad to see Harry so undeniably pleased. However sometime between that year and the time she'd spent in this place, Lucy had come to realize there were still a great many things that mattered in life and that maybe encouraging the destruction of her own race wasn't the best way to go about experiencing those things.

Not that she would ever say that to Harry. She didn't have a death wish, after all. However she couldn't just pretend she was happy as she would have once been at what was happening. She also couldn't start chastising because... well, first of all she wouldn't dare be so presumptuous and secondly, what would she even say? Shaking herself from her thoughts, she finally managed to find her voice. Again, not to chastise or encourage but rather to simply ask, in a very quiet, wary tone, "Harry, what's going on?"

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When it came to Harry, people were either with him or against him. There was no in between, no shades of gray in which to hide. There was his way of doing things and then there was death and, unless you were the Doctor, those were essentially your only options. So while Lucy wasn't nearly as thrilled as her husband seemed to be, she also didn't pull away when he twirled or dipped her. In fact, a rather large part of her wanted nothing more than to just enjoy the moment of happiness and not risk ruining it with discussions Harry most likely wouldn't want to have.

Unfortunately, Lucy had spent enough time with the Doctor while in Colligo that she didn't find it as easy to simply be seen and not heard as she once had. Sometimes, she knew, it was the wisest course of action. However at this instance, she didn't think that was the case. Well. It was probably the best way she could ensure she didn't get on his bad side. But it also would ensure that the Toclafane went completely unchecked until there wasn't a person left alive... possibly even including her.

If asked, that would be the reason she gave for why she was speaking up now. If asked, she would insist she was merely looking out for herself and could easily use the last instance dealing with the Toclafane as to why she should do just that. However in her heart of hearts, Lucy knew the truth. Whether it was this place and the people in it, or her interaction with the Doctor, or something inside of her that had changed, she simply did not want to see the future of humanity descend upon this city and rip it to shreds. And while she knew there was very little possibility of convincing Harry to work to stop them purely out of the goodness of his heart, she hoped she could at least plant a seed of doubt that would eventually lead to the changing of his mind.

Or she could say something wrong, make him angry, and wind up beaten or worse for her trouble. Really, it was anyone's guess and a risk she knew she had to take. She just wasn't going to until she'd found the best way. So for the time being she simply settled for asking hesitantly, "Are you certain this is a good idea? After last time..."

She trailed off, jumping slightly and her gaze darting to the window across the room at the sound of screams coming from the streets below.

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When Harry raised his hands, Lucy couldn't help but flinch. She didn't dare pull away even if she was half convinced he was going to strike her. If she did pull away, she knew for a fact it would only make it worse. And as sick as it was - and she could admit it was certainly sickness of some sort that kept her with him - she actually felt a bit relieved when he didn't hit her but instead simply cupped her face. Yes, his grip was tight. Yes, his expression clearly showed he was on the edge. However she'd managed to at least speak up and not get struck for her effort, and Lucy was going to consider that a small victory in its own right.

As long as you don't shoot me again, we'll be fine.

The sentence made her stomach drop clear to her feet. The urge to respond was a strong one. The desire to point out if he'd simply call the Toclafane off they could avoid any chance of that happening was something she almost couldn't ignore. Fortunately for her, however, he turned from her and crossed to the window, effectively turning her attention to something other than an overwhelming need to speak out of turn yet again.

When he opened the curtains, Lucy hesitated. Part of her wanted nothing more than to leave the room. Where, she wasn't sure. Perhaps their bedroom. Perhaps the Doctor's TARDIS in the other bedroom. Hell, she'd be fine going into Harry's TARDIS if it meant escaping what she knew she was going to see if she looked outside. She didn't need to witness the invasion to know what it looked like. She didn't need to see the people being slaughtered to remember how it had happened before. She didn't want to see any of it, truth be told.

But Lucy had learned the hard way before that her needs didn't matter in the slightest unless the somehow suited Harry's desires in the moment, and that clearly was not the case here. So she forced herself to move toward him, each step feeling as though she were driving another nail into her coffin, until finally she was standing beside him. Her gaze slid from him to the window and, for one brief moment, she was back home again watching the Toclafane pour from the skies in overwhelming numbers.

She could all but feel the eyes of the others who had been on that ship boring into the back of her head and was half convinced, were she to turn and look, they would be standing there. She knew they weren't, though. They weren't back home. They were in Colligo, far away from anything and anyone she knew, and this was really happening all over again. A fact that was solidified in her mind as Harry pointed out they wouldn't be leaving even if Jack Harkness managed to show up and try to save the day all over again.

Eyes wide, Lucy inched forward ever so slightly and hesitant placed her hand against the smooth, cool glass. Her nose was nearly pressed into the hard surface as she tried to look directly below them at the people fleeing down the streets by the dozens.

"Oh, Harry..." she whispered softly, turning her gaze back to him. Her eyes shone with a mixture of worry, fear, and excitement that bordered almost on mania. It was perhaps the closest she'd come to looking like her old self - the Lucy she'd been when the invasion back home had started, before she'd been broken almost beyond repair. She blinked, looked back out the window in time to see an explosion light up the skies in the distance, and asked slightly worriedly as she instinctively stepped closer to her husband, "You're sure there's no way of stopping them?"

Because if there was a way, the Doctor would figure it out. And then her husband would become the most hated man in a city they couldn't leave.

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