InsaneJournal

Who: Messrs Moony and Padfoot.
What: Awkward mistletoe funtimes.
Where: Street in Colligo.
When: Wednesday afternoon.
Rating: Let’s give this one a resounding A for Awkward. And also for Adorable. But mostly Awkward.
Status: Complete.

Remus had been nervous around Sirius ever since he, James and Severus had enacted their well-meaning plan to resolve some of the differences between the Black brothers. He’d gone so far as to stay at Severus's flat until the full moon, though a large part of him was surprised that the older man had allowed it. It wasn't that he didn't trust and respect Severus, so much as he wasn't sure why the other wizard would subject himself to his company. But then the full moon had come, his first with the Wolfsbane potion, and Sirius had stayed with him. That had resulted in an awkward morning cuddle and, more important, a lessening of tensions. He was pretty sure they were past the point where Sirius was going to take revenge, which was why he was walking down the street, window shopping with his friend.

"I think Lily would like that, don't you?" he asked, pointing to a very pretty jumper in the window of a shop. The pale green would go nicely with her eyes, but was far enough from Slytherin green that James wouldn’t have fits about it. It was nice to just be doing normal things, something at which he was dreadfully out of practice. Part of him was still having trouble adjusting to not being at war. He jumped at sudden apparations and loud noises, and he was always on guard, but he was slowly relaxing with time. He might not ever let his guard down fully, but he seemed to be trying. Spending time with Sirius was certainly helping, even if it often ended up in hangovers and youtube videos.

Sirius, who was currently throwing back a boiling cup of strong, black coffee like it was pumpkin juice, burning off all his tastebuds in the process, turned to look at the jumper Remus was pointing out. He nodded, hair falling into his face, swallowing back the scorching mouthful too quickly, making himself splutter.

"You should give Prongs a heads up," he smirked, once he’d recovered. "I may have suggested he make her sex coupons using Phils' crayons and a colouring book." Sirius wriggled his eyebrows teasingly at his friend, shooting him a wicked grin, although at the same time subtly giving Remus a quick once over. His friend was still pale from the full moon, there was tension tightening his slender shoulders and dark bags under his eyes. But he was smiling and laughing, strolling alongside Sirius as they padded together between the lines of shops, peering into windows lit with bright, flashing Christmas displays. That was enough to make him feel a little better about everything that had happened. Things were getting back to normal. Ish. As normal as things ever were around here, at any rate.

"D'you reckon I should get Regulus something?" he asked, switching subject rapidly, peering into the next window. "I don't know...a toaster or something?"

Remus sighed fondly and rolled his eyes as Sirius apparently tried to kill himself with a cup of coffee. "Don't drink it so fast," he said mildly, "and maybe you’ll actually swallow some instead of coughing it all up." He was used to Sirius being a bit of a mess, so he wasn't really scolding so much as just commenting out of habit. He shook his head slightly, then focused his attention back on the shop window.

"I meant from us," he said, not thinking it was weird in the slightest that they tended to give joint gifts. "James can do the sex coupon thing if he wants...though I wager it might get him slapped. Maybe he can find her a pretty necklace or something, to soften her up so that she actually wants to use the sex coupons with him." He shot Sirius a small grin, almost as if to assure his friend that he really was all right. He was tired, to be sure, but he’d had far worse full moons. The potion had helped more than he had ever expected it to, and that reminded him that he really ought to pick up something nice for Severus. The other man really had been quite a help. He added it to his mental list of gifts he still needed to buy, right under Lily and a tentatively listed Dora. He wasn't sure if he should get her something, or if it would just be awkward. He'd read the books, and he now knew that this Dora was married to a future version of him. It was a lot to take in. He already had gifts for James and Sirius, and he had things in mind for Harry and his family, as well as Ron and Hermione.

"I think it could be nice," he said after a moment's consideration, when Sirius asked him about a gift for his brother, "though I hardly know what he'd do with a toaster. Is there a reason you think a toaster would make a fine gift for your brother?"

Sirius batted away the comment about his coffee-drinking technique, throwing the empty cup over the pavement, where it narrowly avoided whacking a small child in the head on its way into falling into a bin. "Sure," he agreed, in reference to the jumper for Lily, smirking at the comment about their other best friend, his next comment fond and good natured. "James' jewellery-buying ability is mediocre at best. That bloke can tell a decent broomstick from three streets away, but anything that sparkles has him running for the snowy and distant hills."

Sirius was peering into the shop window by now, examining the shining metal Muggle appliances heaped in the display. He could see Remus reflected in the glass behind him, looking politely confused and almost swamped in his winter coat. "I dunno. What are you supposed to buy family for Christmas? And he likes toast. I think. Everyone likes toast." Sirius straightened up, pushing his hair from his face as the dark curtain of locks swung down in front of his eyes and he turned back to face Remus.

"Anyway, I'm trying to beat the pureblood fascination out of him with crude and insensitive hints." He had to admit, as furious as he had been with Remus and James after the whole 'locking people in a cupboard' fiasco, it hadn’t been a complete disaster. It had, of course, been a bloody stupid idea. But then again, most of their ideas were. And it had worked... As much as Regulus infuriated Sirius, he hadn’t been downright cruel to him since that day, which was a bloody Christmas miracle in itself.

"Shall we go grab that jumper then?" Sirius grinned perkily at his friend, then grabbed his elbow and tugged him along behind him as they backtracked towards the previous shop. Then something stopped him. Sirius frowned, stopping and turning quickly so Remus all but collided into him. Something had changed, something hauntingly familiar, only in a way that was too pleasant for him to want to consider it too closely. Like something soft had been wrapped around him, making him all warm and comfortable in the cold street, filling his mind with a thick and gentle fog.

Sirius had swung around to face Remus, his gloved hand still wrapped around the werewolf's slender arm. For a moment, he stared at him, oblivious to the mistletoe hung from the doorway above them. Remus' eyes were a very weird, pale shade of grey blue this close to the moon, set off by sharp, graceful cheekbones and – bloody hell – how could anyone even see with eyelashes that long? That couldn't be natural. Sirius realized he was staring gormlessly, and quickly pulled his usual charming grin back into place. Once again, his sub-conscious was screaming at him, but once again, it was being ignored. "You know, Moony, you need to stop questioning things," he informed his friend, only partly talking about the toaster. "Like my present choices, and...stuff..."

And then he ducked his head and pressed his lips gently against Remus'. Because honestly, what else was he supposed to do when those eyes were fixed on him?

Remus had to fight the urge to scold Sirius for the near miss with the child, settling for a mild rebuke. "Try not to toss things at small children. Their parents tend not to appreciate it." Then his focus returned to the topic of gifts. "All right," he said. "That's one we can mark off the list then." He liked being organised and prepared. It always put him in a calmer mood. "As for James...we can help him out on that score. Between the two of us, we can more than make up for his lack of taste in that department." He glanced over at Sirius. "Which reminds me. Do you have a flavour of the week for whom you'll be needing a gift?" The question was curious rather than judgemental, because he’d spent enough years as Sirius’s friend to be used to his philandering tendencies.

Remus glanced over the muggle appliances with vague interest, not overly impressed by them. He’d spent his share of time in the muggle world, so he wasn't exactly awed by things like toasters and blenders. He was suddenly reminded of the time Daisy Hookum had done an article on blenders, shortly after they'd graduated. Sirius had gone out and bought five of the things and the kitchen had been a disaster area for weeks after that. It had hardly been the first time he’d suffered as a result of Sirius's impulse buys. The motorbike was another example, and he'd been forced, amid fervent protests, to ride on the blasted thing more times than he could count. Still, he could rarely bring himself to be truly annoyed with his friend.

"I guess it could be a nice gift," he said, "especially for helping him with the whole pureblood fascination bit...but it seems terribly impersonal for a family member. Isn't there something he...I don't know...likes? Regulus likes things, doesn't he? Everyone has things they like. Non-toast things, I mean." He gave Sirius a small smile. "But if you'd rather stick to crude and insensitive hints, then by all means, buy him a toaster. I'm sure we can find a nice red one.” Because he could be devious when he so chose. He was just glad that the Cupboard Fiasco had done some good. He would have hated for it to be a waste of time.

"That sounds like an excellent plan," he said, letting himself be pulled along without complaint. He was rather used to the treatment, and it was nice in a familiar and comforting way. Then Sirius was stopping and turning all too suddenly and they were closer than Remus had expected. Closer than he was entirely comfortable with. He stared up at Sirius, wide-eyed and uncertain, thinking they should probably continue on their way but making no real move to do so. There was something pleasant and warm about just standing there, looking up at Sirius. He was oblivious to the fact that they were just standing like idiots in the shop doorway, completely focused on his friend.

There was snow in his hair and his eyes seemed darker and more intense than usual, and Remus’s arm felt strangely warm where his hand was gripping it. His breath caught in his throat, and he realised that he was just staring up at his friend. Absently, he wondered if this was how all those girls felt when they got caught by Sirius’s charms. "All right," he said, "I won't question your superior judgement regarding pres-" His reply was cut off when Sirius kissed him, the action unexpected but completely and utterly brilliant. He didn't even think about it, couldn't think about it if he was honest, just kissed him back. It was nice. It was better than nice. He wasn't even sure if there was a word for it.

It didn't cross Sirius' mind that they were stood in a completely exposed section of doorway, more than open to the curious gazes of passers by, who may or may not include people they knew and would recognize them. It was unexpectedly...nice to be kissing Remus. In Sirius' mistletoe-addled head, he couldn't help but think it was the kind of nice that he should have explored an awful lot earlier. And Remus was kissing him back, which was also a good thing, because it was never fun to be rejected from a kiss and this was such a very good kiss it would have been a shame to miss out. The hand not wrapped around Remus' arm skimmed up to tilt the shorter boys jaw, deepening the kiss as they stood together under the mistletoe, huddled in the snowy doorway of the crowded main street.

He didn't know how long they stood there, wrapped together. Remus was slender beside him, and smelt comfortingly of those odd cigarettes he smoked and something a little canine, with a bit of that bookish-library smell wrapped in for good measure. Sirius could still taste the coffee on his own lips, was sure the other boy would taste it too, and he was mildly disappointed when he realized that at some point this week he would have to come up for air. This was definitely another point for the 'we should have gills' argument he’d been debating with James. The animagus finally pulled back, his cheeks a little flushed, gloved hand still curled gently around Remus’ sharp jaw as he met the werewolf's pale gaze with his own.

Then reality hit.

It was Moony. That wasn't...He shouldn't have...He was...Oh, shit! Sirius snatched his hand back, the flushed colour vanishing from his cheeks like someone had pulled out a plug. "I...Uh..." he managed. It took a lot to make Sirius Black speechless – any of his old Professors would probably have died of shock. But a fucking amazing kiss from Remus Lupin in a public place seemed to have done the job quite nicely. "Uh..." he said again.

Normally, Remus would have cared that they were kissing in the doorway of a shop, standing where anyone passing could see them. He was a private person and someone who didn’t really get involved in romantic entanglements, too awkward and uncomfortable to really take that sort of step. But none of that mattered in the face of a truly spectacular kiss with Sirius Black. And maybe the mistletoe was messing with his head, though he couldn't have known that, but he couldn’t help wondering why they had never done this before. Surely one of them, as clever as they were, should have seen the potential in this sort of activity. He didn't even protest as Sirius tilted his head to deepen the kiss, just gave a low, breathy sigh and fell into it with an ease that would unsettle him when he had his senses back.

He could smell leather and grease and all sorts of other things that made him think of motorcycles and mischief, and the kiss tasted of coffee and cigarettes and Sirius, the sensations conspiring to make him feel dizzy. Or maybe that was the need for oxygen. But oxygen could go screw itself, because this was too nice to worry about silly things like breathing. His hands gripped Sirius's jacket tightly as if he might fall over without something to hold him up, and it was entirely possible that was true. Then Sirius pulled back and the world slid back into focus, Remus's stomach dropping as he realised what had just happened. They had kissed. Sirius had kissed him.

All of a sudden he felt unsteady for a wholly different reason. Where Sirius paled, he flushed with embarrassment and shame, the full weight of what had happened hitting him like a well-placed hex. He just stared, eyes wide and expression stunned, as he tried to sort out what had just happened. It had been good, so much more than good, but that didn't mean it made sense. "I..." he started, but faltered as he tried to think of what to say. I'm sorry. I don't know why I did that. I'm confused and uncomfortable and hopelessly infatuated with you right now and I sincerely hope that passes because I know you would never go for someone like me. Several possibilities passed through his head, before he settled on something.

"Incendio." It served the bloody mistletoe right, even if setting the plant on fire might have been something of an overreaction.

Oh fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. That fucking mistletoe. He was glad it was currently on fire. Running a hand over his lightly stubbled jaw, Sirius stepped quickly back from Remus. This was a hard thing to do in the space the doorway provided, but completely necessary because with that ridiculous, hopeless, bloody adorable face looking at him with his lips all bruised and flushed and his cheeks colouring a dramatic scarlet, Sirius' stupid head was quite up for kissing him again. Mistletoe or no mistletoe. You should say something right about now, a second voice piped up. Anything will do. Just say something.

Sirius battled with himself, finally using an incredible amount of self control (which he hadn’t known existed either) to push his suddenly crumpled hair back from his eyes and shift a careless, if slightly awkward smile into place. After all, Sirius Black did not get embarrassed. He did not do awkward. He certainly never kissed people then felt like he might either spontaneously combust from embarrassment or puke from the incessant twisting in his stomach. He wasn’t like that. He never cared enough for that. And certainly not about Remus, who was his best mate and easy on the eyes and clever and funny and brilliant and everything but...It wasn’t even the fact that he was a bloke. The fact that Sirius would go for anything with a pulse was a fact that was well-established. But it was Moony. It was his Remus, and that was a problem. It was just...wrong.

Joke, he decided. Brush it aside and then they’d both laugh and shrug and everything would be fine. Don’t think about what had just happened because it made something in his chest ache and that was completely mental and uncalled for and not something that ever happened to him.

"Sorry," Sirius finally offered, sheepish, fake grin still very much in place, hand pushing long hair back and knotting through the dark strands. His voice wasn’t quite right - a little strained. "Fucking mistletoe, eh? At this rate no one's going to get any bloody work done... It's very counter-productive to go around snogging all the time..."

The most disconcerting thing about it, Remus decided, was that a part of him still wanted to kiss Sirius, even with the mistletoe dying a fiery death above their heads. It certainly wasn't the first time he’d considered the fact that his best friend was a very attractive man, but he’d never acted on it. For one, it was his best friend, and he didn't want to jeopardise that relationship. For another, he had never been good at the whole relationship thing. He tended to avoid them as a rule, because of his condition. But now Sirius had gone and kissed him and he couldn't help thinking about what it might be like to kiss him again. And that was, quite possibly, completely insane. Because he couldn't just go and wreck things over one utterly brilliant kiss.

And then Sirius gave an awkward smile and made a joke and Remus's stomach dropped a little, because things were awkward. And he hated that they were awkward. Stupid bloody mistletoe. Stupid blood Sirius twisting him around until he wasn’t sure what to think. He'd been perfectly fine not worrying about things like this. More than fine. He'd been happy not caring about things like this. And now he did and it was just stupid because Sirius would never go for someone like him. It was pointless to think that he would. He had managed for almost ten years without falling for Sirius’s charms, why should now be any different just because of one perfectly wonderful kiss? "Right," he said softly. "The mistletoe...it’s terribly annoying. I mean...I...we should finish up...with the shopping. Because...we still have shopping to do and we really ought to finish it up."

He thought over what he had just said, simultaneously mourning the apparent death of the English language and wondering when he had become a complete idiot who couldn't string a sentence together. It was possibly the most tragic part about all of this, excepting the one bit where he might have fallen a little stupidly in love with his best friend.

It was awkward. Merlin, it was very bloody awkward. Sirius hated that mistletoe. Why hadn’t he realized how the stupid stuff could get him? He’s have made more than an effort to avoid it if he'd known. But then he wouldn't have just shared that kiss with Moony and would be trudging around the place stupidly unaware of how good at that particular activity Remus actually was. And that was a waste of talent in anyone's eyes. The other boys face was still a rather spectacular shade of Gryffindor red, and Sirius felt a light pang of protective guilt. He hadn’t meant to make Remus feel bad. He...he hadn't really known what he’d meant to do... Then Remus was stumbling through a badly constructed sentence and the awkward was back, mixed with the guilt of being the one who had made him so attractively nervous and the confusion of the fact that he'd just described his best mate as attractively anything.

Merlin, what was happening to him? It was just a kiss. A stupid kiss brought about by mental mistletoe. It wasn't as if he hadn’t been experiencing plenty of those over the last few days. Although, admittedly, none had been quite so… lengthy. Or enjoyable. Sirius mentally kicked himself, shoving whatever half-baked musings concerning Remus to the back of his mind. He needed to get a fucking grip. It was Moony.

"Right!" Sirius announced, decisively and loud enough for several heads to turn. "Shopping." He reached to grab Remus' arm again, but at the last moment decided against it and slipped his hands instead into his jacket pockets, loping off in the direction of the shops with tense shoulders and hurried, elegant strides. The next hour wasn't much better. Of the sixty minutes, Sirius spent about thirty replaying the kiss, twenty feeling awkward and fighting the instinct to repeat it, and ten dramatically and loudly attempting to haggle with a confused shop attendant, which proved to be a welcome distraction.

Soon they were back out in the streets, both clutching a series of bags. Sirius was rifling through his, trying to find which he'd casually dropped his wand into. Also, it gave the added benefit of saving him from meeting Remus' probing blue gaze again. Which had been the start of all this anyway. So really it was his fault. "You coming back home tonight?" he asked, hair masking his face like a dark curtain as he rooted through the plastic carriers.

Remus hated the awkwardness. If there was one thing that could be said about him and Sirius, it was that they weren’t awkward. Even after the Incident They Do Not Speak Of, they hadn’t been awkward. That had been more anger and disappointment on his part and guilt on Sirius's. But it hadn’t been awkward. Now, they could barely look at each other and Remus was overwhelmed by the confusion that kiss had inspired. He'd give anything to take back that moment, even if it meant never knowing how great Sirius was at kissing, if it meant they could have their normal easiness back.

He noticed, of course, when Sirius held back from grabbing his arm, and he felt a stab of disappointment at the action. He didn’t want things to change or become weird, but he just didn’t know how to fix it. What was done was done. They had kissed, thanks to some evil mistletoe, and now they were awkward. And the worst part was that he didn’t know why. They had only kissed because of the mistletoe, and Sirius couldn’t possibly know how much Remus had liked it. Or could he? Was Sirius acting odd because of some psychic kissing sense that just told him Remus had enjoyed the kiss more than he should have? Was he uncomfortable with the idea that Remus might like him? Sirius did kiss a lot of people, so it was entirely possible that...Remus paused at that thought and mentally smacked himself. Psychic kissing sense? What the hell was he thinking?

The awkwardness seemed to dissipate as they shopped, able to focus their attention on things besides one another, but it returned full force once they were done. Remus noticed the way Sirius pointedly didn’t look at him and only just resisted the urge to just grab hold of him and force him to stop being so avoidant. They’d kissed! What was the bloody problem? But that would have involved a confrontation he wasn’t quite ready for, so instead he simply focused on Sirius's question. "Yes," he said. "I’m coming home. I mean...if you want me to. I'd like to. I just wanted to give you some space after...yes. I'll come home."

Sirius felt a rush of relief at Remus’ answer, and he looked up from his wand-locating endeavours to grin happily across at his friend. For a moment things were normal. He'd missed having Remus about, moaning at him for leaving a trail of mess and destruction and for eating straight from cans. Groaning at his odd love for muggle kitchen gadgets. Of course, he'd been bloody furious with him for a while, fuming silently, the rage only intensified when he'd realized where the fair haired boy had been staying. But he was more or less over it now, and in light of recent events… well, he had other things to preoccupy him.

"I need to swing by Eames'," he told Remus, turning his attention back to his bag. "I left the bike there the other night. I ate about twelve pickled eggs then nearly puked. Aha! There you are, you little bastard." Sirius emerged from his shopping, wand held victoriously in one hand. He shot Remus a triumphant grin, doing his best to act completely normal and not like his head was about to cave in with the madness of it all. Not now they were back to sharing the flat. He didn’t want to make him change his mind. Stop thinking about it, he told himself. You're being an idiot. It was just that weed hanging over your head. How many people have you kissed? Grow a pair.

"I can just meet you back at the flat?" he checked, fingers curling around his wand while he lifted the bags with his other hand. Sirius smirked smoothly, hoisting one eyebrow in a familiar expression. Completely normal, he reminded himself. Not awkward at all. Stop thinking about snogging. It was just the mistletoe. "Unless you need help collecting anything from Snivellus's?" He could use an outlet for his sudden confusion, after all. And winding Snape up to the point that his face did that blotchy pink thing seemed perfect.

"All right," Remus said with a small smile. "I would hate for your bike to get jealous and start pining for you. Eames might seduce her, rascal that he is." He was just teasing, but suddenly the teasing felt almost uncomfortable. Maybe it was best not to make those sorts of jokes for a while. He used Sirius’s exclamation as a welcome distraction. "Found your wand, I take it? Unless you're hiding James in there. It’s a distinct possibility that you would." He just wanted the normality back. The problem was, he wasn't sure how to get it.

"I actually have my stuff with me," he said. "Shrinking charm on my trunk. It's in my pocket. So...there's no reason to bother Severus." But he didn’t really want Sirius to go. A small part of him was worried that if Sirius left, things would just get more awkward and he’d go and move in with James and Lily as a means of avoiding him. It was irrational, but it still worried him. Still, he didn’t want to seem like a complete idiot, so he just gave Sirius a small smile. "I guess I'll see you back at the flat," he said finally. "Go on then. You don't want to keep Lucinda waiting." Because of course Sirius' bike had a name. And of course Remus knew it.

They were best friends, after all. Awkward snog aside.

Sirius scoffed. "James’ ego would never fit in that bag," he grinned, probably the most hypocritical statement of the day, but who was really keeping track of who was arrogant and who wasn’t? Still, he couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed that he couldn’t go bother Snape for a little while, and it showed on his face for a second. Perhaps he’d go anyway. Jinx his cauldrons to dance or something. Blow off some steam. After all, despite the jokes, there was definitely something different between himself and Remus. Something pushing them apart, fear or confusion of embarrassment – it was hard to tell. But it made him shift uncomfortably.

Ah. Lucinda. She hadn’t been called that in a while, Sirius mirrored Remus’ faint smile, head cocking in a canine manner as he stared at his friend, a faint frown wrinkling his brow even as he smiled, his dark eyes suddenly thoughtful as he considered the question that had been bothering him for...well, at least five minutes. As he mulled something over, Sirius managed a quick retort. "She’d wait forever for me. I am her one and only. Ours is the love that will never fade."

Then there was a seconds silence, before Sirius’ infamous ‘oh, fuck it’ reflex kicked in and he stepped sharply forward, free hand pulling on Remus’ coat and swooping down to kiss him again. The dark haired boys lips grazed his friends gently, curiously, testing something out, before suddenly pressing a little harder, moving a little closer. It only lasted a moment, then Sirius had pulled back again, cocking Remus a teasing, strangely triumphant grin.

"Just...checking something. S’later Moony."

And then the spot he’d been standing in was empty, and cold air rushed to take his place.

Remus would have said something, either about James’s ego or the dubious nature of the motorbike’s love for Sirius, but then the prat had to go and kiss him again. And with no mistletoe this time. It was just a nice kiss that made his head spin and left him a little weak in the knees. He had no idea why Sirius had done it, but he had. And Remus couldn’t help kissing back. Except then Sirius was pulling away, grinning as he explained that he just wanted to check something. And then he apparated away, leaving Remus feeling rather gobsmacked.

He stood there for a long moment, stunned, bringing his hand up to touch his fingers to his lips as he tried to process what had just happened.