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cowardlydevoted ([info]cowardlydevoted) wrote in [info]colligo_threads,
@ 2010-09-01 16:25:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:!closed, #complete, peter pettigrew, sirius black

WHO: Peter Pettigrew & Sirius Black
WHAT: Peter is stupid. Sirius is angry. The two meet.
WHERE: Sirius's falt
WHEN: A few hours after this
RATING: PG-13
STATUS: In Progress

This was a bad idea. Peter knew that it was a risk, and that he might not be coming back from this situation, but he also knew that if he stayed hidden in his flat the whole time, he'd never have some sort of resolution. And in this place, there might be a resolution that wasn't available before with James and Lily not being dead. Lingering outside of Sirius's flat, staring at the door for a long moment, it took a great deal of courage for Peter to raise his hand and knock. The sort of greeting he was going to get was unknown, but his wand was tucked firmly in his top pocket, and he replaced his hands in the pockets of his jeans.

If Sirius wanted to hurt him, he wasn't going to fight it. If there was anything he deserved, it was a good, sound thrashing. In the least.


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[info]pad_foot
2010-09-01 09:11 pm UTC (link)
Sirius sat on the sill beside the open window, a chipped breakfast bowl balanced beside him and acting as a makeshift ashtray. The main room of the flat was full of a fine mist of sharp smelling smoke.

The dark haired man sat silently, taking long, deep drags on his fourth cigarette in an attempt to calm the shaking of his hands. He'd been trying to cut back, but even his impromptu visit to Rose an hour ago had done little to calm him. He'd been having such a good day - him, Prongs and Moony out causing trouble just like they'd done before Pete had cocked it all up. And now look. The stupid bastard had gone and done it all over again!!

Sirius scowled furiously to himself, then froze the moment the tentative knock sounded. For a moment he considered just leaving it. He'd left his wand with Rose, not trusting what he would do with it once he laid eyes on Wormtail's chubby, sweaty little face, and he was suddenly lost without it. Slowly, Sirius got to his feet, the lit cigarette dangling between his lips as his hand curled uselessly into a fist at his side.

Then he was at the door, glowering out at the familiar face with such hatred he doubted he'd recognize himself. His stomach contracted, bile clawed at his throat until he wasn't sure if he wanted to vomit, scream or cry. He couldn't speak, couldn't even move. All he could do was stare.

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[info]cowardlydevoted
2010-09-01 09:39 pm UTC (link)
Peter wasn't sure what to say as he stared up at Sirius, more actively aware of their height difference than he ever had been before. But they weren't going to make any progress just standing there staring at each other even if it meant that he wasn't getting pummeled at the moment. Glancing up at Sirius before glancing back behind Sirius into the apartment, quirking an eyebrow at the smoke cloud still wafting about in the air.

"Those things are going to kill you one of these days," Peter said, his voice even as he looked back up at Sirius. "So. Are we going to just stand about in the hallway, or are you going to invite me in?"

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[info]pad_foot
2010-09-01 10:06 pm UTC (link)
It was funny, he thought, how Pete still looked the same. He could easily still be one of his best friends. The one who would do almost anything they asked of him, would come up with mad ideas which usually morphed into some of the groups greatest schemes. The boy he'd defended all those times in classrooms and corridors. But he wasn't that person anymore, Sirius reminded himself. He never would be again.

Regret twisted momentarily with the hate in the pit of his stomach, then was drowned out.

He continued to stare for a long moment, letting the tension mount to almost breaking point, until it was almost suffocating. Then he lifted his hand to his mouth, plucked the cigarette from his lips and released a plume of smoke slowly from his flared nostrils. That feeling was pushing up again, casting a red mist over his thoughts and vision until nothing else existed. He could hear his own heart strumming in his ears, picking up its pace dangerously.

Sirius placed the cigarette back between his lips, curled his fingers into a fist at his side, and ploughed it directly into Wormtail's jaw. He felt the satisfying crack of bone against bone, a fiery pain that ripped across his knuckles as the skin tore. Good. When he spoke, his voice caught.

"You fucking bastard."

Then he turned and strode into the flat, leaving the door open behind him so the smoke began to seep into the corridor, like a ghost.

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[info]cowardlydevoted
2010-09-01 10:27 pm UTC (link)
Peter had been expecting that. He'd been expecting it, and yet, that didn't change how much it took him by surprise, knocking his head back and leaving him dizzied. Taking a few moments to center himself, Peter blinked the stars out of his eyes, rubbing his jaw quietly and trying not to think about just how much that was going to bruise tomorrow. Watching Sirius's back, Peter took a deep breath (as much as he could with the smoke filtering out around him) before following him into the flat and closing the door behind him.

"Well, I suppose that's better than traitorous little rat," Peter said, a quiet resignation in his voice, shoulders still hunched as he stood just in front of the doorway and let his eyes slowly glance around the flat. "Some things really don't change, do they?" Peter asked almost to himself as he sighed and moved to tidy up a few things. Sometimes he'd thought that Sirius would live buried in trash if someone wasn't around to clean up after him, and right now, he figured he had the answer to that. And it was true. "You realize this is how people get Cholera, right?"

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[info]pad_foot
2010-09-01 10:40 pm UTC (link)
Sirius' hand flexed at his side, feeling the gentle, reassuring ache that came as his knuckles swelled. His long legs kicked violently through the rubbish that littered the floor, carried him to the open window in three furious strides. The young man shoved his head out, taking a few deep breaths of clear, crisp evening air and flicking the butt of the cigarette away. It glowed as it floated down, a single orange spark that flickered and died as he watched it.

"Don't," he told the night, his eyes slamming closed. "Don't pretend you're my friend." He was so angry his voice shook and caught hoarsely in his throat. He wished for his wand again, even without it could feel the fatal curse balanced on the tip of his tongue. His hands shook as his fingers curled tightly around the windowsill.

"What do you want, Wormtail?" He turned, rounding on his old friend. Sirius' handsome face twisted grotesquely around his emotion. "What the FUCK do you want?"

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[info]cowardlydevoted
2010-09-01 11:00 pm UTC (link)
What did he want? A simple question was an oddly complex answer, one that he could hardly give in any whole or honest way, as he set about picking up the larger bits of trash and attempting to locate a bin. "I'm not pretending," Peter said quietly, picking through the flat carefully until he found himself on the opposite sit of the flat and actually locating something that looked that a trash bin. Unsurprisingly, it was empty. "Just because I've screwed up doesn't mean I've stopped caring."

Because that much was true, whether Sirius believed him or not, and even if he couldn't just give Sirius a straight answer and be done with it, Peter did want to at least attempt to get his point across somehow. Somehow.

Peter shrugged at Sirius's last question before deciding he might as well give him an answer, even if it was a bad one, "A time turner?"

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[info]pad_foot
2010-09-01 11:17 pm UTC (link)
Sirius glared as the shorter man set about cleaning up the quite frankly disgusting apartment. It was a simple gesture, probably something he'd done a thousand times before when they'd roomed together in Hogwarts and when he'd visited his London flat. But now it made him feel sick to his stomach. How dare he?! How fucking dare he swan in here and act like he had any right to...

Sirius growled, an oddly canine noise that rumbled in the back of his throat, fighting past the lump that stopped words forming as he stormed over the room and grabbed the bin from Wormtail. It flew angrily across the room, cracking against the wall and spilling its meager contents back onto the floor. Abbott would complain about the noise, a voice mumbled at the back of his head.

Then something clawed up his throat so painfully that for a moment he thought he was going to be sick. Laughter exploded from Sirius, and he reached up to wrench his own hair, his eyes suddenly wide and mad.

"What the fuck?" He laughed again, manically. "What the fuck Peter? Am I supposed to feel sorry for you? Honestly? You want me to tell you it's all okay, that I understand?!" He released his hair, taking another stride towards the fair haired man, looming over him. "You kill them, Pete. James and Lily." The laughter died, replaced by a raised voice and a towering fury as his fist clenched again. "They die, and it's all your FUCKING fault!!"

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[info]cowardlydevoted
2010-09-02 02:43 pm UTC (link)
"Do you think I'm going to forget that?!" Peter yelled back, for the moment not completely concerned for his own well being. It wasn't as though he needed a consistent reminder of what he'd done, of what had happened. He knew all too well, the images of the house in Godric's Hallow in ruins with James and Lily's bodies just laying there in the rubble were burned into his brain, Harry's distressed screams etched into recesses of his mind that he would never be able to clear. And he knew that it was his fault. "I don't need to be reminded!"

The Peter Pettigrew that they had known at school was one to rarely get angry, often calm and collected about situations that would send even the most well tempered man into a blind rage, but now, his features were creased with a fiery annoyance as he glared up at Sirius.

"I don't want your pity. I don't want anyone's pity! You see, this, this is why I didn't speak up earlier," He said, jabbing a finger into Sirius's ribs. "Because no matter how sorry I was, no matter how much I knew I had fucked up, it would always come down to what the grand fucking Sirius Black thought. And you haven't got a goddamn sympathetic bone in your entire body! Because it's not like Sirius Black ever fucked up and nearly got someone killed."

There was a line that he'd crossed, bringing up the incident with Snape that they had all agreed a long time ago to just let lie, but right now, Peter didn't care. He honestly didn't care.

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[info]pad_foot
2010-09-02 03:17 pm UTC (link)
There were a million ways in which Sirius Black was different from the rest of his family, but there was one thing in which they all had in common. They all felt things too hard, flailed between emotional extremes in a way that was almost pathological. And right now Sirius' whole system was so flushed with emotion he could barely breathe, and every logical thought was clogged with red mist.

Still, even he was frozen for a moment as Pete, quiet, clumsy Pete, yelled right back at him, one finger prodding Sirius straight over his heart. Then the surprise broke like a wave, and fury rushed back in its place. His hand flew up without him recognizing it, catching Peter violently in the side of the head with his open palm. "That's not the same," he hissed, spitting the words out venomously. "I am nothing like you. Anyway, who stopped me?"

He glowered down on his old friend, and suddenly, horrifically, his eyes felt itchy and bright. "James is better than all of us. And you... you betrayed him. You handed his child, your best friends child to Voldermort. And for what?" God, he wished he'd kept his wand now. Promise or not.

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[info]cowardlydevoted
2010-09-02 03:33 pm UTC (link)
Wasn't the same. Wasn't the same, his ass. Sirius had betrayed a secret that they had all promised to protect just as easily a breathing. How the hell was that not the same? But even as the rage started to remount, the hand landing hard against the side of his head knocked it all away, a stunned daze settling over Peter as he listened to Sirius's words, the embers in the fire damping down until there was nothing left but a smoldering guilt as he looked back up at Sirius.

"For nothing," Peter said quietly. "Even if there was no handing involved." Because having information dragged out of you by any means necessary could hardly be summed up at handing someone over. "There are a lot of things that I should have done, Sirius, a lot of things before it got to that point. But I'm the one that is going to have to live with it," He said, slowly reaching into is pocket and drawing out his wand, giving it a slight swish and flick and clearing away the junk littered around the flat, living it looking as though it had never been lived in. "At least let me spare you a lingering, festering illness."

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[info]pad_foot
2010-09-02 03:54 pm UTC (link)
Sirius eyes narrowed as Pete drew the wand from his pocket, his stomach suddenly contracting with that odd feeling again until a bark of laughter escaped him. He didn't have a wand. Fucking typical. "You? Don't talk shit, Pete. What about Harry? What about me and Remus? Haven't you heard, Wormtail? We all have to live with what you did. Stop playing the pissing victim."

There was a rush of magic, and Sirius' flat was suddenly spotless. Sirius stepped back to avoid being knocked out by a plate of leftovers which seemed to be growing some kind of mushroom, although his gaze never left Pete. Or his wand. Sirius' tongue darted out to wet his dry lips, his gaze transfixed madly on the sliver of wood in the shorter mans hand. At his side, his fingers twitched.

Prongs would forgive him, in the end... He could do it right now, and who was here to stop him?

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[info]cowardlydevoted
2010-09-02 04:02 pm UTC (link)
"You really don't understand, do you?" Peter asked quietly, peering up at Sirius. Did he honestly think he was playing the victim, that he thought he was the one that was hurt the most out of this? Did Sirius truly think that he was saying what he was as a play for sympathy or an expectation of anything even resembling forgiveness? Peter knew that he didn't deserve it. He knew that, more than anything, Harry was the one who would have been harmed the most by his actions, in the end. And he was going to have to live with that knowledge, that it was his actions that had caused that much pain.

"None of you are responsible," Peter said, pinning Sirius with a heavily serious look. He knew how Sirius Black thought. At least, in part, and he was more than willing to bet that Sirius was now carrying around just as much (if not more) guilt than he himself was. And he was determined to make this point. "None of you." He could have said no when they approached him with the plan. He should have said no.

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[info]pad_foot
2010-09-02 04:20 pm UTC (link)
"Wahey!" Sirius' sarcastic cheer was cruel and mocking, a tone he had used on Pete before, but never with so much spite. He threw his arms in the air, spreading them wide and taking a stride backwards. It was odd walking over the floor without tripping over something. "Give the bloke a medal. No, Wormtail, I don't fucking understand."

The dark haired animagus' eyes were torn from the wand in Peter's hand, flying instead to the pale blue, strangely intense gaze. He hated that this man knew him so well, when he felt like he was suddenly looking at a stranger. Sirius didn't talk to people how he felt about his inevitable future, and yet Pete knew. Of course Pete fucking knew. Sirius gave his canine growl, upper lip curling before he turned to grab the almost empty pack of cigarettes from the windowsill. He shoved one in his mouth, lighting up with furiously shaking hands.

"Why are you here?" he asked, his voice dangerously quiet. "I promised James I wouldn't kill you, but you're taking a fucking risk." He glanced up at him, pulling the smoldering tube of paper from his lips as they curled into a cruel smirk. "You don't think I could do it?"

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[info]cowardlydevoted
2010-09-02 04:33 pm UTC (link)
"No, I know that you could," Peter said with a certain amount of honesty. Sirius was taller and strong than him, more skilled, more talented, and just as crafty. Peter knew all too well that there were a dozen and a half different ways that the other man could kill him, and half of those would probably make it look like an accident. He knew he was taking a risk, a definite gamble with his own safety, but as he tucked his wand back into his pocket, Peter shrugged his shoulders slightly. "But I'm wagering on you being a better man than I am."

A risky bet to make, but it was one Peter was willing to chance.

It had been long enough, after all, for the immediacy of the situation to cool off, and even as bitter feelings lingered, murder would only end in more complications than it would solutions.

"You're not to blame in any of this," Peter said, keeping the distance between the two of them in case his words touched a stronger nerve than what was expected. "It might have been your idea to make me the secret keeper, but I should have said no. I should have said no, and after I didn't, there was nothing that you could have done to stop it after events had already been set in motion. Nothing that any of us could have done."

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[info]pad_foot
2010-09-02 04:52 pm UTC (link)
"Yeah, you and Prongs both," Sirius muttered, turning back to the window and taking another numbing inhalation. If he'd promised anyone else that he'd leave Pete alone, the blonde probably wouldn't have made it through the week. After all, Sirius reasoned, look at his family. He was always bound to do something stupid like that sooner or later. But Sirius would never break a promise to James. Never. And that was the sudden, painful difference between himself and Pete.

Suddenly, the itch in the back of his eyes was back. Sirius squeezed his lids shut stubbornly, his thumb coming to press against the bridge of his nose even as the lit cigarette burned down between his fingers. "If you'd have told me," he growled. "Even after you'd agreed, I'd have helped you. James... I fucking trusted you, Peter. With everything."

He voice broke painfully, and when he looked back at Peter Sirius was angrily running the back of his hand over his eyes. But Sirius Black hadn't let anyone see him cry since he was sixteen and stood on the Potters doorstep. He certainly wasn't about to give the rat the satisfaction. So many emotions were powering through him, each more painful than the last, it was a wonder he hadn't just let his own barely controlled magic spill from him and blast Peter through the wall into Abbott's apartment.

"I fucking hate you," he told him, his voice hardening to ice. Because he could still hardly believe this was happening.

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[info]cowardlydevoted
2010-09-02 05:05 pm UTC (link)
"I know," Peter said quietly, peering over at Sirius. There was so much that he wanted to say, things that he wanted to apologize for, attempt to make up for, but right now, he couldn't do anything. It was too late for him to do anything to fix any of this. All he could do was attempt to try and make up for what he was, who he was, and as he looked up at Sirius, realizing (perhaps for the first time) just how much he'd hurt him as well as James, Lily, and Harry, Peter shook his head, raking a hand through his hair with a sigh. "I hate me, too."

A lingering silence dropped between the two of them before Peter turned, unable to look at Sirius anymore, and headed towards the door, "I'll leave you to it."

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[info]pad_foot
2010-09-02 06:16 pm UTC (link)
He was glad when Pete turned away, because looking at him ached. The blonde should have changed somehow, after what he had done, but the fact that he looked exactly the same made it worse somehow. Sirius stood silently by the window, struggling against the overpowering urge to throw another punch at Peter's head. If he tried, he could probably finish it all now, and hang the consequences. The temptation was almost too much, but he had to let Peter walk out of here. At least for now.

"I mean it," he suddenly called sharply after him, clutching the windowsill once again so stop himself storming after him. "You do whatever you want, Pete. Just leave us the fuck alone."

He stayed there, stood tensely by the window, the ridge of wood biting an angry rivet into his palm until the front door closed. Sirius took a deep, gasping breath, his free hand suddenly coming up to cover his eyes for a long moment. Then he took a long look around his hauntingly tidy flat.

A moment later Sirius Black's already broken hand slammed into the wall separating the main room from his bedroom, creating a crash that echoed through the whole floor.

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