InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Hey Stud. You want to dance?"

You already have everything you need. Now fight. (heavenslancer) wrote in colligo_threads,
@ 2010-06-10 16:13:00

Entry tags:

castiel, sam winchester

Who: Sam Winchester, Squeaky and Castiel
When: Afternoon, just as Sam arrives home from work.
Where: Sam's apartment
What: A little guidance after this
Rating: Low for now
Status: Incomplete, closed

He was on the couch before he was even aware of the room, his body seemed to heavy to lift but he knew that wasn't the case. It was just so hard to... Joanna. Like it never happened. He had to see her, talk to her, but never touch her, never again. It all came back. The pain that had been receding, the uneasy, the desire, the frustration, the emptiness. It was all milling about in his head, pooling in his stomach and tying knots in his gut. He clutched his stomach.

Squeaky moved up the catch to where Castiel sat hunched. He butted his head under the angel's hand, rubbed it back and forth a little. He gently nipped at Castiel's sleeve and made little sounds in the back of his throat, a gentle keening sound. "I am fine," he said tightly to the little pterodactyl. Squeaky walked into Castiel's lap and pressed his chest to the angel's. Castiel wrapped an arm around the little animal, accepting its non-demanding comfort. "I am fine," he repeated as he rested his head on Squeaky's, finding it to heavy to lift on his own.

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likeaprodigal
2010-06-10 06:44 pm UTC (link)

Sam hurried up to his apartment, his jacket slung over his shoulder because it was a nice night and he didn't need it. Sliding his PDA into his pocket, Sam was sort of concerned with himself, because he was really unsure about how he was feeling about Cas and he was only partially glad that Jo was back. He should have been ecstatic. Because Jo should have been dead. But at the same time, all these feelings for Cas were coming out and he didn't even know where they were coming from and it was overwhelming him. If it wasn't one damn thing, it was another. And Sam was going to go nuts.

Unlocking and opening the door to his apartment, he had to smile when he saw Cas there with Squeaky. He knew he was gonna be there, Cas had told him, but he hadn't expected to see that. Sam smiled and then closed the door behind him, nodding a hello to Cas. Of course, the sheer adorableness of the sight didn't help to get rid of whatever he thought he might be feeling for his friend, but that was another matter entirely. Cas needed him, and Sam owed him right then. More than he'd ever be willing to admit. "Hey, Cas..." he said, immediately walking to the fridge and depositing the beer he'd bought, but pulling two out. "Here," he said, offering one out to his friend.

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heavenslancer
2010-06-11 01:00 am UTC (link)

Castiel's head lifted the moment Sam entered the apartment. Castiel watched him cross the room without word, Squeaky's attention also on Sam. Suddenly Squeaky gave a little squawk and jumped of Castiel's lap to flap his way over to his cage. He sat on it and started cleaning himself, almost as if deciding that of Sam was here his services were no longer required. Castiel took the beer with a weak smile. "Thank you Sam," he said tiredly.

He was at a loss at what to do but Sam's apartment seemed a safe holding pattern, a place to think. Did Joanna still want a relationship with him? Did he want one with her? It was unfair to expect her to know. Then there was the other complication. How was he to... He sipped his beer, giving that moment and the one after a single purpose that didn't involve thinking. He looked up at Sam. "I am glad she is safe," he said softly.

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likeaprodigal
2010-06-11 03:36 am UTC (link)

The sadness on Cas' face made Sam's heart break a little bit more. Nodding when Cas thanked him, Sam opened the top of his beer and took a long pull, Claire's words of 'wait awhile' still buzzing in his head. He didn't want to pressure Cas. Claire was right about that much. That and he still didn't know his own answer. It wouldn't have been fair to Cas to expect anything of him at this point.

As they sat in close proximity, Sam realized, however, that it was going to be really difficult to give him that kind of time. Still, he stuck to his initial instinct. Just until there was something of a sign. Sam put his arm around Cas' shoulders and nodded his understanding. "So am I," he said with a sad smile. "But I can't imagine this is easy for you."

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heavenslancer
2010-06-11 03:53 am UTC (link)

Castiel was still usually surprised by contact. He tensed a little but he didn't pull away. He sat still for a moment then he moved a little closer to Sam, putting his weight against Sam's side. His head rested against Sam's shoulder, feeling too weary to sit up. It was an uncommon feeling. He let out a sigh. He found a little more peace in having his friend there and Sam bad been a good friend to him.

"I don't want to go back to Joanna," he said suddenly. "I do not feel that is the place for me now and I wish her to have her free choice. I still care for her but I do not want her to think she must he with me. That is unfair." He took another drink. "I would like to be her friend. I think that is right for now." Another drink. "Do you think that is a good choice Sam?" His eyes were on Squeaky, watching him preen. He really just wanted to sit by the lake or stare at a wall but the beer was good and Sam's apartment was always more peaceful that Dean's and, considering how Jo had felt about Dean, he couldn't take this to him. Sam was a fair compromise.

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likeaprodigal
2010-06-11 04:01 am UTC (link)

To say that Sam had been surprised by Cas leaning into him would have been an understatement. And a huge one at that. Sam looked in the other direction and upward, sort of nervous because this was really, really new. But the direction that Sam's mind had been pulling him in lately wouldn't let him think, even for a second, that it was a bad thing.

"It depends," Sam said, turning his head back and following Cas' eyes to Squeaky, smiling a little bit as the pterodactyl did his best to get the dried tuna fish off of his beak. His attention when back to Cas, and the smile got a little smaller. "Does the choice make you happy?" he asked.

It was weird, because Sam was both comfortable and uncomfortable right then. Half of him was repeating Claire's words in his head, but then the rest of him was dying to just...kiss Cas. He was right there. So close. He could just lean in and kiss him just to see how it felt. But...if it backfired? Sam possibly lost the best friend (other than Dean, obviously) that he had in this place. It was a hard decision. One he was really, really scared to make.

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heavenslancer
2010-06-11 12:29 pm UTC (link)

Sam's question was a good one. It was also hard to answer. He was silent for some time before he answered. "I do not know if it makes me happy but it makes me... less concerned. I think it is right. I do not want her to only be with me because she thinks I expect it. I think, when she left, there was a goodbye. Now it feels different. I care for her, she will always be a friend, but I do not think... I am in love with her now. I do not think she is in love with me either. I am... content. I am happy to see her. It... hurts less now that I have spoken to her."

Castiel just rested where he was, his gaze on Sam's pet. Squeaky always made him feel calmer, whatever he was doing. He was beginning to understand why humans kept companion animals. They needs were easy to address and their actions were interesting to watch.

"I think it is the best choice I can make so I will have to accept it." Castiel was utterly comfortable now, he did not want to move. It was a comfort unlike any he had felt since he left Heaven. He closed his eyes. "I did not know romance was this complex," Castiel said. "I am not surprised there are so many films and books about it now."

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