InsaneJournal

You already have everything you need. Now fight. (heavenslancer) wrote in colligo_threads,
@ 2010-05-26 15:10:00

Entry tags:

castiel, sam winchester

Who: Sam Winchester and Castiel
When: Afternoon
Where: Their current apartment
What: Tea and fence building after this
Rating: Low for now
Status: Incomplete, closed

Castiel lay out the tea things for the second time in as many days. He decided Aziraphale would be pleased both the tea things and the tea were being used for the purpose they were intended. He put the water on to boil. His movements were calm and measured, practised yet careful. He lay out two delicate cups, fragile saucers taking their weight. The biscuits were on a matching plate, delicate icing breaking off as Castiel handled them despite his care. He place them on the bench, one stool on each side, waiting.

Castiel wasn't surprised at Lucifer' contacting Sam. it was to be expected, but it was not much less unsettling for it. Not for Castiel but for Sam. Castiel could not be said to have no love for Lucifer, he was after all his brother, but he had no warmth towards him, no affection, no desire to be in his company, rather the opposite. Believing him beyond redemption he only wanted him gone. He was not proud of this fact but, then, it was not the sort of things one should be proud of. The fact that Lucifer had killed the finest of them did nothing to lessen Castiel's resolve. There was no place in Colligo for Lucifer, there was no place in Sam Winchester for him either. He had no tender feelings for Lucifer but the same could not he said of Sam. Castiel said at the bench, his face calm and impassive. He poured some sugar into his tea and watched the steam rise from the kettle.

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likeaprodigal
2010-05-26 05:53 am UTC (link)

Since this whole thing had happened, Sam tried to be okay. He'd been doing decently at it, too, because nothing had called him to its attention yet. But that got blown sky-high awful fast. He'd deny it to the end, of course, but Lucifer had gotten to him. Reminded him that even though Cas and Dean and Claire tried to make him think that he was guilt-free in what had happened, that wasn't the case. He realized, of course, that he was his own worst enemy here. But there wasn't much he could do when he was all but positive that it was actuallt his fault. He had been from the beginning. Sighing, Sam tossed his PDA down onto the bed, deciding to ignore it for a little while - just in case Lucifer tried to contact him - and walked out into the kitchen to have tea with Cas.

He was still sort of upset about the argument he'd had with his friend awhile back. No, he wasn't one to hold grudges, but it was hard when Sam was trying so hard not to fall apart himself, to have Castiel come unglued on him. To have him be passive aggressive and just outright mean was sort of a tough pill to swallow. No, he wasn't going to be mad forever, but that didn't change that it stung. Maybe this teatime thing would be a good chance to fix things. Sam smiled faintly when he saw Castiel and walked over to stand beside Cas, grabbing the honey to put in his tea, and turning his head to look at Cas.

"How's it going, dude?" he asked nonchalantly.

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heavenslancer
2010-05-26 06:10 am UTC (link)

Castiel looked up at Sam, his eyes curious and mildly amused. "The tea is ready," he said and the look in his eye suggested he knew that wasn't what Sam was asking. He was glad to see Sam, kept his eyes on him. Perhaps it was the knowledge that another was trying to smother his existence but Castiel seemed determined to hold Sam as he was simply by storing his image in his brain. The angel dropped his eyes long enough to pick up his own drink.

"Adam came here yesterday. We played checkers and talked, about many things but largely Aziraphale. The checkers were the excuse." He pointed out. Like the tea. "Will you sit with me?" Castiel's manner had changed over the last twenty-four hours. He had gone from tightly wound and hovering by the windows to making tea and badly, very badly, actually attempting to bake. There seemed a calmness to him now that simply wasn't there before. He seemed almost... domestic.

"How do you feel Sam?" he asked, concern in his eyes.

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likeaprodigal
2010-05-26 06:28 am UTC (link)

Sam nodded and fixed his tea - honey and a little bit of lemon - and then turned around and leaned against the counter, watching his friend closely. There was something a little off about the way Cas was looking at him, but he wasn't going to make a big deal of it. Mostly because he wasn't in the mental state to, but also because he wasn't sure what to make of it. He listened to Cas' words, but nothing quite registered, a sign that he was definitely out of it.

Looking up, Sam nodded when Cas asked him to sit. "Sure," he said softly as he made his way over to the table and smiled as he sat down. "Did Adam come by when I was napping or something? I didn't see him," he asked, trying to bring himself out of the funk he was in. He felt miserable. But he couldn't show it. He had to be strong so everyone knew that he still wasn't saying yes. He never would. He'd promised everyone. Cas asked him how he felt and Sam faltered for a minute, raising his eyes and meeting Cas' for a moment.

"I'm okay," he said softly, though he knew it would probably be obvious that it wasn't true. "Better than I thought I'd be anyway," he added. That much was true.

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heavenslancer
2010-05-26 12:44 pm UTC (link)

Castiel nodded. “You were resting,” he confirmed. The angel was a little tense. Things had been a little strained between him and Sam. It was barely perceptible now but they both knew it was there and Cas knew it was his fault. He wished it gone but he could not push. He knew that was a mistake. What he needed to do now was listen to his friend. Maybe that was all Sam needed him to do, maybe he needed to act but, first, he would listen, after he made something very clear.

He breathed in the steam from the tea, the proper way to appreciate it. He took a sip, taking on a tilt to his head, his expression neutral. “He was always the most brilliant, Lucifer,” he began, his voice mild, pensive. “Of all of us he would be the one you could not look away from. He was so beautiful.” There was reverence in Castiel’s voice, his eyes rolled upwards as he remembered. “He did not lose that when he fell, that pull. It is easy to believe he still offers beautiful things. His voice... he charmed even the angels." Castiel took another sip of the tea, careful not to let any slip over the rim.

"Lucifer was the most loved. He has, by far, lost more than any of us." Castiel barely seemed to be in the room at all until the moment he fixed his gaze on Sam again. "But he cares nothing for humanity, nothing for any of those you care for. You know why he fell. Even those who profess no faith know that story. It was painful to even see but it needed to be done." Castiel's eyes creased at the memory. "It is easy to see Lucifer as only a monster. He has come to represent evil on earth and that is justified but Lucifer is far more than that. He was also the greatest of angels and we must accept both sides of him to have any chance." Then Castiel gave a tiny smile. "I have seen you too, Sam Winchester, human, imperfect, balanced between two worlds- human, demon." He leaned forward, his face inches for Sam's. "I believe in you," he whispered. Then he sat back, tea in his hand, "still you will not have to do this alone."

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likeaprodigal
2010-05-26 04:37 pm UTC (link)

Sam's head snapped up when the talk of Lucifer began. They weren't really going to do this, were they? Cas wasn't going to try and talk him into feeling sorry for the angel who had ruined everything in his own world and was trying to do it here, was he?

Casting his eyes downward, Sam thought for a second about what Cas was saying. And after thinking on it for a second, he understood. Cas was, maybe, trying to tell him that maybe he wasn't so different from Lucifer after all - and he needed to accept that or else, maybe, he'd be lost in the fight. Maybe that wasn't what he was saying, but that was how Sam perceived it. Swallowing nervously, he sipped at his tea and was about to say something when Cas leaned in close and told Sam that he believed in him.

It was weird, having Cas that close to him. Maybe not bad, but weird. And what he was saying...it was nice. Good to hear that someone actually still believed in him, because he was making it hard to do himself.

He didn't say anything for a minute, casting his eyes back downward and looking into his teacup as if it held all the answers to all his troubles. Cas reminded him that he didn't have to do it alone, and Sam smiled, raising his head to look at his friend again. "Thanks. I know, but it's nice to be reminded now and again..." he said, taking another sip from his tea to wet his mouth a little bit and then watching Cas for a second. "It's...just a lot right now," he explained, biting his lip because he hadn't intended on a big 'opening up' session here. But he felt like it needed to come out. "And him actually contacting me was the last thing I needed."

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heavenslancer
2010-05-28 02:49 am UTC (link)

Castiel had little sympathy for his brother. Lucifer had chosen to disobey their Father and he had been given the punishment his Father saw as fair. It was not for Castiel to question that judgement and he had no interest in doing so. Still, Lucifer loved his family and he had been parted from them. Castiel understood that. It made no difference at all to his resolve but he understood his brother had his own pain, that he was not an unthinking, unfeeling machine. Lucifer had always had a passion rare amongst angels. An independence of thought undesirable in a soldier like Castiel but not in a leader like Lucifer. Castiel did not doubt every one of his brothers would find their task painful in the end. Despite all of his rage at his brother Lucifer was his brother, was treasured by his Father, was beautiful as he was terrible. He had Castiel's respect for his being if not his actions.

For what we must do, my Father, we are truly sorry.

Castiel's voice was gentle as he addressed Sam again. What he had meant to convey was that Lucifer was all of those most extra-ordinary things. The very best and the very worst all at once. A foe that scared even the boldest of his brothers into caution and, despite all of that, Castiel was placing his faith in Sam. It was also a caution, This one can charm even angels. It was also a comparison. Few can understand him as you can, what is why you were chosen. And Sam was similar in many ways but he was not the same. He was very much not the same. He briefly touched the back of Sam's hand, barely a touch.

"I know it is a lot. Soon it will come to a head and this day will look like perfect peace and it will be difficult but it will not be impossible." Castiel withdrew his hand, his voice becoming firmer.

"There is no time he could have contacted you that it would have been desirable. He would know this, he means to unsettle you as much as ask you for what he needs. He would likely already know what you would say. That question, I would say it was the excuse, not the reason for the contact. He wishes you distracted, he wishes for your sympathy. He will tell his story and put himself in the best light. He wants your pity because it could be useful to him. My brother is clever, he knows the heart of man better than most men. Knowing this, Sam, do you think you are better equipped to refuse him?"

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likeaprodigal
2010-05-28 03:04 am UTC (link)

Cas had been quiet for awhile, and it surprised him. Chewing his lip, Sam left his hand where it had been when Cas had touched it, grinning a little bit and nodding along with what Cas had said. Swallowing nervously, he cleared his throat and looked back down at his teacup. He was still listening, of course. He just didn't like hearing that he had anything in common with Lucifer, even in the slightest amount. "I think so," he said softly, smiling at Cas a little bit. "I wasn't going to say yes or anything in the first place, but..." he shrugged and gave Cas the closest thing he could muster to a genuine smile, because it had really been a rough couple of days. But, he decided, between a little time with Claire to talk things over and this with Cas, a little socialization had been what he needed.

Standing up, he smiled as he made his way over to Squeaky's cage. "It was weird, though. He didn't ask me for sympathy. But he did try and talk me into thinking that this was all my fault..." he said quietly, swallowing thickly. He didn't believe it - or at least he thought he didn't - but it was something he wanted Cas to know. He opened the door to the dinosaur's cage, and he flew straight over to Cas, landing next to him and cocking his head in intrigue.

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heavenslancer
2010-05-28 03:38 am UTC (link)

"I know, Sam," Castiel said. "I know your intentions and I know your fortitude but it would not be fair not to warn you of what you are facing." Castiel knew Sam and absolutely no intention of saying yes as that is what Sam had told him and Castiel trusted him but Lucifer didn't care for Sam's intention or resolve. He only cared about circling his vessel, looking for a chink in his defence. There was certainly no hard in making it clear that was exactly what Lucifer was doing.

The angel nodded. "It would serve him well if you had no love of yourself. Why would you wish to defend your being of even you found it abhorrent? Full of doubt and self blame your resistance would be weakened. There are his weapons. Do not listen to him. His words are calculated but I trust you already see through him. You are intelligent, Sam. On occasion." Castiel, my now, had been joined by an enthusiastic little pterodactyl. He didn't really know why but Squeaky usually rushed to him on release.

Castiel suspected it had something to do with his obvious pockets. Then the was fact that Castiel was the one most likely to slip and and give him chocolate biscuits or more tuna than he should have. Now Castiel's hand was empty so he reached up and stroked Squeaky's face. The little creature pressed his head into the angel's palm. Castiel relaxed, he always relaxed when he touched Squeaky. "I will be with you, Sam. Whatever happens." And Castiel meant whatever.

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likeaprodigal
2010-05-28 04:40 am UTC (link)

Sam watched Cas with Squeaky and his smile became a little more genuine as he watched the two interact. It was a part of the reason why he'd let Squeaky out. It made things a little bit easier. He sat back down and watched them again, smiling when Squeaky addled over a bit to investigate Sam's tea cup. He slid it away, shaking his head no at the small dinosaur, then watching as he tried to stick his head in Cas' pocket. Sam laughed and looked at Cas, smirking when he replied now. "I appreciate your help, Cas. Really. Between you, Claire and Dean, I know I'll be okay if push comes to shove..." he said, swallowing thickly and taking another sip from his tea.

Castiel had told him that he'd be there whatever happened, and Sam actually, honestly believed him. It was a foreign concept, having faith in someone like that, because Sam had long ago stopped believing that anything good actually happened. But Cas was good to Sam, for the most part. Good enough that Sam was more than willing to look past what had happened between them awhile ago. "Thanks, Cas. And if you need me, I'll be there for you, too. You know that, right?"

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heavenslancer
2010-05-28 06:03 am UTC (link)

Castiel was distracted for a moment, wresting Squeaky's head out of his pocket. "No," he said firmly. Squeaky cocked his head as Castiel and tottered over the bench to examine the teapot. "You have something that Lucifer doesn't have, Sam." Castiel didn't elaborate, he didn't feel he needed to. Aziraphale had been alone. Charlie had been alone. That alone told him there was one mistake he shouldn't make.

Castiel gave Sam a warm little smile. "I know, Sam. I also have something Lucifer does not." This felt better. The tension between them was gone. This was how is was before. This is what they both needed now. Castiel was getting better, coming back from the disastrous week of Aziraphale's passing and it was his friends who brought him back, the fear of losing them as much as their wisdom. He sipped his tea and looked up at Sam, his expression mild, his voice curious, his mind settled and resolved. "Are you hungry?" Squeaky squawked in their faces at the word.

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