InsaneJournal

You already have everything you need. Now fight. (heavenslancer) wrote in colligo_threads,
@ 2010-05-19 15:33:00

Entry tags:

castiel, claire winchester

Who: Claire and Castiel
When: Evening
Where: By the lake
What: Letting loose
Rating: Low for now
Status: Incomplete, closed

They were in a row, the ducks. Castiel didn't make any of the obvious conclusion about that. They were just ducks, in a row, and that was that. The fact they were made of stone only made it easier to do what he wanted to do. But first he had to wait. He walked back to the entrance to the lake to wait for Claire. She had suffered a loss, a family member had died and she must have been hurting. She was conducting herself as usual in public and for that he admired her strength but sometimes strength could be put aside in favour of something a little more constructive. He was learning that sometimes it had to be.

Sometimes, every now and then, it was better to let go. To release the simmering anger and distress that served only to distract and hamper one's usefulness. Castiel had made a mistake thinking drink was the way to heal. It only served to amplify emotion and reduce judgement. The result had been painful for more than himself.

No, he should have started here. He stood patiently under the tree, a pair of aluminium baseball bats in his hand, and waited.

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goallbuffyonus
2010-05-19 06:30 am UTC (link)

Claire had no idea what to expect when she arrived at the lake. All she knew was that Castiel had asked her to meet him there, so that's what she was going to do. She trusted him, she knew he was hurting, and although she too was hurting and truthfully wanted nothing more than to just hide under her covers until the pain went away, she also knew that she couldn't in good faith avoid someone she cared about when clearly they needed her.

So she got dressed - replacing her boxer shorts and tank top with a t-shirt and pair of jeans - and slowly made her way to where he'd asked to meet. Her blond hair was hanging loosely rather than pulled back, but she did have a hair-tie handy in case she needed one, and she'd opted for tennis shoes even though she preferred sandals. It was hard to dress appropriately, she thought to herself as she made her way toward the lake, when you had no idea what you were going to be doing.

Her mind of course had come up with all sorts of images. Creativity was definitely one of her strong suits and by the time the lake came into view she already had several theories on just what the angel was planning. Yet as she finally spotted Castiel (and were those bats he was holding?), and what appeared to be a row of stone ducks of all things, she had to admit that never in a million years would she have guessed that this was what she was going to find. Changing her course so she was heading toward him, she waited until she was close enough to speak without having to raise her voice to be heard, before asking the most obvious of questions.

"Hey. What's, um, going on?"

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heavenslancer
2010-05-19 07:53 am UTC (link)

He immediately offered her one of the bats. "You will need this," he said seriously. With a small nod he turned away from her and headed off for the ducks. A part of him, a small part of him that had largely been stimulated to grow since he arrived in this confusing city, wanted to offer her soft words, place a hand on her shoulder but something stopped him. No. Later. It was important to do this right. He wanted to help Claire, to ease her pain. He wanted to ease his own, properly this time.

The choice of ducks has been partly practical, partly symbolic. Practical because they sat along the ground and so easily lent themselves to smashing. The gnomes he also examined would likely have fallen over. The symbolic element was simply for himself. He did not need to dwell on it. Their presence was enough. It was not meant with any disrespect to his brother but, instead, an acknowledgement of something that was important to him, something he would no longer do. He felt Aziraphale would understand even if Castiel was not entirely sure he could explain it himself. They just... felt right and he had determined to listen to himself in these matters.

He stopped at the Northern end of the row of ducks. There were quite a number of them. He didn't raise his bat, instead he turned to look at Claire. "They are intact," he said. "They should not be." He stepped back and gestured to the first duck, offering Claire the first swing.

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goallbuffyonus
2010-05-19 11:09 am UTC (link)

Claire took the bat with a puzzled look. Then he explained what it was for and she blinked in faint surprise. He wanted her to destroy the ducks. Or, considering he had his own bat, presumably some of the ducks. The thought sounded strange in her own head. An Angel of the Lord wanted her to smash perfectly innocent statues of ducks.

Why? That was the big question. And yet as Claire stared at the statues for a long moment, she realized the answer was a pretty obvious one. The pain that she was feeling, the sense of loss of both Aziraphale and Angela, was only rivaled by one thing at the moment.

Anger.

Anger so strong she simply couldn't cope with it. Anger at herself and her inability to help. Anger at the others for not protecting those she cared about. Anger at Lucifer and, if he wasn't responsible for Angela, the nameless face of whoever was, for taking those she cared about away from her and others. She was angry. Actually, she was pissed. And since she couldn't go after those responsible, she decided as she moved toward the first duck and raised her bat, this would just have to be the next best thing.

With a glance at Castiel and a small curve of her lips that didn't quite make for a smile but more an understanding, she turned her attention back to the statue and swung the bat with all of her might.

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heavenslancer
2010-05-19 09:30 pm UTC (link)

Castiel watched Claire for a minute, just let her go, studying the curve of the bat, the spectacular explosion of painted stone, peppering Castiel's shoes. It was healing just to watch but not enough. He grabbed his own bat, moving down the line. He lifted it over his head and brought it down hard. The brittle duck shattered, spraying dust all over the grass with a hollow ring.

The second swing was accompanied by a roar. The duck was Lucifer, exploding into pieces, justice being done. The next duck was Lucifer, exploding into dust. Justice is done. The next duck was Aziraphale. "Why didn't you fight!" Castiel did not want to be angry at his brother, he really did not. He wasn't even sure Aziraphale didn't fight but the anger came anyway. He let it out, spat it out, not wanting it anywhere near him. Aziraphale deserve to he honoured, not derided. The Aziraphale duck took two blows to go down.

Not all of the ducks had names. They were merely there for the satisfying sound they made when the broke, for the jolt of their resistance though his hands. It woke him up.

It wasn't about logic, thought, reason.
The Michael duck. It was your job to stop him!
The Loki duck. Where were you!
The Castiel duck, sitting serenely in the wreckage of his brothers. Castiel brought up the bat, hesitating for a moment, letting the fury back up in his throat. He slammed the bat down. You failed! and again. All you have done is- and again. feel sorry for yourself! and again. What use are you like this? and again. No use to Aziraphale and again. No use to Sam. and again. No use to Dean. He looked at Claire and help swinging until the last of his ducks was a pale little pile of dust.
Some use to Claire.

He drew back, breathing hard, letting the bat fall from his numb fingers. For a moment he just breathed, watching Claire.

A tiny smile began to play across his lips.

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goallbuffyonus
2010-05-19 09:53 pm UTC (link)

Claire's first duck took three full swings to destroy. The second one she moved to took only two. By the third she was breathing heavily and the tears had started to freely fall.

"It's not fair." Whack! "What good is my blood if it can't help those I love?" Whack! "Why." Whack! "Wasn't." Whack! "It." Whack! "Me?!?" Whack! Whack! Whack!

The duck had turned to nothing more than dust within the first few swings but Claire kept going until finally she dropped the bat and sucked in a breath of air. Exhaling slowly, she wiped at her wet cheeks with the back of her hands and turned her attention to Castiel. The small smile upon his face made her smile in return. Her heart still ached. The sense of loss was still there. Yet there was something else. A feeling of understanding that she couldn't fix everything. She couldn't avenge the deaths of those she cared about. But she could, clearly, beat the ever-loving crap out of stone ducks without so much as breaking a sweat.

The thought made her snort faintly. Then she giggled. Then her gaze slid to the decimated stone creatures and she couldn't help it. Despite the pain, despite the heartache that would never truly heal entirely, despite the fear and uncertainty and everything else that was warring with her... she laughed.

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heavenslancer
2010-05-20 10:56 am UTC (link)

Castiel stared at Claire, taking a moment to discern if she was laughing or crying. See her release many him smile a little. He really couldn't help it.

Castiel did not laugh. He never laughed. Angels showed their joy by other means in Heaven and he had never been moved to since taking his vessel but he found his head tipping back. His body was shaking. He mouth fell open and a shuddering sound was shaken from his body. It felt... amazing. He stood beside Claire, his back ached backwards, his chest pushed out. He couldn't have spoken if he wanted to. He didn't need too. He was, for the moment, happy to listen to their laughter mingling in the night and wonder, vaguely, how one stopped.

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goallbuffyonus
2010-05-20 04:17 pm UTC (link)

Claire had never heard Castiel laugh. She hadn't ever really thought about it but, as he joined her, she realized that she'd never heard him do so before. She didn't know if that was because angels just didn't laugh or if that was because things had sucked so very much during his time on Earth - and then Colligo - that he'd never had a reason to do so. Not that it mattered really. The point was that he was laughing now and hearing it made her feel a little bit better than she'd felt before.

It also made her laugh even harder. To the point that her legs shook and she had to lean against a rather handily placed nearby tree to stay upright. Pressing her back against it, she doubled over and rested her palms against her thighs as her knees bent ever so slightly. She sucked in a lungful of air, snorted and half-giggled once more, then finally managed to calm herself enough to speak.

"Thank you," she said sincerely. Her green eyes shone brightly as she looked to Castiel. "I... really needed that." She paused, looking at the damage they caused, then added with another giggle, "Though I don't think the ducks would agree."

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