Who: Lily Potter and Severus
What: seeing each other Christmas Day
When: early evening hours
Where: the psych ward of the hospital
Rating/Warnings: Maybe swearing? It's the holidays, c'mon
Status: In progress, closed


Severus fingered the edge of the worn picture in his hand. The two happy figures smiled up at him, dancing for whatever audience might happen to be looking down at them. He had no idea when the photograph was taken, or who took it, that never mattered to Severus. Lily and James. Lily looked so happy, and for that reason alone Severus had kept the photograph in his wallet, with him where ever he went, all these years.

Severus always resented that James was in the picture, but that was the point, he supposed. After so many years he'd learned to ignore the smug face, as he was doing now. Always, Severus only had eyes for Lily.

He flipped the photo over and rubbed, fruitlessly, at the faded words penned there. The knowledge of the Potters's whereabouts had rarely been known to Severus, probably a good thing. But it wasn't as if Severus's location had been a secret, having spent most of his time at or around Hogwarts. James would have had no trouble finding the appropriate address to reach Severus.

Though most of the words had worn away Severus could still make out:

"Sniv,

How's my least fav... greasy git...
... Look at my Lily... she so beautiful...
prettiest flower in the garden...

Never yours,
Potter"

A cruel message sent to mock Severus, James the victor, clearly. And that he was, Severus was finally able to admit it.

Severus desperately wished he could remove those words, for Lily's sake, but he'd never been sure how to do it without ruining the picture - he was sure James had been counting on that. And James understood him so well, in this regards, that is, Severus would not, could not harm the even this small part of Lily. He rubbed his thumb over the words again, but it did no noticeable good. Perhaps - Lily had always been able to overlook James' worst side, perhaps she could do that now, maybe frame the picture so she wouldn't have to acknowledge the back.

Placing the picture down on the side table Severus then picked up the pen to finish addressing the card. He'd been practicing all week for this, not being used to using his left hand for anything, but his penmanship still resembled that of an eight-year-old's. He had to be grateful, though, it as legible.

Lily,

Sorry this is so worn, for the longest time it was all I had. But I realize, now, you should have it, not me. Merry Christmas.

~Sev

P.S. I hope you can ignore the back, sorry I couldn't remove the words, I really wish I could have.

He read the words over one last time then placed the picture in the fold and the card in the envelop.

Even after it had become clear to Severus that Lily was dating James, after he heard of their marriage, heard of her expecting a child, some little part of him had harbored the idea that if he had only told Lily how he felt she would return those feelings. It was a fleeting hope, one that he could barely say had much life, but a hope none the less. Now he had his answer, she had made her choice, it wasn't him. And oddly, Severus wasn't too torn up about it, he realized it was always about making Lily happy. And, well, Severus couldn't give her the real thing - honestly, he was glad that was an impossibility out of his hands - but he could give her this, he knew she had nothing but memories of him.

Something Dr. Van Pelt had ask him struck home during the week, she'd asked him if holding on to his feelings for Lily was a way to punish himself - he'd refused to answer that question, as he did with most she asked about Lily.

But he knew, it was time Severus let her go.