"I blame me," he said shortly. "Doesn't matter what the situation was, a captain goes down first defending his crew, and there ain't no excuse 'cept bein' a coward for that not bein' the case." He closed his eyes, trying hard not to think about Zoe. Zoe who'd never let herself be a wreck even though her husband was gone, all because of her captain. Trying hard not to think about Wash, best pilot in the 'verse, not near good enough for Zoe but part of the crew just like anyone else. Trying hard not to think about Preacher, a Shepherd who knew all the things he shouldn't and Mal had never gotten a chance to figure out how. "Man's a coward, he ought not live to see what comes of his cowardice."