WHO: River Tam. (Open if someone wants. Otherwise, narrative).
WHAT: River's mind is chock full of really damaging fears.
WHEN: Around 3am.
WHERE: The roof of the apartment building.
RATING: R for violent bloody images.
STATUS: In Progress.

It wasn't ever safe. Simon had told her that plenty of times. But River felt safe here, and there were people she trusted, people she liked and cared about. She had a family here, as odd a family as it was. She was happy and her mind felt clearer than it had in ages, and there was a peace about her that had been missing for the longest time. She felt safe and sane and she liked it. But the scars were still there, and there were so many that could be picked at. Plenty for someone like Barbas. It was all too easy to twist and already fragile, damaged mind and skew perceptions that were already just a touch off the norm.

River twisted and shifted in her sleeping bag, on the floor of Topher's room, her mind replaying all the tests from the Academy, all the prodding and messing about, and hurting her. She hadn't always remembered all of it, but she could now, and she could feel it. All of it. It seemed like every moment played out over and over until she couldn't remember if she'd ever been out of there. It hurt and she thrashed about against it, until finally, the dream ended. She sat up, wide eyes darting about. Topher was asleep, and she moved over to the edge of his bed, staring at him. Something felt off, and when she prodded him lightly, he felt cold and her hand came away wet. She brought her fingers up to her mouth, licking them, and froze as she tasted copper. Blood. Topher was bleeding. She could see now that his body was a mess, the way only victims of Reavers were. Bloody and broken and twisted almost out of recognition, organs ripped out and splattered against the walls. But she knew. She just knew it was him. And she screamed and ran from the room. Tripping over something, she looked down and saw Claire in a similar state, half her head gone and too much blood around, twisted inhumanly and skin stripped away. Another startled cry rose from her throat, and she stared around the room in horror. Echo was crumpled in the corner, her arm a few feet away and one leg across the room, and bits of Andrew were strewn about everywhere.

She stumbled out of the apartment and through the hall, slipping in blood and tripping on bits of bodies, carnage all around her. Everyone was dead. Nobody had been spared except for her. None of them. She was alone, surrounded by blood and death and she scrambled up the stairs, not stopping until she reached the roof. It was like Miranda, only worse, and the quiet rang sharply in her ears. She fell to her knees at the edge of the roof, curling up and wrapping her arms around herself, shaking and sobbing. She could hear the shrieking of a Reaver, but didn't fight back as it attacked her. To an observer, all that could be seen was the girl clawing at her face and arms, leaving scratches that sometimes bled. Her legs were scraped from falling, and she was a mess. Suddenly the Reaver was gone, and River stared at the blood covering her. Why hadn't it killed her? Why everyone else. She reached for her gun, mumbling to herself. "Bullet in the brainpan," she whispered. "Squish." No Simon this time to stop it. She'd seen him in the hallway with his intestines all around on the floor. And Kaylee had been in pieces.

She put it to her head and pulled the trigger, but only heard the click of an empty gun because there were no bullets in it. There never were, because she was a good girl and Captain said not to play with loaded guns. Of course, Captain's insides were on the outside now, so maybe his opinion didn't really matter. Still, she tossed it away, not caring as it went off the edge of the roof and resumed rocking, speaking to herself in a voice that was high and choked with panic and sobs. "Ren ci de shang di qing dai wo zou," she prayed softly, though she didn't expect anyone to hear or answer. "Tian xiao de...wo xiang mei er mei xin bian shi tou."