He hadn't expected Chris to respond to the kiss. He'd expected to get shoved away or hit or yelled at, but he hadn't expected to be kissed back like that. It was nice, to be able to let himself think that maybe it was possible for Chris to care about him. He knew he was probably deluding himself, could hear Nathan's voice telling him how worthless and pathetic he was, but it was a nice illusion.
He thought it wasn't supposed to hurt. That gunshots to the head were too quick to process. But it hurt. It hurt a lot, and he supposed it was no more than he deserved. Why should it be painless? His thoughts stopped right about there though, because it was fairly quick.
It took a while, possibly too long for Chris's comfort, before the damage began to undo itself. It was slow. The damage took more work than other injuries Peter had sustained. But his brain became whole again and the bones of his skull put themselves back together, skin covering them. And Peter woke up, gasping for air. Damn it. He couldn't even kill himself properly.
But then he realized that he wasn't hearing anything. The emotions weren't overwhelming, and his powers weren't freaking out. He looked around, confused, then looked at Chris. "What was that?" he asked, utterly shocked. "I thought...oh god...I was so terrified that I was going to lose control again...that you...that everyone was going to die...and Nathan kept saying..." But Nathan hadn't been there. It had just been Peter and Chris. "It was something...in my head...I can't even..." He trailed off, realizing that he was still clinging to Chris and abruptly pushed away. He'd kissed him, and now Chris probably hated him. He had every right to. "I'm sorry...I should have...I should have been able to stop it. Nathan was right. I'm weak and pathetic and I would have killed everyone..."