InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "just a moment"

Noah Gray (sonofanangel) wrote in cityofnewhope,
@ 2009-02-16 23:01:00

Entry tags:

gabriel gray (exposed future), noah gray

WHO: Gabriel and Noah Gray
WHAT: A father and son chat.
WHEN: Right after this.
WHERE: Their apartment
RATING: TBD (probably not too high)
STATUS: In Progress

Noah had spent more time on the computer since getting here than he'd ever done in his entire life. The cool program that read things to him, and let him say them outloud and have something else type it all up neatly - it all served to pique his interest and kept him coming back every hour or so, anxiously wondering if anything new and exciting had showed up.

There were other things he could do on the computer, too, and he did. But something about the message boards intrigued him. All these people, right outside his door, and he was talking to them like they were right in the room. It was loads of fun as far as the small boy was concerned.

Unfortunately, mature for his age or not, there were some things that a boy as young as Noah simply weren't equipped to deal with. Raw, uncensored conversation between his father and a man who was also his father but not yet definitely fell into that category. The angry, taunting words, the talks of killing people... it all served to confuse Noah. And, like with any problem, he opted to take his issue to the one person he knew he could count on to help fix it.

His father.

Leaving his room, Noah made his way to Gabriel's bedroom and knocked lightly on the door. "Dad?" he called, small hand already twisting the knob. Peeking inside, he tried again. "Are you busy?"

His dad said he was never too busy for him, but Noah knew that wasn't always true. Sometimes grown-ups were too busy, unless it was important. This, of course, was important to Noah, but it wasn't an emergency. Still, he hoped his dad wasn't busy right now. Anxiously, he waited for a response.

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angelreborn
2009-02-16 11:14 pm UTC (link)

The sound of Noah at the door coupled with the question had Gabriel reaching up to turn off the monitor of his computer without a second thought, standing up and moving over to the bed, sitting down and patting the spot on the bed next to him, "Not at all, buddy," He said, offering his son a soft smile. He could only imagine what he wanted to talk about. There was so much going on here, so much that could be confusing, and so many things that he would probably have to explain now.

"You know I'm always here to talk," Gabriel said, offering his son the most reassuring smile that he could muster right now. "Is something wrong?"

What wasn't wrong?

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sonofanangel
2009-02-16 11:30 pm UTC (link)

He needed no further invitation before entering the room fully and making his way to his dad's bed. Climbing up on it took a few seconds of struggling but he managed. Once seated beside Gabriel, Noah silently shook his head and glanced toward his lap.

"Why is that other you so... mean?" he finally asked, his voice quiet. Noah peered up at Gabriel through his eyelashes. It was clear that part of him still wasn't sure how his father really felt about, well, himself. Or, at least some past version. It made sense to Noah, but not completely. He was still trying to understand it all.

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angelreborn
2009-02-16 11:43 pm UTC (link)

Questions that he really didn't want to answer, but he knew that he would have to. He had only hoped to put it off a bit longer. Shifting over, Gabriel curled an arm around Noah's shoulders, rubbing his son's back lightly as he tried to figure out just how to explain this.

"Do you remember when I explained to you that bullies are sometimes people that just don't know any better way to get people's attention?" Gabriel asked, looking over at his son. "And that all they really want is for someone to help them feel like they really matter?"

It was a long way to go at this but trying to explain things like this to a child Noah's age wasn't easy. He was smart, yes, but things like relative morality and biological imperatives were far past him.

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sonofanangel
2009-02-16 11:52 pm UTC (link)

Noah nodded, his lips curving downward slightly into a hint of a frown. He could accept the 'he's a bully' response, if but for one thing.

"You said he killed people," he reminded his father.

Truthfully, he wasn't sure if his dad really meant that when he typed it or not. Part of him didn't want to know for sure. Because that would mean his dad might've hurt people and that just wasn't something Noah could ever see happening. Not ever.

Twisting around a bit, so his back was resting against Gabriel's side, his fingers lightly brushed across his father's hand. "How come he's creepy and you're not?"

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angelreborn
2009-02-17 12:00 am UTC (link)

God, he was so stupid. He hadn't even thought about filtering that, about the fact that Noah would see it. It served him right for not being more careful. As he felt Noah's position shift next to him, his arm curled protectively around his son's waist before his other hand moved up to pluck his glasses from his face, turning them in his hand before pressing two fingers against his tear ducts to stem the tears that were pricking at his eyes.

"That's because he has," Gabriel said quietly. "It... It was a long time ago," Gabriel said, his voice getting softer as he talked.

"We're different because... Because..." Gabriel shook his head and closed his eyes before swallowing over the lump that had formed in his throat. "I think... I think he killed the best support that he would have had instead of loving her like he should have."

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sonofanangel
2009-02-17 12:09 am UTC (link)

For a long moment, Noah didn't say anything. He simply thought about what he'd just been told and tried, in his young mind, to understand what it really meant. His dad was still his dad. That would never change. But knowing that he'd killed someone... that he'd once been creepy like that... Noah wasn't quite sure what to make of it.

Finally, he settled for a time-tested question that children his age had been asking since the dawn of time.

"Why?"

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angelreborn
2009-02-17 12:24 am UTC (link)

Why. Noah couldn't have asked a tougher question, but he had known that it was coming. Sighing softly, Gabriel looked over at Noah before leaning over and kissing the top of his son's head. "Because I was lost, frightened, angry. I'd been dismissed, put down, and ignored my whole life, and I just wanted to prove that I was good enough. I thought that was the way that I could do it," He said gently, closing his eyes.

"But I was wrong. I was wrong, and by the time I had someone come along who cared enough to pull me out of the darkness that I had spiraled into, I had more blood on my hands than I wanted to admit. They saved me from going any farther down that path. Your grandmother, your Uncle Peter, your mother...you. If it hadn't been for all of you, I'd probably still be him."

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sonofanangel
2009-02-17 12:40 am UTC (link)

He listened silently as his dad explained, trying to imagine what he was saying. It was hard. His dad had always been nice, and quiet, and made sure he brushed his teeth and changed his underwear. He didn't hurt people. He just didn't.

Of course, even if he had - once upon a time - it didn't really matter. He wasn't ever going to stop being his dad. That wasn't going to change.

His arm slid around his father as well as he could manage and he gave him a quick hug. "I'm glad you're you," he admitted.

Noah's expression was a solemn one as he peered up at Gabriel. "But, what about him?" he asked. "We need to help him so he stops hurting people."

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angelreborn
2009-02-17 09:33 am UTC (link)

It took everything that Gabriel had in him to keep from crying when Noah hugged him. He had been so afraid that his son was going to pull away, be afraid of him like everyone else had been. This was more than he could have ever asked for, hoped for. The statement, however, derailed his relief with anxiety and uncertainty.

He didn't know how much good they could actually do. It had been an advantageous mix of things that had lead to him becoming as redeemed as he had been. Until Noah had been born, there had always been the possibility of him tumbling right back over that edge. In the end, it had finally been his son that had solidified it in his mind that he couldn't allow himself to go down that road ever again. He wasn't going to be what his father (adoptive father) had been to him.

"We can try, champ," Gabriel said, curling his arms back around his son and holding him close. "We can try, but I want you to promise me that you won't go near him unless I'm with you. All right?"

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sonofanangel
2009-02-17 01:10 pm UTC (link)

Noah's small shoulders heaved a bit as he sighed softly. He knew that his dad was right, that he shouldn't go near the other one by himself. But at the same time, his dad had just said that family was the main reason he'd changed. Which meant without family, the other one wasn't going to change. And Noah, really, was the only family he had. Even if he wasn't really his family just yet.

Still, his dad didn't ask him to promise things often. And Noah didn't want to worry him. So he gave a slight nod of his head and replied softly, "I won't. I promise."

Falling silent, Noah listened to his father's heartbeat. He thought about what he'd been told, and things he'd seen and heard so far, and he realized - in whatever small way that a boy his age could - that there was a whole other life his father had that he knew nothing about. And a couple of things that hadn't made much sense before, made perfect sense now.

"Did you hurt Claire? Is that why she was so mad? And those other people... them too?" His tone was quiet, subdued. It was a sobering moment, a somber one clearly devoid of the normal exuberance found in a small child. He wasn't making light of the situation, but he definitely wanted to understand it as best he could.

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angelreborn
2009-02-17 01:24 pm UTC (link)

"I...did more to Claire than I could ever make up for," Gabriel said quietly. He knew that it was true, no matter how much he had tried to apologize to her. But he had probably done more to Claire by being good than he had when he had attacked her. "Even when I wasn't trying to.... Her father... He went out of his way to help me when he realized that I was sincere in my desire to change. In her mind, I stole him, all the same as he had betrayed her by helping me. I never wanted her to get to the point that she did. She was a good person, and she never... She never should have became the person that broke into our house," He said, taking a deep breath and steadying himself before he continued.

"The others, though... The ones with Claire? Knox and Daphne. I never did anything to them," Gabriel said with a heavy frown. "They were just there for Uncle Peter. They were...doing their job. That's all. The people here? The ones that are so angry at me and the other one? I did hurt them," He said gently before sighing. "Eden, the woman that told you not to talk to the other me.... We used to be friends. Before. But... When I changed... She has every right not to trust either of us."

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sonofanangel
2009-02-17 01:34 pm UTC (link)

Knox. Daphne. Noah filed the names away for... well, truthfully, he hoped he never needed to know them for any reason. But at least now he knew the names of the people that had tried to hurt his family. Knowing that they didn't have a good reason only made him not want to think about them even more.

Moving on to Eden, Noah decided he probably owed her an apology. He'd stuck up for his dad - or, the other one at least - but she really had just been trying to help keep him safe. And she had a good reason, like his dad said.

"Do you think he'd hurt me, Dad?"

The question was asked so softly, it was nearly a whisper. He was almost afraid of what the answer might be, but at the same time, he needed to know. Who better to tell him than his dad?

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