Kathleen J. Forbes (forbes_md) wrote in city_limits, @ 2009-04-21 14:24:00 |
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Entry tags: | kathleen forbes |
When influence weakens
Easter weekend had come and gone. Kathleen for the first time in her life skipped Easter services. This was something she would never have done if it were not for the circumstances. Even when she was in Colombia for earthquake relief years ago, she managed to attend an abbreviated service at the field hospital. Instead she spent this Easter at the laboratory going over recent research data. The new laboratory on the quiet Sunday offered her a refuge from the turmoil she caused between herself and her parents.
She had escalated the conflict with her mother by including her dad in her very cruel comments. The phone conversation had happened in her apartment at the time, after she had come back from a jog in the park. The phone call had started well enough, she apologized to her crying mother on the phone, but then as time passed she became annoyed and snapped at her mother again. It was disaster.
It was one of the reasons she spent Sunday at the laboratory, to avoid having to speak with her mother or dad. She could have simply unplugged the landline phone and turned off her cell phone, but it did not seem right to stay home on Easter without going to church. So she threw herself into her work, something she considered productive. She eventually spent the night over at the medical laboratory, and slept in one of the empty patient rooms.
The next day was hectic as samples from various medical centers came into the lab for processing. The hours passed quickly with the work. It was at the end of the day that she had time to look her unread personal emails.
There were emails from her Dad and Aunt. She read those first. Those emails crushed her heart as they told her how much her mother was hurt by her erratic accusations and comments. What have I done? She asked herself.
Another unread email that she had ignored for days waited to be read as well. She opened Toby’s reply. She shook her head not believing that she had written that to him, but she clearly remembered that she did. She would have to reply immediately before trying to repair the damage between her and her mother.
Toby,
I don’t what to say accept that I’m so very sorry.
I can’t explain what possessed me to write such a cruel thing. I’m sure you were always there for your wife, and what I wrote is one hundred percent inaccurate. I should never have said those things.
You’re not the only one that I’ve hurt in the last week. I’d lashed out at my mother for no good reason and said some terrible things. It’s only now that realize the impact of my words against my mother, and now you, and who knows how many others in the last few weeks.
I’m a medical doctor, I should know that this must be a symptom of something, but at the same time it doesn’t add up. I’m going to seek some help for this.
I don’t blame you if you rather not speak to me again after what I have said in my last email. I hope everything is well with you and that your coffee shop is coming along fine. I’ve been two days at work here, and I’m exhausted. I look forward to sleeping in my own bedroom tonight after this day is over.
Please forgive me.
Your awful friend,
Katie