Ryder Adams (corpuscles) wrote in city_limits, @ 2009-04-19 14:47:00 |
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Current mood: | worried |
Entry tags: | alec reed, toby bryson |
Crazy Pill
An hour after hearing the little bleep on his computer, Toby was still at a loss as to how to reply to the email message he had received from Kathleen. What did one say to something like that?
Okay, maybe he deserved a bit of an ass kicking for not getting into contact, but he had never claimed to be a super awesome friend, he was very shit at communicating when it wasn't in his face. It wasn't that he had forgotten about Kathleen, and he had wondered where she was, it was just that with his coffee shop being in the works and he was supervising that a lot, getting his hands in with the painting and everything, and now Kris disappearing, staying in contact with people wasn't something that had jumped straight to the forefront of his mind.
He nudged the coffee table with his foot. Wolf whined pitifully from where he was sat at Toby's side, his head on his master's lap. One hand scratched absently behind Wolf's ears, the other was petting Spacey who had finally decided that she loved him enough to notice when something was wrong and she had curled up on his stomach as he was slouched in the couch.
He wanted to be angry. He should have been angry at the comment Kathleen made about his wife. She had no right, she didn't even- He had never really spoken about her but he always thought it had been clear how much he loved her. Instead he was just reeling, hurt from the comments and entirely unsure how to deal with what had just happened.
And no, before you ask, there weren't anything like tears in his eyes. It was dust. Or fur. Or something.
Alec was still on a high as he finally drew the bike to a stop in front of the house he shared with Toby, that had been one hell of an outing. He did love the way in which life kept surprising him, mostly for the better, a couple hiccups could be easily ignored. He put the bike away and headed back inside, lifting an eyebrow at the overwhelming silence. He was sure Toby was in and Toby usually had music on, the silence just seemed... weird.
Maybe he'd gone out?
He was about to call out his house-mate's name when he caught sight of a slumped Toby on the couch looking very dejected. Alec frowned and then shrugged out of his jacket, wandering over to where Toby was sat. "Hey," he said. "Toby? You okay?" His concern immediately doubled when he saw what he thought were tears in the other man's eyes and Alec sat down, clasping his friend's shoulder in his hand.
"What's going on? Is it Kris?"
Toby didn't answer immediately, just shook his head and gently pulled himself out of Alec's touch, lifting his shoulders protectively. He blinked a couple of times, eyes almost owlish and downcast behind the glass of his lenses and the chain that held his wedding ring was hanging on the front of his shirt. That in itself was unusual enough.
His hand lifted, curling around the gold band and he took in a breath, hating that mentions of Kelly could still pull him apart like this, pain ripping at his chest like it had happened yesterday, not two years ago.
"I- uh- Go look." He waved his other hand towards the computer screen. "I got an email from Kathleen today."
Alec lifted an eyebrow, watching the way in which Toby clung to his wedding ring like it was some sort of lifeline. He pushed away from the couch and wandered over to the computer, leaning down to read the email from Kathleen.
"What the fuck..." Alec muttered, shaking his head in absolute disbelief. "When the hell does she get off on sending something like that?" He turned to look over at Toby and sighed. "Don't listen to her, Toby. She's probably just fucked off that you didn't want to jump her bones and have your way with her. Also? She's clearly taken one step off the precarious edge of crazy she was balancing on before." He knew it wasn't fair of him to say something like that, but Toby was his friend, and he didn't take kindly to people he cared about being hurt, especially by people who had at one time called them friends as well.
Alec returned to the nearby chair and leaned down, clasping his hands together, trying to get some form of eye contact from Toby. "That stuff about your wife? Is bullshit, Toby. She clearly doesn't know you as well as she thinks if she can't tell you loved her."
"I know I suck at staying in contact with people," Toby said with a shrug, turning the band between the fingers of his left hand, mostly trying to avoid eye contact with Alec because he felt raw and hurting and it wasn't a state he liked people seeing him in. After all, people liked him because he was a breath of fresh air.
Not because he was a big ol' ball of emo.
He was visibly trying to push it aside, but it wasn't working too well. "Of course I did. It just- Why would she say something like that? I know- I- I'm not the best person to be friends with 'cause of shit like that," and Toby rarely swore, "but still, I've spent the last God knows how longover-thinking that maybe I did Kelly more wrong than I actually did. And what I did was really fucking wrong."
"Because she's pissed off," Alec said bluntly. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't she the same woman who practically stripped off in front of you? She wanted you to want her and when that didn't work she tried the friends thing and with everything that's been going on you've been preoccupied so that hasn't worked out for her either and all in all? She's feeling rejected and now feels like she's got some God given right to attack you about things she knows nothing about."
He leaned back into the chair and rested his temple into his hand, hating seeing Toby like this. "I'm not going to argue that, Toby. If I did then I'd be lying and that isn't something I'm all that fond of doing with my friends." Alec wet his lower lip and rubbed at Spacey's ears as she seemed to have made herself comfortable in his lap.
"You couldn't have known," Alec said quietly. "And just for the record, Toby? Nobody's a saint, we all make mistakes, it's part of being human. It's awful what happened, but you had no way of knowing and if I know you as well as I think I do I'm sure you did as much as you could in the bad situation. Don't let that woman make you feel any less than you are just because she's clearly got issues herself."
"I don't know of many people who have made mistakes that got everyone killed," Toby offered, tone surly. It was another snippet into his life before Chicago. Before he was determined to turn it around and make a difference. The glances were few and far between, often just thrown out there. But today it appeared that the email from Kathleen had pushed him to an edge. He needed a drink. Preferably something strongly alcoholic.
He scratched behind Wolf's ears when the dog shifted, paws up on the edge of the couch to nudge Toby with his nose, wanting to give affection however he could. "Sorry, man, this is probably the last thing you wanted to see when you came home." He took a breath and let go of his wedding ring, scrubbing his hand over his face. He was stronger than this. Really. "Just threw me, you know. Hell hath no fury and all that, I suppose I had it coming. She didn't have to go quite so below the belt, though." The humour was weak. Toby really needed a drink.
"A couple of mine have," Alec said with a shrug. As a doctor you couldn't save everyone and you weren't perfect, especially when you were first starting out. He watched Toby closely. "You're my friend, idiot. I'm here for this sort of thing."
His fingers brushed a couple strands of hair back and Alec considered Toby's words for a moment. "I wouldn't want to comment, but that email? Seems insane. Like she took a crazy pill."
"I really oughta reply." Toby muttered, clearing his throat. "I need a drink. You want anything?" He was going for the alcohol, it wasn't often that he had it in the house because he used to be afraid of using it as a crutch when everything got too painful, but with Alec in the house, something to remind him that there was no need to drown sorrows in amber-coloured liquid, he had bought the odd six pack of beer and a bottle of whiskey. "Just don't quite know what to say to her, you know? 'Sorry I haven't been in contact but there's no need to be a bitch' doesn't seem to cut it."
He offered Alec a small smile as he got to his feet, ignoring the plaintive whimper from Wolf at his chin-rest being moved. "Drink?"
"Why not?" Alec called after Toby. "Give her a taste of her own medicine." What? If Kathleen wanted to be petty then Toby could be as well, not the most... adult way of handling things, but she'd started the mud slinging first.
He rubbed at Spacey's ears before he got to his feet, nodding his head. "Yeah, I could do with a drink."
Toby snorted, "And resort to playing who can be nastier via email like kids?" he asked, walking through to the kitchen. "I suppose it's not too mean to reply with that. I guess I just- I didn't mean to upset her or anything, it honestly didn't- I mean- ugh." He raked his fingers through his hair as he hit the kitchen, rubbing at his eyes and then taking a couple of really deep breaths.
"What're you drinking?" he called, opening up the cupboard and pulling out two glasses, and then reaching for the whiskey that he had on top of the fridge. He poured himself a generous glass.
Alec trailed through to the kitchen and leaned back against the nearby counter, folding his arms across his chest. "She started it first?" He tried before merely lifting his shoulders. "I'm just saying you shouldn't take that, Toby. Not from anybody, especially somebody who has been up until this point been calling herself your friend."
"I'll take a beer, not really in the mood for whiskey."
It was with a chuckle that Toby put the other glass away and then moved towards the fridge, grabbing a chilled can of beer for Alec. "Here you go," he leaned over and held the drink out, passing it into Alec's hands before he was replacing the whiskey too.
His fingers snagged on the ice-box and he dropped a couple of ice-cubes into his drink just to finish it off, taking a sip of the amber nectar and feeling it slide down his throat. "You know what the worst thing is? I actually feel kinda bad that it's got to the point where she feels she has to insult me like that."
"Thanks," Alec said as he took the beer from Toby, snapping open the lid to take a sip.
He rubbed his thumb over the top of the can and shifted his weight from foot to foot. "Maybe you should confront her about it? Get all the grievances out and then if there's anything left use it to salvage your friendship?"
Toby leaned back against the counter and took another mouthful of his whiskey. "I might, though I don't know what I've done apart from suck at staying in contact that's prompted such a hostile response." he rubbed his hand over his eyes again, glasses being taken off his face and rested on the counter.
Alec was little more than a blur now. "Still. Uncalled for shot at my family." He frowned, angrier now that the initial shock had worn off.
"Like I said before," Alec said in-between mouthfuls of beer. "She wanted you, you didn't want her. It's that simple, Toby."
He nodded his head in agreement, reaching down to give Wolf a pat. "Really uncalled for shot at your family. Well below the belt."
"I'm all for the women I'm not allowed, apparently." Toby offered, taking another mouthful of his whiskey before he put his glass down and cleaned his glasses on his shirt, sliding them back onto his face. "I liked her well enough as a friend, but not much more. That's not my fault or hers."
He shifted, crossing his legs at the ankle where he was standing, using the counter to keep his balance. He took another mouthful of whiskey and the generous glass he had poured himself was already half gone. "At least she doesn't know anything else about what happened. So she doesn't have anything else to throw at me. Anyway- enough about me." A flippant hand movement indicated the request for a subject change, "How was your day?"
Alec lifted an eyebrow and regarded Toby more closely. "And who is it you want that you can't have?" He tipped the can back and took another mouthful, shaking the can a second later just to see how much he had left.
He noticed how fast Toby was going through that glass of whiskey, but he couldn't really blame the other man. Life had been pretty unforgiving recently. "My day?" Alec asked before a telltale smile crept onto his face. "It was good."
"Apart from you?" Toby teased, turning his head and wondering if he could get away with another glass. He had to finish this one first, though. At the smile from Alec, his own smile widened into a grin. "Good, huh? Who is she?"
It had to be a woman. "You're such a 'ho." It was said affectionately, as all of their teasing was.
Alec snorted. "You said you want women you're not allowed so I think you're barking up the wrong tree with me, my friend." He rolled his eyes at the gentle teasing, finishing his beer in another couple of swallows.
"Nothing happened, alright? Went for a bike ride and that was it." He leaned back and clasped the counter in his hands, reclining his weight there. "It was the Slayer, Faith."
Alec shrugged. "It was fun."
Toby's eyebrow lifted, "You gonna see her again this time? After all, the woman left you hangin' last time." He took another mouthful and then eyed the woefully low level of drink left in the glass. He figured 'fuck it' and reached out, pouring himself another generous glass, screwing the lid back on the whiskey and putting it back.
"I'm glad you had fun." He wasn't about to voice his worries about his friend cavorting with the chick that had recently been jailed, but he supposed if she was out then she was innocent, and Toby wasn't about to judge people for the mistakes made by public officials, desperate to pin a crime they didn't understand on an innocent.
"There was some miscommunication before," Alec said. "She didn't get any of my messages and I'm gonna attempt to give her the benefit of the doubt seeing as she did take my number this time around."
He watched Toby put away the whiskey and decided he wasn't about to bug him about the glasses of whiskey, figuring the poor guy needed them after everything. "So who is she?" Alec asked with a smirk. "That woman you can't have?" Maybe there was one or maybe there wasn't, no harm in asking.
"The 'phone breaking' excuse?" Toby shook his head, "Oldest trick in the book, man, hopefully it's real and she's not just bullshitting you. Slayer or not I'll kick her ass." He smiled and took a sip of his replenished drink. "Well, give her a couple of days before you call, Princess, don't wanna look too desperate."
His nose wrinkled. "Who said there's a girl?" he asked, "Not everyone's as lucky with the ladies as you." He shrugged, there might have been, there might not. Even if there was, there was no way Toby would have a chance with her. "Even hypothetically, most of the girls I've met here are entirely out of reach. I'd have to be like, an astronaut to even get close."
Alec rolled his eyes and reached over to swat Toby upside the head. "Desperate? Me? I don't think so. Besides I get the feeling she's the sort of woman who doesn't like being crowded."
He wandered over to the bin and disposed of his now empty can into it, closing the lid afterwards. "Toby, Toby," Alec said with a shake of his head. "You just gotta be more confident and take the bull by the horns, figuratively speaking."
Toby snorted. "No, you got women lining up around the block. All begging to get a piece of Alec's man meat."
He shook his head, rubbing the back of it and settling his hair down from where Alec had swiped at him. "There will be no bull grabbing here. Whatever it might hypothetically be will go away in its own time. Like I said, astronomically low chances of anything hypothetical happening anyway."
"I do not," Alec argued, maybe just maybe going a little red. "You're exaggerating."
Alec eased his weight up onto the nearby counter and tucked his leg up towards his chest, resting the sole of his boot against the edge of it. "And why not? I mean if she already has a guy then yeah maybe you're screwed unless it's on the rocks and then who knows? Seriously, Toby, you're a good guy, why wouldn't women want you?"
"I am not exaggerating. I've seen you at work a couple of times. The nurses just follow you about like some kind of love sick puppies. It's like you've sprayed them with pheromones or something, ruined them for the rest of mankind with your godliness." Toby chuckled and took another healthy mouthful of his whiskey. It was totally healthy. Totally.
He eyed Alec's boot on the edge of the worktop and decided he wasn't going to comment about how they cooked on there, considering he was most assuredly not neurotic. "We're only talking hypothetically," he added quickly, "so it doesn't matter anyway."
"Dude, slow down on that whiskey." Alec finally pointed out, figuring he should say something before Toby drowned himself in it and woke up with a pounding headache. "You know what they say: drinking solves nothing, and I'm a doctor, I know what that shit does to you." He could illustrate his point for Toby if he wanted him to.
Alec let out a breath and dropped his leg, sitting forward to look at Toby. "C'mon, Toby, who is the fair lady that's stolen your heart away? And hypothetically speaking if you insist why do you think you stand no chance with her?"
"It's two glasses, Dr Reed, I'm hardly drinking the bottle. And two glasses does not a problem make." Maybe another glass might, but he wasn't going down that path. Toby had never turned to drink before - well, that was a lie, but it had only been a brief sojourn - and he wasn't planning on it now. Well, not really. But today wouldn't hurt. "Drinking might solve nothing, but it tastes good."
"Hypothetically speaking I don't because she's a) taken, b) awesome, c) even if she wasn't taken she wouldn't be interested. But, again. Entirely hypothetical. And in that hypothetical sphere, I am not gonna be the guy that decides to take what he wants and fuck up a good thing." He downed the rest of his whiskey, the ice bumping against his upper lip. "Doesn't matter anyway, like I said, some of us just aren't all that lucky with women."
Alec waggled his finger at Toby anyways, making a mental note to keep an eye on it. Just in case.
"Women like me until they get to know me," Alec said honestly. "I got my good looks from my folks and that's what women like about me, but as soon as they get to know me they don't want anything to do with anymore or they cheat on me." He shrugged his shoulders. "So all in all I'm not that lucky with women. My last girlfriend? Slept with my best friend at that time."
Not that Alec let those sorts of thing keep him down.
"Well, that's because on the whole, women suck." Toby announced, looking into the glass as if that would make more drink appear before he moved over and put it in the sink, feeling Alec's watchful doctor-eyes on him. "Yet you still have them lining up around the block. Hey, maybe this Slayer'll be different. I don't understand why they wouldn't like you, I mean, you're awesome."
"I work too much," Alec admitted. "Haven't find the right woman who can really grab my attention, you know?"
He slid off the counter and wandered over to the fridge,taking a look inside to see if there was anything worth eating. "And apparently your mystery woman doesn't suck."
"Well, like I said, maybe this Faith'll be different." Toby said, "Since she's all Slayer-y and all. She might have more of a chance of keeping even the great ADD inflicted Alec interested."
His shoulders lifted in a shrug. "My mystery woman is hypothetical, remember? There's left over Chinese if you want some. Or cake. It's on the top shelf." Toby had been baking again.
"If she's even interested in me that way," Alec muttered, distracted by the choice he now had in food. He eventually went for the Chinese, figuring he should eat something as he hadn't had anything since breakfast.
He emptied some of it out into a bowl and shoved it into the microwave. "She sounds pretty real to me with the description you gave. Discussing the possibility of working things out with her is the hypothetical part."
"Why wouldn't she be?" Toby asked, watching Alec making himself some microwaveable dinner. He wet his lower lip and then shrugged again. He was going to have bulging neck muscles by the time this conversation was over considering how many times he had shrugged. He ought to attach weights to his hands or something, start doing body building just by shrugging.
He waved his hand. He felt like he should be holding a martini glass or something, delicate alcohol that would slosh out the side and over his fingers, the way his mother used to have.
"There is no possibility. Hypothetical or not."
"I'm not an idiot, Toby." Alec waited for the microwave to ping before rummaging out a couple chopsticks so he could eat it the more traditional way. "Is she hot?" He asked, grinning over at Toby. "At least tell me that much."
Alec pulled the Chinese out of the microwave and rested the bowl on the nearby table, looking for some soy sauce.
"Doesn't mean there's still no possibility." Toby pointed out, reaching behind him for the soy sauce and waving it at Alec, "Here," he looked a little sheepish before he added, "Yeah, she is."
Toby didn't even know they had chopsticks. Alec was infuriatingly good with them too. Toby just ended up dropping everything whenever he tried, so he didn't.
Alec took the sauce with a smile, "Thanks." He added a generous amount to his bowl of Chinese and mixed it with the tip of both chopsticks, making sure it was well worked into every noodle. He caught hold of a couple and ate them cleanly off the chopsticks. God, he loved Chinese food.
"Sounds like a real catch."
Toby just rolled his eyes, favouring that instead of shrugging because his lazy-ass eye muscles needed all the workout they could get. He didn't want a neck like the Incredible Hulk, thank you very much. "Here's to Faith calling you this time." He wasn't going to talk about his hypothetical - or not so hypothetical - situation. It didn't bearreminiscing on.