Tseng (hairsbreadth) wrote in city_limits, @ 2009-04-12 23:24:00 |
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Current mood: | okay |
Entry tags: | jessica haines, tseng hashimoto |
Out There In The Open
It was early evening and getting cold. Jessica had called ahead, but there had been no answer on Tseng's phone so she supposed that he might not be home from work yet.
She hopped from foot to foot outside the main door of the apartment block he lived in and chewed on her lower lip, rubbing the back of her neck and pulling the collar of her jacket up to protect herself from the wind. Her head was bowed to try and shield her face.
She cracked her fingers inside her pockets as she waited, hoping that Tseng would turn up before she froze and turned into an ice-cube on his doorstep. That would suck.
She needed to talk to him, really, because when they had, well, been together, she hadn't been entirely herself and she didn't want him to think that that had been the only reason she had come to visit him; to get an itch scratched.
Of course, she wasn't entirely sure what she wanted from him. Something. Something more than just another night of fairly amazing sex. She'd never experienced anything like that before. She curled her fingers around her phone and dialled his cell phone number. She was actually about to freeze to death.
...Wait, maybe he was ignoring her? They hadn't spoken really since it happened. What if she had messed up?
Tseng was in the middle of a very crowded train, wondering why the woman next to him felt the need to press so close and breathe so heavily on his neck. It was quite... uncomfortable. He blew out a breath and tightened his grip he had on the railing, trying to find some sort of space that was his and his alone.
Maybe he should look into purchasing some form of transport?
He bit his lower lip as his phone started to vibrate in his pocket and he had to extract a hand to fish it out, it was a miracle he didn't drop it. "Uh, hel- oof." Okay so somebody had just shoved past him to get off the train.
Tseng glowered at the back of said person's head and then turned his attention to his phone. "Sorry about that, somebody knocked me."
There was a long pause on the other end of the line as Jessica listened to the sounds around Tseng. She shifted where she was standing against the wall, beside the door. She worried her lower lip and twisted her other hand in the lengths of her hair.
Her stomach did a funny twisting thing when she heard his voice. Was it supposed to do that? She was still for a few moments longer before she said, "It- Kinda sounds like you're busy. Where are you?" Lame conversation starter, she knew, but she didn't quite know what else to say. As well as her stomach twisting in on itself, she kind of lost her ability to speak whenever he did too.
Tseng felt a lump gather in the back of his throat at the sound of Jessica's voice and for an instant he was taken right back to that heated moment. He could remember how her voice had sounded when he'd- Okay, he really needed to stop thinking about that.
"I'm on a train, headed home. It's kinda packed." He shifted his weight and shifted his bag as he made a grab for another handle, one that was closer to the door as his stop was only two away. "I think I'm in serious danger of being crushed to death."
Jessica's breath caught when he spoke again, her own treacherous mind retreating back to that night, the last time she had spoken to him and she bit down on her lower lip. "Oh- uh- I'm just out." It wasn't a lie, but it wasn't entirely true either. She thought if she told him that she was waiting outside his apartment it might sound a little creepy.
"It's cold." It was a redundant statement, but if he was on the train, he might not know. Especially if he was getting crushed to death. "Use your elbows. People don't like elbows."
Tseng gave a small laugh at that and then shifted his weight again to make up for a curve in the track. "I don't think my elbows are sharp enough for that." He tightened his hand around the handle and held on for dear life.
"It's um- It's good to hear from you." He was silent for a moment before he finally convinced his mouth to say the words his brain wanted out there in the open. "I was going to call you, weirdly enough."
Jessica closed her eyes and blew out a breath, back arched a little as she leaned against the wall, shoulders pressed against the brick. She wanted to see him again, it was a feeling that she found most disconcerting. She really wanted to see him, put her hands in his hair.
She also wanted to apologise. "You were? What about?" she asked, deciding that if he was on his way home, then she could talk to him face-to-face about that night; she thought it was probably not something that should be done over the phone. There had to be some kind of social etiquette about that. "It's- uh- nice to hear you too."
"I guess to talk about the other night or at least arrange to meet up so we could talk about it?" Tseng turned his head when he heard his stop being announced and he did his best to squeeze through people to try and get off before the doors closed for the train to move again. He made it, barely.
He shifted the strap of the bag on his shoulder and found his pass, holding onto it with his teeth as he swapped the phone from one hand to the other. Talk about a juggling act. Tseng slipped through the gate and put the pass away. "I'm nearly home, thank God."
Jessica found herself looking up and down the street both ways and watching the road on the other side as well. Her heart started hammering in anticipation, swallowing thickly. "You are?" she asked, "Well, that's handy."
It was accompanied with a soft laugh, almost nervous. "But yeah- we should. Talk, that is." Even if she wasn't sure what the conversation would do or how it would go. She didn't even know what she wanted, not really. She wanted to see him again. Spend more time with him. Kiss him again. She liked him, and he made her stomach go funny.
"It is?" Tseng asked, making sure he'd tucked everything away into his bag before continuing onwards. Last thing he wanted to do was lose something and then panic when he realised it was missing.
He fiddled with the collar of his jacket, making sure the button was in the right place and the material kept out any blasts of cold wind. "And yeah we should. I hear it's usually a good thing, to you know get everything out there in the open." It had sounded better in his head.
Jessica tilted her head into the phone, able to hear the wind whipping on his end of the line. He wondered if he could hear the same thing coming from the mouthpiece of her phone. "It is," she muttered before she looked down the street again, wondering if she would recognise him in the semi-dark and the huddle of people.
"Mm, we need to talk," she said, unaware how that might sound negative. In her own mind, it had no such connotations. She hopped from foot to foot, ignoring the chill that was biting at her face even though she had lowered her head to try and shield herself from it. She kicked a pebble, toes then turning inward like that would protect her from the chill too.
Bring on the summer, already.
Tseng stopped in his tracks for a moment and swallowed hard, trying to will away the initial wave of panic that threatened to swallow him whole. It was never good to hear 'we need to talk' not now and not ever, it always ended the same way.
"Uh, yeah." It was non-committal and mumbled, but it was hard to speak his mind now that it was going at a hundred miles a second worrying itself about the eventual outcome of their conversation.
He took a steadying breath and crossed a road, taking the last and final right that would take him to his apartment.
Jessica missed the tone of his voice, looking impatiently down the street, one finger tapping the back of her cell phone. "Are you nearly home yet?" she settled for asking, chancing a glance up and into the street, across the road and both ways. A car zoomed past her, blaring some kind of bad techno music and she wrinkled her nose at the assault on her ears.
"I just saw the most stupid looking car ever." she announced. "It had blue lights underneath." She was stood underneath the streetlight now, outside Tseng's apartment building. Her head was tipped back against the pole, the light catching on her cheekbones as her eyes were closed. Her breath came out in fogged puffs.
Tseng nodded his head mutely, unable to make small talk. "Uh, yeah, I'm nearly there." He turned his head as the same car Jessica had seen raced past him and his brow furrowed, that car... it had blue lights underneath it?
He looked up sharply and swallowed as stood in front of him was Jessica. He breathed out and closed his phone, lifting a hand in greeting. "Hey."
Jessica jumped when she heard his voice. Her lips pulled into a smile that seemed to light up her whole face, but nothing more than her eyes. No matter what she was going to say to him, she was genuinely delighted to see him. Her phone slid shut and then was put carefully into her pocket.
"Hey."
There was a tug in her chest and a twist in her stomach at the sight of him, remembering what he looked like when they were in the throes of passion, when he was doing things to her she had never felt before. Her cheeks flushed and she hoped that he couldn't see it.
"Can we go inside? Cause, you know, it's cold out here." She shivered once for emphasis and gave a small, uneasy laugh because now he was in front of her, she could see how unsettled he looked.
"Sure," Tseng muttered with a weak smile as he rubbed at the back of his neck. "Pretty sure my apartment will be warmer." He turned away and rummaged out his keys, unlocking the front gate and holding it open for Jessica.
Once inside he led the way up the stairs and down the hall to his apartment. "After you," he said once the door was unlocked. "Did you want a drink or anything?" Tseng shed his jacket and put it over a nearby chair.
Jessica headed up and slid into Tseng's apartment, unzipping her coat and feeling the warmth of the building rushing into her bones. She let out a slightly blissful groan before she turned her head to look at him.
Nerves slammed into her stomach. She half-shrugged out of her coat as if she was going to make herself comfortable, but then put it back on again. Maybe he wouldn't want her to stay.
"No, thank you." she said quietly, "I'm- I think we should get to- We should, you know..."
Tseng nodded his head. "I need a drink of we're going to have that conversation." Something strong, something that burned the back of his throat before hitting his stomach like a ten ton weight.
He trailed through to the kitchen and rummaged through the contents of his fridge, finding some vodka that he couldn't remember buying. Not that it mattered, it was there and he intended on drinking it. Tseng helped himself to a glass and came back through to the living room, taking a large sip.
"So..."
"What conversation?" Jessica asked curiously, looking at the clear liquid in the glass that Tseng was holding. She wondered what it was; she hadn't heard the tap go and it wasn't soda - there were no bubbles. "Why did you say it like that?" Curiosity killed the cat, after all, and maybe if she knew how he thought this conversation was going to go, she could work out what to say.
"I guess the first thing I have to say is I'm sorry."
She shifted and looked at the way he was standing, and she worried that what she had to say was going to hurt him. Maybe he didn't like her like that after all? A crushing disappointment settled in the middle of her chest, making it almost hard to breathe.
Something she felt like not examining any closer at this moment in time.
Tseng leaned back against the nearby table and shrugged, waving the glass about. "The whole you're a great guy and we had a wonderful night but we're better off as friends so how about it, how about we try the friends things conversation?" He'd heard it before.
He took a sip of vodka.
"It's okay if you feel that way, I understand."
Jessica's features pulled into a frown as she looked at him and then, finally, decided she was going to shrug off her coat. She draped it over the back of the chair where Tseng's was sat and she tilted her head, shaking it gently.
"That's not what I came here to say." she offered, a little hesitantly. "Why, was that what you were going to say?" That crushing feeling had returned, a little bit of panic curling up inside of her.
Confusion flooded Tseng's features and clouded the eyes hidden behind glass. "You didn't?" Colour him surprised, he'd been expecting it and readying himself for it. He put the glass down and shook his head. "What? No."
He saw the panic in her eyes and without thinking about it he closed the distance and drew her into a hug. "Hey, it's okay."
"So why would you bring something like that up?" Jessica asked, unashamedly leaning into Tseng and curling her arms around his waist, fingers loosely flexing in his shirt. She settled against his chest for a moment before she tipped her head back, breath ghosting over his jaw due to their proximity.
She could smell his cologne and that unique smell that was just him and it made her a little dizzy. Was that normal? Her fingers tightened.
"I- I wanted to apologise because I wasn't myself the last time I was here. But that- That I- uh-" she faltered there, struggling for the words.
Tseng ran his fingers through her hair and resisted the urge he had to kiss her temple. "You were... different." He eventually gave into the urge and placed a kiss to her temple. "I noticed, but it's okay, I mean... I didn't-" He meant to say he didn't want it to happen that way, when she wasn't herself, but he was only human and she'd been there and it was so... God, it had been good.
"I didn't mean to take advantage, but I couldn't help myself."
Jessica leaned into the kiss, eyes drifting shut and her hands stilled against his back, like that simple gesture alone had comforted her. She made the tiniest of sounds as his fingers moved through her hair, more open and vulnerable than the sounds she had made last time.
"But you wanted to do it, right?" she asked, looking up at him again. She kind of wished she was taller. "I don't think you took advantage. I- if anything, I took advantage of you. And I- I'm sorry I did that." But she couldn't help herself either, like right now, her mind was telling her to close the gap between her lips and his. But she resisted.
"I wasn't complaining," Tseng pointed out with a soft smile. He continued the movement of his fingers through her hair and held her close with his arm. "And yes I wanted to, I wouldn't have let it go that far if I hadn't wanted it."
He ran his thumb over her jaw and then offered a smirk. "Are you sure you don't want a drink?"
Jessica shifted where she was resting against his chest and just leaned up to press a hesitant kiss against his jaw. She swallowed and then gave a small smile. "That would require moving, though." she pointed out with another smile, slightly cheekier this time.
She blinked slowly, as if she was trying to remember this moment. Burn it into her memory. She had only experienced something like this with Connor, but even then, it was more him hugging her because she felt that was what she was supposed to do. She wanted this so badly it scared her.
"I wanted it too," she added, "I guess I just wanted to check that I hadn't scared you away or, you know... something like that."
Tseng closed his eyes and leaned into the kiss, giving a small laugh at her comments. "True." He looked up and caught her gaze, offering a smile. "You didn't scare me away, promise." He swallowed and fought past a lingering sense of fear, leaning down to catch her mouth in a soft kiss.
"So you didn't come here to give me the let's be friends speech?"
"I didn't know there was a speech like that," Jessica mumbled against Tseng's mouth, stealing another brief kiss before she stood down on her heels and looked up at him. She tasted the vodka on his lips and wondered why he needed to have a drink like that. "But now I know there is... No. I didn't."
She smiled up at him. "I came here to tell you that I'm- That I like you." She lowered her eyes again, cheeks flushing with embarrassment. She didn't know how else to say it. "I mean, my heart goes nuts and my stomach feels weird when I think of you." She shifted, head lowered as if admitting this was something worth being very, very embarrassed about.
"Oh there is," Tseng muttered before his attention was distracted by the kiss. "I've heard it a lot." He gave a slanted smile and lifted his shoulders, there wasn't much that could be done about his previous encounters with the dreaded 'let's be friends' speech.
He swallowed at the admission and smiled at her, genuinely this time. "I, um, I like you too." Tseng brushed a hand over her hair and closed it around the back of her neck, gently encouraging her to look at him. "I really do."
Jessica looked up with the encouragement and stood up on her toes, pressing another featherlight kiss against his lips. "Okay, we have that sorted." she pursed her lips in thought and then asked, "So what happens now?"
Her hand had moved from Tseng's shoulder to bury itself in his hair, fingers working idly through the strands as the other played with the collar of his shirt.
"In all honesty? I don't really know myself." Tseng wet his lower lip and looked around for a moment before turning his gaze back to Jessica. "You can stay if you want? I can cook something, maybe watch a movie?"
"In all honesty? I don't really know myself." Tseng wet his lower lip and looked around for a moment before turning his gaze back to Jessica. "You can stay if you want? I can cook something, maybe watch a movie?"
He leaned down and dropped another kiss on her lips. "I hope you like stir fry." Tseng reluctantly untangled himself and wandered into his kitchen.
"Stir fry?" Jessica asked, wandering into the kitchen after Tseng and leaning against the door frame. "I've never had one." She shrugged, there were so many different foods it was taking her a long time to try them all. Besides, she had an affinity for the steak that the hotel made. It was amazing.
One good thing about how she grew up, she supposed, was that she was able to eat anything anyway, beggars couldn't be choosers. "I'm sure I'll like it. Haven't tried something I don't like yet."
"Hopefully you'll like stir fry when I cook it," Tseng said with a laugh. He was comfortable in the kitchen and this much was evidenced by the way he found his ingredients and cooking utensils.
Tseng washed his hands and then rummaged out a knife to chop up the chicken so it would be easier to cook along with the rest of the ingredients. He put a pot of water on to boil for the noodles, hoping it would be hot enough by the time he needed to add them, noodles never took that long to cook so he'd get everything else done first.
Oil was added to the wok and as it sizzled Tseng added spices and flavouring, slinging in some onion and once it was browned enough he added the chicken. "Hey, you mind doing me a favour?" Tseng asked. "Could you put some of those noodles into that pan with the boiling water?"
Jessica watched him move about the kitchen with confidence and grace and found herself rather enchanted by the whole thing. So much that when he asked her to do something, it took a couple of seconds for her to blink out of her reverie and nod.
She eyed the noodles for a moment before she crossed over from the door and did as she was asked, dropping the noodles into the water and watching them bob beneath the surface before they came up again, only to be pushed back under by the current. It reminded her of something that had happened to her years ago, her stomach twisted before she pushed it away, not wanting to think about it. Instead, she just took a couple of steps away from the boiling pan.
"It smells good," she said quietly.
"I just hope it tastes as good as it smells." Tseng lifted a hand and rummaged through a cupboard for some spices he'd brought over from Japan. It didn't take him long to locate and add them to the wok that now had all the ingredients in it.
He flipped the contents of the wok and added soya sauce with every movement, waiting until he was sure the noodles were cooked before emptying out the water and adding them to the mix of ingredients. "Should be ready soon, you wanna grab me some bowls from the cupboard behind you?"
Jessica nodded her head and moved to the cupboard, pulling it open and grabbing a couple of bowls. She chewed her lower lip and hesitated before she put them down on the bench beside Tseng, moving out of the way again.
"I'm sure it will. It looks... interesting." There were a lot of colours, which was always nice to see, and the chicken smelt amazing. Jessica wet her lower lip in anticipation, feeling her stomach wanting to growl the way it did whenever there was the promise of food. Some things, she supposed, one could never get used to. "You at least look like you know what you're doing," she teased.
Tseng smiled and switched the burner off, moving to dish out the food. "Appearances can be deceiving," he said with a wink directed at Jessica. "But here's hoping this time they're not." He'd never cooked for anyone other than himself before, he was praying that he didn't give Jessica food poisoning.
"Here," he said, holding a bowl out to Jessica. "Now, do you want a fork or did you want to try chopsticks?"
Jessica took the bowl. "Will you laugh if I try chopsticks?" she asked, remembering the look of them when she first saw the chopsticks at the Chinese restaurant with Oliver. "Maybe we oughta have a fork on standby?" she asked, tilting her head at him as she took a breath, smelling the dish - it smelt delicious. "I wasn't very good when I tried them last time."
Tseng rummaged through the nearby drawer and pulled out both a pair of chopsticks and a fork for Jessica, he'd use chopsticks. "No, I won't laugh. They're not that easy, but once you get the hang of them you never forget." He picked up a couple of glasses and found a non alcoholic drink in his fridge, carrying everything through to the living room.
Jessica followed with her bowl in her hands, sitting down on the couch. She toed off her shoes and then shifted again, curling a leg underneath her self. She was actually quite hungry. "I dropped the rice all back into the bowl." she gave a sheepish smile and reached out for a fork. "I appreciate this, Tseng," she smiled and tilted her head at him. "And, you know, for not giving me that talk."
Tseng joined her on the couch and gave a smile, leaning across to kiss her cheek. "Yeah, you too. I've been working myself up into a state waiting for it." He picked up the chopsticks and settled them into both fingers and palm, using them to put food into his mouth easily.
"So, what kind of movie do you fancy watching?"
Jessica tilted her head into the kiss to her cheek, lips curling up into a small smile. Her eyes briefly shut before she opened them again and shook her head. Her eyes slid down to his hand as he got the chopsticks ready and used them, and her traitorous mind flicked back to exactly what those fingers could do.
She cleared her throat and forced herself to make eye contact. "I had no intention of saying that. I'm glad you didn't either. So... this is... are we gonna have a thing?" she asked, taking a mouthful of stir fry but not breaking the eye contact.
Tseng took a breath and nodded his head, looking back at Jessica. "Yeah, I think we are." He smiled and ate another mouthful of noodles, chewing the chicken before swallowing it away. "What do you think?" He poured out a glass of coke and took a couple sips, watching Jessica closely.
Jessica took another couple of mouthfuls and chewed thoughtfully. "I think it's okay," she said with a warm smile. "It's actually really really good. I think I have a new favourite meal." She would have to learn how to cook it or else just come around and beg Tseng to cook for her more often. She was not the best cook in the world.
She ducked her head and internally smiled to herself. A thing. She wasn't sure what it meant, but it kind of sounded good.