It had been a very long time since Kit had felt so lost.
The events over the previous few days had taken a toll on everyone at the Cirque, what with each passing night bringing about more unexplainable phenomena. It seemed that the disappearances of various employees and the missing chunks of time experienced by others had come to a head that night, with Kit dangerously close to the center of it. Despite not knowing for certain what had happened during the times he had been taken over by the spirit of Jack the Ripper, he knew this much; he had killed, butchered, and he had no recollection of committing such a thing.
Kit had killed people before. He was a vampire and so it was rare that he felt guilt regarding the taking of a life. This was different. Not only had he know the victim, had worked closely with and had a personal connection to her, but he had been under the influence of somebody else. He had not been in control of his own actions, his own body or mind, and that unsettled him more than anything else for a lack of control had always been his biggest fear.
Returning to the scene of the crime had not been Kit's intention. Once he had been let go by the Ringmaster, he had fully intended to return to his trailer and think over the events of that night. He hadn't even stepped fully through the door before he had turned around and headed for the animal stables, his mind numb as his feet retraced the steps he had unknowingly taken previously.
The scent of blood, despite having been washed away, lingered in the air and it hit him as soon as he entered, mixed with straw, feed, the animals within, and, to his dismay, the faint tickle of vanilla. Mona. With a heavy sigh, Kit followed his nose to the empty stall, lingering by the entrance as he stared at the spot where the body had been found. Arms folded across his chest, he kept his eyes fixed on the freshly cleaned floor, his thoughts a noisy jumble inside of his head.
At first, Kit thought that he was imagining Mona calling his name. Then, as the scent of her perfume took over all the others within the stable, he turned to look at her just as she quietly gave voice to her thoughts. Instantly, it felt as though a stone had been dropped into his stomach at the sound of her words, at the sight of her standing there looking so helpless, and the knowledge of what she had been through that night. Most of all, it was the fact that he had let her down.
"Mona," he said, his voice hushed as he turned to her. He remained in place, rooted to the spot despite the urge to approach her, to comfort her in some way. "I'm so sorry. I wanted to, I was going to, but..." Pausing, he shook his head. Could she handle a full explanation right now, after everything that had happened? "I'm sorry."