That anguished sound cut through him as effectively as any blade, his head snapping up to regard her curled form with wide, grief-filled eyes. His father's mantra continued to echo in his ears as a wave of metallic nausea rose to thickly coat the back of his tongue. He had done this. To her. The only person who had ever given him anything without taking away, without expecting anything back. The only person who had touched him or looked at him without any semblance of fear or revulsion.
The only person he had ever-
Piece by piece it was all coming back to him. Wet heat. Torn dress. Burning desire. He wanted to retch but swallowed it down, a dull thud sounding as his knees met the ground beside her. His traitorous hands hovered with rare indecision. He wanted to touch her. To hold her again. To fix this.
But those were naive thoughts. The thoughts of someone who could make amends. Foolish notions reserved for those who deserved forgiveness and second chances. She was my second chance, he thought with heartbroken realization. And look at what he had done to her.
This is what monsters do.
"Vi," he choked her name again, his voice a strange, foreign sound laden with regret and loss. "I didn't... I..." He snapped his jaw shut with an audible snap. There were no excuses. Was nothing he could say. If he could just see the damage... to make sure she was ok. But that seemed like another selfish request, another step toward reparation that he couldn't bring himself to take.