InsaneJournal

snapetoy (snapetoy) wrote in churchofsnarry, @ 2006-01-20 00:15:00

Original poster: occasus_crisis

Author:: occasusvenustas/occasus_crisis (posted at the latter coz my original journal was stolen)
Title:: In This Blood
Rating:: R
Chapter:: 6/?
Characters/Pairings:: Severus/Harry, Draco/Remus, Draco/Blaise, Lucius Malfoy, Tom Riddle
Summary:: Based off one theory of the Knights Templar, The blood of Jesus Christ flows through Harry Potter's veins and Tom Riddle wants it to stop.
Warnings:: Blasphemy, Perversion of the Church ideals, Sexual Situations, Adult Language, A/U Non-Magic.
A/N:: I came up with this idea whilst studying for one of my many religion classes. I know I've archived this elsewhere but since all of my fanfic accounts have been stolen, I'm not sure where I've posted this. This is the last pre-posted chapter. The rest are new after this. The updates will be slower due to my load of Uni coursework meh. Hope you like. Cheers.


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Severus tended to business in the Archbishop’s place and name, though he kept most of it to himself. Harry was assigned random tasks that he completed without outward question, which pleased Severus a great deal.

Draco and Remus were left alone for the most part. Severus didn’t want to deal with Draco in the grieving state so he left Remus to aid in the young monk’s recovery.

Harry had a vague idea of the political unrest in the Church as well as the country, but he didn’t know the details of it all. He knew that whatever it was, it had started to eclipse the fanatical quest for the Grail that Riddle and Malfoy had them on.

Harry wasn’t about to complain about that fact. He didn’t particularly enjoy betraying the men who raised him to be what he was, just to stay alive. There was more than that just changing, however, and Harry was starting to feel rather confused.

He could see Remus growing closer to Draco and Harry didn’t know what that meant. He also knew that Severus had information, which the priest was seemingly willing to share, provided Harry asked the right questions.

At first Harry was in Severus’ constant company by force, then to try and pry information out of the man. Finally, Harry realised, he was staying with Severus so much because he was enjoying the company. Of course his feelings were rather conflicting on that matter as well. Harry had faith, Severus did not. But the man’s opinions and theories made sense to Harry, which refreshed him and terrified him at the same time.

Still, Harry was a man of his own faith and he wasn’t about to give up easily. He had a companion in Remus when it came down to it, and that’s what kept Harry going most times.

It had been a particularly bad week for Harry just after the Archbishop had left. Severus had been easier on Harry but his small comments and the fact that he obviously knew the things Harry wanted to know was starting to wear down on the younger man.

Remus had been noticeably absent, tending to Draco’s needs. Harry didn’t begrudge the blonde the attention either. Draco had suffered a great deal, despite the fact that Harry thought Draco’s love for Blaise was absolutely wrong. It hurt to lose someone, sinful or not. Remus seemed to be the only one Draco responded to, so Remus filled the role of comfort and caregiver.

Now, however, Harry was ready to demand Remus’ attention. His faith was stretched to its very limits and Harry felt as though he was on the verge of collapse. Remus was the only thing that could keep him together. The only person that shared his values, his morals, his truth.

Harry had spent a good portion of his night scouring the monastery for the tawny-haired man and turned up nothing. Draco’s room was empty as was Remus’, the library, the parlour and the kitchens. There were a few unexplored towers Harry had yet to check and decided he’d best do so if he really wanted to speak with Remus.

Making his way though a quiet corridor, Harry paused when he heard hushed voices. The sounds were muffled so he could not make out the words but the tone was distinct. It was Remus.

Harry rushed forward until he found the door and slowly pushed it open, peering inside. He was not prepared for what he found.

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Draco gave a small whimper and pressed his forehead to the glass. The blonde was seated near the window, wrapped in a thick cloak, staring blankly into the cold night. Snow had covered the ground lightly, not enough to make anyone worry, but enough to cause a slight chill through the monastery.

Remus was seated near the fire, a thick blanket draped over his legs and he was watching the younger man with a mixture of pity and wonder in his amber eyes. They had been in the quiet, secluded room for the better part of four hours and not a word had been spoken.

Occasionally the blonde would let out a sob or a whimper but nothing more. Eventually, Remus realised he was going to have to force Draco to talk. He clearly wasn’t getting any better and Remus knew it would only get worse.

“Do you want to sit near me?” Remus asked, breaking the long silence. Words sounded strange after the long hours of complete silence.

Draco didn’t seem surprised by the words, however. He turned and fixed Remus with red-rimmed eyes and gave a feeble shrug. “Why?”

“Because clearly sitting with your face pressed to the window is doing you no good,” Remus said with a sigh. Reaching over, Remus poured a glass of wine and held it out toward Draco. “At least have a drink.”

Draco swallowed thickly and rose from his chair. He walked toward Remus at a snail’s pace, took the glass and sipped delicately at the ruby liquid. “It tastes like vinegar.”

“You always say that,” Remus said with a small chuckle.

Draco managed a small smile but it was cut short when he stumbled on the edge of his robe and Remus had to grab him to keep the blonde from falling.

“Christ,” Draco hissed and wrenched his arm out of Remus’ grasp.

Remus gave a small sigh and took Draco’s arm once more. “Please sit,” he said kindly and pulled Draco down onto the chair next to him. With another small breath, Remus allowed his fingers to settle in Draco’s fine locks and stroke his scalp gently. The gesture was meant to be chaste, calming, soothing.

Both Draco and Remus shifted uncomfortably in their seats. The gesture was what it was, though, and Draco wasn’t about to say no to it. He craved the older man’s touch since Remus had begun to pay attention to him. Part of Draco hated that it was all pity, but part of him didn’t care. The part that didn’t care was the broken part of him. The part that didn’t want to go on now that Blaise was gone.

Remus pulled Draco away from the edge during some point in the blonde’s mourning. Draco was about to give up completely but something about the tawny-haired man kept Draco firmly in place.

Now, however, Draco wasn’t sure if he could keep going should Remus disappear. He also feared that Remus was too much of a Godly man to love him the way he wanted to be loved.

But now, in that chair, hands and eyes were telling a different story. “Remus,” Draco whispered, tasting the name on his tongue. The word held no bitterness, no malice, no anger. It was nothing like the way Draco spoke to Severus when they had their moments alone. Nothing like it at all.

Remus closed his eyes a moment and lost himself in the feeling of his fingers in Draco’s hair. He only turned his attention elsewhere when he felt slender fingers creeping up toward the side of his neck.

“Draco,” Remus eventually said, the name coming out louder than he’d meant it to.

Draco jerked back and moved to stand up. “Sorry. This is not what you…”

Draco’s words were cut off when Remus pulled him back down almost roughly. “Hush boy,” Remus breathed. “Hush.”

Draco turned confused eyes on Remus’ face. “What is this?”

“What do you want it to be?” Remus questioned.

“You don’t find it… wrong? These feelings… this?” Draco asked and reached over, placing Remus’ hand over the swelling in his robe.

Remus’ tongue darted out and licked his bottom lip. “I’m not sure what to think anymore, Draco. It all seems to be…”

“Crashing down around you?” Draco offered.

Remus let out a short chuckle. “For all of us it seems.”

“So it’s not wrong, this?”

“Comfort in one another is never wrong. I think I’ll always believe that,” Remus said with actual conviction. Before Draco could respond to that, Remus grabbed the back of Draco’s head, pulled him down and joined their mouths.

Hands began to roam gently, pulling, tugging, pressing, rubbing. Soft moans filled the room and eventually, after what seemed like an eternity, cries of passion were heard, echoing off the bricks. Then… it was over.

Had the two men lying on the cold floor been any more aware of their surroundings, they might have heard the soft click the door made when it slowly crept shut. Instead, in their post orgasm calm, all Remus and Draco knew was each other.

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Harry backed away from the door, utterly confused. His head was swimming at what he’d just seen and the words floated back to haunt him.

“Comfort in one another is never wrong.”

But what did that even mean? What did it mean when it went against God? What did it mean when the one person Harry had left to keep the faith with was succumbing to the sins that surrounded them.

And why was the nagging feeling that none of it really was wrong so prominent in that moment.

Harry let his head fall back against the stone wall and he closed his eyes against the tears that were threatening to fall. It was becoming too much. Just too much. There were things he needed to know to keep his faith. Knowing Remus was always keeping true to the Word was one thing keeping Harry on track. Now this. Now this.

Harry didn’t know what to do, so he fled.

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Severus was sitting in the Archbishop’s office when he saw a white-clad figure rushing past his door. Even in that split second, there was no mistaking who it was. Rising from his chair, Severus carefully made his way down the corridor and into the room he saw Harry rushing to.

Severus didn’t bother to knock when he entered the parlour and took a seat near the window where Harry was standing. The younger man had his head pressed against the glass and his breathing was quite laboured.

“Care to tell me why you feel the need to go tearing about this monastery?” Severus asked in a mild tone.

Harry let out a breath. “It’s all lies, isn’t it? All lies.”

“What is?” Severus inquired, frowning in confusion.

Harry turned and fixed Severus with red-rimmed eyes. “Everything. Life, faith, the Church. It’s all a lie.”

“Why do you think that?” Severus asked, ignoring his inner glee and clasping his hands under his chin.

“Because even the most faithful fall,” Harry said softly and leant up against the wall.

“That’s been true of all things, Harry. Lucifer being the prime example in our lives.”

Harry laughed bitterly and shook his head. “I just don’t understand. We’re living and dying for our cause but at the same time we are living against our cause.”

“What cause would that be?” Severus pressed.

“God, the Church, the Word. Faith. Belief. We fight so hard for what we believe in. We endure unspeakable tortures and do what we can to stay alive so we can continue God’s great knowledge and legacy. And then we fall into temptation. We let take over. We let it rule us. So what is the point of us all if we can’t keep what we believe?”

Severus took all of this in. The words were rambling and Harry’s thoughts were clearly here and there, but it was obvious something had happened. Before Severus could ask the question, however, Harry answered it.

“Remus was the only one I was holding on to. He was the only truth in this place. And now he’s fallen.”

“Draco,” Severus said in a slight whisper and gave a shudder of disgust. He and Draco had done those sinful, unspeakable things. They had done them for years. Severus hated Draco for it, and hated himself more. But it didn’t really matter, not in the place of no-faith that he lived in.

At the sound of the blonde’s name, Harry gave a bitter laugh. “Why can Draco do that to you all? I’ve seen the looks you two share. I know what has gone on. You and Draco. Draco and Blaise. Now this. Now Remus, the only one that was keeping truth in this place.”

“And you?” Severus questioned with a little more coldness in his voice. “You are not keeping the truth? You, who is so adamant about your beliefs in God’s Word.”

Harry chuckled angrily and shook his head. “The thoughts I have… the things I feel. I am not worthy of God’s truth.”

Severus reached across the short space between them and grabbed Harry’s shoulders. “You are more than worth it, which is why I think it’s so empty. One such as you, Harry, so worthy yet so unable to see that. It’s why I can’t believe.”

Harry looked into Severus’ eyes. “I want to believe the way I did as a child. To just know. To just feel it all. It’s gone and I don’t know how to get it back.”

“But in that blind faith, Harry, you were more lost than you are now. This place you are entering is the first step to finding yourself.” Severus sat back and tucked his hands into the sleeves of his robe. “Don’t you see this all, Harry? The truth of it. You’ve endured torture, pain and fear beyond many others in this world and you’ve kept yourself. Not your faith, but yourself. That is what’s important in all of this. You are what is meant to live.”

“But why me?” Harry groaned. “Why?”

“I wish I could answer that.”

“But you know,” Harry hissed. “I know you do.”

Severus lowered his eyes. “I know, but there are many promises overlapping promises that prevent me from telling you.”

“Will I ever know? Why do I have to be special, Severus? I don’t want this!”

“No one does. If you want my honest opinion…”

“I do,” Harry said in a rush.

“I don’t believe in the reasons you are so special. I think you are like the rest of us, except perhaps you are closer to where you need to be than most people. But I’ve made a vow to hold you dear, just like everyone else has made that vow. People have died for you, Harry, that much you know.”

“I suppose so,” Harry said in a low, frightened tone.

“The only thing you can do is to be worthy of it in your own self.” Severus paused and then quietly asked, “Why has Father Lupin upset you so?”

“Because he was the only one to really believe it all. And then I see him in the arms of another man. Man. Against all of what he believes.”

“Is it so wrong to feel that connection? What is it beyond the gender that bothers you?” Severus pressed.

“Nothing beyond gender. It’s not right.”

“Suppose it feels right, Harry?”

“It would only feel that way because it is a sin!” Harry hissed.

Severus slowly slid from his chair and crept over until he was kneeling eye-to-eye with Harry. He brought his face in so close Harry could feel the hot breath ghosting over his features. “How do you justify comfort being wrong? How do you justify wrongness in love?”

“Love?” Harry whispered and gave a short shake of his head. “Not love. They can’t be in love.”

“From the moment Father Lupin arrived here, I could see it in their eyes,” Severus whispered. “It was the same look I saw in your parents that last night, when their love for you eclipsed all danger and they were prepared to die for you, and for each other. It was the eternity look. No God, no faith, no promise can go above that look, that feeling.”

Harry felt his face flush and he shook his head. “No. I don’t believe that.”

“I think you do. Your fear is trying to take over but you will realise it in the end.”

Feeling a rush of anger, Harry pushed Severus roughly and stood up. “It’s not true! It’s not the truth. It’s a sin.”

With that, Harry tore out of the room and began to run again. He didn’t stop until he reached his quarters and hastily slammed the door, collapsing on his bed.

Bitter tears coursed down his face. Not out of sadness, but out of truth, because Harry knew the look. He knew the feeling. And he didn’t want it.

There was a long time before anything happened. Harry cried it all out and just as be began to doze off, the small click of the door shutting jarred him awake.

Sitting up, Harry looked over and saw Severus leaning against his door, a guarded expression on his face.

“You have blood in you, Harry. A very special sort of blood. They want you for their purposes and I think it’s wrong.” Severus’ voice was low and toneless, but the words were clear. “I can’t stop them, I haven’t the power. If you wondered why I stayed like this for so long, now you know. I can’t let them hold you like this. You aren’t a weapon because this blood was neither powerful nor purposeful. It wasn’t ever meant to be a weapon. The Church has altered the myth for their own purposes. They believe it’s true, I’m sure, but I know it isn’t and I can’t let you continue on like this. I’m so sorry.”

Harry got up and approached Severus carefully. “What sort of blood.”

Severus shook his head. “My willingness to tell only goes this far. But you should know that inside you lies the thing they want. It’s useless to anything but you, this blood, but they won’t see it that way. I want to help you find the truth, Harry, so you can escape them. And so you can know.”

“Know what?” Harry breathed.

Severus reached out and gingerly took Harry’s face between his hands. Locking eyes, Severus ran his thumbs over Harry’s cheeks. The gesture was the most tender and wanted thing Harry had ever felt. Just as fear began to grip him, Severus brought his mouth down and joined it with Harry’s.

The kiss was deep but short, just a small swipe of the tongue and a squeeze of the hands on Harry’s cheeks. Then it was over. Harry was breathless as he looked into Severus’ face.

“So you can know the truth that this is not wrong. And in this blood,” he said and gripped Harry’s arm, exposing the inside where the small bluish vein was showing, “there is nothing more than that love and the ability to see things for what they really are.”

With that, Severus let Harry go and made his way out of the room. In a daze, his world turned upside down, Harry collapsed onto his bed and felt his life crashing down all around him.