Ambrose (sinners_eyes) wrote in childofeden_rp, @ 2013-11-30 18:12:00 |
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Entry tags: | character: ambrose, character: buffy summers, location: ambrose house, thread: complete, |week: 04, ~date: 07/july 29 |
WHO: Ambrose and Buffy
WHERE: Amborse's home
WHEN: Week 4, Monday, afternoon
WHY: After the Lucius shopping disaster
WARNING: Angst is pretty much it.
The ride home had been quiet. Were she in a better place, Buffy might've made a comment about their tendancy for quiet car rides after emotionally tense outtings. As things were, she was too caught up in her own thoughts to exhibit any outward sign of anything. She moved mechanically, torn between being angry and feeling lower than dirt. She wanted so many things right then. She wanted to scream, and she wanted to cry. She wanted to find Lucius and punch, and she wanted to collapse into Ambrose's arms and just be held for, well, forever.
It was hard not to be reminded of her father and hard not to build up the walls again that she'd spent so much time constructing. She felt betrayed and abandoned by someone she had always trusted would never make her feel that way. It was like finding that scar and tearing it open again. Not to mention the sobering reality looming ever present that her loved ones, and Daniel's, hadn't been the people she'd hoped they'd be. It just felt so impossible, the idea of living in this world and being what she was supposed to be.
Buffy climbed out of the car when they got home, almost at some sort of breaking point where she'd have to decide whether or not she was going to go with the screaming or the crying. When she stepped food inside, she turned to Ambrose spontaneously, just kind of going off of her gut instinct.
"I know this is gonna seem really stupid and clingy and all kinds of everything that -isn't- me," she began. She was trying to keep her voice steady and failing. "I just need to know. Can you promise me that you're not just going to decide you're done with me one day too? Because this is becoming a running theme in my life, and I'm really tired of it." The girl was unable to prevent the tears she'd been fighting for such a long time from spilling down her cheeks as she started to cry for the first time in almost a year.
To say there was something strained between them was not even coming close to it. After everything with that Lucius character Ambrose was feeling bent out of shape. He had seen the type of person Buffy had hung out with at her camp and he was scared. The man was good looking, even Ambrose knew it, not that he would ever admit, to anyone. But the man was evil, Ambrose could sense it, or maybe he just wanted him to be evil.
Once they got home and back in the house Ambrose secured the door, feeling finally safe. He had Buffy back home where he could protect her, then she started to fall apart. Granted he had never seen this side of Buffy before. She was usually calm and collected, or withdrawn and cold. Now she looked like a wounded puppy and he never wanted that.
“Why would I ever want that, Buffy. I made rule five for my benefit, but in truth it is for both of us. If you have not noticed I would be lost without you.” He stepped forward and pulled her in his arms. “When he offered money for you I thought I would stop breathing. You seemed to know him and how was I to keep you form someone you had history with. But I didn‘t want to you to go. I never did. I just want you to be happy.”
Buffy buried her face in his chest as she cried. It felt like she was letting so much out that had been locked away for such a long time, and it was hard to turn it off now that the floodgates were open. She simultaneously thankful and humiliated to have Ambrose see her like this.
"No, it's not like that! He's my best fr- He -was- my best friend," she assured him. She was trying to gain control of her voice, but it was still quivering. "I just... I wouldn't leave you. I don't want to. I wouldn't ever want to. It's just that people around me, people I care about. They j-just... They keep leaving. It's like I repel people."
Ambrose held her through the tears. He remembered times when his father did the same thing, when Ambrose didn’t have the thick enough hide or enough experience as a Master. He knew this could not be easy. It never was. Meeting someone from your past that changed. It was that way with one of the boys who had been one of the chosen few. He had changed in the few years they had been separated. It was not as bad as this, but it he knew it could hurt just the same.
“There, there, Buffy. People come and go in our lives. Some leave scares and wounds others only memories. Being alive as long as I have I notice how some people leave deeper wounds in us than others.” he helped her to the couch and sat down, still holding her. “It was hard to see your friend, someone you loved. But I do have to say he is right. You have changed, had you been there when he was found out you would have never forgiven him, because you were raised a certain way, Buffy. That all Supernaturals are the enemies. You say that was not true but it is.”
Buffy curled up against him, comforted by his embrace even though she had to protest what he said. She'd come here with such a thick armor on, hating everyone that walked free in Crescent Hills without much of a second thought. Could she really have hated Daniel if he'd shown himself to her so easily? Someone that she'd cared about who had been there for her when her father had left, when Giles had come... She had to believe that she would've been better than that.
"Daniel was always there for me. He was always my friend. When my dad left us, he was there. When Giles showed up with all of his stupid prophecis and books, he was there. When people stopped caling me Buffy and started with the Chosen One crap, he... well, he still called me Chosen One, but he meant it as a joke. I've been.. I've been wrong about a lot of things, b-but I couldn't have been like that to him. I have to believe that I wouldn't have been," she insisted, shaking her head. She realized she'd never really told Ambrose much about her father. For all the vampire knew, he was still off in some fictional, buffalo mating habit sanctuary. Whatever. It wasn't like he'd believed that anyway. "What kind of person would I be if I'd just stopped being his friend?"
Maybe she would not have turned her back on her friend, but Ambrose doubted that. It had taken her a long time to trust Ambrose, maybe not as long as he had thought. It had been like pulling teeth until recently. Free humans had always hated Supernaturals and he could see why. If they thought one was in their mists they would not hesitate to get rid of the problem.
“Truth is people fear what they do not understand. My own mother killed herself before she could go up to be sold. She could not face a life of being a slave. The camp would feel the same about your friend. Maybe you would have never stopped being his friend, but as the Chosen One do you think they would not have looked to you to get rid of him?” It was a defiant possibility.
"I'm not like that!" Buffy insisted, her voice breaking as she looked up at him. She looked clearly upset, a mixture of anger and fear in her eyes. Anger because she didn't want him to think so little of her and fear because she actually worried that he was right about it all.
"It's not like that," she repeated, not sure if she was trying to convince herself or Ambrose. "Giles was a witch too. All Watchers are. If Daniel had been... I wouldn't have. I can't. Not my friends. I can't hurt my..." Her heart felt like it was breaking. Ambrose's own mother too? She'd taken her life rather than be enslaved. What sort of world was this that any of them lived in? "I don't know how I'm supposed to do this anymore," she admitted, sounding tired and far more weary than someone her age should have. "They all need me. They're all depending on me, b-but you... If there are even a couple like you out there, I can't. Tell me there's a way I can help people without hurting people that don't deserve it."
“Buffy you are a wonderful person. I don‘t doubt that, but you had to grow first. You had to know that not all Supernaturals are evil. Until then it would have been very hard to accept your friend, but the fact is you have to let it go. It was not your fault that he was found out or even banished.” he rubbed her shoulders.
“First of all you need to take a step back and breath. How can you help anyone when you are conflicted. Focus on yourself for once. I know that may be hard, but do it. Take a breath then comeback even stronger. I had to do it when I killed all those people, Buffy. I could have let depression take a hold and gone out of control, but I did. I had my dad to look after me, not let me look after you and take care of you. When you feel better then get back on your feet.”
Buffy tried to take his advise. She wanted very much to cry and to scream and to lose herself in what seemed like such a hopeless situation. There didn't seem to be a clear path to follow. What she'd clung to as truth was slowly getting stripped down to be anything but. She closed her eyes, trying to focus on where she was physically at that moment. His words about his father reminded her of something, and she felt instantly a little bit guilty again. They were being honest, weren't they.
"About that... I... I need to tell you something," she began tentatively. She wouldn't blame him for being upset with her when she told him. Edward's journal had been his provate musings. "You know... when I told you everything. You asked me why, well. It was for a lot of reasons, but a big one was that I read your father's journal. That night that you were out to see Maia, I was so angry, and I didn't know why. I was going to go for a run, without my collar or my bracelet. I saw it sitting out though, and I don't know why, but I read it. I'm really sorry. You must be pretty pissed."
Ambrose smiled slowly. He knew she had looked at it because he had wanted that. In a way he had wanted his father and Buffy to meet, as weird at that sounded, but it was true. He had already been losing himself to Buffy by then.
“I know, you did. I left it out for you to read.” He said, tilting her head up so their eyes could meet. “I wanted you to trust me and the only way I saw that was for you to see how I have been. I left one of my father‘s journals out because I knew he would be honest and forthright about me. It was hard, though. In the diary are some of my lowest points. I still remember them as though they were yesterday. I still have not been able to read the last Journal he wrote in before he died.” The tears prickled at the edges of his eyes.
“But suffice it to say it worked. Had I told you everything in those books, you would not have believed me. If you wan to read more I can get them out for you, but there are some that you can not read. Even I can not read them without wanting to murder my sire.”
Buffy blinked, staring at him for a minute as she processed what he'd just told her. He'd left it for her to find, right after she'd asked him how she knew she could trust him. The only real way to earn someone's trust was to trust them, and he'd done that with her when she'd been nothing but difficult to him. Hell, she was -still- mostly nothing but difficult. She looked back at him, her eyes red and her face probably a mess from crying, and she hook her head.
"I don't know how you do what you do," she admitted, her voice still fragile and thick with emotion. "But I love you." She'd told him as much, but never directly now that she thought about it in those words.
Those words were like a balm to his nerves. He never thought he would heard them from her mouth. Just hearing that she would never break rule five was enough for him. Now here she was saying those three simple words, the words that he had been feeling for the longest time. He had been scared to say anything to her. He was still trying to protect himself from being hurt.
“I…do to. What I mean to say is, I love you too. I have for some time, but I was too worried that I would never heard those words from your lips. I never thought it could happen, what with you being a Slayer and me being a Vampire.” He said but smiled, a tear finally leaving his eye and running down his face. “I really, truly do, Buffy. I love you and I never want you to leave me.”
Buffy wasn't sure she'd meant to say anything, but it had felt right at the time, and she knew with rare certainty that she'd meant every bit of it. It was clear to her as she smiled up at him through the tears. She hadn't been looking for any of this. She hadn't thought love was something she'd be allowed in her life as the Slayer. But everything in her life had been turned on its head in recent days. There were things she'd been sure of such as the heroism of human spirit and the evils of Supernatural overlords that weren't quite so defined as they'd been.
And there was Ambrose. The vampire she'd fallen in love with.
Buffy reached up to touch his face with her hands, brushing away the tear as it fell. "Well, you don't have to worry about that, cause I never will. I'm not sure about a lot of things anymore, but I'm sure of you. I love -you-," she repeated before pressing her lips softly to his.
Ambrose kissed her back. It was more soft kiss than anything passion filled. It was about affirming their bond to each other. He loved her and she loved him and he could not be any happier. When he did part the kiss, leaning his head against her’s, he spoke of his fear that he hand in the store.
“Back in the store when Lucius wanted to buy you I thought I would die right then and there. How could I compete with someone you had history with? I would have let you go if that is what you wanted. All I have ever wanted is for you to trust me and to be happy.” He said, leaning in to kiss her again.
Kissing him was becoming something she craved, dangerously close to becoming a part of her day that she couldn't do without. She tried to trace her steps again, to go back and remember how they'd gotten to this point, but she was content that they just were in that moment. They'd both been dragged through the emotional wringers from what she could see, and just admitting it all and being in his arms... It was beyond therapeutic. It felt -right-.
"It was never like that," Buffy reassured him again, punctuating the remark with another kiss of her own. "I love him as my best friend. It's not the way that I love you. You're... I wouldn't have been with you like I was and shared everything that I did if I had someone back home." She kissed him yet again before continuing. "I love you. I want to be with you. And I trust you. Don't doubt that."
Ambrose was jealous of Lucius and knew that, he didn’t want Buffy to know that, though. It was flaw that he had been working in but when Lucius popped back into Buffy’s life Ambrose realized the green-eyed monster had come again. Although unlike the last time Ambrose let Buffy choose and she chose him.
“It is hard for me not to Buffy.” he said, touching her cheek. “I can‘t help but second guess everything in our relationship. I love everything we have done, yes even your punishment.” He grinned. “I will try to curtail my feels for him, even though I wish I could burry him up to his neck and let fire ants at him. I will be civil for your sake, but that does not mean I like him. But I do love you.” He said, kissing her lightly again.
Buffy smiled at him, trying to let him know that he didn't have a thing to worry about. She wished she could show him somehow, but he'd have to trust her. They'd really have to trust each other. What he felt about Lucius? That was probably what she'd felt about Maia in some way, shape or form.
"It feels kind of poetic, doesn't it? A vampire and a Slayer in love," she said the words, not confused or hesitating at all with them. By all rights, it shouldn't have happened, and yet it made her believe that maybe there was something more that she could do as the Slayer besides just mindlessly kill and wage war against all Supernaturals. There had to be some sort of middle ground because Ambrose? He wasn't a monster, and that meant more of them had the same capacity. She refused to believe Lucius was either, for that matter. "You know, I think maybe that's what bothered me so much about Maia. I didn't want to, you know, admit that I was feeling that way yet. I mean, I know it wasn't like a childhood friend sort of thing, but I can admit that maybe I was a little bit jealous. Or a lot bit."
“I does slightly, like Romeo and Juliet, being star crossed lovers. Then again it was their families that tried to keep them apart, not destiny or fate.” Really a hunter and vampire should not be together in any world. They were too different and yet here they were, Buffy and Ambrose, in love.
“I can see what you mean, but Maia never meant anything to me. Possibly more than an acquaintance, but not quite a friend. You never had anything to be jealous or anything like that.” He said. “She was a means to an end. She was needed so I could submit, but with you in my life now I don‘t need that any more.” But he still worried about Lucius. That was totally different, they had more history. For now Ambrose would just have to trust Buffy.
"Well, screw fate," Buffy replied boldly, nodding to him with some degree of confidence as she pressed another kiss to his lips. "Maybe we can make our own destiny from here. I mean, I think I'm stubborn enough to, don't you?"
"Well, I know. It's not exactly the same, but I understand jealousy. Now, anyway. I didn't at the time, but now it's very obvious to me that that's what it was. And why your coffee table bit the dust," she added. "I never had a physical relationship with Daniel. Like I said, he's my best friend. It wasn't, you know, anything like that with us. You are the only person in the whole world I've loved this way."
“I couldn’t agree more, but had it not been for your destiny you would not have not come here. I mean possibly you might have. I don’t think you would have been as brave, maybe just as sassy. Making out own destiny is going to be a lot harder than you might thing, but I willing to try if you are.”
Ambrose smiled. “I can really say that you are the only person that I have had feelings to protect, that had gone on to be something more. I have saved slaves, but you are the first that has saved me. And I will probably continue to be jealous of him, because of who he is, but I trust you, Buffy. If you say there is nothing between you then I believe you.”
"The best things in life don't come easy," Buffy answered honestly, snuggling up closer in his arms. It wasn't hard to let his presence comfort her, and that was just one of many things that made it all worth it. It would be a struggle sometimes, and she wondered if there would ever come a time when they'd truly be tested? It was hard to think about what they might have to do to keep things from blowing up should the wrong person get the right ideas.
She wondered when he spoke if she could really let him protect her from anything. She wanted to, truly she did, but she knew that if the time came when she had to put herself in danger to save lives, she'd do her job. There were still people here, people who didn't want to be here and wanted nothing more than to be free again. She had been chosen to put herself in the line of fire for a reason, and she refused to ignore that no matter what it might mean for her life expectancy. Being what she was came with a certain tendancy for martyrdom, she'd found, and though she wasn't exactly look to die, she had to be prepared for it if it came down to it.
"I'm kind of worried to think about what I might still have been like without you," she admitted. "You make what I'm supposed to be harder, but you make me a better person. I'm beyond grateful for that." She smiled and kissed his cheek again before resting her head on his shoulder. "A lesser person would've asked the auction house for a refund after a day."
Buffy was so true. It would be hard for them either way. They were a couple living in his world, in her world it might even be worse at least here they could be together as they saw fit, but outside these walls they were something totally different. As his feelings had grown he realized that he didn’t like how they had to pretend to be something they were not. They were something much more than just a master and servant. Those lines had blurred so much they were no longer lines. As far as Ambrose was conserved they were equals.
“Maybe had you stayed home and this problem with you friend happened you would come to be the same person. I realize that romantic love and loving a friend are two different things, but love is still love.” he chuckled, his arms a bit tighter on her. “No, I would not have done that. I knew what I was getting into. I said I liked spirited and that is was a got. Although a little more of an acting ability would not have gone unnoticed, but we can work on that.” he cupped her chin looking at the still marked flesh from the other man’s hand.
“But I will not forgive him for that. I dislike violence to begin with, I doubly hate it when it happens to someone I love.”
Buffy looked up at him, feeling vulnerable more than might've liked. She'd built up so many walls to keep people from seeing it, but Ambrose could see right through them now. There wasn't use in hiding, much as she didn't want to be seen as weak and fragile. She'd forgotten about the mark, and she cursed herself for not responding in kind enough to let Lucius know that he couldn't touch her like that. He wouldn't have had the right even if she hadn't belonged to another in this world, quite willinginly at this point. It wasn't the rules of his society that dictated that. She'd given him her heart, and he'd given her his.
"Would you believe me if I said I don't like it either?" she asked him. She assumed he thought her to be someone who loved fighting and battle. She never had, actually, and she hated sometimes that her life was defined by fighting and violence now. "That wasn't... That wasn't how I remember him. Sometimes he looked like the friend I remember. Like I could see flickers of it, but he was just... I don't know. I don't know what I'm going to do if he hurts somebody." It was funny. He'd hurt her, but she hadn't lumped herself in the sae category as people.
“I am not so sure I could believe you, when you are the Slayer and all.” He smiled, trying to lighten the mood. “I have known people that let the magic take over and crave power. I think something happened more than just being thrown out. I believe there might have been some sort of torture or something like that. Whether it was physical or physiological. It may have been the people in the camp, or someone worse.” he hated to admit that maybe this Daniel could be reached inside Lucius. It was a possibility, but not something he wanted to think about.
“Why don’t you go up stairs and take a nice long shower. I will get us something to eat.” He said, hugging her tight, before standing up. “Anything you want to eat, minus something that has to be microwave, I am still not ready to use the new one.”
"Just because I have to be good at the violence doesn't mean I like it all the time. It's just... I guess it's my purpose or something super lame like that," Buffy answered with a sigh, standing up with him and returning the hug. She almost didn't want to let go. It was a comfort, and she wasn't used to being comforted like this.
What he said about Daniel wasn't easy to hear. She didn't want to believe that people they'd grown up with and his own mother would allow him to be tortured in any way. She didn't want to believe that -her- own mother or Giles would've let it happen, but with a potential frightened mob mentality... She swallowed hard as she let that sink in, not wanting to comment on it. She'd have a lot of thinking to do in the coming days.
"Well, whenever you're ready to get back in the saddle, we'll have a microwave safety training program all ready for you," she offered instead, stepping back from the embrace reluctantly as she looked up at him. "Anything's fine. I'm not picky, and I think I picked out most of the food here anyway." She rose up on her tip toes, kissing him one last time before settling back down. "Thanks. You know, for... for everything, really. Not just today."
“I think that would be best. I don‘t want to have to destroy another, just because I forgot something.” Stoves were so much easier, well he had ruined a far few in his past, but this one he had was the easiest to work with. Other appliances were just too complicated for him. The refrigerator was even easier. He kissed her back.
“I am always here, Buffy.” He said kissed her hair, before moving to the kitchen. “If you smell smoke from upstairs, just know that food is almost done.” he looked back at her, grinning. “And that we might need a new kitchen.”