Buffy closed the journal, those last words stuck in her mind as if on repeat. She could practically hear them in his voice. She sat on the edge of the bed with the book in her lap for some time as she chewed on the words. Had it helped her with her decision, or had it made everything so much more complicated?
It wasn't fair, she decided when she finally stood up, walking mechanically back toward the Sun Room where she'd found the book. She wasn't sure what time he was due to return, but there were things that needed to be said. She placed the book back on the desk, not bothering to wipe away the tears that fell then.
It wasn't fair because she couldn't be someone he saved and took care of for all of his reasons. She couldn't let herself be protected, not all the time. As she stood there by the desk, unable to leave just yet, she couldn't help but feel somehow like she'd cheated him.
He wouldn't be too long now, she assumed as she slowly picked her way back down the stairs. She had no idea what she was going to say to him, but she owed him something, assuming the words would come when she saw him..