Oh he wanted to believe and his heart did, but it was not so easy to just shut down his brain. He looked at the ring as Nate spoke. His lover had gotten that for him, because he cared, he cared so deeply that he would do anything to show that he loved and cherished his lover. He let his head fall back on Nate's chest, feeling so safe. Why couldn't he feel like this all the time? Then they would never have these low times.
"I'm just scared. Everyday I wake up and for a split second I think this is all a dream, but then I see the ring and feel your arms and I have my dream for one more day. I wish I could just let go and not care and just feel. But that is not me, I worry. And then I worry that you will get tired of my worrying. I know you love me and you would never leave me. This knows" he took Nate's hand and put it over his heart. "It is just this," he lifted his own hand and tapped his head. "that keep me worrying. Saying I am going to mess up sooner or later and you will get fed up."
"So I guess I think...if I give you bear minimum that you will stick around until I get my head on right. 'Cause I miss everything. I miss sex like it was, but I just...I just can't do it. I know, in my heart, that I am not a whore, but what if my mind thinks it? I don't want to feel like one when I am with you."