"Don't out think I want to be happy again?" He rolled on to his back, looking at the ceiling. "Don't you think I want to go back the way things where? When we fucked like rabbits, begging and pleading for everything. But I can't, I just can't." He moved to sit on the side of the bed.
"I am a whore. That is all there is to it. Why would a sane person decide to go to a party wearing a plug, abd hold come inside him, if he wasn't begging to be bent over the nearest thing and fucked." He ran his hand through his hair. "I must have wanted it. He must of felt something, knew I was a whore. I should have had vodka and lots if it. Got fucking drunk."
He was just going on and on at this point. Half of it did not make any sense but this was what he had been thinking over the past week. His brain's way of rationalizing what had happen. It was his fault, always his fault but now he really didn't have drunken state to fall back on.