"I want our relationship to be good. To be nice and not rocky." He said. "I'm sorry. I am just so use to dealing with my own shit that I shut other people out." He closed his eyes and smiled as Nate kissed his forehead. Loving Nate and he was just pushing him away.
"Do you miss it enough to...you know..." Go out and find someone else? Force me? No neither of those choices was Nate, but really he was tired of it. "What do you want to do?" He asked, shifting so he could look at his boyfriend in the face. He wanted Nate to be happy. If Nate was happen then maybe Lucien could be happy again.
"Anything, but the plug. I am still not ready for that." He didn't know if he would ever be. Just looking at it when he put it away had brought up all those feelings of being a whore. Of asking, begging, to be fucked by anyone. "I want you to be happy, so I can be happy."