"Believe it or not, I don't want to be forced into things. Well... not when it comes to non-sexual things, at least." She smiled weakly, resting her hand on top of his. Her thumb stroked the skin gently, and she ducked her head to rest against his. "And as much as you encourage me to do things sexually, to be that person, and... let go and admit what I want... I guess it extends past the bedroom. That if I... admit I want this baby, it's a weakness." There was a lump in her throat, and she swallowed it hard. Honesty, it seemed, was a hard pill to swallow.
Was it a weakness to be okay with having a family? To have the baby of a Master? She's come to terms with being a slave, sure, but the Master stuff she still struggled with. Plus, it was about control. Allison was losing control of her life as it was, but now her body too, and raised the way she was, that terrified her. That becoming pregnant was out of her control. That for the coming months, it'd do things she couldn't stop. She teared up thinking about it, but wiped her eyes, roughly. They were her own demons to manage, she knew, and she didn't want Derek to think she had any doubts.
"This is happening, Derek. I can't... promise I know how I'll handle the next few months, and I can't promise there won't be days where I panic and start acting out, and making you think that I don't want this. But I can promise that by the end of it, you'll be a dad." She pecked his lips softly, still keeping her eyes focused on him. "And I want to be around the twins. I.... I want to learn. How to do things right. I need to."