Zanne Chaos (emilie_burns) wrote in childfree, @ 2007-06-08 13:16:00 |
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Beliefs and Facts about Childfree
Belief: Childfree people hate children!
Truth: I won't lie - some do, and on a blanket, generalized basis. Most are relatively ambivalent and just wish to be left alone, and get irked at specific children. Some enjoy working with children and being around them, but not want any of their own.
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Belief: Childfree people are anti-parent/anti-family/anti-child!
Truth: Not necessarily. Most of us have dear friends who are parents. Being childfree isn't about wanting other people to stop having kids. (Of course, there's plenty of us who want some kind of regulation on having children in place. I'll get to that in another question.)
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Belief: Childfree people use offensive terminology.
Truth: Yeah, we do. Some people use it casually, but by and large, most of the time it's used when people are angry, upset, frustrated, and ranting. Haven't you ever called anyone a name of some sort while ranting about them? "That bitch cut me off in traffic"? Anything like that? Childfree people ARE human too. And yes, it can be offensive. We're not politically correct, I'm afraid. And plenty more childfree people don't like the common terminology and don't use it. This isn't saying it's either right or wrong, but whether or not you agree with the issue being ranted about, keep it in perspective. The person is irritated, or otherwise rather upset. And most people anywhere will get a bit offensive when ranting under those circumstances. And remember, this is the internet. Plenty of people -- childfree and parents alike -- have Artificially Inflated Internet Balls and go for the Shock Jock effect when posting.
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Belief: Children will be children, childfree people are just bigots!
Truth: Children will be children, yes. It's also a parent's job to teach them how to conduct themselves in public and work and play well with others. Yes, parenting IS a hard job. My parents did it. Your parents did it. People for centuries have done it, and with more work to do on a daily basis on top of it. Washing dishes and even clothes by hand, farming, hauling water, working in factories for 12 hours out of a day, and so on. And for the most part, many of them managed to teach past generations about indoor/outdoor voices, not taking things that aren't yours, saying 'please' and 'thank you', and didn't take their children to venues that weren't entirely suitable for them, like a smoke-filled bar at 11 pm on a school night, or dragging along 7 year olds into gory, violent R-rated movies. If childfree people on the whole are prejudiced against anything, it's the death of common courtesy and manners. (To be fair, modding a CF community at times feels like an unpaid babysitting job for a horde, so no, we're not exempt.)
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Belief: Childfree people are selfish.
Truth: That gets bandied about a lot, and the only reason ever given for it is the lack of having children, and spending our income on other things. Not all of us are well-off and rich, though. And those of us with disposable income, many of us donate to charity, or volunteer the free time we wouldn't have if we had children. We've chosen a different path for our lives, but we do not refrain from contributing to the greater community on a whole.
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Belief: Childfree people think that they're better than parents.
Truth: Some do, yes. But in actuality, we're not, and most don't actually think that way. If it seems like we do, bear in mind the kind of parents who we usually rant about. For some perspective, we think parents who actually put in the time needed to raise and properly care for a child are better than the people we rant about.
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Belief: Childfree people delight in harm coming to children.
Truth: Many of us make jokes. They're just that. Of course, there's some people who suffer a case of Artificially Inflated Internet Balls and like to make up stories in which they can brag about bringing harm and trauma onto others in hopes of becoming ePopular. But in truth, the Childfree community on the whole gets outraged and sickened at the unfortunately all-too-frequent news reports of children being murdered, raped, or abandoned by their parents or caretakers. It also frustrates us on another level: we're told that it's "different when they're your own", we're told that we're wrong, selfish, or dysfunctional for choosing to not have children, we encounter countless obstacles from doctors and insurances companies in our efforts to try and ensure we do not get pregnant -- and then we turn on the news and it's so easy for people to get pregnant, and so many children come into horribly abusive conditions. We often have to undergo psychological examination when we choose to not have children, and get slammed by family and friends. But people who go on to murder their own children or kill them with neglect don't. And we're the ones who aren't hurting anyone. See what we're talking about now?
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Belief: Childfree people are stupid.
Truth: Some are. Some parents are stupid too. Stupid people exist everywhere, unfortunately. I haven't perfected my magic ray gun that abolishes stupidity yet. Sorry.
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Belief: So Childfree people don't want kids - we get that, but it's not necessary to be so 'activist' about it.
Truth: It is, actually. We network, we share information on doctors who don't make us jump through hoops and undergo psychological testing and still stay "sorry, won't do it", no matter what. We share information on birth control, we share frustration with others who understand and have been there - at being told we'll "change our minds", or nagging in-laws, or getting told by a spouse after five years of marriage that they want children and that's that. We vent about not being allowed time off of work to care for infirm parents or roommates, when coworkers can frequently take off as much as they want to run their kids to soccer practice, and dump the rest of the workload on us. We vent about taxes, about lack of social services and help available for those without children, and at how baby-centric society has become - and it has. Haven't you ever personally experienced the relief and pleasure of being able to congregate and converse with people of like minds? If your whole family and most of your friends followed one political party that did not match your views, how would you feel if you met a group of people who do share your outlook on things, and you can talk to without getting yelled at or told you're crazy? It's no different here.
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Belief: Childfree people are sinners in rebellion against God.
Truth: This community will not tolerate fundamentalist mentality and condemnation. Especially since the maintainer/founder here IS a Christian. If I'm in rebellion against God, oh well. He can take it up with me. We're not going to listen to you.
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Feel free to post more common beliefs (and including answers, if you so desire) or questions you have about childfree, and they'll be included here.