[riza; pg-13] Long You Live
This is a morbid suicide 'fic. An uplifting morbid suicide fic. WTF. Yes, I know that sounds weird but that's what it is. I have no idea where my plotbunnies got this crack. I spent the night reading fluffy smutfics. I like fluffy smutfics. I don't like deathfic! And I get uplifting morbid fic bunnies! WTF, bunnies?! No setting specified, and no, I don't know the circumstances behind the implied character death here. It just is, okay? Bunnies got crack, I had to write. End of story.
Rating's only a PG-13. Wordcount's 917.
Disclaimer: Fullmetal Alchemist (Hagane no Renkinjutsushi) is copyrighted by Hiromu Arakawa/Square Enix. This is a work of fanfiction for personal entertainment only. Something Riza says is actually a line-rearranged bit from an Evereve song. I won't give the title because that's included in what she says, and it's a bit obvious of a phrase. Notes: I blame this on the Pink Floyd-brand crack my plotbunnies suddenly went rabid over last night. I also blame a bit of the imagery in here on a scene in the movie Always. Teaser:Then warmth flooded her, placid and lazy, as realization crept up behind her with the mist and swirled around her eyes. Her walk had not been an idle one. Original LJ Post Date: October 13, 2005 @ royai_fiction
Long You Live
For long you live, and high you fly, But only if you ride the tide, And balanced on the biggest wave, You race towards an early grave. - Pink Floyd, Breathe
It was a damp night. The mist that crept out from the river and wound around her ankles was cold. Chill, like death fingers crawling out of the water, beckoning.
Riza Hawkeye found it strangely comforting.
The mist blurred and muted the yellow-hued lights of Central, trapping the riverwalk in a dim place that was neither light nor dark. She cast no shadow in the illuminated fog, the diffusion causing the impossible. Light bent and refracted all around her as soft as the air.
"A place where no shadows fall," she murmured, recalling words, a passage from something she couldn't place at the moment. "Below the moon and the stars, I will meet you again."
The damp chill which crept under her collar and snaked up her pantlegs left her feeling strangely warm. It melted and eased the frozen, knotted sensation that had settled in with a sudden impact days ago, and never left.
Her footsteps were muffled as she stepped off the concrete onto the grassy slope. Below, the gentle sound of lapping was rhythmic, like a balm on her nerves.
Balm of Gilead, she thought, and for a moment, the fog in her mind cleared as she tried to remember what was said about it in a class she took once in school, a lifetime ago. Something about healing.
Yes, healing. That sounded right. She couldn't recall if it was just a metaphor perhaps, or based on anything real. But it didn't matter. The numbing buzz which wracked her nerves for days had settled down into a tranquil hum, playing accompaniment to the river's waves.
Then warmth flooded her, placid and lazy, as realization crept up behind her with the mist and swirled around her eyes. Her walk had not been an idle one. She came to the place she was meant to find, a place where no shadows fell.
There was a barely a sound made as first one foot slipped beneath the surface, then the other. The water quickly saturated through the legs of her pants, creeping higher as she slowly advanced, watching the ripples and eddies that swirled around her. A brief flash of unpleasantness, then a numb sense took over each bit of flesh.
The fog was heavier now, like a downy gray blanket with winter sunlight filtering through. Her feet were losing purchase on the silt, and water lapped against her lips, a cold kiss.
She felt warm.
Riza drew another breath, and took a step, then another, immersed in the chill, in the dark. One more step, then the riverbed pulled away under her feet, the saturated wool of her uniform a counterweight to the air slowly beginning to burn. She savored it, feeling a strange sort of unfrightened anticipation at the moment where she would release it, and draw another.
"You know I hate the water, Riza."
She opened her eyes against the black water, her heart suddenly spasming in her chest before taking off in double time.
"Did you really think the water would deter me from coming after you?"
She saw him then, through the underwater mists and currents, lips twisted in a disapproving frown.
His name burned her throat and she lunged for him then, desperate, heart pounding a roar. She sucked in a gasp, a reflexive sob, and closed her eyes as his mouth claimed hers. Riza swore she felt his face, his skin beneath her fingertips as she clung to him, the heat of his lips on her own.
Then she coughed and sputtered, gagging on the riverwater as she broke the surface, her lungs burning. The air felt frozen now, and she panted for oxygen, fighting her heavy clothes to swim in place. This way and that she looked, paddling against the water, heart racing.
Her water-rasped voice, thick and hoarse, echoed back to her unanswered over the foggy river as she called his name, and she strained her ears to listen for him. She dove underwater, looking around and finding nothing. Nothing. It was just an illusion, a hallucination from her own oxygen-deprived brain. A sob tore at her throat, strangling her, and once more she broke surface, this time to let it out.
Riza drifted onto her back, sobbing in frustration and a myriad of other emotions, and it was only when she reached shame that she turned, fighting the pull of her clothes and swum back to shore, dragging herself onto the grass.
She couldn't go like that. She would meet him, but she couldn't go to him like that.
The thought of his disappointment hurt more than the reality of his death.
She had to get home. It was too cold, too late, and she was soaked to the bone. Riza fought away the stiffness of numbed limbs and struggled back to her feet, returning to the concrete, grasping the railing and returning to street level.
Halfway home, as the fog thickened to slow drizzle, and her teeth chattered uncontrollably against the bitter cold of her wet uniform, she realized the knot had not returned. She was frozen through, straight to her core, but the sick twist it had before remained absent.
She didn't know what she was going to do next, or how, but she knew she passed the point of no return. There would be no going back, not to where she had been. Whatever she did decide, it would not be a path that would disappoint him. Whatever came next, it would be moving forward.
The rain fell slow, down on all the roofs of uncertainty. I thought of you, and the years, And all the sadness fell away from me. And did you know I never thought that you'd lose that light in your eyes? - Pink Floyd, Poles Apart