Reason— Rufus needed reason. Reason had always been his weapon, had always been his tool, but here it was eluding him, taking Reno's words and scrambling them instead of picking them apart into orderly, classifiable pieces that he could twist to fit his will. One point, Reno said. Concede it.
It isn't that simple, Rufus knew. I let you bend the rules, I let you break them, and not rarely! This is— different. And the "why" of it was really very simple... if only Rufus could remember. He was scrambling up the wall of his thoughts.
Reno turned to leave.
...Reno wouldn't leave the Turks. Some things couldn't be taken apart, not even if the world was ending. Especially not if the world was ending. Reno would forever be a Turk. He wasReno of the Turks! Reno outside of the Turks was.... What is he doing?
Rufus' hand slipped under his coat, in one smooth motion tugging his gun from its holster on his side, clicking off the safety and raising it one-handed.
It was one of Rufus' earliest lessons, and perhaps the one he'd learned the best. He had never hesitated to apply it to any aspect of his life: Sentimentality is the deadliest trap. Crush it, and move on. The back of Reno's head drifted into his sights. Don't mistake opportunism for cowardice. It was Veld's voice that rang loud and clear in the President's memories. Veld, the Turk. Veld, the deserter. Chased out of the Turks' ranks by Rufus' father.
Reno, the deserter.
Gun arm dropping, Rufus rounded the table before he even realized he was moving, ignoring a flash of pain as his hip crashed against the corner of the table. Then his throat closed again and he had to stop, or else black out. Where is he going?!
Rufus' memory flew suddenly to Yako walking out his bedroom door clad only in his shirt. He remembered the terror that had gripped him as she left, and inspired him to leap in front of her— and how familiar it had been. There was the fabricated déjà vu from a life he never lived... and there was something solid. Something real. It was kindling, gunpowder, ready-made for the spark of Reno walking out the door. No! No no no!
He closed the distance between them by a few quick strides, despite the way his vision darkened and swam. The word emerged from his throat as a bare, enraged rasp.